looking up...

So today started out really lousy, at 3:00 in the morning. See, our furnace at my house is ridiculous. Actually it's the fact that there's not a lot of ventilation in the basement. We used to leave a window open but then my sisters moved downstairs so they kept freezing. Anyway, the point is that at 3:00 in the morning I was awoken by a horrible smell of natural gas. It totally freaked me out; I thought that the house was going to blow up. I opened a bunch of windows in the family room and my room, and could not fall asleep again. Not to mention my pillow was way too hard.

Despite being up so early I was still late for the early morning rehearsal for choir today. Oops. So that was discouraging. Then I was terrified of what certain people might be thinking/saying about me. Then I was stressed out about "Grease" because of changes and how I'm just not good at choreography and I'm a lousy teacher and blah, blah, blah. A good thing though: doing a warm up by myself for Ariosa, Mrs. Mathews stopped and asked me where I'd been hiding the vocal connection all year. I told her that I wasn't afraid of the kids in the class anymore, and therefore I wasn't too scared of screwing up because we all have at one point or another. It's a group effort to learn how to sing-you hear others and learn from their triumphs and failures. Not to mention I've made amazing friends in Deb, JD, Jasmine, Brad, Erika, and all of the other kids. They're really great people. It was a crazy, totally unproductive class period. Everyone finds the new "confident" me very entertaining. I kept saying ridiculously smart aleck-y and sarcastic things and setting the class into hysterics. Mrs. Mathews even enjoyed it.

Ballroom was where it got not so good. First day, and I'm worried. The girl from my previous Preference group is in my class, so that was absolutely frightening. Then Jason is in it, and he is acting weird again. Oh, well. I also feel really nervous about this class because I'm one of the what, 3 out of 19 people who have never done ballroom before? Pretty much, yeah. Then the girl in my class came up to me and apologized. I couldn't even look at her, I was trying so hard to not just start crying. I feel like a total jerk, but I don't feel ready to accept an apology. I mean, I said it was fine and that I wasn't upset or anything. She told me she was really sorry and realized that she had been wrong, but I just don't know what to do. I feel afraid to trust her. I feel afraid to not forgive her, but I'm afraid to at the same time. Basically I just don't know what to do at all and I'm repeating myself so let's move on.

Algebra 2 has dropped in numbers, with most of my class moving to A1. Now there are 19 of us in the class. It was boring and frustrating again. Moving on. Lol.

"Grease" is coming along, but it's really, really hard for me to do this. I feel like the kids aren't listening, even when Mrs. Mathews talks to them and when I remind them that we audition Friday after school. We waste so much time talking and goofing off; I really want to get to polishing before we audition but I don't think we're going to. It's really exhausting. Jordan, my partner (and Homecoming date from Junior year; he's a good friend) has been really helpful with the couple choreography. I was doing all right on my own figuring out the girl and the boy steps, but spins and dips are hard to work out on your own. Plus, I've never done ballroom. He's a huge help.

Funny story from Mr. Jackman's class: we were talking about the number one health problem in the United States, aka "Fat people" as the class agreed (or obesity, if you prefer the term). We did all of these little fitness tests, like holding your breath for a certain amount of time (I got halfway-I started laughing and ran out of air at 1 minute 5 seconds), stretching a certain distance over a yard stick, etc. After everyone had left, Karmel was saying how some of the tests really are hard but even she can do them. Jackman said, and I quote so don't shoot me, "I can't do any of them because, well, I'm just too damn fat." I seriously laughed so hard. I love Jackman! He's amazing!!

