lately...

...thinking...

...I'm beginning to learn what it means to study the scriptures, and let me tell you, it's quite fascinating what you can learn -- so many thoughts and ideas bouncing around
...why do I so often want to go back to the person who caused me so much grief -- or do I even want to go back
...funny how often others pressure me to take care of things that are no longer my problem, and the people doing the pressuring aren't even interested in helping out
...people are hypocritical -- it bugs me how often I, too, fall into that
...snow would be so much more fun if I had a guy friend to chuck snowballs at and then run for my life -- missing Jordan a lot this weekend
...I hate money because I don't have any

...doing...

...migraines, anybody? whatever you do, don't get them
...dishes by hand -- the dishwasher is broken and I don't know how to fix it, but I actually like doing the dishes now
...started watching Big Bang Theory and I'll admit that I really like it, even though I shouldn't
...consistently behind in my homework, no matter how hard I try to keep up
...wishing. lots of wishing
...sleeping -- are you shocked, because I have been
...spent time with my best girl Kayla, whom I haven't played with in months -- Cafe Rio, gas station hot chocolate (which never ceases to be grand), quoting YouTube videos, fixing car wind shield wipers, watching Once Upon a Time, talking about boys and college and dreams, you name it
...oh, my wind shield wiper broke while I was on the freeway yesterday afternoon during the blizzard -- that was fun
...trying not to fret about the future, because I can't control a lot of what happens

...feeling...

...headaches -- a lot
...unable to talk to anyone about anything that's going on in my life because 1) people don't want to listen, 2) people are too busy to listen, 3) people scold me for how I feel/think/act, 4) people use what I tell them to get back at me later on, 5) I'm afraid to ask the people who would listen because they're busy and I often end up having nothing to say
...excited for Christmas time -- the one time of year things feel right, even if they're not
...lonely and isolated, which may have been an unintentional choice on my part
...mad at people who are careless with physical affection -- if I hadn't ever been cuddled, I wouldn't miss it (and I wouldn't miss you as much, either)
...tired and scared -- maybe paranoid
...overwhelmed and short on time -- what I wouldn't give for college professors to realize that every class has homework, and a lot of it, not just theirs
...fat. yes, fat

lately...

...thinking...
...so confused on so many levels...so much so that I just try not to think
...school starts soon...soon as in way too soon
...there is way too much good music to enjoy it all fast enough -- same goes for books
...not sure why all of these engagements, weddings, and newborns make me kind of sad inside
...do I really feel left out or would I even want to go to things if I got invited anyway? maybe both...
...dunno how I'm going to survive the upcoming semester -- try not to stress out before you get your syllabi, okay, kiddo?
...did I just call myself kiddo?
...it was so much easier to handle things before you held me


...doing...
...I've been cast as Zombie #10 in the music video -- kinda glad I went back and auditioned because this could be super fun
...made Cranberry BBQ meatballs in the crock pot yesterday and they were super delicious over rice
...DIDN'T answer a text message from someone and didn't even feel super guilty about it
...closed a chapter in my book of life, and will not be looking back -- wishing you the best of luck, Garrett (you may know him as Aries)
...got a call from Hannah yesterday morning asking me to come to the doctor's office where she was awaiting a verdict on her head injury -- yes, I was the one who held her hand while she got stitches and yes, I made it through the whole procedure without passing out (which is a huge deal for me [she's fine, by the way])
...inflated SO. MANY. BALLOONS. at work the past three days -- so over that dealio
...didn't do my room mate's dishes (did my own)
...cleaned the windows in the kitchen and the hallway -- pretty sure the interior windows haven't been cleaned in at least three years...gross
...watched The Swan Princess with Alyssa tonight -- "You should write a book: How to Offend Women in Five Syllables or Less."
...5:30am phone calls are a great way to start your day
...5:00pm phone calls are a great way to get through an afternoon
...picked up my textbooks -- all 19 of them (and they are so not worth three hundred and sixty-one dollars)
...another job: babysitting for a professor once or twice a week on my evenings off during the school year -- two adorable kids, $40-$50 a night, kids go to bed at 8pm, did I mention the kids are adorable?


