feelin' 22...

Yup. The big double two -- and let me tell you, it was a good birthday MONTH in January, not just day. I finally got my dream party:

Birthday bowling...

in semi-formal attire!

My lovely ginger girls, Ann and Tatijanna

Friends! Kayla, Ben, Adam, Ben, and Chelsie

More friends! Jason, Tatijanna, Tony, A.J., and Ryan

Even MORE friends! Tyler, Bryan, Laura, Ben, and Jerry

This photo sums up our entire friendship

My Kayla girl -- here's to five years of friendship!

Our manly men -- Adam, Kevin (check out his tux!), Tanner, and Bryan

And because I wanted mashed potatoes, they took me to Chili's -- Ryan, Tony, Tatijanna, Ann, Adam, A.J., Bryan, and Tanner --
not pictured are Laura, Princess, and Jason

In short, it was an excellent birthday. I was so surprised to see that many people come and be all dressed up. It was so much fun. 

Oh, and I almost forgot. Here's the best part:

Birthday flash mob in a bowling alley -- what could be better? I'm super lucky.

oops...

That awkward moment when you realize that you invited 119 people to your birthday party.

I didn't even realize I had that many people to invite to a birthday party -- those are just the people that I really like and whose company I find enjoyable. I didn't even invite the "maybe" people, which I usually do. Just the "Yes, I want them to know they're invited" people.

Luckily most of them won't come, because that's kind of how these things go. I mean, can you imagine trying to pack 119 people in the same group into a bowling alley? A lot of people don't even like bowling.

Considering I'm highly introverted, I sure do have a lot of friends.

what...

Guess where this girl will be tomorrow night?

His house. 

Because he invited me.

First New Year's Eve away from home.

Ever. 

My mother is going to kill me.

check us out...

I took a chance this Halloween. I tried on a costume that I normally would have shunned like the plague -- not just because it's a tad bit scandalous for me, but because it's tight. And I don't do tight.

But you know what?

I'm skinnier than I thought I was.

Say hello to Black Widow

Off for some lame-sauce grown-up trick-or-treating: Walmart style (because sisters had friends coming over, and the [still current] headache was a bit too intense for legit t-o-t'ing).

And may I say that wearing a skin tight black leotard with boots and pistols is not the way to go if you want to be inconspicuous. Although the number of complimentary (and a little uncomfortable) elevator looks and cheers for "GAH, go Black Widow!" were kind of nice. Validation -- great costume, and I look better than I thought I did. Score.

As for our trick-or-treating...

Candy much? Yes. And yes, those are Avengers sugar sticks.

Kalista, Andrew, Amanda, Alex, and me (Alex was very excited about my costume -- he's pretty fantastic)

This family is in my ward, and they are AWESOME -- they even have Hawkeye!

Happy Halloween from the nerd, Black Widow, Katniss, and the model!

And let's not leave out the zombies, either -- lookin' good, Brianna! 

awful nice to eat...

So.

When I first heard of The Awful Waffle, I admit that I was quite skeptical. I mean...a food joint that has the word "awful" in the title? I questioned the rhetoric of that one big time (the writing tutor in me never goes away -- I still haven't told you about the time I woke myself up doing a tutorial in my sleep -- but that's a story for another post). Who puts "awful" in the same sentence as a food and then tries to sell a product?

Well. This girl was first curious about this place (which is probably what they're going for), and so decided that she would at least give it a shot. Not to mention that it was the venue where the hip, adorbs (yes, I just said adorbs) Sierra's party of happiness and blogging joy was going to be held! Two birds with one stone: check out the waffle-awfulness and see Sisi at the same time? I think yes.

Brianna and I headed over together, and she assured me that The Awful Waffle was the opposite of its name (leading me again to wonder if the name is meant to bring in curious people like myself).

