i have green toes...

Once upon a time, a green-eyed young man showed up at my house with a small bottle of green nail polish, two heating packs, a bag of Darkside Skittles, and a hello kiss on his lips. Why was this such a grand surprise?

1) the nail polish was a color I pointed out at the store more than three weeks ago -- I noticed the pretty color and commented that it would be perfect for spring time, especially if paired with little pink flowers. And who remembered and brought it to me on a rough day? Adam did.
2) the heating packs are absolutely marvelous for the aches
3) never heard of Darkside Skittles, but the Forbidden Fruit flavor is now up there on the candy list
4) who wouldn't want a hello kiss from her sweetheart?

And so now I have green toe nails because I can't paint my fingernails until tomorrow afternoon -- Henry 5 is still running, and my characters can't have green fingernails.

Isn't he the sweetest thing?

check us out...

I took a chance this Halloween. I tried on a costume that I normally would have shunned like the plague -- not just because it's a tad bit scandalous for me, but because it's tight. And I don't do tight.

But you know what?

I'm skinnier than I thought I was.

Say hello to Black Widow

Off for some lame-sauce grown-up trick-or-treating: Walmart style (because sisters had friends coming over, and the [still current] headache was a bit too intense for legit t-o-t'ing).

And may I say that wearing a skin tight black leotard with boots and pistols is not the way to go if you want to be inconspicuous. Although the number of complimentary (and a little uncomfortable) elevator looks and cheers for "GAH, go Black Widow!" were kind of nice. Validation -- great costume, and I look better than I thought I did. Score.

As for our trick-or-treating...

Candy much? Yes. And yes, those are Avengers sugar sticks.

Kalista, Andrew, Amanda, Alex, and me (Alex was very excited about my costume -- he's pretty fantastic)

This family is in my ward, and they are AWESOME -- they even have Hawkeye!

Happy Halloween from the nerd, Black Widow, Katniss, and the model!

And let's not leave out the zombies, either -- lookin' good, Brianna! 

order of the day (but not particular)...

first. OW. But not as bad as usual. Yay pain killer.

second. Fettucini alfredo is delicious, even if the noodles are a little too hard and the sauce isn't quite creamy enough.

third. I voted today. Go me.

fourth. The King of Attolia is just as good the second time as it is the first time.

fifth. Also, Hawksmaid is really good, too.

sixth. I want to watch Real Steel. Never seen it. Want to. I don't have it. Shoot.

seventh. Sleeping after 8:30 is starting to become impossible.

eighth. Sometimes, I would like a hug. Then when someone hugs me (even when I want one), I feel uncomfortable and wish he/she hadn't. Weird.

ninth. The only place in my house that isn't hot (even with the air conditioning on) is my bedroom. WIN.

tenth. On Sunday I wrote letters for four hours. FOUR.

eleventh. I called three people a mean name in my head today and felt horribly guilty for it -- but only for about two seconds because my coworker told me that she'd used the same word in her head, too. Some people's children*!

*because every grown-up is somebody's child

twelfth. I miss Parker. A LOT. A LOT, a lot. And I miss Brianna. A LOT. BUT I get to see Brianna tomorrow, and Matt and Ann. So that will be very good.

thirteenth. Do you ever have days where your bra just does not fit right? One of those days.

fourteenth. Craving sugar like crazy. Boo.

fifteenth. Rent for the month = $70. That was a relief, considering my textbooks for the upcoming semester cost $135 (and I still need to buy about 8 more).

sixteenth. I've had six tutorials this week at the writing center so far. I get so many personal essays for pre-professional applications, it's insane. Maybe I'll be a part-time essay consultant. Oh, wait...

seventeenth. Seventeenth is a very strange looking word.

eighteenth. Poor little Makay broke his elbow and had to have surgery on it last week. His mom told me when I visited him that he hadn't smiled as much that whole week as he did when I was with him. That made me feel really good, and it made me happy that I could help Makay feel better. I took him a small gift bag full of fun toys from work, and tied a "mini" bouquet of balloons onto the bag. I'll make another one and take a picture of it to share, because it is so stinkin' cute. It could be on Pinterest (but it was my idea, so -- I'm just awesome).

nineteenth. Do you have any idea how freakin' happy I am being single? I will post more about it once I force myself to sit still for half an hour and write it.

and now, my favorite:

twentieth. I have been asked three times today if I am a Democrat or a Republican and who I voted for. For the longest time I couldn't figure out why. Then I remembered -- Captain America t-shirt on voting day. Right.

weird day...

