it's because I'm White, isn't it?

I'm frustrated. I'm frustrated that groups of people who preach love and acceptance won't love and accept White people because we are White. I'm frustrated that if I, a White woman, express an opinion about race in the United States, I'm "privileged," "ignorant," "biased," "bigotted," and "intolerant."

Who cares that I've done all that I can to get an outside perspective -- taking classes; reading literature and essays and histories and newspapers; talking to people of other races about their experiences; attending cultural events NOT to say, 'Oh, hey, that Colorfest though,' but to say 'Excuse me? Can you tell me about why this is important to you? Why this matters? What you love about it? What you would like me, someone who is different than you, to know?'; asking the harder, more awkward questions so that I can learn and understand something I've never experienced; attempting to help by becoming educated and active in America in its entirety, not just my White part of it.

It seems that many don't care. Many don't care that there ARE White people who support them, who want to know them, who want to help them, and who want to be equal. Yes -- be EQUAL. NOT be called names. NOT be overlooked for scholarships, jobs, awards, even justice, because we "aren't colored." NOT be beaten down and shoved aside because we "don't understand" and "cause all of the bad things to happen" because of our Whiteness.

Yes, I don't understand completely. I recognize that. I hear stories and I'm shocked. I see the way people get treated and it angers and saddens me. It spurs me to change minds and hearts. It's hard to do where I live, because the population is different. But if I see injustice, or inequality, or meanness, I at least try. Though I don't understand the depth of sorrow and pain that past and present generations perpetuate, I know that many are trying.

Yes. There is racism. Yes. There is inequality. Yes. I don't understand what it's like to walk down a street of white people and be looked at like I'm a freak. 

But I DO understand what it's like to be in a classroom full of minority students and a minority professor and be completely, humiliatingly shut down because of an honest, sincere comment about someone else's experience as a person of color -- and I never spoke in that class again. 

I DO know what it's like to be called a racist because I disagreed with a Latino's opinion.

I DO know what it's like to be called a racist because I disciplined two Black children at the museum where I work when they weren't sharing -- and the only other child, a White child, was following the rules.

I DO know what it's like to walk down a street of full of people of color and be stared at, glared at, and be whispered about because "here come those White kids" with our peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, with our "White charity," with our "privilege." 

I don't understand it all. But I understand a little.

I'm sorry that there are jerks in the world. I'm sorry that there are people who call names, who pass people over for jobs, who give worse service, who won't listen, who continue to express hate and malice based on color.

However. I refuse to be sorry for being White. I refuse to acknowledge arguments that blame Whiteness alone for social problems. I refuse to accept inequality against Whites, just as I refuse to accept inequality towards those of other races.

We are all, first and foremost, Americans. And as such, as Americans, we each deserve things. Life. Liberty. The Pursuit of Happiness. Freedom to laugh and love and receive aid when it is needed, from those around us and from higher powers.

No one, not one of us, deserves ANYTHING based on the color of our skin. I, as a White woman, do not DESERVE a scholarship. I do not DESERVE a job. I do not DESERVE anything. I work hard for everything that I have. And I work hard to make this world better for everyone who lives in it, no matter what color people may be. You may not think so, because I am White. But boy, let me tell you. If ever there was an advocate for equality for ALL -- you're looking at her. And that includes EVERY color. Because underneath each color is a living, breathing, thinking, hoping human being who deserves rights simply because they live. Every. Single. One.

If you ever see injustice, speak up. If you ever see inequality, confront it. It doesn't matter who it is against -- raise your voice and question. But do so with the understanding that it might have been a mistake. It might not have been based on the color of skin. It might have been done out of ignorance, instead of meanness. So ask the questions. Get people thinking. Change comes when people's HEARTS are touched, when people's MINDS are opened. And hearts will not be touched, nor will minds open, when there is abuse, rudeness, incivility, and attacks on race.

why I won't be a lawyer...

Many of my family and friends have told me that I should be a lawyer.

Nope.

I can't think quickly enough to debate things. I'm not brave enough to say what I believe. I'm not smart enough to stick up for my "case" -- I get all tongue-tied and twisted up.

Like with my coworkers. I admire my friend who can continually stick up for her beliefs with evidence and without getting flustered by the person contesting her beliefs. I wish with all my heart I could do that.

But instead I sit quietly and literally shake in my chair.

I think I liked working here better when I was by myself all day long.

contradiction...

Every once in awhile, I really dislike my job. Yes, tutoring gets tiring sometimes (so much so that I dream about it), and it's frustrating to see a huge line out the door, knowing that people are bored and impatient and mad that they have to wait for so long. However, the days when I dislike my job the most are the days that we're not busy and some sort of discussion begins at the tutor table, discussions that leave me feeling isolated and uncomfortable.