...feeling...
...absolutely irritated with everything about people (or most people) and totally unsure why
...at peace with some parts of my life, like the fact that the whole Garrett thing is mostly over for me
...high anxiety due to my trip to the college today -- I don't want to go back to school...I so do not want to go back to school with 33,000 students and hours of homework and everything that college entails
...better about dad's situation because things are definitely looking up
...missing you a lot -- darn you
...like it would be great to throw something and listen to it shatter (but that is violent and I won't do it)
...sleep deprived!

lately...

...thinking...
...it's so much easier for me to talk about the things going on in my mind and heart with a guy friend than with a girl friend. I don't get it...neither does my friend Alex, whom I discussed this with today. He feels the same way -- there must be a reason why we're such good friends!
...theory of English is harder for me to wrap my head around than statistics was. Dislike.
...that strange feeling when you realize that someone loves you, really loves you, and they're not just saying it to make you feel good.
...the more I think about it, the more I recognize that the LDS church is strange. If you haven't grown up with it, it'd be hard to accept. Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit which testifies to me and others of the truth of the gospel.


...doing...
...the internship started on Friday morning. It's going to be a lot of work, but it'll be worth it in the end. Penny seems like she's really nice and a good teacher. I'm excited for this opportunity!
...Brianna's bachelorette party was on Thursday night and it was fun! La Jolla Groves has made the list of places to eat.
...best part of the week was Brianna's wedding on Saturday. Great day. She looked so beautiful, and so happy. I'm so proud of her for the choices she has made and I'm so happy for her and Matt. More to come later.
...balancing two part time jobs, full time school, and the internship is going to be very interesting. I apologize in advance if I'm absent for the next few weeks.
...I keep trying to clean my room...trying being the key word.
...as mentioned before, I spent the afternoon with my friend Alex. Love that man. He is awesome. I'm so lucky that he's my friend. Especially when he makes me smile by sneaking me an extra peanut butter bar because he knows I love them, or when he looks at me and says, "Whoa...your eyes are gorgeous and you look super attractive right now," or when he listens without judging me for the thoughts and feelings I have. He's just great.


...feeling...
...holding a sleeping baby is one of the most relaxing things in the world. I haven't felt that relaxed, peaceful, and hopeful in a long time.
...music has such an amazing impact.
...how do you tell someone they've hurt you and ask to fix a problem without hurting them in return?
...guilt...it's starting to run my life again.

PS If you haven't seen The Prince of Egypt, I highly recommend it.

santa jorge...

Okay, so I actually don't know how to say Saint George in Spanish (I Googled it and got three different ways to say it -- I don't know which one is right) but Santa Jorge is just so much fun to say!

Anyway. Last Thursday through Saturday I went to Saint George with Ann and Brianna. It was sunny and warm (dare I say hot) and beautiful. We found the Walmart, went swimming every night in the waterfall pool, made our own lazy river by running in circles around and around the circular hot tub (hence the circles we ran in), shot the heck out of each other with water guns, drove past the temple a couple of times, went mini golfing, played Deal or No Deal in the arcade, discovered that you can buy ice cream at the Dollar Tree, pretended to be Iron Man (or at least I did) while driving go-carts, made lasagna (frozen...haha) in our hotel room OVEN, took jumping pictures on the hill above the city, made paper cranes at the dinosaur museum, and did whatever we wanted whenever we wanted (except for when we ate breakfast -- you had to do that before 10am).

Here are some photos of the adventure:

Brianna with the lambs at the petting zoo near Scipio (how many prepositions can you use in one sentence, eh). They even had a zebra! It was a little guy.

Brianna's "hole in awesome!" Or in one, if you prefer.

Jumping downhill = a feeling very similar to when you tip your chair back too far and think you're going to die.

 

 

Driving the go-carts...just made it!

lately...