Preference is working out at last though. Tiana and Rachael decided that they wanted to go in my group with me and Coty. We're going to take pictures with Rachael's dad's camera (her brother is taking them, I think) so that saves about $30. Sweet! We're taking them...actually it's a surprise. :) We're going to go to Mimi's Cafe for dinner, then head to the dance in Saratoga Springs. It's a 35 minute drive to the golf course country club thing out there, so we're starting the evening early (5:00ish). I'm so excited!! I can't believe how well this is working out; it's so amazing. AND...my parents are chaperoning!! Most kids would find that weird, especially since it's the day I turn 18 (gah that's disgusting) and they're my parents and yeah...but I think it's cool. I'm even going to ask them if we could take a group picture of the three of us there at the dance, kind of like "Look! I started out tiny and now here I am, 18 with my parents at a dance and it's amazing!!" I'm actually still kind of tiny in the height direction, but still...lol.

Things have just changed so fast. I went from horribly depressed and just upset about so many things to totally relieved and excited and happy. Now if my friend would call back like he said he would, the day would be even more amazing. Lol, just kidding. He's probably busy. Besides, I'm just happy. :)

Look up, folks!! It helps a ton!! <3

first day at school of the year...

This morning started out pleasant. I woke up happy again (???) and decided I was going to try and stay happy. Ariosa was grand, though I've been given the task of choreographing the number we're doing for the February concert (two selections from "Grease") and I found out that the song I auditioned with is scheduled for a mini concert at lunch in the commons sometime in late February. *sigh* That's so scary, because you can actually see the audience and how they have no interest whatsoever. I don't think that would be so bad if you were in a group performing, but soloing...we'll see.

Health Science was a review, in which I thoroughly embarrassed myself by saying "True" when the question was asked "If a male consumes enough alcohol to be classified as abuse, is there a potential for risk of breast cancer?" Um...duh, no. I need to get more sleep...not to mention cool off my lobster face. Ugh.

I'm actually starting to realize that I'm not as bad at math as I think I am. I mean, getting over 100% on the past three tests is pretty much unheard of in the math department for Algebra 2, but apparently it can be done. It's kind of fun (horrors...I should be shot for saying it) and I don't really mind it much. Granted there are the sticky spots, but they loosen their hold after awhile and become easy. Though my teacher is the only one I've ever had who has discouraged my idea to get a Master's Degree and a PhD (Ph. D.? phD? PH.D? I should probably learn how to spell it...:P).

Went to the gym...which I forgot how much I hate in January. Usually there is no one there during the day, except for a few safety department cops and fire fighters, a few moms, and me. Now it appears that my quiet sanctuary has been flooded with New Year Resolutioners determined to fulfill the 2nd most common resolution in the country (ask Mix 107.9-they said so on the radio last week): EXERCISE. Seriously, there were almost 20 people down on the track. 20!! Seriously-unheard of. Hopefully the drive will die off in a few weeks, or they'll take up a new sport. Like...Wii Fit or something. Lol. Just kidding.

Hair trimmed today! Just to clean up the ends, so about an inch and a half. I was told I over tipped my stylist (no, I did not knock her over), but oh well. She was nice, talked to me, and put up with my endless chattering. Not to mention my hair isn't crooked, so I think she deserved it. I always over tip. I feel bad that people are running to get my drinks or wash my hair or park my car when they could be doing something that they actually enjoy. Of course if I decided to serve myself at a restaurant it might be disastrous-I'd just bother them all by asking where they keep the spoons.

Mom took my sisters and me shopping, where we randomly found penguin pajama pants for me for $1.50. They were marked down because they'd fallen on the floor and gotten dirt on them. Um...less then $5 for a pair of flannel pajama pants because they have a little dirt on them? I've got a washing machine; they're mine!! Haha. :)

And now I'm bugged by things in life (mostly my own stupidity and random mood swings) so I'm going to go to bed. EMR in 8 hours, plus "West Side Story" rehearsal after school, a meeting with the counselor at the college to discuss my future (woot), and anything else that happens to pop up.

Good night/day!

happy dance...

My best friend got his temple recommend back!!!

He's been going to church more often and now he can go to the temple again!!!



:D :D :D :D

Teehee. I'm so happy.

