i think something happened...

I think someone was praying for me today. Several things happened to make me think that.

1. Seminary was even more amazing than usual. And I realized that I have a lot of friends in that class. Last term I really didn't; I think that's why I never really wanted to go. This term I feel wanted and welcome.
   
2. I left my Meteorology exam in tears after leaving the last four questions blank. I had no idea what it was talking about. I was seriously on my way home to...well...cry some more. Then I noticed the lyrics of the song playing on the radio. It was my name in the lyrics, and basically saying not to worry and to smile and to remember that people love you. I stopped crying and realized that not only would breaking down cause me to drive off the road but there was no need to. A lot of other people have failed tests before, and they're still happy. It's not the end of the world.
3. Proud owner of an A Cappella choir t-shirt, complete with ACDA on the bottom to show off our convention performance status. So excited!
4. Mrs. Mathews has asked me to "solo" with a couple of other 1st sopranos on the highest notes in one of the numbers. I never thought she'd ask me to do that. It shows great confidence in my abilities. Wow.
   
5. No one was rude or impatient at work today. Everyone treated me really nicely. Even my co-workers gave me some slack. Of course, Paul teased and so did Scott, but it was all in fun. I was glad to kind of relax and just be able to laugh at nothing.
6. My sisters and I didn't fight while doing the dishes. That never, ever, EVER happens. Maybe I should check to see if the moon is blue tonight.
   
7. I understood my math homework. That doesn't make sense. But it did.
8. The secretaries in the Guidance and Administration Offices totally helped me get my Reflections submission ready. They were really helpful, and were so kind. One of them gave me a candy bar because I looked "a little lonely". Aw.
   
9. The car started with no problems, there was hardly any frost on the windows, the day was warm and sunny, and the temperature in the car/at school was perfect.
10. Mom hasn't been mad at me all day.

I really do think there was some extra help today. I always thought it was totally cliche to say "I feel your prayers", but I think it might be true. I think the help came not just from my own prayers and hopes but from outside sources. I'm really grateful for it. It helped me to stay strong when I wanted to collapse.

Oh. And did I mention? He told me that he loves me.

oh, that was a step...and i kinda missed it...

Today has been an off day, like when you're walking down the sidewalk and kind of hit the curb funny. You don't fall down or trip, you just sort of stumble. *step, step, step, stumble! oh!* Yeah. Nothing has gone wrong at all, and everything's been pretty right, but it's just been off.

My BYU application deleted itself, which isn't too horrible because the deadline isn't until December 1st. I've got a couple of weeks.

I'm going to fail my Meteorology exam tomorrow. Seriously. I looked over the study guide tonight and almost said bad words. Then I almost cried. I took notes in class, read the chapters, paid attention, and I'm clueless. School sucks.

On a high note, my Reflections entry is all ready to go. Well, almost. There are a couple things I need to fill out on the media release form thingy, but I have to ask the office what they want me to put because I don't know what region I'm in, what "local" means in the context of a blank line following it, and what I should put for "track" and "teacher". So yeah. Oh, and another good thing. I was SO frustrated with this stupid "Regina's Log" thing that we had for a quiz today in Algebra. Then I looked at my t-chart table thing and suddenly SHA-zam! I totally figured it out. It was majorly epic (only because it will probably never happen again, so it was epic in a major way).

Now I'm going to be completely honest. I am not a trusting person. Pretty much at all. I am here on this blog-heck, you know almost everything about me. Almost. But it's different online. You can choose who you want to be here. You can block a commenter, delete a link from your blog roll, stop reading someone's posts. I'm not a stupid girl. I may be an open book, but not stupid.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Not stupid, eh? Oh, no. I've just trusted someone with the biggest secret of my life. And the whole time I talked there was, and is, this nagging suspicion in my brain that says "You moron. He is totally going to betray you. You idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're crazy. Why are you telling him this? You can't trust him. He'll listen and pretend to care and drop you like a stone into a river. So why are you trusting him? Hmmmmmm?"

Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like I do, wanting to be able to trust someone? Needing to see that someone out there will let you talk to them without betraying your confidence? Do you ever do what I did? Have you ever given a person the power to hurt you while hoping beyond hope that they won't?

Stupid girl. Off days are dangerous days. I make myself vulnerable.

we wish you a merry christmas...