I was quite impressed with the building, the interior layout, and the design. It was a vintage-modern hodge podge collection of chalkboard topped tables, ceramic deer heads on the walls, pink and blue and mint and white and red aluminum chairs, and bird cage covered lamps. It was old and new all thrown together -- quite trendy and appealing to the current "in" crowd of young single and married adults. Which categories Brianna and I may or may not fall into (yes, we being young, me single and her married). Either way, we both liked the way everything looked! And another thing that we liked...

One word: cupcakes. That's how the party started -- cuppies courtesy of Cupcake Chic -- very excited about that one 

(especially because mine was red velvet with a little heart on top)!

Fact. Nothing awful about The Awful Waffle. Especially because the menu included the specialty topping option of Creamy Smooth Peanut Butter. Um...can you say excited? An on-the-house Liege waffle topped with peanut butter and bananas, made fresh right there made me one happy little girl. AND Caroline was there, whom I have not seen since Brianna's wedding (5 months ago -- that's nigh unto forever). I love Caroline. She's beautiful. Disney princess beautiful. Really.

We were pretty happy girls. Different than most of the bloggers who were there -- I definitely gained a new perspective on the "blog world." But it was fun, and I know that I was happy. And, I must say, you would probably benefit from a visit to The Awful Waffle. Yum. Yum, yum, yum. That waffle was awfully good (I'm so funny)! You should go get one.

Cade...

Things I learned today:  

1. Given a choice, a 3-year-old will always pick the chocolate chip cookie over the hamburger
2. It is possible to be "wiped out" by being hit in the face with a flower
3. Answering to the name Mater can become second nature very quickly
4. When allowing a 3-year-old to play with your phone, it is a good idea to delete your recent call history (oops...sorry, friends) 

But most importantly:

  

     5. There are no hands or faces more beautiful, or hugs and kisses so sweet, as sticky, dirty,  chocolate-y ones

Oh, and that little boys rock. Although I already knew that one.

weird day...

Strangest Friday of my life. Nothing went as planned, and a lot of things turned out odd in a good way. Others, not so much.

1. Finished the exam within ten minutes of the time limit. 2 hours and 50 minutes of all short answer essays and essay questions, 32 questions total. Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. It is OVER.
2. Missed getting soaked by a sudden cloudburst by about 30 seconds.
3. Getting to Walmart took half an hour. Blergh.
4. When I returned to my car after dropping off photos at Walmart, a lady sitting in the van next to me asked me if I would watch her sleeping children for a few minutes while she ran into the store to grab something. I said sure. While she was gone, I began imagining horrible reasons for why she had left the kids with me (she'd killed them and left their bodies in the car, leaving me to deal with the crime and be a suspect as well; she'd left the kids asleep and taken off for good; they weren't really her kids at all and she was a kidnapper who'd chickened out). After poking my head through the open window and making sure the children were alive, I felt a little better. Anyway, the mother returned and paid me in king size Kit Kat, Whatchamacallit (Whatchamaspellit), and Almond Hershey bars and a bag of pistachios, plus the change from her purchases. Definitely the most interesting babysitting experience I've ever had (except for the time Ian pulled a gun on me...)
5. After examining the sink full of dishes and the stack next to them, I realized something: three of the dishes from the entire week were mine. I don't eat at home very much these days. I also realized that no one had done dishes at all the whole week. SICK. And so I did them, starting with the three I had used. I hate doing dishes.
6. Went back to Walmart to pick up photos and found white canvas sneakers for only $5. I bought two pairs because I wear those things out so fast. AND I found a Captain America t-shirt for under $10. Yes, it's a guy's shirt and yes, it's made for someone shaped like a rectangle, but whatever. I can't find a Captain America shirt in a girl's tee, and all of the plain white t-shirts were sold out so I can't make one yet. This will just have to do!
7. There is construction everywhere. It took me 45 minutes to get from my house to Spanish Fork -- although I think that the majority of the time was spent trying to get out of the gas station lot.
8. Got to see Kayla, Tayler, Kenna, Maddy, Ben, and Steven tonight, plus make some new friends. It's been FOREVER since I've seen those kids. Steven's reaction to my haircut was the best (I didn't tell any of them about it). He freaked out. It's good to know that I am first and foremost his first and favorite "wife." Good times.
9. Tonight was the first time I've stubbed my toe on cement in almost a decade. That's because about ten years ago I stopped going barefoot. Well, tonight I went barefoot and you know that feeling of skin meeting concrete? OUCH!!! My toe is gashed wide open...if it wasn't a toe, it wouldn't hurt so badly. Lots of little nerves in there. Yowza.
10. What I saw of X-Men: First Class was dumb. There were so many unnecessary parts -- we skipped more than half of the first half of the movie. I didn't get to see the end, but I didn't like the beginning, so I'm okay with it. I have issues with heroes who aren't good people. Like Magneto? Um...he's a bad person. Yes, he has a VERY troubled past, but seriously? Bad guy. I won't ramble on about it.
11. Got to the airport exactly 60 minutes from the time I left Taylor's house. I don't really know how that happened.
12. Dad's home! His flight was delayed, so I ended up waiting at the airport in the parking lot for about an hour and a half. The guys in the car next to me were weird. Just sayin'.

