Showing posts with label obsession. Show all posts
Showing posts with label obsession. Show all posts

Thursday, March 27, 2014

show me the money...

Well...since I don't really have any money, I can't. But I can show you these.


Pre-release showing, baby. Cannot wait. 

Saturday, July 13, 2013

light 'em up...

Something you should know about me: I love, LOVE. The Provo Freedom Festival Stadium of Fire concert. Provo boasts the largest 4th of July celebration in the country (although I highly doubt that is the case) -- be that true or false, the Stadium of Fire is kick-freakin' awesome.

Something else you should know about me: I love, love, love...LOVE...love, love. Kelly Clarkson. Watch. I'll prove it with this self-created definition of Kelly Clarkson:

Kelly Clarkson (proper noun with amazing vocal chords and adorable personality): 1. amazing, 2. incredibly talented, 3. personal, beautiful, and real, 4. did I mention amazing?
synonyms: amazing, awe inspiring, my voice crush

Yes. I have a slight obsession. It's fine.

Lucky for me, this guy was sweet enough to go with me so I wouldn't have to go by myself.





He also bought me a soft pretzel while I was standing in the eternally long line for the restroom, and this is the change he got back: a 50 cent piece commemorating the 200th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence. Total geek out moment -- of all days to get one of these!



And there she is!!!



This 4th of July was a blast -- wouldn't have been the same without my bestie.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

furry friends...

I might have a slight obsession with Build-a-Bear teddies. I mean, it's not like I have a billion of them. This morning, though, I did notice that I have more than two.

At my parents' house, I have Cowboy (a black lab), Charlene (a cream teddy), and Sonya (a cheetah). They now live in the box in the corner with my other stuffed animals. Yes, I did cry when I put them all away.



Captain Abearica, Princess, Adi Bear, Buddy (from Ikea), April, and Desear all sleep on my bed with me. Desear is the newest member of the family. Her name means 'to wish' in Spanish. Basically, she's the my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me bear. That and she's adorable. I mean, look.




She's pink, purple, and light blue. Like cotton candy colors. Plus her fur is so incredibly soft. And she has a fairy dress. How could I say no?

Oh, I could have easily said no. I'm totally rationalizing in the dumbest ways possible to cover up for my 'I HAVE TO HAVE IT' moment when I saw her. Kind of like with my other bears (or bunnies).

Bad, bad.

Moving back to my parents' home might be a good thing, because I won't get pushed out of the full bed like I do the twin here at my house.


I's beary happy to have my new friend.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

taking five...

  1. Got in touch with Parker for a little while today -- somehow we ended up discussing Batman theme songs
  2. Made German pancakes and I didn't destroy them
  3. Clocked out of work right at 8:00 -- meaning that we got off on time for a change
  4. Was able to stop the obsessive thoughts for a couple of hours
  5. This:

Sunday, August 5, 2012

opposites...

What the heck, people? What the heck?

I really, really don't like feeling like this. It's almost worse than it ever has been, not because I'm as low as I used to be, but because I now have something to compare it to. Two years ago, happiness was something that I didn't get to experience. Then it gradually entered my life, little by little, experience after experience.

There were still sad times -- but not like this. It hasn't been like this in a long time. Not this constant, nagging, irritating sadness that sucks the energy right out of me and leaves me staring at the walls wondering. I used to be able to force it back, to change it from bad to good, to change the way I was thinking until I didn't feel sad anymore. I could focus on the good things and feel genuinely happy.

Now it's back to the nonstop badgering in the back of my head, pushing through the barriers in my mind and breaking down the methods of thought I've been trying to learn. It's almost like an obsession, thoughts that keep forming and creeping their way to the forefront of my mind, compulsive and unbidden. It's getting harder and harder to control.

I hate this. I don't understand it. I don't know how I can be so brimming with thoughts and emotions that I feel empty. It's as though I feel so much that I feel nothing. There's pain and paralysis. There's anger and apathy. There's confidence and confusion. Everything. Nothing. All at the same time.

How can you be full and empty at the same time? How can you feel so much and feel so little?