And today wasn't bad. I crossed all but ONE thing off of my "To Do" list, and that wasn't even my fault. Yay!!! Choir went well, and so did the EMR. Communications was spent talking to David and Tyler, so that was awesome. I understood what was taught in Algebra, I got to go home for lunch and chill out for awhile, work wasn't too bad (i pretty much suck at my job but i won't be there for much longer so it's all good), Meteorology was spent actually flirting with Tyler (i shocked myself when i realized that's what we were doing), and this evening has been spent preparing fund raising packets, on Facebook, and talking to my amazing friends.

Life is good. :)

frazzled...

All right. Whoever said learning music was easy lied to me. Italian is hard. Spanish is hard. Nigerian is hard. Latin is hard. German is hard. Let's just throw in some Mandarin Chinese to top it off. Oh, AND get all of the notes right. And sing with the "chuh and the buh and the kuh" *punch* *punch* *punch* (diaphragm) instead of the "laaaaaaaah" *tilt head* (throat). No pop sounds for me; classical! Classical! It's harder than it looks. *sigh*

I'm actually having a great time in all of these new classes. Still, I find myself panicking about all of the different pronunciations and styles of music. Take, for example, the aria I have to sing for Solo Ensembles. All by myself, mind you (I found out today that you have to do that for Ariosa). It's in Italian. The pronunciation isn't too difficult-I just have to remember the silent "g" in "voglio" and "che" is something like "key". Then there's the listening practice (Mrs. Mathews suggested Kathleen Battle or someone like that first, because I have "a light voice") and the 20 minutes a day vocal practice. Then there's the A Cappella music for Christmas and the ACDA Tour to Arizona. Then there's Concert Choir Christmas music, which isn't difficult at all but takes memorizing.

I'll be honest-I am really nervous and frustrated with all of this because it's brand new. After all, I just finished a whole term in school and got used to the schedule. Now it's all mixed up again. BUT despite this, I am freaking LOVING it at the same time. So it's all good, really. Yay.

Speaking of learning things, my sister Meg had an orchestra concert tonight. Let's say that it wasn't completely torturous. The junior high has a new teacher this year, and she's all right, I guess. She teaches at a much, much, MUCH slower pace than the previous two teachers have (i swear the job is cursed; it's like the Defense Against the Dark Arts post in Harry Potter-no teacher lasts more than a year [this is the fourth in four years]), and they're not terrible but not great. She seems to be a good teacher for technique, but doesn't spend a lot of time on performance pieces. Oh, well. I hope Meg's getting something out of it.

Blasted tired. EMR tomorrow morning. Dog is fed, so am I, and my costume is ready in the living room. Homework is all done (i hope) and a choir concert tomorrow for my friend. Pay day tomorrow, too. Dad comes home from his work trip, and I get to talk to the school administration about sitting in on a Collaboration Meeting (teacher stuff) for a Communications assignment. Life is good.

Peace out.



Lol.

get outta my chair...

Getting stuck in the director's chair on the first day of class might be something like this:

1. Be told to get to work
   
2. Feel completely confused as to what to do
3. Stand around looking confused
4. Start warm-ups on the outside of the circle, not sure what to do
5. Be invited to stand in the circle by Brad, and then introduced by Mrs. Mathews to the rest of the kids
6. Stand around looking lost as the other 12 students fall into line, wearing costumes and getting ready to rehearse their traveling Halloween program
7. Ask what to do
8. Given a stool, a pencil, a sheet of paper, and a music stand
9. Told to watch, take notes, and be ready to "give direction, comments, and suggestions"
10. Get nervous and then excited as the talent of the choir is displayed
11. Feel very inadequate and slightly nervous about giving direction, comments, and suggestions on the first day of enrollment in class
12. Notice that 11 of the 12 respond to the direction and get excited about it
13. Notice that 1 of the 12 does not like anything you say and gives you dirty looks
14. Decide to ignore 1/12th
15. Worry about overstepping and look to Mrs. Mathews for cues, only to find that she wants you to keep doing what you're doing
16. Take a deep breath, watch more numbers, and give more direction such as:

"More energy! You're performing! You're having fun! You guys sound great, you blend well, you're got awesome costumes, and you know that you're having fun, but you're not showing it. Have fun! Show me the fun!"

