i love kids...

It's been a little over a month since I had the chance to babysit Cade and Corrine.

Wow.

I MISSED THEM.

Seriously. There are few things as wonderful as standing on a front porch and hearing little voices crying, "SHE'S HERE, SHE'S HERE!" before they've even opened the door. Then, little hands reaching up and taking hold of your sweater, pulling you inside. Words tumble across little lips, a rush of bubbling, babbling happiness, completely unintelligible, yet filling you with joy.

It is hard to feel lonely or insignificant when in the company of children. Children are honest (even when they lie, they're usually honest about it), and in nothing are they more honest than in their love.

side job...

...there are few things better than... 

...hearing little voices yell, "She's here! She's here!" when you walk in the door

...being almost thrown off-balance by a hug from Cade as he flings his arms around your knees

...seeing Corrine model her new pajamas (called her "Minnies" in honor of the character on the fabric) after her dad tells you that Corrine has been waiting all day to show you

...receiving a big kiss on one cheek from a laughing little boy and on the other from a grinning little girl

...listening to Cade sing all of the words to the Mickey Mouse Club House theme song as he dances around the front room

...having arms thrown around your neck as a little person whispers "I love you" in your ear

...carrying a sleeping princess up the stairs to bed

...snuggling with a three-year-old in a big, cushy chair and falling asleep to Octonauts in front of the TV

...being asked to stay by Cade when mom and dad came home

...hugs and tiny voiced "good nights!"

How did I get so lucky to be asked to be a babysitter? 

And may I just say...I would rather cuddle with a three-year-old boy than with a grown-up boy any day. No offense, guys. 

lately...

...thinking...
...so confused on so many levels...so much so that I just try not to think
...school starts soon...soon as in way too soon
...there is way too much good music to enjoy it all fast enough -- same goes for books
...not sure why all of these engagements, weddings, and newborns make me kind of sad inside
...do I really feel left out or would I even want to go to things if I got invited anyway? maybe both...
...dunno how I'm going to survive the upcoming semester -- try not to stress out before you get your syllabi, okay, kiddo?
...did I just call myself kiddo?
...it was so much easier to handle things before you held me


...doing...
...I've been cast as Zombie #10 in the music video -- kinda glad I went back and auditioned because this could be super fun
...made Cranberry BBQ meatballs in the crock pot yesterday and they were super delicious over rice
...DIDN'T answer a text message from someone and didn't even feel super guilty about it
...closed a chapter in my book of life, and will not be looking back -- wishing you the best of luck, Garrett (you may know him as Aries)
...got a call from Hannah yesterday morning asking me to come to the doctor's office where she was awaiting a verdict on her head injury -- yes, I was the one who held her hand while she got stitches and yes, I made it through the whole procedure without passing out (which is a huge deal for me [she's fine, by the way])
...inflated SO. MANY. BALLOONS. at work the past three days -- so over that dealio
...didn't do my room mate's dishes (did my own)
...cleaned the windows in the kitchen and the hallway -- pretty sure the interior windows haven't been cleaned in at least three years...gross
...watched The Swan Princess with Alyssa tonight -- "You should write a book: How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less."
...5:30am phone calls are a great way to start your day
...5:00pm phone calls are a great way to get through an afternoon
...picked up my textbooks -- all 19 of them (and they are so not worth three hundred and sixty-one dollars)
...another job: babysitting for a professor once or twice a week on my evenings off during the school year -- two adorable kids, $40-$50 a night, kids go to bed at 8pm, did I mention the kids are adorable?


...feeling...
...absolutely irritated with everything about people (or most people) and totally unsure why
...at peace with some parts of my life, like the fact that the whole Garrett thing is mostly over for me
...high anxiety due to my trip to the college today -- I don't want to go back to school...I so do not want to go back to school with 33,000 students and hours of homework and everything that college entails
...better about dad's situation because things are definitely looking up
...missing you a lot -- darn you
...like it would be great to throw something and listen to it shatter (but that is violent and I won't do it)
...sleep deprived!

weird day...

Strangest Friday of my life. Nothing went as planned, and a lot of things turned out odd in a good way. Others, not so much.

1. Finished the exam within ten minutes of the time limit. 2 hours and 50 minutes of all short answer essays and essay questions, 32 questions total. Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. It is OVER.
2. Missed getting soaked by a sudden cloudburst by about 30 seconds.
3. Getting to Walmart took half an hour. Blergh.
4. When I returned to my car after dropping off photos at Walmart, a lady sitting in the van next to me asked me if I would watch her sleeping children for a few minutes while she ran into the store to grab something. I said sure. While she was gone, I began imagining horrible reasons for why she had left the kids with me (she'd killed them and left their bodies in the car, leaving me to deal with the crime and be a suspect as well; she'd left the kids asleep and taken off for good; they weren't really her kids at all and she was a kidnapper who'd chickened out). After poking my head through the open window and making sure the children were alive, I felt a little better. Anyway, the mother returned and paid me in king size Kit Kat, Whatchamacallit (Whatchamaspellit), and Almond Hershey bars and a bag of pistachios, plus the change from her purchases. Definitely the most interesting babysitting experience I've ever had (except for the time Ian pulled a gun on me...)
5. After examining the sink full of dishes and the stack next to them, I realized something: three of the dishes from the entire week were mine. I don't eat at home very much these days. I also realized that no one had done dishes at all the whole week. SICK. And so I did them, starting with the three I had used. I hate doing dishes.
6. Went back to Walmart to pick up photos and found white canvas sneakers for only $5. I bought two pairs because I wear those things out so fast. AND I found a Captain America t-shirt for under $10. Yes, it's a guy's shirt and yes, it's made for someone shaped like a rectangle, but whatever. I can't find a Captain America shirt in a girl's tee, and all of the plain white t-shirts were sold out so I can't make one yet. This will just have to do!
7. There is construction everywhere. It took me 45 minutes to get from my house to Spanish Fork -- although I think that the majority of the time was spent trying to get out of the gas station lot.
8. Got to see Kayla, Tayler, Kenna, Maddy, Ben, and Steven tonight, plus make some new friends. It's been FOREVER since I've seen those kids. Steven's reaction to my haircut was the best (I didn't tell any of them about it). He freaked out. It's good to know that I am first and foremost his first and favorite "wife." Good times.
9. Tonight was the first time I've stubbed my toe on cement in almost a decade. That's because about ten years ago I stopped going barefoot. Well, tonight I went barefoot and you know that feeling of skin meeting concrete? OUCH!!! My toe is gashed wide open...if it wasn't a toe, it wouldn't hurt so badly. Lots of little nerves in there. Yowza.
10. What I saw of X-Men: First Class was dumb. There were so many unnecessary parts -- we skipped more than half of the first half of the movie. I didn't get to see the end, but I didn't like the beginning, so I'm okay with it. I have issues with heroes who aren't good people. Like Magneto? Um...he's a bad person. Yes, he has a VERY troubled past, but seriously? Bad guy. I won't ramble on about it.
11. Got to the airport exactly 60 minutes from the time I left Taylor's house. I don't really know how that happened.
12. Dad's home! His flight was delayed, so I ended up waiting at the airport in the parking lot for about an hour and a half. The guys in the car next to me were weird. Just sayin'.

K, now I'm freezing and I'm going to go to bed okay?