Saturday, July 28, 2012
no more cookies...
I think I'm done with cookies for awhile.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
q and a, yes or no...
Yes.
Did they in the store when you tried them?
Yes. A little. Yes.
But you bought them anyway?
Yes.
Did you really spend $115 on a hair straightener yesterday?
Yes. Yes, I did.
Did you have the money to buy it?
No. No, I didn't.
Did you even want the straightener?
... No.
Did you talk to that boy yesterday?
Yes.
For 2 hours?
Yes indeed.
Did you send a text about how you like this boy to your sister?
No.
Did you send it to the boy by accident?
... Yes.
You feel like an idiot now, don't you?
.................... Yes.
Do you realize that you don't "like" this boy?
.................................... Yes.
Did you vacuum the floor like you said you would?
No. No, I didn't.
Did you do the dishes?
No.
Did you sleep last night?
No.
Is it because the pain killers didn't help at all?
Yes.
You still haven't called that doctor, have you?
No. I haven't.
Do you realize that you're a mess right now?
... Yes.
Has there been anything good that happened in the last 24 hours?
YES.
Did the guy who attacked Callie really get 20 years in prison rather than just 15?
Why, yes, actually. Yes, he did.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
whoa...
...I've cleaned my room so well that you can see almost the entire floor
...almost all of my clothes are put neatly into the closet (minus the ones that need to be ironed)
...I've boxed up the winter clothes (which I find I might need because it's actually been rather cold)
...I finished my FAFSA application
...written an outline for my 251 project
...started up a skeleton blog site for aforementioned project
...written three papers for my internship
...compiled a couple of different music lists of various genres for workouts
...I planned workouts (!!!)
...began working on a budget for The Move
...selected cupcake recipes to practice before I take them to the writing center to share
...went to the library and braved the deathly still fifth floor to find research materials for the project
So yes, I've been productive. I've been motivated and I've made progress. And after all of that...I only have one question:
I don't get it. See, it's one of those times where I feel so very sad, but I don't understand why. I can't explain it, so I can't talk about it. I write things out (a friend told me I'm very good at writing what I'm thinking) and there's no connection. It's just this dumb feeling that has no logical explanation.
Well. That's that. I'm going to make cupcakes. Maybe. This project kinda takes precedence...
Sunday, November 27, 2011
sometimes I wonder...
1) don't flirt,
2) don't understand adult humor,
3) don't understand most normal humor,
4) that if ever I am a distressed damsel, I usually have to take care of the problem by myself because I'm either afraid to ask for help or asking for help would be pointless, and
5) that I'm socially bashful and on many occasions very awkward.
How do I know this? Well, either someone told me or, after noticing patterns in my life, I came to the conclusions myself.
Last night I went to a play with my parents. It was supposed to be a comedy buuuuuuut I wasn't laughing. Why? Because I didn't get any of the jokes. My parents were both laughing their heads off, as were most of the people in the audience. Not me though. That was a weird start to the night, being the only one who didn't get the jokes. Heck, even the 12-year-old kid whose dad was in the show was laughing! Sometimes I wonder...
This particular group of friends has a tradition of going to IHOP after a show, whether they performed in it or not. The three families (mine, the Carrascos, and the Poulsens with Jaden who is their cousin) made a sort of caravan over to the nearest IHOP and we, as usual, took up three tables. I sat with the younger people, me being the oldest at nearly 20 and the youngest being 11 (who I met when she was 9 months old). On the other end sat the real grown-ups, or at least age wise. I'm not sure about the maturity level...lol.
As I sat with the kids, one of them being one of my best friends (Jaden), I didn't understand half of what they were talking about! Their jokes and comments and such just went over my head. Or sometimes I got the gist of it, but I didn't want more than the gist because I could feel my cheeks burning (as Mitchell so kindly pointed out several times). To top it off, Mitchell started giving me advice about boys. And a lot of the advice sounded rather sound, too. For nearly twenty minutes I received relationship advice from a 12-year-old. A TWELVE year old! What is WRONG with me?! Sometimes I wonder...