"Mark, I can tell from your performance that you are a gentleman. You probably hold doors open for girls and help your mom bring in the groceries, don't you? *yes, i was right* Well, this is not a girl. This is not even a person. To Gaston, Belle is the next trophy he wants to hang up on his wall. You're the predator, and she's the piece of meat! You're hungry to get your hands on this prize! Don't let her get so far away from you-for every one step she takes further away you take two towards her. And Deb! Belle cannot stand Gaston. He's a brute-ignorant, arrogant, completely repellent. I want disgust. Like, 'are you kidding me? ew...ew...EW!' Show me."

Then "Asha, John Smith has completely insulted you. There's got to be some anger there, until you realize that he has absolutely no idea. Show me the transition from disbelief and hurt at his generalizations to the understanding that he says those things in ignorance. Sing this as teaching him about your world. Teach all of us."

Number 17-Have an amazing first day in Ariosa, and feel so good about it because you've got friends. And number 18, not worrying about making Mrs. Mathews upset because of your "directing" because she pulled you aside and said that it was fabulous and so helpful. Teehee.

First EMR (early morning rehearsal) with A Cappella this morning. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since I got to sit next to "that girl". Haha, love you, friend!

40/50 on my stupid Communications midterm. I studied and studied and STUDIED and still did terribly. Ugh. I hate it.

Completely lost in math. Again.

Pretty much failed a Meteorology quiz because I didn't understand the chapter at all.

Compliments from Tyler like crazy as he tossed candy at me in class, saying (each bolded word emphasizes when he threw it at me and how he said it) "You're such a SMARTIEs, and such a SWEET HEART instead of TART, and you're such a NERDs which is good because you pass your classes and can help me pass too, but not an Air Head so I get to eat this one." Then he said that he thinks I'd be way fun to go to a dance with because I'm such an awesome person and he likes to make me laugh. I like Tyler. He's a good friend.

Enjoyable time at work-it wasn't too bad today and I got some paperwork done for Paul. Plus Andrea and I have too much fun with pretzels, talking about boys, and being dumb in general. It's great fun.

First snow of the year today. I don't know whether to be excited or to be not excited. I just hope Halloween isn't too cold. I remember the last time it snowed this early that on Halloween night I had 4 inches of snow around the brim of my witch hat. It was so cold that year. But we got TONS of candy because everyone else had all ready stopped trick-or-treating. People pretty much just dumped their bowls into our sacks. Great fun.

Cold, cold, cold.

This has been a freaking random post. I've even stopped trying to follow my trainless (say what?) thoughts.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. One day closer to Friday! AND I'm calling my friend tomorrow night! Woot, woot! *hearts*

worry wart...

Okay, okay. So it wasn't THAT bad. I was terrified to be true, and I could feel my voice shaking (not to mention the rest of me). I think it would have been easier if two rather accomplished singers hadn't been in the office with me. Principal Clark was there, too, so that was very scary. I've never been in the principal's office during my three years at Mountain View. Two new experiences at the same time.

I think it was all right. One of my friends told me that it was fabulous and gorgeous. The band kids loved it. A good friend of mine said it was very good, and she was glad because I stayed in the same key the whole time. Apparently I'm the first soloist to do that this school year. Haha. I actually tried to sing it in two different keys this evening. Um...I found it impossible. I just cannot do it.

I was really glad that I had an EMR today. It really helped; I was warmed up enough to hit the notes clearly. Not to mention the rehearsal was fun. Only 12 of the 30 kids showed up. I think we should kick the rest of them out because we sounded a LOT better with only the 12 there. Adding the other 18 really makes it...well...you know. We don't sound as good.