As I was driving home from school yesterday I realized that at midnight on October 31, or the very start of November 1, the radio stations were going to start playing Christmas music. Strange thought for a person dressed up in a Halloween costume. Not so strange since it was snowing.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, but for some reason this year was, well, not the same. It really didn't feel like Halloween at all. Whatever happened to the excitement of going out to get candy and dressing up like something crazy or scary or beautiful? It kind of disappeared this year. The whole atmosphere just felt like a normal day to me. At least it did until twilight came. Hee hee hee. :)

I decided to wear my Oz costume to school for the day, and I was kind of afraid to. I guess it's because a girl told me that I was a "loser" and that I'm "not working hard enough" during my Senior year because I'm only taking 9 college credit hours and the rest are mostly choir courses. Tyler and David came to my rescue that day, but I think it bothered me more than I realized. Mom told me to wear the costume, but I was just nervous and afraid that people wouldn't like it.

Wrong again. People loved it! One girl asked me where I bought it, because she wants it for next year. I told her that my grandma made it after my mom and I cut it out (neither of us sews well enough to do a full-out costume. we stick with buttons, hems, and stuff like that. someday though, i will learn. pretty much next year), and she wants to find the pattern so she can make one too. :) Jason, my date for Sadie's in two weeks (so not ready yet), told me I looked "adorable". Aw. I actually talked to him. Be proud of me.

Mom locked herself out of the house, so I got checked out of school over the phone. I was worried at first; I only ever get checked out if someone is sick, there's some sort of appointment, or someone died. I was so relieved when I found out it was just something silly. The secretaries mistook my "adorable" roll of the eyes for disgust, when in reality I was so relieved that it was just dumb.

I could have gone back to school, but there was really no point. So I took a nap instead. Freaking sleep deprivation won out over going back to Psychology. Besides, I'll hear the exact same lecture on Monday. I get a double dose every two weeks, because I don't follow the A/B schedule that that class is on. I have to go with the college schedule. It's hard to remember, and harder to explain. Just trust me. :)

Trick-or-treating was a blast! I almost didn't go, but mom told me I should because I'd be sad if I didn't. So I went. I dressed up as an Ozian again, but added a tiara. So technically I was an Ozian Princess. Smiles and giggles and sugary goodness from me last night; I was so giddy and skippy. I got to ring almost all of the door bells, because "I'm the princess AND it's my last year". Maybe. There were so many people who thought I was the youngest in the group, which consisted of Ashlyn, Amanda, Meghan, Jenni, Stasia, and Rachel. All of whom are under 15. Baha! Only one person told me I was too old, and she wasn't even handing out candy. So, boo. Lol. It was great. I think my favorite part was when we'd sing at some of the doors. Namely "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". A couple of the people were TOTALLY thrown off. It was majorly epic.

We got so much candy. But not nearly as much as last year. And not a lot of chocolate. There was mostly stuff like tootsie rolls, laffy taffy, lemon heads, licorice, and other fruity stuff. It's 'cause the chocolate all went WAY up in price. Stupid economy. Stupid money. Stupid, stupid. It even hit the trick-or-treating. Lame. But it was so fun. We got loads of king size stuff, so it made up for it. Sort of. Lol. I'm just glad that it was fun. The candy wasn't so important this year. I think the dressing up and walking around was enough.

Mom had hot chocolate and cupcakes ready when we got home, along with "Phantom of the Opera". Dad just went to bed. Driving us around all night was super tiring for him. Haha. Nah, he'd just gotten home from a business trip the night before. I got him a big Snickers bar. He was happy, but I don't think he's eaten it yet.

I talked to Noelle for a while before going to bed. We've decided that as soon as it snows, we're going to go to the store, buy a bunch of popsicles, and eat them in a snowdrift with no coats and a camera. It's going to be even more epic than singing Christmas songs while trick-or-treating. I'm so excited! I'll tell you all about it, mkay?

Took a sleeping pill last night, just to make sure I'd get a good night's sleep. I did. I dreamed and dreamed and DREAMED. And I didn't wake up tired. That never happens. So yeah, I dreamed about (can you guess?) snow and popsicles (i asked Noelle to guess and she totally did right away) and Jason. Why did I dream about Jason? It was weird. I think it's because I'm starting to get nervous because it's in two weeks and I don't know what my group is doing AND my group is huge. And because, well, it's a date with a boy. And the boy is Jason. And, he is a boy. Lol. They scare me a little-I never know what to do around them. I'm always scared that I'll do something majorly stupid. Which is okay, I guess, but still terrifying. Oh, well. It's going to be fun!

So...I missed saying Happy Halloween on here. Instead, I'll do this...

HAPPY DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!! LET THE HOLIDAYS BEGIN!!!

Tee hee.