i think something happened...

I think someone was praying for me today. Several things happened to make me think that.

1. Seminary was even more amazing than usual. And I realized that I have a lot of friends in that class. Last term I really didn't; I think that's why I never really wanted to go. This term I feel wanted and welcome.
   
2. I left my Meteorology exam in tears after leaving the last four questions blank. I had no idea what it was talking about. I was seriously on my way home to...well...cry some more. Then I noticed the lyrics of the song playing on the radio. It was my name in the lyrics, and basically saying not to worry and to smile and to remember that people love you. I stopped crying and realized that not only would breaking down cause me to drive off the road but there was no need to. A lot of other people have failed tests before, and they're still happy. It's not the end of the world.
3. Proud owner of an A Cappella choir t-shirt, complete with ACDA on the bottom to show off our convention performance status. So excited!
4. Mrs. Mathews has asked me to "solo" with a couple of other 1st sopranos on the highest notes in one of the numbers. I never thought she'd ask me to do that. It shows great confidence in my abilities. Wow.
   
5. No one was rude or impatient at work today. Everyone treated me really nicely. Even my co-workers gave me some slack. Of course, Paul teased and so did Scott, but it was all in fun. I was glad to kind of relax and just be able to laugh at nothing.
6. My sisters and I didn't fight while doing the dishes. That never, ever, EVER happens. Maybe I should check to see if the moon is blue tonight.
   
7. I understood my math homework. That doesn't make sense. But it did.
8. The secretaries in the Guidance and Administration Offices totally helped me get my Reflections submission ready. They were really helpful, and were so kind. One of them gave me a candy bar because I looked "a little lonely". Aw.
   
9. The car started with no problems, there was hardly any frost on the windows, the day was warm and sunny, and the temperature in the car/at school was perfect.
10. Mom hasn't been mad at me all day.

I really do think there was some extra help today. I always thought it was totally cliche to say "I feel your prayers", but I think it might be true. I think the help came not just from my own prayers and hopes but from outside sources. I'm really grateful for it. It helped me to stay strong when I wanted to collapse.

Oh. And did I mention? He told me that he loves me.

oh, that was a step...and i kinda missed it...

Today has been an off day, like when you're walking down the sidewalk and kind of hit the curb funny. You don't fall down or trip, you just sort of stumble. *step, step, step, stumble! oh!* Yeah. Nothing has gone wrong at all, and everything's been pretty right, but it's just been off.

My BYU application deleted itself, which isn't too horrible because the deadline isn't until December 1st. I've got a couple of weeks.

I'm going to fail my Meteorology exam tomorrow. Seriously. I looked over the study guide tonight and almost said bad words. Then I almost cried. I took notes in class, read the chapters, paid attention, and I'm clueless. School sucks.

On a high note, my Reflections entry is all ready to go. Well, almost. There are a couple things I need to fill out on the media release form thingy, but I have to ask the office what they want me to put because I don't know what region I'm in, what "local" means in the context of a blank line following it, and what I should put for "track" and "teacher". So yeah. Oh, and another good thing. I was SO frustrated with this stupid "Regina's Log" thing that we had for a quiz today in Algebra. Then I looked at my t-chart table thing and suddenly SHA-zam! I totally figured it out. It was majorly epic (only because it will probably never happen again, so it was epic in a major way).

Now I'm going to be completely honest. I am not a trusting person. Pretty much at all. I am here on this blog-heck, you know almost everything about me. Almost. But it's different online. You can choose who you want to be here. You can block a commenter, delete a link from your blog roll, stop reading someone's posts. I'm not a stupid girl. I may be an open book, but not stupid.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Not stupid, eh? Oh, no. I've just trusted someone with the biggest secret of my life. And the whole time I talked there was, and is, this nagging suspicion in my brain that says "You moron. He is totally going to betray you. You idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're crazy. Why are you telling him this? You can't trust him. He'll listen and pretend to care and drop you like a stone into a river. So why are you trusting him? Hmmmmmm?"

Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like I do, wanting to be able to trust someone? Needing to see that someone out there will let you talk to them without betraying your confidence? Do you ever do what I did? Have you ever given a person the power to hurt you while hoping beyond hope that they won't?

Stupid girl. Off days are dangerous days. I make myself vulnerable.

a chest full of childhood...

The story is finished! Thanks for reading and for your comments! I'll let you know what happens. :)