So, I don't get adult jokes. So, I don't get teenage jokes, either. So, I'm the only one besides the 11-year-old who can't claim to have some sort of relationship, though I'm not sure if it counts for them or not. I mean...how lame is it to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend when all you can do is hang out at recess, and you have to ask your mom to drive you over to his or her house to hang out? You can't even go on a date because you don't have any money! So, why do these things bother me so much when none of them really matter? So what? Whatever the what is, it seems to mean a lot more to me than it should.
It was an awkward night for me. It's been an awkward weekend, to be honest. Not to mention this morning that I got super dizzy in the shower, thought I was going to throw up, and suddenly found myself on the ground wondering what the heck happened.
My sister Meghan has always (and I mean always) conveniently passed out while surrounded by strapping young men who carry her to a couch, bring her water, and do all sorts of heroic acts to make the distressed damsel comfortable. Me? I pass out in the shower. There is nothing dignified or romantic about that. Sometimes I wonder...
And, yes. Someone told me I don't flirt and that I'm socially bashful and often awkward. Gee...thanks for that. Now that I know what my problem is, I'm going to go read my book. Maybe I'll get lucky and find a Beast to fall in love with me...after all, he does have a beautiful rose garden in which I could amuse myself for hours on end. If I take care of his flowers well enough, do you think he'd overlook the bashful awkwardness? I'll take my chances.**
**I'm not bitter. I'm actually making myself laugh...seriously.**
Sunday, June 5, 2011
and then it went to pot...
First, I dropped an open cooler on the grass and tried to catch it, succeeding only in having the lid slam down on my hand. Which is now bruised. EW. And ouch.
Second, I poured strawberry flavoring into the tiger's blood container, realized my mistake, and tried to pour the liquid back into the right bottle. While trying to do that, I lost my balance and spilled the red juice all over my left hand and arm. That hand is currently dyed pink.
Third, I sprayed myself in the face with a jet of shaved ice because I didn't raise the cup up fast enough. That was in front of a cute guy who was talking to me and asking me questions and stuff and I totally iced my face.
Fourth…I don’t know how it happened but the mango and orange-pineapple flavors went AWOL right at the same time and just like, jumped off of the shelf. Juice everywhere, including on me.
Fifth, while I was refilling the cherry flavor, the flavor mix bubbled up and sprayed all over my pants.
Sixth, I tripped on a cooler and went flying into the cash register, pushing the "total" button and making the receipt spit out like crazy.
Seventh, I smacked the back of my head on the ice chest out back while pulling out another cooler full of ice. Then the lid of the ice chest slammed shut on my back, and I lost my grip on the cooler and dropped it. As it fell, it took half of me with it. I’m sure that the people sitting at the table eating their snow cones enjoyed my impromptu slapstick routine. It probably would have been better if I’d had two more days to rehearse.
By the end of the shift I was freaking embarrassed and wondering what was wrong with me. I just felt sick and disoriented and tired and dizzy, and then everything attacked me.
I must have magic powers or something. I destroy things just by looking at them. And yes. All of this really did happen. Truth is stranger than fiction, friends. I would know. I live truth. My life, no matter what I want, will never be fictional. Which is sad. I really could use an editor to fix my mistakes before they're published for the world (or at least my friends and family) to see.
Anyway. It was definitely an interesting shift. Makes me sooooo excited for Monday.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
contradiction...
Well. I could have told him that. Because the truth is, I really am. For example:
There's this guy. Yes, a guy. It usually is. This one you know about, but for the sake of my heart I am not going to type his name. Any dang way, there's the guy. He's one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. And you know what? I've been avoiding him.
I have my reasons. I really do. All of them are rather pathetic and lame, but they boil down to one thing: I care way too much about him, and I know for a fact that all he wants with any girl is friendship. Because I care so much, I'm scared that I'll do something that will mess up the comfortable friendship that we have, and so I'm trying to keep contact to a minimum. Which is hard to do, seeing as I've kind of been adopted into his family (my friend's father always introduces me to family members, friends, and his Bishop as his adopted daughter).