Saturday, July 21, 2012

mini Steve...

 
You know your dad loves you when he gets you a Captain America jump drive for your second year at BYU.


Pretty sure my files are going to be very safe from now on. Even when he's pocket size, Cap's the perfect man for any job.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

a to the venge...

Ann and I went to see The Avengers the day after it came out. I didn't go to the midnight showing because I acted like a grown-up and went to bed because I had school the next day (stupid school). Since it was a special occasion, we splurged on blue raspberry Icees, popcorn, Sangria, chocolate covered pomegranate seeds (Ann hates them), and Avengers temporary tattoos. My Captain America shield on my collar bone was quite awesome, as were our ribbons: Ann's was for Thor and mine was for the Captain.


Super excited fan girls. No big deal.

Since then I have been multiple times, each time with different people. If you guess more than two, you're right. If you guess less than seven, you're also right. However, that is likely to change...so after seeing it several times, here is what I have to say:

First, that the movie is super entertaining. For an action-packed film it was surprisingly hilarious! Second, Captain America is just a good guy. Third, there isn't really a weak performance in the whole film. Fourth, there are some pretty interesting symbols in the film, if you know where to look for them. Linnea in her Loki colors and I in my blue America hoodie shirt saw it tonight (we also splurged because pay day was on Friday...pretzels, popcorn, Coke Zero, the works) in a nearly empty theater and discussed many of those points while we watched.

I liked the movie because it was fun, fast paced, full of clever dialogue, includes interesting allusions to other films and, if you look for it, spiritual things (and my literature/theory professors think I can't analyze), and had characters you could actually root for. Yes, Steve Rogers steals my attention every time, but each character has an interesting story and a key role in the events. There are things I would have liked to see more of in the storytelling (like less Iron Man and more Captain America and Thor), but overall I really liked it and I would recommend it to audiences who like a fast moving story with interesting twists and turns (and a great villain).

In short, if you're looking for a stellar plot with great character development, eh, not so great. BUT if you want to see some bad guys get their butts kicked, heroes banter back and forth with wit so quick you can't help but laugh out loud, and some pretty intense, dizzying in a good way special effects -- in my opinion, it can be classified as a good movie. Assembly complete. Avengers unite. Yay!

Thursday, May 17, 2012

fun in the work place...

I have interesting jobs. I work at a party store and a snow shack, and I intern in a prestigious university's writing center. Each job has different requirements, but a lot of the skills that I've learned for each individual job are applicable to all three. The environments, however, are more than a little different.

The writing center has an intellectual, academic, and stiff atmosphere. Some days it almost oozes with elitism. It bothers me, because students who come in for a tutoring session look uncomfortable and many of them can't wait to get out. Not all of the tutors contribute to that feeling -- the few that do are good at it though. As I've observed, I've decided that I will not become a tutor with that elite mindset. I don't even think of myself as a tutor, or students as students. I think of myself as a writer, and the students who come in are writers as well. That levels the playing field and turns the sessions into collaborative efforts, rather than the term tutor becoming a title that gets in the way.

The snow shack is a bit trickier to explain because all shifts are run solo, and it's definitely just a job. I like it most days, but it's mostly cleaning the shack, filling up the flavor bottles, stocking supplies, taking and completing customer orders, and making sure that the other girls stay on top of their work. I've sort of become the unofficial manager of the Orem store...I think it's because I'm the oldest girl working there and I'm the only one who really works at keeping the place running in a clean, orderly fashion. That's sort of fun for me because I get to be in contact with the owner a lot. Natalie is so great.

PartyLand is an entirely different animal. It's fun, it's crazy, it's stressful, it's boring, it's exciting, it's annoying, it's everything all wrapped up into one, giant, eclectic, hodge podge party store. The people are great to work with -- they're some of my closest friends -- the work isn't too hard but it's stimulating, and it's an outlet for creativity. It's the most frustrating and most enjoyable work place. The fun generally outweighs the frustration though.