K, now I'm freezing and I'm going to go to bed okay?

fun in the work place...

I have interesting jobs. I work at a party store and a snow shack, and I intern in a prestigious university's writing center. Each job has different requirements, but a lot of the skills that I've learned for each individual job are applicable to all three. The environments, however, are more than a little different.

The writing center has an intellectual, academic, and stiff atmosphere. Some days it almost oozes with elitism. It bothers me, because students who come in for a tutoring session look uncomfortable and many of them can't wait to get out. Not all of the tutors contribute to that feeling -- the few that do are good at it though. As I've observed, I've decided that I will not become a tutor with that elite mindset. I don't even think of myself as a tutor, or students as students. I think of myself as a writer, and the students who come in are writers as well. That levels the playing field and turns the sessions into collaborative efforts, rather than the term tutor becoming a title that gets in the way.

The snow shack is a bit trickier to explain because all shifts are run solo, and it's definitely just a job. I like it most days, but it's mostly cleaning the shack, filling up the flavor bottles, stocking supplies, taking and completing customer orders, and making sure that the other girls stay on top of their work. I've sort of become the unofficial manager of the Orem store...I think it's because I'm the oldest girl working there and I'm the only one who really works at keeping the place running in a clean, orderly fashion. That's sort of fun for me because I get to be in contact with the owner a lot. Natalie is so great.

PartyLand is an entirely different animal. It's fun, it's crazy, it's stressful, it's boring, it's exciting, it's annoying, it's everything all wrapped up into one, giant, eclectic, hodge podge party store. The people are great to work with -- they're some of my closest friends -- the work isn't too hard but it's stimulating, and it's an outlet for creativity. It's the most frustrating and most enjoyable work place. The fun generally outweighs the frustration though.

For example, PartyLand is the only place where I can make themed balloon bouquets like this one:

Yes. This is an Avengers mylar (insert girly squeal of excitement here). But wait. It gets better.

A totally Avengers themed bouquet. Alyssa and I made it a couple of days ago. I'm rather proud of it. I was so happy that Tracy ordered the mylar that I requested. She let me pick it out, too. Can you spot all of the heroes? We fit all six of them into it!

Six super heroes represented in one giant, ridiculously fun, delightful, vengeance-filled bouquet. SO. MUCH. FUN.


Avengers assemble!! Holla!!

lately...

...thinking...
...I think I'm a little too honest sometimes. There are more things I should keep to myself, particularly opinions. Either that or I should say them in a different way.
...knowing what you should do and wanting to do it are not the same thing at all.
...it is very hard for me to imagine being married...no parents (because you're the parent), no friends (not all the time), just you and your spouse making all of the decisions, all of the purchases, all of the plans, all of the actions that are necessary for a successful family. I can imagine me doing those things by myself, but throw in a man and my brain can't handle it.
...I really hope there is a point to all of the things I'm doing.