And so I "avoid" my friend. Yet, somehow, life manages to throw him into my path in the most unexpected ways imaginable, and it drives me crazy. Yesterday I saw him from my car, where I was sitting at a red light and he was turning left in the intersection. The day before his mom posted family pictures right at the moment I logged onto facebook so there he was, tada! Today...ugh. Today he came to my younger sister's concert with his mom. He walked into the room and I was so surprised that I ducked behind my mother and hid my face in my hands because I could feel myself blushing.
Now, here's the contradiction: I'm trying so hard to avoid him and keep from seeing him anywhere, in real life or online. Then when I do see him, or we end up spending some time together, I never want to leave. We don't even have to talk, like today. We just stood next to each other after the concert, but I didn't want him to go. I mean, first when he walked in the room I was screaming in my head, "WHAT the HECK are YOU doing here?!" Then during it, "Please, don't look at me." Then halfway through the concert, "Look over here and say hello! Just notice that I'm here!" Then at the end? "Don't go. Please. Don't go. Just...don't do it."
Ugh.
Funny thing about the concert, did you know that I just happened to wear the sweater that he really likes because "all of the colors bring out your eyes and make your hair look redder"? I honestly didn't know he was going to be there, and if I had, I wouldn't have worn this stupid sweater. He noticed it. I know because his mom commented that the blue in it makes my eyes look lighter and he said, "Yeah, that's what I told her when I saw her wear it for the first time back in February." He remembered that...I'm torn between being frustrated and being giggly.
So when I don't see him, I'm agonizing over it because I miss him and I'm trying not to. But when I do see him, I first wish he was somewhere else and then I don't want him to ever leave. Excuse the dramatics, but when I got into my car after everyone had said good-bye after Meghan's concert it was all I could do to keep from putting my head down on the steering wheel and just cry. Drama.
I wish I could just banish my feelings. Friends and family say it's normal and that it's not a bad thing. Well. I'm too mixed up and too scared to keep these feelings. I'm afraid I'll do something really stupid and mess things up. I've done it before. I don't want to do it again.
"I'm a walking contradiction." I should make myself a T-shirt and put that on it. Then on the back I could write, "You've been warned."
Again, excuse the drama. I don't want to be a drama queen, I promise. At least I've kept the hysterics to the minimum. I mean, what? Hysterics? Please, I'm SO over that. Heehee...
Sunday, August 16, 2009
are you kidding?
No joke. I was eating a Starburst just for fun, and because I wanted to, and all of the sudden I noticed that one of my molars was really hurting. It felt like it was digging into my gum. Perhaps there was some rather sticky bit of candy left behind, so I wiggled my tongue and *pop*. A white tooth landed in my hand.
This just proves that I am behind my age group in many developmental areas (what? really?). In kindergarten, I lost two teeth. TWO TEETH. What the heck, right? In first grade, maybe five. In second grade, twoish. Third, zero. Fourth, zero. Fifth, zero. Sixth, zero. It was not until TENTH GRADE that I started losing the smaller molars. I lost two teeth in tenth grade, two in eleventh, and now another one as I start twelfth.
Great. Now I start school with a big, gaping smile. It was cute when I was a kid, but now it'll just look like I don't have proper hygeine. There's no WAY it'll have grown back by Homecoming. Ugh. I mean, the one I lost last year just barely finished growing in a couple of months ago. What's the deal?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
fees are paid and results are in...
HAHA! Chew on THAT, Mr. My-way-or-the-highway-professor-who-closes-the-class-five-days-before-the-end-of-the-semester (no offense). I didn't fail. I got a high B+. Neaneer, neaneer, neeeaneeeeeeeerrrrrrr!!!!