Strangest Friday of my life. Nothing went as planned, and a lot of things turned out odd in a good way. Others, not so much.

1. Finished the exam within ten minutes of the time limit. 2 hours and 50 minutes of all short answer essays and essay questions, 32 questions total. Uuuuuuuuuuuuugh. It is OVER.
2. Missed getting soaked by a sudden cloudburst by about 30 seconds.
3. Getting to Walmart took half an hour. Blergh.
4. When I returned to my car after dropping off photos at Walmart, a lady sitting in the van next to me asked me if I would watch her sleeping children for a few minutes while she ran into the store to grab something. I said sure. While she was gone, I began imagining horrible reasons for why she had left the kids with me (she'd killed them and left their bodies in the car, leaving me to deal with the crime and be a suspect as well; she'd left the kids asleep and taken off for good; they weren't really her kids at all and she was a kidnapper who'd chickened out). After poking my head through the open window and making sure the children were alive, I felt a little better. Anyway, the mother returned and paid me in king size Kit Kat, Whatchamacallit (Whatchamaspellit), and Almond Hershey bars and a bag of pistachios, plus the change from her purchases. Definitely the most interesting babysitting experience I've ever had (except for the time Ian pulled a gun on me...)
5. After examining the sink full of dishes and the stack next to them, I realized something: three of the dishes from the entire week were mine. I don't eat at home very much these days. I also realized that no one had done dishes at all the whole week. SICK. And so I did them, starting with the three I had used. I hate doing dishes.
6. Went back to Walmart to pick up photos and found white canvas sneakers for only $5. I bought two pairs because I wear those things out so fast. AND I found a Captain America t-shirt for under $10. Yes, it's a guy's shirt and yes, it's made for someone shaped like a rectangle, but whatever. I can't find a Captain America shirt in a girl's tee, and all of the plain white t-shirts were sold out so I can't make one yet. This will just have to do!
7. There is construction everywhere. It took me 45 minutes to get from my house to Spanish Fork -- although I think that the majority of the time was spent trying to get out of the gas station lot.
8. Got to see Kayla, Tayler, Kenna, Maddy, Ben, and Steven tonight, plus make some new friends. It's been FOREVER since I've seen those kids. Steven's reaction to my haircut was the best (I didn't tell any of them about it). He freaked out. It's good to know that I am first and foremost his first and favorite "wife." Good times.
9. Tonight was the first time I've stubbed my toe on cement in almost a decade. That's because about ten years ago I stopped going barefoot. Well, tonight I went barefoot and you know that feeling of skin meeting concrete? OUCH!!! My toe is gashed wide open...if it wasn't a toe, it wouldn't hurt so badly. Lots of little nerves in there. Yowza.
10. What I saw of X-Men: First Class was dumb. There were so many unnecessary parts -- we skipped more than half of the first half of the movie. I didn't get to see the end, but I didn't like the beginning, so I'm okay with it. I have issues with heroes who aren't good people. Like Magneto? Um...he's a bad person. Yes, he has a VERY troubled past, but seriously? Bad guy. I won't ramble on about it.
11. Got to the airport exactly 60 minutes from the time I left Taylor's house. I don't really know how that happened.
12. Dad's home! His flight was delayed, so I ended up waiting at the airport in the parking lot for about an hour and a half. The guys in the car next to me were weird. Just sayin'.

K, now I'm freezing and I'm going to go to bed okay?

missionary care package...

I finally got Jordan's Christmas package ready and sent. It won't get there until next Thursday, but at least it will get there, right? Last night my family and I wrote him letters and put them into a big box with some of the things I'd already gathered for him. Today I went to the store and found some more goodies to put inside the box for him and his companion. For Jordan there were two ties (since those are the only things that a missionary can really change), a journal, a CD of the Mormon Tabernacle Choir hymns, and several letters. For him and his companion there were two Christmas goodie bags, a box full of peppermint candies, suckers, and candy canes, and two bags of Hershey's kisses (with a note saying "Use wisely-they're the only ones you're gonna get!"). And the best part? See for yourself:



Peppermint forget-me-stick. How genius is that? It's freakin' huge! I was pretty excited about that. Thought I'd share the joy with you. :)

psychic...