...doing...
...went on a date last night, and it was so much fun. John is one of my best friend's older brothers. He took me to Trafalga and we played laser tag, mini golf (amid the presidential monuments of the United States, which is ironic because we played without any rules), skeeball, and air hockey. For our prizes, John got a mustache and a miniature pin wheel. I got a butterfly temporary tattoo because it was just too pretty to pass up. Even if I don't wear it, I might put it on a piece of paper. Very fun date, very nice guy, very good time.
...two bridal showers this week for darling Brianna! She is so adorable, I can't get over it. 27 days till the wedding!
...homework. Who does that? Oh...I should be doing that.
...Love's Labors Lost at BYU. Good show, but the girls in the production bothered me. Every time they were onstage I felt like I was watching junior high school students giggling and shrieking over something. There wasn't a lot of depth in the female character portrayals -- it was all surface flirtation with little visible thought behind the actions. Other than that, it was a fun show.
...I have a plan. 6 credits this Spring, 6.5 credits this Summer, 17.5 credits this Fall. Put in mission papers, and if I still feel like I should go I'll go. If not, I'll keep going to school and graduate in August 2013. Ready, go.


...feeling...
...don't want to be touched. At all. Period. No hugs, no high fives, no brushing hands, no linking arms, no nothing. Why? No idea. None.
...blessed because the grant money I received for school will carry over into the Spring/Summer terms, the car is still working just fine, I have a good job, my school schedule will allow me to keep working and study as well, and I don't have to pay rent.
...life is not meant to be spent in comfort. We're moved from old places and friends into new places with new people. Start over every few months. Change is certain, yet brings such uncertainty.
...what do you do when you realize your heart is breaking but you don't know why? It shouldn't be breaking at all, but it is, and it doesn't make sense. No matter how much you think about it and work at being "unbroken" -- you're broken. The feeling doesn't go away.

amazing...

I've been thinking about the meanings of words. Words, written or spoken, are how we communicate. But do we really know what the words we say mean? I think that sometimes the things that we say are exaggerated or even overused. Take the word love. How often do you hear that every day? And, in all of those times it's used, how often is it used correctly? The frequent and inaccurate use of the word love, in a way, cheapens it.

The word "amaze" is another that comes to mind. The dictionary defines it as

to overwhelm with surprise or sudden wonder; astonish greatly
I use this word too much. I use it to describe foods, performances, movies, events, even people -- and sometimes those things aren't very amazing. I exaggerate the description of the whatever I've experienced or seen to fit the definition of amaze; I use it for the wrong things. They're still great things, and far from average, but they don't astonish or overwhelm me.

Some things, though, really do amaze me. Some people amaze me (for bad and for good reasons). For example, I was amazed by the amount of dishes that were in the sink when I got home, so amazed that I stopped dead in the doorway and almost cried. It sounds like a stupid thing to cry over, but because the other person in the family who helps me try to keep up with the house gone for the week, it now has all fallen to me. I truly was overwhelmed and shocked.

If you're wondering if I did the dishes, no. I haven't yet. Bad person. :P
So that's an example of a bad thing that amazed me. Here's a good example:

Last night at a friend's bridal shower, I stayed after most people had left to help clean up (and to make a general nuisance of myself because I'm pretty sure I ended up more in the way than being productive). Everything was close to finished, and the hostess's husband brought pizza home for his family. I was the only one left there who wasn't related to someone in the room, so I felt awkward about taking any food. When my friend offered some to me, I said no because I wasn't family.

What she said has stuck with me all day long. She looked at me and said, "Well, you're my family."

That really and truly amazed me. It still does. I was so suprised, and it made me feel so...just good inside.

Words are important. The casual use of words seems almost cheap to me. If we only ever use words to express what they really mean, we will have more meaning -- so much more.

spoke too soon...

May I just say that I hate missing school? You get behind, you miss quizzes, you have attendance points docked, you're stuck at home by yourself all day, and if the dog pees on the floor when you were asleep it's your fault because you weren't paying attention. Not that she did that, but if she had.