The test really wasn't that hard; I probably could have gotten a higher score if I hadn't been confused about certain questions, aka those regarding the chambers/functions of the heart, veins, and arteries. I think I got the left ventricle confused with the right something that starts with an "a". Oh, well.
And just because I can, I will tell you that ALL of the information that I needed was on the study guide, which only took 19 pages. The textbook was 530-something pages long. And that was the BRIEF edition. Good gravy, too many big words!
As for registration, my mom and I went over to MVHS and fixed up my schedule. Again. Honestly, I just cannot make up my mind or else the counselors cannot get it right. Probably a little bit of both this time; since my Ballroom class is now accredited for a required PE class for Seniors, I got kicked out of the PE class that I really wanted to take. When we went in today, I wanted to re-register for it, but it is no longer being taught during the period I had open. SOoO...mom and I looked through the class options and found, you'll never guess...an open choir class!
So, my schedule. Instead of looking like this:
First Semester:
A1-Seminary
A2-Released on MWFs, Communications 1050 on TTHs
A3-Algebra II (I know...sigh)
A4-Released (for the mo)
A5-Meteorology 1010 on TTHs
B1-Advanced Woods
B2-Released on MWFs, Communications 1050 on TTHs
B3-Released (for the mo)
B4-Released (for the mo)
B5-Meteorology 1010 on TTHs
Second Semester:
A1-Ballroom
A2-Released on MWFs, English 2010 on TTHs
A3-Algebra II
A4-Released
A5-Philosophy and Ethics 2050 on MWs
B1-Advanced Woods
B2-Released MWF, English 2010 on TTHs
B3-Seminary
B4-Released
B5-Philosophy and Ethics 2050 on TTH
now looks like this:
First Semester:
A1-Seminary
A2-Released on MWFs, Communications 1050 on TTHs
A3-Algebra II (I know...sigh)
A4-Released (for the mo)
A5-Meteorology 1010 on TTHs
B1-Advanced Woods
B2-Released on MWFs, Communications 1050 on TTHs
B3-SATB Choir
B4-Released (for the mo)
B5-Meteorology 1010 on TTHs
Second Semester:
A1-Ballroom
A2-Released on MWFs, English 2010 on TTHs
A3-Algebra II
A4-Seminary
A5-Philosophy and Ethics 2050 on MWs
B1-Advanced Woods
B2-Released MWF, English 2010 on TTHs
B3-SATB Choir
B4-Released
B5-Philosophy and Ethics 2050 on TTH
Yay. And as a bonus, most people have found it easier to pay fees online, so there was absolutely no wait to pay for my stuff, get my Student Handbook/planner, and even change my class. Awesome, no? Heck yes.
So. That's been my day so far. It never really ended from yesterday, to be honest. I took a "nap" from about 4:30 am-7:30 am. I think I might take another before I have to go to rehearsal tonight. Ew.
I'll be honest, I absolutely love being in plays and choirs and such. I love the process of learning the steps, the music, the cues, and seeing it all put together. But as soon as it's time to perform...get me out of here! I HATE performing. When people ask me, "What is your least favorite thing about being in a production?" and I respond "Performances.", people laugh their heads off. But I'm serious. Performing sucks. I love to learn new things and be ready to perform, but I hate putting myself out there and actually doing it for an audience. Call me cawazy, but I am cawazy. ;)
Expect one or two more posts today sometime; I need to post about Authorpalooza and hand out some awards.
Stay tuned! (unless you don't wanna-i understand. *sniff*)
(( haha, just kidding! whooee i'm tired!!!))
Monday, August 10, 2009
stupid...
Now that you're all worried-ha. Yes, the stuff is all due, but I wrote him an email asking for the criteria to get an "I" in the course, and he responded saying "I don't give 'I's, so just finish the tests and quizzes and take the final." Score! Thank you, mom, for telling me to email him. I'll still probably end up with a B at the most, if I get 150/200 on the final. I'm so stupid.
Do any of you find me annoying? Or rude? Or something else like that? Let me know so I can fix it.