Unlike the majority of my coworkers, I do not fall into the category of "American liberal." My political, intellectual, and social leanings are more along the lines of "American conservative." At the same time, though, I don't like lumping myself in with the so-called conservative crowd. I don't think the same way that a lot of them do. I disagree with them on many issues. I disagree with the liberal crowd as well. The reason why, I believe, is because I try not to affiliate myself with any type of group through name alone -- I want to find a middle ground. Some may call it "going with your gut" politics -- that's what I try to do.

For me, if something doesn't feel right, then it's wrong. If that makes any sense. An explanation is difficult, but I'll try my best. Basically I believe that there is truth and there is not truth. No one person has all truth. Therefore, no one group has a monopoly on all truth, either, because groups are made up of individuals who lack full, complete truth.

At my work, many of the people believe one way and will see no other point of view. Or they pretend to see the other point of view, but in their acknowledgment of the opposing side, they slip in a low-key remark about the intelligence of the different group. There are some who honestly don't care about personal political preferences and when a discussion starts, they comment once or twice and go back to their books, satisfied that they've contributed their statement of agreement with what everyone else is already saying. But it seems as though there isn't anyone who is interested in hearing from the one person who thinks differently -- and if they do hear, they don't listen. Even if they do listen, they look at me strangely and go back to talking with the people who already agree with them. Once again, I'm no longer encouraged to participate.

Countless times I've been blown off or shut down because I think differently. Many times I'm not even invited to join the conversation -- I become an observer from one side of the table, and when I try to interject my point of view, I'm talked over or ignored. Then, when someone does notice me sitting there, listening but not included, the resulting comment I'm asked to make leaves a sudden awkwardness in the air. And that's usually when the discussion ends or moves to a new topic.

Perhaps the awkwardness stems from the fact that I don't affiliate myself wholly with one group or person. I believe that truth can be found in all places, and if one asks to find it, that truth will be given. Some things just feel wrong to me -- much of that has to do with the influence that my faith has on my perspective of the world. God grants us truth if we ask; I ask for truth on a daily basis (no joke -- it helps with school a lot).

One person has called me out on not thinking for myself, of letting my church tell me how to think and who to be. They're wrong. I do think for myself. I make my own decisions. "Separation of church and state," someone said today (not to me -- they were discussing the presidential debate of last night and the reaction of students), "Stop bringing up the church, for crying out loud." Yes, I can see how saying that all LDS people should vote for Mitt Romney because he, too, is a Mormon, is probably not okay. But it's when the person took it a step farther, saying that using religious principles to formulate personal political beliefs is ridiculous, that I got a little bit bothered.

In discussions that I am included in, I don't bring up the church very often. I bring up true principles that I have a testimony of, not referencing them to the church at all. I bring up things that I know to be true. Yes, the church teaches these principles. Yes, the church revolves on the gospel of Jesus Christ. But the principles can be applied to anyone, inside or outside of the LDS church. Asking me to separate church and state in my thinking is silly to me, for how can I be the same person if I allow my thinking and action to be different when engaging with seemingly separate groups? No, I don't force my religion down people's throats. No, I don't condemn others for thinking differently than I do. No, I don't think that difference of opinion is a bad thing. I do think it strange to tell a person to separate faith from thought about other aspects of life -- telling them how to think -- particularly after slamming someone for letting the church "tell you how to think."

How can I be an example of Christ "at all times, and in all things, and in all places" if I don't live the same way in all times, and in all things, and in all places? How can I speak and act in one way at work, and then in another at church, and another in class? Why be two or three or four faced in my dealings with people? And how on earth can I separate my ways of thinking when my faith is so central to my life? No, I won't say things like, "Well, the church says this, and since you're different, you're bad." But I will say that telling me to think in certain ways or not think in certain ways is out of line -- as soon as that happens, those people begin to do exactly what they profess to hate: being told how to think by the LDS church.

Contrary to popular belief, the LDS church doesn't tell its members how to think. It doesn't tell us how to vote. The general authorities come right out and say that civic action is a duty of all citizens, and to vote according to our consciences using the information we have discovered on our own to make informed decisions. Never once do they say, "vote for so-and-so." No. That happens in isolated places and meetings because people are not perfect and are every once in awhile out of line, but it is not a church policy to do this.