I especially hate missing school when it's because I can't walk from pain. How do you explain that to a professor? "Dear Professor so and so, I missed your class and the quiz due to a sudden illness that occurs frequently but the doctors don't know what is causing it so...yeah. Sorry."

That's the really frustrating thing about this, not being able to explain it.

And so I'm in my room in bed with Misty at my feet, Molly outside because she won't come inside no matter how hard I try, and a giant smartwater bottle next to me with a picture of a crab inside of it (not very smart, smartwater people: the kind of crab you put on the label does not live in freshwater). I have letters to write, homework to do, a party to finish planning, errands to run if I can, laundry in the washer, and all I've done is watch episodes of "Once Upon a Time". Ann showed me the first couple of episodes and now I'm wondering if this is how a fish feels after it's taken the bait...

ninja vanish...

One time last week Emily organized a surprise party for her hubby's birthday. Theme: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Instructions: Arrive 30 minutes early in full ninja turtle attire. I was happy to oblige.

NINJA TURTLE POWAH

Brianna and I are awesome.

Hottest turtles on the planet.

FELIZ CUMPLEANOS ROBERTO!!! PS Your wife is gorgeous.

LDC reunion!!! Sierra, Natalie, Kenna, Lauren, Allie, Brianna.

.

well. I'm a jerk...

"What happens to me when I'm provoked is that I get tongue-tied and my mind goes blank. Then, then I spend all night tossing and turning trying to figure out what I should have said."

"...I must warn you that when you finally have the pleasure of saying the thing you mean to say at the moment you mean to say it, remorse inevitably follows."

-Kathleen Kelly and Joe Fox, You've Got Mail

Have you ever been so sick and tired of hearing the same sort of comment regarding the same things in your life that you accidentally let slip a rather unkind, judgemental blurt of your own? Well. I did tonight. Now I feel absolutely terrible for it.

I went to a Sunday dinner for previous and present LDC members at Preston's apartment tonight. It was to celebrate Cinco de Mayo in February...not sure how that works but I was totally up for it. How could I miss a chance to see my buddies? After spending an hour (I kid you not, an hour) trying to find the place and getting horribly lost I got there half an hour late. I walked in the door and was engulfed in hugs. Then the questions started, "How do you like school?" "Why did you leave the choir?!" "What's going on your life now?" and the like. Feeling frazzled after being lost for an hour and then arriving so late (I hate being late) I answered them as quickly as I could, gradually getting back into the swing of the loud, happy LDC crowd.

One of the girls asked me why I went to BYU. I told her about the program I'm going into, American Studies. She asked me what I was going to do with the degree, and I told her I was going to use it as a background for a Master's Degree in Library Science or Museum Curatorship. Out of nowhere, the guy sitting next to her threw his hands up in the air and said, "I can't believe how many girls are getting Master's Degrees! What a waste, it makes me sick!"

What I should have done was ignore him, but no. No, I couldn't do that. Immediately my frustrations rose to the surface. It was the same sort of ignorant, belittling, small-minded, sexist comment I had been faced with for months and months. 8 out of 10 times (not exaggerating -- It happens ALL the time) my goals and dreams come up in a conversation, some man thinks it necessary to pop off, always basing value on gender. I can do just as much as a man can! I'm just as capable and intelligent! Up until this point I have always, always ignored them or changed the subject, then vented to a friend or a family member, or written it down and slammed the book shut. But tonight I was done with it.

Before I even thought I replied, "Wow. I don't like you already and I don't even know you."

Um...jerk much? Yeah. How do you recover from that kind of rudeness? We didn't even know each others' names. The look on his face...he was definitely shocked. I didn't dare look at my friends' faces to see their reactions.

And so, the past few hours have been spent replaying the situation again and again in my head, mentally berating myself for my stupidity. If I'd just kept my mouth shut, for crying out loud. Nope. Jerk. *facepalm*

little reminders...

I've been feeling very lonely lately. It's been so, so hard to leave LDC. I can't tell you how many times I've dreamed that I've been back in the choir. It always starts out just like it used to be, all of my dear friends there yelling across the room to one another, laughing and giving Mike fits trying to get them to calm down. And then they start to sing, and I don't know any of the songs. I don't know the notes or the words. Brother Eggett ends up kicking me out, telling me not to come back.