For example, PartyLand is the only place where I can make themed balloon bouquets like this one:



Yes. This is an Avengers mylar (insert girly squeal of excitement here). But wait. It gets better.



A totally Avengers themed bouquet. Alyssa and I made it a couple of days ago. I'm rather proud of it. I was so happy that Tracy ordered the mylar that I requested. She let me pick it out, too. Can you spot all of the heroes? We fit all six of them into it!

Six super heroes represented in one giant, ridiculously fun, delightful, vengeance-filled bouquet. SO. MUCH. FUN.


Avengers assemble!! Holla!!

Friday, May 4, 2012

5/4 forever...

The more I branch out, the more I find that there is some sort of holiday for almost everything imaginable. There's National Chocolate Day, National Princess Week, Pi Day, even a National Repeat Day (June 3. I'm looking forward to it). Some holidays are weird, some are lame, but they all give a reason for celebration. And, every once in awhile, you've just got to celebrate your inner awesomeness.

Aaaaand out comes the closet nerd. Hipster glasses and all. Which are really just 3-D glasses that I punched the lenses out of because, really? Who pays $20 for a pair of glasses with no lenses?


May the Fourth be with you. Alwayth.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

so...rumor has it...

You are all probably aware how easily obsessed I get with things. Take Adele. No I'm not obsessed with her as a person/artist, but some of her songs have become a bit of an obsession. Like "Rumor Has It." O-em-gee seriously much.

I like music that speaks. The rhythm, the beat, the vocals, the instruments -- I like pieces that have a voice. I know that a lot of people don't like Adele's work, and there are some songs that I don't particularly like. Others though...they're the kind of songs that call for near speaker blow out with the car windows rolled down, or for singing your heart out alone in your bedroom.

I like music that makes me feel. Be it happiness or sadness or frustration or giddiness or heartbreak, I like songs that channel emotion and thought, whether through the lyrics or the musicality or both. Sometimes I wish I were as brave as music helps me to be...sometimes I wish I could take the thoughts and feelings aroused by a song and hold onto them for awhile...to carry those feelings over into "20 seconds of courage"...to act.

"Rumor Has It" is one of those songs that does it for me right now. Blasting it in my room, dancing around the piles of organized disaster on the floor, singing as loud as I can, feeling and thinking and being the girl I wish I was brave enough to be when people are watching. It's a song you can feel -- I like that.

Sunday, June 26, 2011

day 47...

a picture of my favorite place to shop...

So one of my favorite movies is Confessions of a Shopaholic. That said...are you really going to make me pick one place? Ugh...I just like to shop. Window shopping, Internet shopping where you don't even buy anything just look and dream, even going to Walmart just for the thrill of shopping because you want to at 1 in the morning...it's fun! And so I'm not going to pick one favorite place. I'm going to pick three.




I love to shop. I just love it. I love to buy stuff for other people, and things for myself. I love to spend money. I told a friend once that I'd probably buy a pack of cigarettes just for the thrill of spending the money, even though I don't smoke and would most likely throw the pack of the things away. He completely agreed with me, and said it wouldn't surprise him at all. Pathetic. Addictive. Fun. Exhilarating. Shopping.

I LOVE SHOPPING!!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

day 7...

a picture of my most treasured item...



My laptop and journals are my most precious possessions. They contain so much of me, my memories and experiences. I can't remember them all on my own, so I write things down. Whether it's on a blog or on a paper in a book, they are all important to me.

This picture only shows a few of the journals I have. The rest of them take up a shelf and a half on my bookshelf, not to mention all of the memory books and portfolios.

I'll probably be the worst mom "that's my kid's!!" collector ever.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

obsession confession...

Can't sleep. I'm writing a confession to pass the time.

If you haven't noticed, I might be a little obsessed with "Tangled". If I had funds to do so, I'd be even more obsessed. I do not have funds, therefore I am stuck with watching the movie over and over, borrowing the soundtrack from the library, creating online playlists, stalking photos of Flynn and Rapunzel on the Internet, and dreaming of my very own Rapunzel dress. I will never have her hair; 70 feet of hair is far too impractical for anything other than Disney life, and besides that, my hair is brown. I could cut it and be Rapunzel after her final liberation, but no. I'm rather fond of long hair. Or longish. Nothing is long compared to Rapunzel's hair.