I never ask anyone else to think different ways. I don't ask them to split themselves into different people according to who they are with and what they're talking about. Telling me to think for myself, and then telling me in the same sentence to stop letting my faith influence me, is completely contradictory. They call out the hypocrisy of LDS church members, but then they do the same things. That, to me, is absolutely frustrating. It is also a warning to watch myself, so that I don't fall into those same habits.

Truth will out in the end -- I'll find it in my ways, and you in yours. As for now, I will return to my book and sit quietly at the tutor table. I've learned that often the strongest argument is that of silence.

church and state...

I had some pretty good laughs in Sharing Time today. I swear, kids say the cutest things. It makes me glad that I get to be a Primary teacher.

Teacher displaying a picture of an apostle on the board: "Who is this a picture of?"
Little girl: "Abraham Lincoln."

Actually...it was Boyd K. Packer. Good try, hon!

Teacher: "Who is the president?"
Little boy: "Obama is, but we better get Romney this time."

She meant the president of the church, but considering the little guy's parents, it's an easy mistake to make. Chip off the old block, he is, haha!

Music leader: "Do you have a question?"
Little girl: "No, I just wanted to point out that I noticed that in the first two lines of this song, the last two words, well...they're homophones. 'Hear' and 'here.' See it?"

Yay for grammar lessons!

Health Bill...so important it's in caps...

This email concerns the proposed health care bill which is being voted on in three weeks. This is not a stupid forward, 'cause my mom and I created it ourselves. I don't care if you're Republican, Democrat, black, white, orange, or purple-every single one of you is affected by this. Please view these links and brush up on page 136 of the bill. If you feel as scared as I do, send it to friends and ask them to write to their representatives. You won't regret doing so. If you don't, well, at least you know, right?

One of the most frightening things about the proposed health care bill is the assisted suicide clause, which says that counseling on how to forgo nutrition, fluids, and medication will be offered in place of care to chronically ill, critically ill, and elderly people. Basically if your health care costs outweigh your value as a citizen of the United States, they'll teach you how to put yourself to sleep.

Here are some video links. I know some of you have seen some of these before, but the vote for this bill happens at the end of the month! Please send the following to your contacts. Contact your government representatives and let them know we don't need this bill!

Hicksville, NY, protest and former Lt Gov:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vC3ENngYnlQ

Detroit protest:
Go to 3:20 on the following video (the rest is just enthusiastic people-watching):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RiW8s-Vld88

Columbus, Ohio, protest (part II):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7-75RZuxIs

20/20 on USA health care reform and Canada's and UK's health care:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdx_2cuPgQQ

Fox on Health care:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yO9L3oyQhQ8


Part of being an American is taking responsibility for your part of the decision making. As George Washington said of the Constitution, "...its only keepers, the people". It is time to take up our pens and to let our voices ring out. It is our sacred honor and duty.

Let's keep this country free!

bump on the head...

I did it again. I was playing around in my room with my imaginary friends (yes, I do that often) and misjudged the distance from where I was standing to the corner of my bed. The bed corner did not like being jumped on from that awkward angle, so it spit me out. I landed in an untidy heap head-first on my bedroom floor with an ache behind my right ear. You'd think I'd learn. I will now share with you the first time this happened, several years ago.

Eighth grade had just started. I felt like a complete nobody, a useless husk, a waste of space, whatever you want to call it. Black was my color of choice-long sleeved turtle necks, black jeans, black lace-up ankle boots, black socks, and a black zip up jacket. The only other color was the red stripes that ran the length of the jacket sleeves. I kept my head down, my hair in a braid down my back. I didn't speak. I didn't make eye contact. I did my school work; I just didn't participate in discussions. So silent and such a shadow I was that people in my classes thought I was someone else, until the day that I could no longer remember who they were.

Yes, I was once again engaged in playing with my imaginary friends, namely various characters from the Star Wars series. Not just the movies, mind you. The books-Expanded Universe novels, pre-Clone Wars, et cetera. I was a completely different person-Shae Solo, youngest daughter of Han and Leia Solo, set out to rescue my nephew, Ben Skywalker, from the Yuuzhan Vong. Well, I misjudged my landing on the escaping Vong speeder and shot off backwards, landing hard on my head.

In all reality, I was making the same jump towards the corner of the bed that I did today. The bed didn't like it that time either; it spit me out. I ended up with severe tunnel vision and ringing ears. It got to the point where I realized that I'd severely injured myself. My mom took me to the ER and I was told that I had a major concussion. As I lay in the bed, the world blurred and so did my memory. I could not remember faces, names, anything. I asked for people in my classes, but I didn't know who they were. I barely remember what happened that night. I remember that they sent me home, but I was brought back after throwing up several times. I remember the IV that was put into my arm, being terribly cold, and not being able to see. That's about all.