I can't tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep this semester, if I've even slept at all. The transition hasn't been terribly difficult, but difficult enough that it isn't easy.

Tonight I was feeling sorry for myself, stressing out about my Statistics exam tomorrow and a paper that's due, and wishing with all my heart that somebody would think of me. I was feeling alone and forgotten, because so many times I've tried to keep in touch with people and have received no reply.

I was frustrated and feeling downright left behind, even though I was aware of the people who I do have in my life. So then I started to feel bad because I'm a selfish brat. Then I started to think of ways I could continue to let people know I care about them...and then I realized that I don't have a lot of time to do that anymore, and the things I have done lately have always ended with silence from the other end.

Then, out of the blue, one of the LDC boys, Jeff, sent me a text inviting me to his birthday party. He said it wouldn't be a big deal, just a few friends hanging out at his place. For me, though, it was a huge deal. He probably will never know how much I appreciated it. I literally dumped my homework on the floor, got re-dressed, and rushed out the door without putting on any make-up whatsoever because I was so excited. It was only an hour, but seeing a few of those dear people was absolutely wonderful. And hugs! So many hugs.

A couple of hours later, I received another text message from an LDC girl, Allie, who I love with all my heart. I read the message and felt two things: heartbreak that I can't be in the choir anymore and complete gratitude that she had thought of me. She probably has no idea how much that means to me right now, for someone to think of me. It's amazing how something as simple as a kind word can help you to find the courage to keep moving forward.

To you two wonderful people: thank you. You were both answers to prayer.

party in the U-S-A!

A party is a party, but a Captain America party? *insert polite tittering*

Heck yes I did it. I mean, how could I possibly not? I love Captain America! I like the movie, too. So...why not make him the guest of honor at my birthday party? I did. And it was awesome. It was the first time I got to plan and create my very own birthday party (no, it hasn't been my birthday yet). Since I am an official Party Planner at PartyLand, it was pretty easy to do this. I'm surrounded by ideas for nearly 15 hours a week. Wasn't hard with a bajillion options right at my fingertips! It was super fun to do all of the planning, purchasing, decorating, and finally the partying.

Thank you to all of those who helped out and who attended! You made a rough week end with a very fun, care-free Saturday night. I really appreciate it. Let's hear it for the captain!

For those of you who couldn't attend, here are some pictures of the event:


Captain America shield made out of cookies?! Ann's a genuis.


I didn't have time to make a cake, and when my dad found out he surprised me with this. I have no idea where he got it. Isn't it fantastic?! My daddy loves me.









We really are a more lively bunch than we appear to be. I promise.

.

A Silent Night...

The past two weekends have been spent performing in LDC's annual Christmas pageant. At first our show A Silent Night seemed just another thing that I had to do. I wasn't unhappy about it, but neither was I super excited about it. It was just a show, a chance to perform and to make people happy. It just never seemed to mean much to me personally. I wanted people to come and see it so they could feel happy and be uplifted, but it was like the message of it wasn't getting through to me.

That was until our final show, after our president, Teddy, bore her testimony. I was finally able to really feel the message of our story. Before I knew the story and the music, and I loved all of it. I knew in my mind that the story was true, and that what we were doing was blessing many people and helping them through their hard times. But as Teddy spoke of the Savior, and of her upcoming mission, and of her love for each of us, it wasn't just a fact anymore. It was no longer just a fact in my head. It was real truth in my heart.