My family and I (excluding dad-he's on another business trip) drove up Provo Canyon today to go on a "picinica". I used to say that when I was little, and now my mom uses it. We had a lovely chicken and grape pasta salad, and I messed around with my camera. Misty had fun lying in the grass. She has exploded, seriously. I can't figure it out, but she's taller, longer, and just bigger. It's so weird. We all thought she'd stopped growing. Now this little white monster dog is running around the house, tripping on her spindly legs. While we were eating she sprawled and turned her nose up at her own dinner. Word to the wise-never feed a Maltese, even a half Maltese, people food because she will never eat her own again.
There were a lot of family groups at the canyon park. Each was at least three generations-grandparents, parents, and children. Two of these families collided when a small girl hurled a large flying disc with all of her might, and it landed in the other family's fire pit. The grandma of the second family let out an "uh-WHA!" and began kicking the disc to get it out of the flames. The small girl began to cry, and was given a few Starbursts from the grandma and the teenage boy of the second family. I tried not to laugh for the little girl's sake, but it was funny.
The only problem with the campfires is that now I smell like woodsmoke. It takes so long for me to get it out of my hair. Like from Girl's Camp-THREE DAYS!!! AND I washed it three times each of those days. NINE times before my hair was back to normal. That's the trouble with some good things. It's good while it's happening, but sometimes the lingering effects are a little bit annoying. Break out the shampoo, people!
Dessert was from Macey's-individual pints of ice cream. Yes, I can eat one in a single sitting, and yes, I know I shouldn't. At least it wasn't a quart, right? All in all it was a fun evening. Now I just have to finish five more chapters for this Health class. I'm so stupid! Perhaps I'll learn something from this, like make a schedule so I know when stuff is due. That might be a good idea.
Maybe I can learn how not to be stupid. Is there a "How Not To Be Stupid for Dummies" out there yet? Someone write it so I can have it on my bedside table. It would probably get more use than any book I've ever read.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Mia Shalom-July 9, 2009...
EARLY Morning-
Bad:
1. Feel sick
2. Cold and wet
3. Waking up at flipping
4. Toilet paper is out in the bathrooms (good thing I brought my own)
5. 4 mile hike today for which I am so not in shape for
1. Dad’s coming up today
2. Able to rest for an hour after sunrise
3. Our attacks and counterattacks on 4th ward (heehee)
4. Clean socks!
5. Hilarious one-liners
Resting after the hike
(or catching Swedish Fish in your mouth from Kim, who is clear across the cabin by me)
Still sick. I’m secretly hoping that dad will take me home with him tomorrow morning. Doubt it though.
Sister Baird arranged a forced march at
Time to rest. Get as much as possible while you can, I say.
Morning-
Bad:
1. Fried eggs for breakfast to me = yuck, and Sister Whitaker becoming
Food Nazi-no seconds on toast despite the fact that there are six loaves
with 20 slices in each (roughly), meaning there are 120 pieces of bread
and 32 people to feed. Do the math.
2. Fires that won’t start
3. Girls getting burned while making toast over the fire-Sister Whitaker is
supposed to be watching and helping out but she’s busy playing vulture
at the food table. Good thing I’ve got a First Aid kit.
4. Problems with sleeping quarters for the men-the Men’s Cabin on the
map is actually the Men’s Bathroom. Oops.
Good:
1. Dad gave me a muffin
2. It’s not hot today
3. Fourth years are leaving for an overnight hike-more room!
4. New story idea
Sandra and Kim want me to write about them. Sandra first-she was one of the girls who got burned today while making breakfast. Now the tips of her fingers and the skin on her thumb are all blistered. Kim has recently been seen as the bandita Diablo. She leads the attacks on the 4th ward; the most recent happened last night. She and Sandra planned to plaster the outside of the 4th ward cabins with plastic spoons, and Sandra led the charge into camp. A sign left behind said “You’ve Been Spooned!” along with a jar of duct taped Nutella. They knew it was us. *smirk*
Shanae at Number 20
But spooning 4th ward was not enough; the challenge was issued and they accepted. A Chubby Bunny Contest has begun again! *barf* Shanae from our ward won this time, beating Sandra’s Wednesday night record by 7 marshmallows. Yeah-21 marshmallows. Ew. But, it meant that our ward won. In retaliation, they spooned us back. Their spoons, however, were colored with marker to look like each girl in our ward. Cute, no? We also got “Sparkled!” by the 1st ward. They brought silver streamers and Pixie Sticks (spelling?).