Four or five days later I went back to school. This was the time when people actually noticed I was in their class still, but I didn't remember most of them. I remembered small details about them, but no names. We spent a lovely time in first period reintroducing everyone, with me remembering some better than others.

Luckily I had no problems with that today. It is rather embarrassing to recount that adventure, only to have it happen again. Stupid Lord Beckett. No, not the Lord Beckett of the already released Pirates stories; his son, Lord Beckett, Jr. If only he weren't so jealous.

I'll leave you to figure out what the devil I'm going on about whilst I tell you of Saturday, May 16-otherwise known as The Last Day of the AP Environmental Science Field Trip.

As I think I mentioned before, the night spent at Dead Horse Point Campground was freezing cold. I again woke up to see the moon shining brilliantly through the tent window, but instead of being too lazy to get up and take a picture I was too frozen. I found it totally brainless of me that I'd packed a stocking cap that didn't come down around my ears; what is the point of that? I spent the night as a popsicle, teeth chattering so loudly I was afraid that I'd awake Meri. She was dead to the world, though, so I was lucky.

5:35 came around (not that I knew that until later) and I finally gave up trying to sleep anymore. I went up to the small bathroom and let out a wail of frustration that brought Mr. Clark running. "What?" he asked, "is there a scorpion?" "No!" I replied, "This bathroom was obviously designed by a man because THERE IS NO MIRROR!!!"

Yes. I was upset because how was I supposed to get ready for the day with no mirror? I was more upset when Mr. Clark laughed and walked away. I was even more upset when I realized that I didn't need a mirror because my hair was still nicely placed in French braids. So, I brushed my teeth, washed my face, and tried to remain dignified as I walked past my teacher to my tent.

Never pack fresh bagels for breakfast on a camping trip. Make sure they're properly packaged in plastic sacks. Otherwise Mr. Brown can use them as hockey pucks with holes in them to throw at sleeping students. It was rather fun to watch, even though it was sad that we couldn't eat them. Yogurt, Pop Tarts, Instant Oatmeal, and hot chocolate were good enough for breakfast. Lunches were the same as yesterday, only this time I smuggled a Yogurt for good measure. What? I can't eat apples, okay? They hurt my teeth. Had to figure out some other way to get a little bit of fruit. So Yogurt hardly makes the cut, but it's better than nothing.

Meri and I didn't need help getting the tent down this time. We asked Mr. Brown for help at first, but then changed our minds. The girls got to shout about our power to the boys again, seeing as we all got our tents down before they did. Spencer was too busy having Josh hold a mirror in front of his face so that he could put in his contacts. I joined in the teasing, though I'd berated myself for not thinking of packing a mirror. I'm such a hypocrite. Anyway, the tremendous shout of "GIRL POWER" was not met with an shut ups, just rolled eyes and further furious packing. Everything was ready to go long before the bus arrived, so we sat around doing nothing and being cold.

Our first stop came at Upheaval Dome, which is either an impact crater or an old collapsed caldera or remainders of an earthquake. I only know that it isn't a salt dome, which the original geologists believed. I didn't get to hike to the top; I made it about fifty yards up the trail before my arm started to ache horribly. Pam and I tried a to go a little farther after the group passed us up, but I couldn't do it. We went back down and discovered flowers, birds, mini pine cones, and some lovely dirt to draw in. I spent some time tracing out a name which is particularly fun to draw, while Pam laughed at me. Ah, well.

The drive down from the top of the plateau was uneventful, because I was again asleep. It wasn't until we reached Arches National Park that I decided to grace the world with my alertness. I love Arches; it's my other favorite place in the world. And seeing as it's right outside of Moab, it works rather well.

We hiked down Park Avenue (one of the sites inside the park), which is all down hill and very easy. I stayed at the end with Mr. Brown and Todd. They're both photographers, so they didn't mind walking slowly. I got some good pictures, and they taught me about photographing from different angles and such. "Unconventional angles are your friend," said Mr. Brown, "That way you do things differently than other photographers." It's true, really. I've seen hundreds of pictures of the Three Gossips formation and they all look the same. Crouch down on the path and it's a whole different story. Fun stuff.

After Park Avenue came The Windows, Castle Arch (pretty sure that's the name), Double Arch, and driving past Balanced Rock. Don't tell me that erosion takes millions of years; I was in Arches a year and a half ago and trust me, Balanced Rock was bigger then. It shrunk! A lot! I couldn’t do any of the hikes up to the arches in the area, so I stayed in the bus with the driver (Lee) and Meri’s mom. I felt very sick to my stomach, my arm hurt, and I was feeling very depressed for some reason. Meri’s mom wasn’t feeling well either. Motion sickness, probably.