Ever since school got out and choir ended I have time to be obsessed with "Tangled". It's kind of sad, to be honest. I just love the story, the music, the characters, everything except the attempt at a funny production number ("I've Got a Dream"...I dislike that scene very much).


The two main characters are my favorite (duh). I love how Rapunzel never attempts to be anything other than what she is, even when she sees how much she doesn't know. I love her innocence, sweetness, strength, ability to love and accept others, and her fighting spirit. I love that she is honest all the time, and how she would give up her happiness to save someone she loves. I love how Flynn (I call him that because I don't know who hasn't seen the movie so I don't want to ruin it) is still himself even after he falls in love. He changes because he loves Rapunzel, but he doesn't turn into some namby pamby servant to a girl because he adores her. Yes, he adores her, but he doesn't worship her. I love his sarcasm and quick humor, honesty (eventually), loyalty (he becomes loyal), and willingness to sacrifice everything, including his life, to protect his world.

Rapunzel and Flynn are my favorite Disney couple (next to Belle and the Beast) because they are a team. They work together. Flynn isn't a controlling or dominant man, and he isn't totally subserviant to Rapunzel. Rapunzel isn't a doormat or a damsel in distress, but neither is she intent on being in control. These two are allies and best friends who work together to achieve goals. Granted, it starts out as ultimatums and threats, but it changes. By the end, they both change for the better. They change because of the experiences they had together, and they are stronger for it.


I'm obsessed with that idea, that two people can work together toward a common goal and achieve it together, with love and friendship. The music in the show isn't bad, either.

I feel better now. I'm glad to have gotten all of that off my chest. ;)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

attack...

My last final for the semester was this morning. I finished it in about ten minutes, due to the fact that all of the questions and answers were taken directly from the quizzes given throughout the semester. After taking the test I walked to my car, drove home, went to my bedroom, and stood in the middle of the floor looking around. Here are the thoughts I had:

This room...disaster. How did I let it get this bad? Hm...I have no more homework to do. I have no tests to study for. I have no papers to write. I have nothing to read. I have nowhere to go. I will probably be very bored in about, eh, five minutes. I have time. Why not? I have nothing to stop me. Heck. It'd be freakin' stupid to let this room stay like this. That's it. I'm doing this.

Charge! I attacked my bedroom, starting with all of the stuff under the bed. Then, with a little bit of guilt and almost a few tears, I boxed up all of my stuffed animals. ALL of them. And I had to consciously remind myself (out loud) that stuffed animals do not have feelings, and that at 19 years old I shouldn't be worrying that they would be sad and afraid and betrayed sitting in a box in the corner of my bedroom. That ordeal over, I started on the bookshelves.

By that time (and currently) I started wondering why in the world I have so much junk. Seriously, I don't know why I've kept half of the stuff that I threw away today or put in a pile to donate or sell. I'm not even finished yet! I have little piles all over my floor that I still need to sort through, mostly loose papers and random odds and ends. I didn't even touch all of my clean clothes that I need to put away. They're sitting in a laundry basket at the end of the bed. Clothes need to be sorted through, too. And the dresser. And the closet.

Ugh. I probably should have waited to start this project until after choir tour. BUT, the bookshelves look great! Progress!


PS I was much more obsessed with Star Wars when I was younger than I ever realized. I've found so much stuff! Books, posters, toys, games, holy crap. I sure have the Force with me; there's little bits of it all over my room! It's kind of embarrassing, looking back. Gah. I was such a nerd in junior high! And the pictures of Hayden Christensen that keep turning up? Haha...to quote Jason (complete with eye roll and slight shudder), "Thank goodness you outgrew THAT phase!!"

PPS I'm very glad that my psych professor waited until the last week of classes to cut his hair. He was cute before, but this new haircut is extremely flattering. When he walked in the room, I totally forgot about the final. He's so cute it's distracting.