Sunday, January 23, 2011

shaking like a leaf...

The last time a young man confronted me on whether I was interested in him or not, it ended disastrously. Due to our mutual stupidity, we went from best friends to painful memories.

Tonight, a different young man has confronted me on the same issue. However, I am afraid to answer. So afraid, that I am shaking from head to foot and want to crawl up in a ball and hide forever.

He's the one who hurt me so badly during school. I hurt him, too. He's moved on and forgiven me and himself. We're friends again. I care about him--but do I trust him?

I want to say yes, I'm interested. But I don't even know what he feels, or where he stands. He just wants to know. If I say yes--I might get hurt. If I say no--he might get hurt. do I even know that I'm interested because I truly feel something for him, or if I'm interested for the sake of interest alone?

How do I know that I don't just want someone to hold me, and who cares who it is? How do I know that I really want it to be him who says he loves me?

Or if another person came up to me and said the same thing I'd willingly step into his arms, just because he said those three words?

I'm scared. I don't even know what my heart really wants.

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