Okay, so maybe I'm not psychic. I just know some people very well, so I can predict their behavior in a way that would make me appear to be psychic when in reality I just spent a lot of time with those people. I just like to seem cooler than I really am. No big deal. :P

As some people know, I've been waiting around for somebody to pop back into my life with an apology of some sort followed by a request for things to go back to how they used to be. Sure enough, I received a seemingly heartfelt apology a couple of days ago, with an attached request for forgiveness. Aries and I had a nice conversation about nothing in particular, because I didn't really want to answer right away. Finally I told him that I wasn't sure what to do about anything. I told him that I agreed with everything he'd said in his apology (except for the part where he said he didn't know what we'd been fighting about...he should have known! I only told him three or four times. Not that it matters anymore), but I didn't know what to do yet.

In short, I was stalling for time to come up with an answer. Should I tell him to jump off a cliff? That was a suggestion and a consideration, but no. Unkind. Should I ignore him completely? Also suggested and considered, but no. Also unkind. I wanted to make sure that I did the RIGHT thing! So I waited, and I thought about it, and I asked for earthly and heavenly help to come up with the right thing to do.

As predicted, Aries didn't give me much time to formulate an answer. He's a 3 days or less kind of guy through and through, whereas I can think about something for a month or more before I feel like I have it just right. He sent me a text a couple of days ago asking if I had an answer for him yet. After saying a little prayer (a helping prayer, as one of my primary students calls them), I felt that it was best to tell him what I talked to my coworkers and a friend about earlier this week. I told him that I do forgive him (which is true), and that we can be casual friends, but any other feelings are gone. I can't give him anything more than that.

Second prediction came true, when he came back with an attempt at a guilt trip. He didn't like the term "casual friends" and said something along the lines of "So I really did lose my best friend..."

Really? He lost his best friend? No way! Shocking.

I don't understand why he doesn't seem to get it. I don't see how he can just expect everything to go back to "normal" and for me to be there for him like I was before. Usually people who put their hand on a stove and get burned don't touch it ever again, even if the knob is turned to 'off'. You just learn not to touch the stove, and if someone told you to do it you don't touch the stove! You learned the hard way and got burned. Why risk it again?

That last paragraph sounds a little bit irritated/anxious. To tell the truth, I'm not super anxious about this whole thing. I've actually felt a lot of peace throughout this current episode. I've been able to refer back to emails from a few trusted friends who have been involved from the very start, and I have several friends who are familiar with this rather long drawn-out story. Most of them only know the medium-sized nutshell (it's kind of a big nut to crack and explain!), but everyone says similar things: forgive him, but don't forget what I have learned.

I really do forgive him. I'm not even very afraid of him anymore (mostly...less afraid would be a better term). If he keeps coming back, fine. He'll just get the same answer. Not only that, but so many people know about him now that he can't get away with anything. There are too many ears and eyes watching this situation for me to be manipulated again. Ann would probably smack me upside the head and then go after him (she's a true redhead, but only when she needs to be). Parker and the girls from work have offered their help if I need it. I don't even want to imagine what Ruthie would say to him! Sister Raddatz and her family are there for me. My sisters and my parents are also aware of what is going on. Several other friends know about it, whether they are from choir, still at MV, or live farther south (Jaden and Kayla and Steven, that would be you).

This time I'm not as alone as I was before. Last time I kept some things a secret because I was afraid and shy, and even a little embarrassed. I didn't want to be "found out", if you want to call it that. Sure, I talked about it. But I didn't tell people about everything that was happening until later on. Now I've learned better that if you can't have a relationship like Elder Holland's, where he wants to shout about it from the rooftops to the entire world, then you better not have that relationship. It applies to friendship as well. If it's a secret, it shouldn't happen.

This has been a novel, I'm sorry. I hope I was able to handle this in a gentle but firm way. I've been honest with Aries. I hope I was kind enough in that. Now it's out of my hands, and it's up to him to take the offer or to walk away. That's all I can offer him. If he wants more than what I can give, then sadly he can't have much of a friendship.

I hope that this is over. I want it to be over. It's gone on long enough. It's time to move on. I get the feeling that it probably won't be over for awhile, but I also get the feeling that as long as I do my best to live well and ask for guidance that it will be fine.

Thank you to those who have been helping me with this. You have been absolutely, 100% vital. I owe you all Lifesavers. After all, you are what you eat. ;)