We had a bit of a run-in with an environmentalist, because Lee left the bus running so that Mrs. Chamberland and I could have the air conditioning on. The guy took pictures of the bus and wrote down plate numbers, called Lee names, et cetera. Lee told him to buzz off because there were sick people on the bus. The man replied saying things like the CO2 emissions from the bus were bad for the environment and would degrade the rock formations faster, that it would result in acid deposition, blah, blah, blah. I knew what he was talking about, and I knew that it takes a heck of a lot more emissions than from one bus.

Now, I’m not generally a mean person. I’m not a very brave person, either. I was, however, sick, tired, and out of sorts. I’d had it. I was not going to give up my A/C for some measly mouthed Enviro freak when those rocks had been standing around for whoever knows how long, withstood plenty of carbon, and hadn’t gone anywhere. A few grams of CO2 were not going to bother those rocks. I grabbed hold of the rails on the stairs to hold myself up and stared the Enviro Stormtrooper Geek in the face. I looked him up and down and opened my mouth.

“You know what, Bud? You’ve got some pretty nice hiking boots on there. Must have cost you, what? Fifty odd dollars? Now, if you want to keep them nice, you’ll leave, because I don’t think I can stomach your crap for much longer.”

I know! I’m such a jerk! I feel bad about it now. Sort of. Anyway, he left, and we didn’t hear anything else for the rest of the trip. Lee was rather proud of me, I think. Meri’s mom laughed, but I think she was a little surprised at me. I know I was. I guess the moral of that story is this: Do not mess with a sick Environmental Science student, because she knows what you’re talking about and won’t put up with skewed facts.

And I don’t hate environmentalists. I care about the planet a lot. I don’t, however, care about idiots who listen to one-sided arguments. You’ve gotta know both sides before you can start spouting.

All right, that’s over. Once the rest of the kids came back, we left the park and went to the Visitor’s Center for potty breaks and lunch. I’d eaten some of mine, but I didn’t want to eat anything else (too sick) so I went into the Gift Shop. I found some pens for my family, one from each of the places we’d stopped at. Practical, right? I also got a key chain with Delicate Arch on it for me. It’s one of my favorite formations, though I’ve never had a chance to hike up to it. Next time, for sure.

Heading home was the worst part of the trip, especially when we picked a movie to watch. The choices were three John Wayne movies and The Dark Knight. I’m not allowed to watch the last movie I mentioned. When people told me that my parents would never find out, I knew I’d still feel guilty. Mr. Clark put in Rio Lobo (John Wayne) which is really a horrible movie, but at least it wasn’t something I’m not allowed to see. Most of the boys enjoyed it. Probably because it’s sexist and shoot ‘em up. Don’t make fun of me because I’m 17 and still obey my parents, even when I’m on a trip miles from home. I’d feel guilty and I’d be breaking the rules. Besides, if you do make fun of me, I won’t really care. I’ve had plenty of experience with people making fun of me because I keep the rules. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t care much anymore.

So, Rio Lobo was a total fail and I was wishing that I’d brought Mulan or Pirates of the Caribbean or something like that. Sitting in front of people trying to convince me that The Dark Knight is a great movie was a fail on their part, because I wouldn’t listen. It’s dark, evil, and disturbing. I’ve seen parts of it, and the utter darkness I feel when watching it is way worse than being made fun of. Anyway, now that you know the story of my run-in with the Stormtrooper I dare you to take me on. ;) Just kidding.

We stopped in the canyon near Price about an hour and a half from home to see a large exposed coal vein. No one really cared enough to take good notes; we just wanted to go home. Tony did bring out his rock hammer to take a sample; I thought that was funny. He really enjoys geology.

We arrived home around 4:30 in the afternoon, ahead of schedule again. Dad picked me up and helped me get my stuff in the car. I got to tell him about my trip, and was in the process of doing so when I was met with a complete surprise in my living room. There against the wall stood a shiny, dark brown, beautiful piano. I do play the piano (though not well), and I suffered a great heartbreak when the piano I had was reduced to uselessness when some children who will not be named pounded on it and broke most of the keys. It was way too much to fix it; over 38 of the keys no longer played and those that did sounded terrible. To come home to an instrument that actually worked, had gorgeous tone, and was ever so wonderful was amazing. To be told that it was mine struck me speechless. Seriously. I didn’t play it though; I was too dirty to touch this treasure. I waited until the next day to play it.

My mom and I watched Surf’s Up that evening, and I went to bed early.