Christmas isn't glitter and sparkly lights and presents, toys and electronics and gift cards. Christmas isn't Santa Claus and elves and sleigh rides. Christmas is more than that. All of those things can be good and bring happiness, but it isn't what it's all about. Christmas, as Brother Eggett pointed out, is a big birthday party. It's Christ's birthday party! That's what it's all about. Shepherds were invited to celebrate by the angels, a formal invitation from God to announce the birth of His Son! Wise men came later to give gifts to the child, recognizing the little king. Today we continue to celebrate the most wondrous, miraculous birth of all time. Because that's what it's really about. Not the Christmas we see in the windows of every store and on the screen of every TV, but the Christmas we read of in the scriptures. It's the Christmas you feel, the Christmas that gets inside you and causes you to love people you don't even know, or people you don't even like very much. It's the Christmas that makes you want to be a better person, even if it's in a small way that nobody will ever know about. It's the Savior, the Messiah, the King of kings and Lord of Lords! It's Him, and all He did. Because there wouldn't be an Easter without a Christmas.

Let Him in. Into your life, into your heart, into your mind. All we have to do is let Him in.

I'll share a little bit of our show with you now. I hope you enjoy it. Merry Christmas!

My darling friend Amanda and me after the show.

Click here.

All praise to the name of the Father of Light!
One who listens and hears when I call.
Every step He ordains I shall walk without fear.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.

What can mortal men do while I'm safe in His hands?
He is God; on His word I'll rely!
In the midst of my fear I will trust in His name
for I know He will hear when I cry.

He knows all of my feelings,
the depths of despair,
all the limits my soul can endure.
I will trust in His name--I have nothing to fear
for in Him all my hopes are secure.

All praise to the name of the Father of Light!
One who listens and hears when I call.
Every step He ordains I shall walk without fear.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.

He alone can deliver a soul from its death,
lift a life from a wasteland of need.
He alone can replenish with blessings untold
until into His light we are freed!
We are freed!

All praise to the name of the Father of Light!
One who listens and hears when I call.
Every step He ordains I shall walk without fear.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.

Every step He ordains I shall walk without fear!
In His light I'll not stumble or fall.

PS I had the opportunity to sing the solo on this song for one of our performances. To sing what really is my testimony...and to be backed up by this amazing choir...wow. It truly was an incredible experience. I probably will never have a chance like that again, and it has become a memory I will treasure forever.

oops...

Picture this: Five people on a love seat. Three boys, two girls. One boy and one girl in a relationship on one end of the couch. One boy, one girl, one boy on the other. Odds are that the three extra people on the couch are going to get pretty squished to make room for aforementioned couple. Which is no big deal--they're cute together and it makes me super happy. However...I'll just spill it. I ended up in what you might call a cuddle, one boy on either side. Behind me with his arm around my shoulders one friend, in front of me with my legs across his knees a second friend.

I never do that. Sure, I like hugs (sometimes), and I've been held before, but cuddling? I don't do that.

There was a practical reason behind the whole thing. Two reasons, the first being that there was no way we could all fit on that couch sitting side-by-side (we tried it), and there was no room on the other couch or the floor (there were about 17people watching a movie in Teddy's apartment), so it just made sense to squish up. The other reason was that despite the number of bodies in the room, I was cold. I'm always cold, it's just a fact. So these two boys were keeping me warm. Practical. Right?

Now I'll admit what I'm oops-ing about. I liked it. I liked being close to somebody (in this case two somebodies). I was warm and (eventually) relaxed, so much so that I almost fell asleep. I felt safe. There aren't any feelings beyond friendship between me and these two friends (that I know of), but it was still just nice. The problem: I did like it, and generally when you like something you want it again. No bueno.

I don't want to be the girl who needs to be held by a guy to be happy. Already it's hard being single when most of my friends are dating. I'm not. I rarely, if ever, date. There's already a loneliness inside of me, especially now that my best friend is all of the sudden receiving a ton of attention from men and I stand there next to her nearly invisible. They don't notice me anymore when I'm with her. They used to notice us both, but not anymore. I'm glad that's happening to her because, though she denies it, she enjoys it. I like seeing her happy. However...ugh. Being invisible is kinda hard, you know?

Anyway. Loneliness...that's also hard to deal with. I don't need to make it worse by being stupid. I am perfectly fine on my own. I don't need a man to make me happy. So there! :)

Yeah. Oops.

i love a parade...