Afternoon-1st Year Hike to Lone Pine
Bad:
1. STEEP climbing
2. Getting my shoes soaked just before the hike-not good
3. Linnea got a bloody nose and had to leave the hike
4. Fire on the other side of the mountain (it’s kind of cool that you can see it from up here though)
5. Lost my favorite pen
Good:
1. Meeting and getting to know my 1st year girlies
2. Flat ground on the hiking trail in various places-almost seeming to be strategically placed for a rest
3. Seeing a small herd of deer-two does and two fawns (teenaged, by the size of them)
4. Chubs, my new pot-gut friend
5. Extra camera battery! I’m so glad I bought one!
I’m now sitting at the base of Lone Pine, the solemn sentinel that stands at the very top of the rim around the
Chubs stopping by to share lunch
A trail we hiked-looks inviting
Evening-
Bad:
1. Sore arm from mosquito bites-very, very sore
2. Girls fighting-really fighting
3. Dead batteries
4. Waiting and waiting
5. Dirt. So much dirt.
Good:
1. Energized after hike
2. Flag Ceremony cheer by the men
3. Glo Stix!
4. Snacks on the hike from our leader
5. Teaching “Da Moose” song
The hike was so amazing. I feel like I could go for two more hours. My 1st years were so cute; I love them all to death! They were all really nice and so fun. I can’t believe I was scared of a group of twelve year olds. I’m glad I got to know them. I even taught them “Da Moose” song that I learned at my work. We did it at the Moosehead Trail sign. All of the girls made moose horns above their heads, either in Da Moose style, or Dead Moose style. Spazmatastic-I loved it.
Moose Head Trail
Flag Ceremony was so much fun. I totally am losing my voice from screaming. Hopefully everyone is too tired for me to read tonight. I sure am. :)
Friday, July 17, 2009
i'm dumb...
I stayed for quite awhile because my good friend Ruthie was getting her Senior Pictures done after her Yearbook photo was finished. We talked and laughed about random things, and she gave me a ticket to see the play she is currently in. It's called "The Promised Land", based on First Nephi in the Book of Mormon (yes, I'm LDS [if you didn't know that all ready :)], and to learn more email me at wannabkenobi at gmail dot com or check out mormon.org). Ruthie wasn't the only one in it; my friend Jordan had a major role as well, playing the youngest of Ishmael's two sons and the sort of flip-flopping between good and bad type. As I watched him, I began to realize how much I like him. Which is a problem...
Ruthie has liked Jordan for a very long time. I've always tried to suppress the fact that I find him attractive (and gorgeous) because of this. Well, can't help it now. Just keep it between us, okay?
So, add Jordan to the list of Jacob Black and the other guy. Am I shallow or something, 'cause I keep seeing people who I like (two of which are not based on looks alone, but personality). Or am I dumb? Or both?
Or, perhaps, a hormonal 17 year old who is barely stepping out into the world beyond playing House, where the daddy is the youngest child playing and the mommy doubles as the damsel in distress? Hm...
how dumb...
The photography group that's doing the pictures is no good, anyway. Maybe we'll all be blurry or off-centered, which is what happens at most dances. Sadies and Preference I hear were the worst (I myself had blurry, off-centered Sadie Hawkins pictures). I suppose it's a blessing in disguise. Any discoloration could be blamed on the camera settings. That's what we'll do.
So dumb. I hate pictures. I hate Picture Day. I HATE HIGH SCHOOL.
:)