That, my friends, was the AP Environmental Science Southern Utah Field Trip of the year 2008-2009. I will never forget it, because it was truly amazing. Not to mention that a certain boy asked me on a date during that time. *sigh* Good times.

This has been a terribly long post. Forgive me, and if you read the whole thing, type something like.....hm....99/> or something. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting. And if you type "hm....99/> or something. I hope it was at least somewhat interesting" in the comment box to let me know that you read it, I will laugh and the smack you upside the head with a 2 x 4. ;)

Ta.

HELP ME!!! (please?)

Speak responses are turned in. Phew.

Now for the real post. I am not doing so great in my History class because I suck at retaining information from reading the chapters. I've failed all but one of the five review quizzes (I'm not the only one; 8 other kids failed them too, and there are 10 kids total in the class including me), and I need to make up some points in order to pull off at least a B.

Does anyone have any ideas whatsoever for historical poetry? I've drawn a blank and need some serious prompts. Any time period, but preferably in the United States (wars, rumors of wars, politics, general ideals of the country, emblems, what have you). And yes, I can make a list, but that doesn't mean I can come up with anything. Ugh!

Got anything? Post them in the comments, and I'll post anything I come up with for you! Promise. :)

Ta.

history shmistory...

You all know that I love history, but I hate my history class. Well, turns out that I didn't fail like I thought I would, nor did I even end up with a B+. Somehow (I think it was due to extra credit) I pulled off an A-. O.o YAY!!!

We had a quiz on the presidents today, with the requirements being to name the president who fit in each listed year, his party affiliations, and what he did while in office. I found that surprisingly easy, because I was able to link each president to an event that happened while he was in office (i.e., 1862 was the beginning of the Civil War [beginningish], so Lincoln was in office, he was a Republican, and he wrote the Emancipation Proclamation, stuff like that). I passed, shocking myself. Everyone else, all nine of the other kids, failed. I'm on the right side of the line this time, for once.

Somehow Matt got us on the subject of updating the pictures of presidents on the wall in the classroom. He asked Mr. Carpenter why there was no picture of President Obama on the wall with the other presidents, and why the picture of President Bush was so much smaller than all the others. Mr. Carpenter said, "Well, President Bush actually sent me that picture with a note thanking me for doing such a great job teaching. There was also an attachment asking for money. *chuckle* I didn't send any money, and seeing as how he didn't ask me to return the picture I didn't send that back either."

Then he paused, scratched his chin, and said "I wonder why President Obama hasn't sent me a picture yet."

I didn't even think. It just blurted right out of my mouth.

"There wasn't enough money left from the Stimulus Bill to pay for postage."

Everyone, even Mr. Carpenter, burst out laughing. I just looked around for a minute and went back to doodling. It was silent again when I realized what I had actually said.

Bewildered, I spoke again. "That was actually really funny."

Silence, then a roar of laughter, especially from Josh, Matt, and Jacob. I seriously didn't realize how funny it had been until it was nearly two minutes later. I guess I'm the kind of girl who gets the joke on Saturday, even though you told it to her on Friday during lunch. Thank goodness it didn't take me that long to figure out one of my own.

SNM was great tonight. The kids put on their annual Roadshow, and I, being a part of the choir with my partner, got to wear a party hat and blow one of those paper whistle things that look like a snake's tongue. I have no idea what they're called. It's been way too long since I had one at New Year's. Anyway, I ended up not being with Sheleena and Emily, because there were two girls who didn't have partners who I was asked to keep an eye on. Amy is in my class, and I know her pretty well (the girls at SNM are all split up into different colored classes; I'm in White). The other girl has been coming to SNM for about four weeks. Her name is Amelia, and she's a sweetheart. She speaks very quietly, has a very strong grip, loves colors, and her laugh tinkles like tiny silver bells. I like her a lot. Oh, and David did a very good job as the Happy Meter. He would be a very good Vanna White, come to think of it. ;)

Oh! HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MIMO!!! (mom, duh ;) ). It's her birthday today, and I got her red roses and yellow tulips, because I couldn't decide which one she would like better. She and the rest of the family are up in Salt Lake at a concert for her birthday. We went to Chili's for dinner (sooo good) and then went our separate ways. LOVE YOU MOM!!! :D

Since my puppies were terribly sad when I left for school today, I promised them that I would take them "bye-bye" later in the evening. So, since the family is gone away tonight, I took them for a drive around Provo, showing them where I work and stuff like that. They got bored about twenty minutes later, and we came back home. Now one's asleep on my foot, and the other made a bed in my laundry. Ah, well. It's my fault since I didn't put it away. Too lazy.