K, so I don't really love parades all that much. Still, they're super fun when you get to be in them with friends. Last weekend the Institute had a float entry in the Orem Fest parade, and members of LDSSA, LDC, and just Institute in general were invited to walk with the float. The theme was Hold to the Rod, with the tree and the building from Lehi's dream (part of The Book of Mormon) as the scene. Behind the float came the iron rod, which students held on to while walking the route.

It was super great to see my friends again! Tyler, Julia, Allie, Emilyann, Erin, Amy, Jon, Sean, Adam, tons of people were there! RJ is back from the Philippines now, and with him came his camera. He took lots of fun pictures. Here, look!!**











OREO!!
Oh, wait, wait...

DOUBLE STUFF!!

And yeah. My arm is the cream filling. Haha...*sigh*.




Hurrah for Institute!!


Oh, and by the way. Someday I will dress up like a princess and ride a horse like this. I will do it.

**All pictures were taken by RJ**

bee bee cue and other random tidbits...

I went to a friend's barbeque in honor of all those other friends who will be leaving for the summer, like to Africa (though she's already gone home I think), Fiji, or home to wherever they hail from. Can you say another LDC reunion? It was awesome to see all of those fantastic human beings again! They are so wonderful. Kenna told all of us the story of how David proposed to her (insert a long "awwwwwww!!!") and showed us her ring. In short, it's gorgeous.

For some reason, nearly being decapitated by a bulleting volleyball constitutes it your destiny to join the game, no matter how much you protest. At least to my friends. Granted, I did say that I kind of wished I could play but was too afraid because

1) I'm horrible at it and didn't want people to be mad at me,
2) I'm scared of the ball,
3) I'm scared of looking like an idiot,
and
4) the last time I played volleyball, my parents asked me if someone was hurting me because of the black and purple bruises all up and down my forearms.

All of these reasons were overlooked as I was shoved into the game. Luckily the ball never came to me. Even if it had, I probably would have screamed and dropped to the ground in a fetal position or something. Mortifying thought, but possible truth nonetheless.

On less of a BBQ note...I have a knack for writing exceptionally morbid poetry, prose, or whatever else a person can write. Almost 100% of the time I'm not even writing to write. I'm just talking to a friend, or myself. Half of that time I don't even realize that what I'm saying/texting is so extremely morbid until it's been said/sent. Freaks me out a bit.

Random thing I said that made a friend laugh: A happy life is a glass that is half full. Drink it, and it's empty.

Less funny but I still liked what I thought: Heaven is only as far as your life is long.

plot hole...

Do you have any idea how frustrated I am right now? Probably not, and what's even MORE frustrating is that I cannot vent in detail about why I am frustrated because most of the world has not yet seen or heard details about the new Pirates movie.

Can you say plot hole? No...more like can you SHOUT plot hole.

At least to me there was a plot hole. A SERIOUS plot hole. Involving (quite possibly) THE HOTTEST couple Disney has EVER created.

I'm freakin' out. Either I missed something, or I missed something, because I sure missed SOMETHING. My question (or the shortened version of the question to avoid spoiling it for you):

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FREAKIN' MERMAID?!?!?!?
Other than that, it was a pretty good movie. Fun, rollercoaster ride of emotion and adventure, clever, outlandish and impossible deeds done by the infamous Jack Sparrow (who does come up with all of that stuff? it's really impossible), very fun. And slightly scary at some parts. Oh, and one scene? HOT. Like, seriously. It should be illegal to have a moment (or in this case, multiple moments) that hot in a Disney film. And it wasn't even like, BAD. It was just hot. You've been warned.

But seriously. Freakin'...gah. I wish there was a way to type out a Rapunzel pitched scream of frustration, but there's not. So just imagine me screaming in a very high pitched squeakish sort of way and you'll have it.

A HUGE thank you to my friend Julia for making it possible for me to go see the movie tonight, and another thank you to all of my wonderful LDC friends who let me go with them. It was so great to see everybody. We really can't stay away from each other...we're all addicts, I guess.