...thinking...
...I think I'm a little too honest sometimes. There are more things I should keep to myself, particularly opinions. Either that or I should say them in a different way.
...knowing what you should do and wanting to do it are not the same thing at all.
...it is very hard for me to imagine being married...no parents (because you're the parent), no friends (not all the time), just you and your spouse making all of the decisions, all of the purchases, all of the plans, all of the actions that are necessary for a successful family. I can imagine me doing those things by myself, but throw in a man and my brain can't handle it.
...I really hope there is a point to all of the things I'm doing.



...doing...
...went on a date last night, and it was so much fun. John is one of my best friend's older brothers. He took me to Trafalga and we played laser tag, mini golf (amid the presidential monuments of the United States, which is ironic because we played without any rules), skeeball, and air hockey. For our prizes, John got a mustache and a miniature pin wheel. I got a butterfly temporary tattoo because it was just too pretty to pass up. Even if I don't wear it, I might put it on a piece of paper. Very fun date, very nice guy, very good time.
...two bridal showers this week for darling Brianna! She is so adorable, I can't get over it. 27 days till the wedding!
...homework. Who does that? Oh...I should be doing that.
...Love's Labors Lost at BYU. Good show, but the girls in the production bothered me. Every time they were onstage I felt like I was watching junior high school students giggling and shrieking over something. There wasn't a lot of depth in the female character portrayals -- it was all surface flirtation with little visible thought behind the actions. Other than that, it was a fun show.
...I have a plan. 6 credits this Spring, 6.5 credits this Summer, 17.5 credits this Fall. Put in mission papers, and if I still feel like I should go I'll go. If not, I'll keep going to school and graduate in August 2013. Ready, go.


...feeling...
...don't want to be touched. At all. Period. No hugs, no high fives, no brushing hands, no linking arms, no nothing. Why? No idea. None.
...blessed because the grant money I received for school will carry over into the Spring/Summer terms, the car is still working just fine, I have a good job, my school schedule will allow me to keep working and study as well, and I don't have to pay rent.
...life is not meant to be spent in comfort. We're moved from old places and friends into new places with new people. Start over every few months. Change is certain, yet brings such uncertainty.
...what do you do when you realize your heart is breaking but you don't know why? It shouldn't be breaking at all, but it is, and it doesn't make sense. No matter how much you think about it and work at being "unbroken" -- you're broken. The feeling doesn't go away.

lately...

...thinking...
...it's unfortunate that someone so talented as you are can be so unkind. Just because you're one of the big names in the BYU music department doesn't give you a right to treat your students in such a truly rude fashion. That isn't teaching -- teaching is building, not breaking. Build trust, build talent, build excellence -- build people.
...people who are cruel to animals, even mice, make me sick. So sick that yes, I did start to cry during my Stats class today.
...what is it to love someone? Really. What is it?
...I'm not sure why I don't want to talk to people anymore, or go anywhere. It just doesn't appeal to me right now. At all.

...doing...
...why, yes, I did write an 8-page paper on the day that it was due. Happiness for first drafts. Time to revise it.
...wore flip flops to school today. Almost barefoot on a beautiful spring day.
...my dad told me that Pinterest was a waste of time. Then I made German pancakes. He asked me what I'd pinned this week, and if I needed him to go to the grocery store to get anything for a new recipe. #heartDaddy
...despite feeling (dare I say being) very against any social contact with people, I did text Parker last night, and he and I went to a movie. We Bought a Zoo. So cute. Little girl -- beagle -- Spar -- happy soundtrack -- good movie. Best part? Spending time with Parker. Love that guy. Best buds.
...too many bad dreams. Waking up to sunshine is a nice change.

...feeling...
...my Humanities professor said this: "Now, Georgie here really shows her purity and dearness with her comment about how people are all hypocrites but all doing their best despite that. You can tell she's a really sweet, dear girl." Turned a bad day around and I was all glowy inside. Still a little glowy.
...often near tears...not sure why...just the way it goes sometimes.
...back to We Bought a Zoo, let me say that I haven't smiled during a movie so much as I did last night. I've thought about it sometimes today and I just grin.
...tired. Very, very tired.
...empty?



PS Happy Pi Day