I'm kind of excited for our choir concert on Wednesday, though. Because we're singing a medley of songs from the movie Nightmare Before Christmas, we're allowed to wear a hat/scarf/gloves or some other thing to dress up for Halloween. Mrs. Mathews said that since I have a solo (it's like, 4 measures and pretty much a speaking line [but I get to act like a freaky hiding-under-your-bed thing! woot!]) I can wear my black costume that I wore to the Halloween dance with Zach and Meghan on Saturday night, because it is black, and the purple will be a cool accent. Woot! I don't have to be boring! Haha.

The rest of the day was pretty lame. I was exhausted all day from the EMR and from staying up most of the night being afraid. Oh, but funny moment. This morning when I was driving to school, in the dark, by myself, I was sitting at a stop light and praying for it to turn green faster so that I wouldn't have to keep sitting in the empty street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a HUGE white flash and then a GIGANTIC, DRAWN OUT, ROARING thunder clap.

Pretty much the highest scream I've ever given since age 5. Holy cow, I was so freaked out! Then it happened again at a second stop light, and I was about ready to fall to pieces. Can you tell I don't like thunderstorms much? I don't know why they scare me so badly. They just do. So that was the funny/embarrassing moment that I share with you today. :)

I ate a hurried breakfast in Seminary, because I know I'm not supposed to eat in there but I was starving and could feel myself fading. Then I fell asleep in Psychology. I got thoroughly frustrated with the Algebra 2 concept we were supposed to be learning today and threw my book on the floor. A friend of mine told me I should carry a hair brush because mine is so unmanageable, which was not what I needed to hear today. I tripped going out to the car, and almost got hit twice going to Wal-Mart. It wasn't until I was looking for a shorter line that the day brightened a little bit. I only had two items, and it seemed like every person had a cart full to the brim with stuff, and there were only eight checkers open.

I was starting to get frustrated and near tears (stupid) because I needed to get home to let my dog outside and take her on the walk I'd promised, there was a huge laundry job waiting for me that I wanted to get done for my mom, my room was a mess, I hadn't finished the Algebra 2 homework in class because it's freaking retarded, I was plain exhausted, and I kept accidentally thinking about someone and how much I miss him. Withdrawals! (see? stupid!) Then a man asked me if I only had the two items. He was in line with a cart full of stuff, and two men behind him with the same. All three of them let me go ahead of them. Gosh, I was so grateful. It was amazing.

When I got home, Misty and I headed outside for some Vitamin D time and exercise. Then the laundry. I didn't get to the homework-I fell asleep on the couch while I was waiting for my mom to come downstairs for FHE (Family Home Evening). Oops. The thing is, I'm still exhausted. *sigh*

I think that's all I have to say today. Thanks to Margaret for her goddess that she researched for me. You can read about it here at Finnegan Begin Again.

aw, crap...

It's 1:09 in the morning. I just remembered something that's happening in 6 hours. *sobs*

So I'm in choir this year. Concert Choir. Yes, I know, it's not the best choir our school's got, but hey, at least Mrs. Mathews let me in last minute. I was so, so, so afraid to audition for A Capella or Chamber Choir, so I just signed up for the one that didn't require any real talent, aka one without auditions. I was too afraid to fail.

Anywho...I really need to stop saying "Yes" to my teacher when she asks me to sing things. Like "The National Anthem". Which I'm doing...today. In 6 hours and about 45 minutes. For announcements at the start of school. I signed up BEFORE I found out that there really are 1,400 students/faculty aka PEOPLE in the building during school hours. And I'll be in the office, singing into the microphone over the intercom while everyone HAS to listen.

Crap.

Any chance of sleep is pretty much gone now. BUT!!! On the plus side, I have an EMR (Early Morning Rehearsal) at 6:45, an hour before I sing. So.............

at least I'll be warmed up.