Oh, another thing. The Scout Office hired me. YAY!!!

I'm done.

*sighness much*...

Saw Twilight again today. I was hesitant to see it a second time, because I really didn't think it was a good enough movie to watch twice in the theaters.

Well, I was wrong. I still find it shallow and some parts are slow, but I enjoyed it a lot. I miss the conversations and the self-doubt that Bella has about herself (how she points out her obvious flaws to Edward when she wonders why he likes her, and he counters them with the strengths that he loves), and I wish it had been more about the real love that they have instead of lust. Ah well. Real love doesn't sell; it all has to be superficial and "exciting."

Popcorn and drinks are SO EXPENSIVE!!! When the total came up for a water bottle and a small popcorn ($9.50!!! Eeek!) my jaw dropped. I have obviously not been to a movie in a very long time. There goes the rest of my play money for the month. At least I ordered my 13th Reality books before today.

And just for the record, Barrack Obama is a liar. (And don't tell me to shut my yaptrap, because as far as I know I still have freedom of speech and press, which is given to me under the Constitution and the first ammendment of the Bill of Rights. The bomb getting rid of that has not been dropped. Yet.) Reducing abortion has turned into getting rid of the law which protects doctors who refuse to do abortions due to their religious/personal beliefs. If the law passes (more like when), the doctors can then be sued by patients if they refuse to perform an abortion. Know what that means? I'll tell ya, then.

Over 600 Catholic run hospitals will close because they will not perform abortions (I looked it up). Which means that all of those people will have to find somewhere else to get their medical help, which means that they will turn to the government for health care. And with the government telling businesses (yes, hospitals are business) what to do, you no longer have capitalism. If you follow this train of thought further, by logical reasoning you can only come up with something like this: communism.

Unless of course I'm a completely stupid out-of-the-loop ignoramus, which I highly doubt, this is NOT a good thing. See what you voted for? *sigh* I wish things had turned out differently. Pray that things will work out. I know that D&C 122 says that "all things shall be for your good" or something like that, but still. How much bad do we have to face until the good comes out?

I'm done now. I don't know how I went from Twilight to abortion, but it happened. And my hands are freezing cold, so I think I'll stop typing now. Which I said up there. Dang it. I'm redundant.

courage comes in small packages...

I want to be like this girl. Twelve-year-old "Lia" from Toronto, Canada, speaks on abortion. Read the article, then watch the clip. Copy and paste the link into your web browser! Just do it! (please ;)

http://wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=89135

speaking of heat waves***...

***READ THERMOSTAT WARS FIRST to understand the title up top***


Whenever I see someone, I get hot all over. My face gets pink, my eyes start to sparkle, and my hands and knees shake. I know about the eyes and face because my friend told me that's what happens. I dreamed about him last night. I'm going to be completely honest here: hot stuff.

And I'm extremely angry with the stupidity of the news media. Why are they investigating the woman who had eight children in one birth and all ready had six? Maybe she wanted more kids, maybe she doesn't believe in abortion. Maybe after the six she wanted another child, but because of hers or her husband's age they couldn't have a child naturally. WHO CARES, PEOPLE?!?! Get the heck of their case and let them be a family. And as for the fact that "people don't know when to stop and they're not thinking of the future generations," give it a rest. As long as people aren't continually greedy, there will be plenty to go around for everyone. It says so in the scriptures. Look it up, I'm too lazy to go find mine in my suitcase.

Another stupid thing: Obama is having a Super Bowl party in the White House. There are more important things to be thinking about. Another stupid thing: you know how anyone can get a Facebook or a Myspace? To me, it is not professional for CNN news casters to be advertising that they have those pages. It just bugs me.

K, I'm done venting, even though there are a LOT more things that bug me about the news media. Like Barrack Obama's potential and already cabinet members who "forgot" to pay their taxes for several years. Excuse me? How do you forget to pay your taxes? If you've got Internet, newspaper, television, or just walk around in the world, you're going to see reminders everywhere to pay your taxes. Stupid idiots. And people actually swallow that crap?! STUPID!! "Oh, it's okay, he just forgot for a couple of years. No big deal. He can be on my cabinet, it's all right." Idiot. Red flag, people. Crooks hire crooks. Even if we can't get access to proof, the logical path of reasoning leads to that conclusion. Oh, but sorry. You vote your party. Party politics + party loyalties = the brain shuts off.

I guess I wasn't done venting. Boy. I'm on one today. Probably because I'm worried for our country, and I'm worried about a friend of mine who's making some not so great decisions, and I'm worried because my sister is still sick, and I'm failing classes. Sorry. I'll stop now.

veiled threats...

Veiled threats is the only term I can actually put my finger on when I think of my impressions about President Obama's speech today. Veiled threats is all I can think of when I remember the smile that didn't meet the eyes of the new American leader. I shudder and feel a horrible sense of foreboding each time the words from the reports on the two senators who became ill at the Inaugural Luncheon enter my mind. I hope that my feelings are wrong, but I can't be sure anymore. All of these feelings I have are too horrid to think about, especially in this country with its beliefs. If I ignore them, however, I feel that I will be walking into a trap that is cleverly set and ready to spring.

I haven't ever felt the need to constantly look over my shoulder, as though I were to be attacked at any minute. From the time of the inauguration this morning, that feeling has become ever stronger. My neighbor sitting next to me at the computer is no longer a friend. I feel that I cannot trust anyone.

"The black don't give back, the brown get down, the yellow be mellow, the redman will get ahead, man, the white will finally embrace the right." I thought the United States was supposed to be united in ideals. The sectional and racial tensions from the past have become almost memories. The injustices have been fixed. Why are we bringing it up again?

Two thoughts come to mind. The first is a quote from Padme Amidala, a character from the famous Star Wars saga. "So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause." This has plagued my mind all afternoon. The second is from my own pondering: "History always repeats itself. But this time, there will be no America to save us."

I hope all of what I have written is just out of fear of change and paranoia. I hope that nothing comes of it, and that all will be well in our country and our lives. I hope no one takes offense at what I have said. I am merely writing down my thoughts in an effort to dispel the fear I feel. It gnaws at my insides, and I have to let it escape somewhere. My handwriting is terrible, though, so I type it instead of write it. Forgive me if I have caused anyone anxiety, anger, or any other emotions.

time to write the obituary...

I kind of broke my mom's camera today at the pet store. I thought I'd caught it in a way that it only hit the corner, but I was wrong. The lens is stuck open. Shhhh. I haven't told her yet. She's going to kill me. Funeral details will be posted by my sister, unless I have a very wonderful guardian angel out there somewhere.

A second death: America as we know it. I am so worried about our new President and Vice President. To me, it seems that the "change" they promise will only move us backward, not forward. I don't know. I'm just worried.

And for all of you who think that anyone who criticizes our president-elect is racist: go die. That is the stupidest thing ever. All presidents get criticized, no matter what color, race, religion (Romney), gender (cough, remember Palin? The whole lipstick crap? They could never say that about a guy), ideas (every single president in our history), and everything else that makes a person. I wish our new president all the best and hope that his decisions will make our country better than it was before. Good luck, Mr. Obama!

Joke

I heard the funniest joke the other day. I have to admit that I laughed really hard.

K, here it is:

John McCain and Barrack Obama are stranding in a lifeboat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Who survives?

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The United States.

Soooo...

So, here's a recap of things that the US found most important during the year 2007:

• Britney Spears shaved her head.


• She also got a tattoo.


• She lost custody of her kids.


• Jamie Lynn Spears is going to keep her baby.


• Paris Hilton went to jail.


• Got out of jail.


• Went to jail again.


• Got out of jail.


• Lindsay Lohan went to rehab after getting in trouble with the cops, saying the drugs "Aren't mine, they're a friend's."


• Mitt Romney gets crap thrown at him for being a Mormon.


• President Bush looks like a monkey.


• Hillary Clinton laughs like a witch.


• Fat people are discriminated against, even though they are the majority.


• TomKat had marriage problems.


• Angelina Jollie and Brad Pitt had a falling out. Again.


• Toy recalls skyrocket after inspectors inspect for the first time in...X amount of years.


• Ipod Nanos.


• Some movie about old men in the west made the best movie of the year.


• Santa Claus has been tracked by the FBI.


• Gasoline prices drop, while groceries still break the bank.

Do we get the feeling that some of our priorities are, well, wacked? I'm pretty sure that they are.

P.S. I feel that this editorial sums up exactly what we need to hear:

2008's BIG Question: Is it the POLITICS or the RELIGION?

How's everyone feeling about the candidates for the year 2008? Loving them? Hating them? In awe? Afraid? WELL...currently I believe that the media is the thing to fear. Mitt Romney, a candidate from the East Coast, has been told that he owes people an explanation about his faith. Does that seem a little bit...strange to you? I think that he should agree to the challenge, but with one condition. ALL of the candidates have to sit down TOGETHER, Democrat, Republican, and other party members and discuss each of their faiths. All of the same questions are asked to each candidate, and they all have to answer.

What do you think?