Saturday, January 31, 2009

speaking of heat waves***...

***READ THERMOSTAT WARS FIRST to understand the title up top***

Whenever I see someone, I get hot all over. My face gets pink, my eyes start to sparkle, and my hands and knees shake. I know about the eyes and face because my friend told me that's what happens. I dreamed about him last night. I'm going to be completely honest here: hot stuff.

And I'm extremely angry with the stupidity of the news media. Why are they investigating the woman who had eight children in one birth and all ready had six? Maybe she wanted more kids, maybe she doesn't believe in abortion. Maybe after the six she wanted another child, but because of hers or her husband's age they couldn't have a child naturally. WHO CARES, PEOPLE?!?! Get the heck of their case and let them be a family. And as for the fact that "people don't know when to stop and they're not thinking of the future generations," give it a rest. As long as people aren't continually greedy, there will be plenty to go around for everyone. It says so in the scriptures. Look it up, I'm too lazy to go find mine in my suitcase.

Another stupid thing: Obama is having a Super Bowl party in the White House. There are more important things to be thinking about. Another stupid thing: you know how anyone can get a Facebook or a Myspace? To me, it is not professional for CNN news casters to be advertising that they have those pages. It just bugs me.

K, I'm done venting, even though there are a LOT more things that bug me about the news media. Like Barrack Obama's potential and already cabinet members who "forgot" to pay their taxes for several years. Excuse me? How do you forget to pay your taxes? If you've got Internet, newspaper, television, or just walk around in the world, you're going to see reminders everywhere to pay your taxes. Stupid idiots. And people actually swallow that crap?! STUPID!! "Oh, it's okay, he just forgot for a couple of years. No big deal. He can be on my cabinet, it's all right." Idiot. Red flag, people. Crooks hire crooks. Even if we can't get access to proof, the logical path of reasoning leads to that conclusion. Oh, but sorry. You vote your party. Party politics + party loyalties = the brain shuts off.

I guess I wasn't done venting. Boy. I'm on one today. Probably because I'm worried for our country, and I'm worried about a friend of mine who's making some not so great decisions, and I'm worried because my sister is still sick, and I'm failing classes. Sorry. I'll stop now.

thermostat wars...

I'm visiting my grandparents this weekend, and I forgot how horrible it is up here in the winter. Not their company; I love my grandma and grandpa. It's more the temperature of the house. My grandparents keep their house so freakin' hot it's unbearable! Outside it's around twenty-two degrees Fahrenheit (spelling), but inside my grandpa has the thermostat set up to 85! That's crazy!!! I sneak into the hallway about every hour and a half and turn the heat down to around 65. I do it when grandpa is watching television (which is almost all day) and not paying attention. Then he'll get up to go to his room or something and turn it up again. I wait till he's settled down again, and I turn it down. Soon I hear, "Who turned the #$@* heat down again?!" and he mumbles cuss words under his breath all the way back down the hallway. The whole time, my sisters and I are laughing our heads off, grandma smiles at us and tells us silently to go turn it down again, and dad isn't listening.

We've got the fans running and the windows open, the doors closed to try and keep out the sound of the news which blasts so loudly all day that the speakers on the TV are almost shot, and our tummies full so that grandma doesn't worry that we're starving. I'm really not complaining. I love it up here. Sometimes it gets boring, and my grandparents have very intersting personalities, but they're so much fun. I think they could be their own sitcom. At least for me it'd be funny.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


i have to say, i love toe socks. they are the coolest thing ever. i've got two pairs right now: one with octopi on them (the toe holders are the tentacles-lol!) and one pair that's rainbow striped with a smiley face on the top of the foot. so warm and comfy!

studied for my test and got walloped in the stomach with math questions that i had no idea to do. it's stupid of me to forget that science and math go together. i keep thinking that i won't see math in any class except math. wrongo. i couldn't answer three parts of the first essay question because i couldn't figure out the story problem. i'm so stupid! so yeah. i bet i pretty much failed.

fbla competition tomorrow. gonna fail that, too. i'm only doing it because the club leaders basically told me i'd get kicked out if i didn't compete. bleh. i suck when i'm under pressure. debating is different, if i'm prepared, i guess. but i don't know anything about business! i only signed up for the club because aubrey wanted me to. ah, well. at least i'll be able to actually get lunch.

phone's for me. sweet.


Wednesday, January 28, 2009

so hurtful...

I was stretching out in my bed, getting ready to post a blog thing, and I bent my toe in a weird way. Now it's throbbing and hurting all the way to my ankle. How dumb is that?

I drove around by myself today for awhile. My friend Coty was sick, so I took her home instead of working out at the Rec Center. I was driving back to pick up my mom and sister (they were still at the center) and I saw so many people that I knew. I also almost hit a dog that ran out in the street in front of me (and the owners started screaming at me, which made me cry). I don't know why, but nearly every time I go driving without a parent with me, I nearly hit a dog. Anyway, I saw Maren and Brittan, and I think Kathryn was in the backseat, but the windows were tinted so I couldn't tell. Then I saw Mrs. Drakulich, and Taylor. They all said hello, or waved hello at least.

C grades hurt. I study and study and I almost always fail. I hate it. Frustration leads to discouragement leads to anxiety leads to fear leads to despair. All in a matter of hours, or even minutes.

I went to my ward mutual for the first time in a few months (I go on Thursdays to Special Needs). I shouldn't have gone. I should have stayed home and done my homework, which I'm just going to have to turn in late. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Rules my life, it seems.

It snowed tonight, a little bit. I find myself liking snow, even if it isn't rain. Snow melts on your cheeks, and it hides tears almost as well as rain.

Misty hates it when I cry. It makes her sad, and she will always kiss the tears away. Buddy comes and sits next to me. He rests his head in my lap and sometimes licks my hand. Dogs are amazing.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

electrified by a smile...

I have been electrified by a smile so many times today that I should be dead. I'm a walking miracle. "Teenage Girl Survives Lightning Strikes-18 in One Day!" could be a great headline.

I do know how it feels to get electrocuted. It goes like this: you make contact with the energy, and it courses through your body like hot light, shaking you and making you break the contact as soon as possible for fear of losing your sanity. But the temptation to not let go is strong, too, because the feeling is incredible, even though the continued touch with stop your heart. That time it was a vacuum. Now it's not quite so abiotic.

Mhmmm. Yes, there's a boy. Even though I'm trying not to like him, because I don't want to ruin a friendship with twitterpation. That'd be stupid. There's times when I see him, and my entire being tingles from my head to my toes. He looks back at me, or I look up at him in class, and my stomach does a triple back-hand spring with a round off double loop the loop with a somersault finish. Call it physically impossible, but my internal organs will disagree with you.

Then there's the times when we actually touch. When he pats me on the head after teasing me, or rests his hand on my shoulder when he looks at my computer screen to read something I've written, or lightly brushes my back when he walks past me to his seat. I actually gasped out loud last time, the surge was so strong.

Wow. I have never felt like this before, never in all of the little crushes I've had. There's never been this reaction, with my whole soul, body, and mind jumping for joy. I don't understand this.

It's definitely an exercise in self-control. I get these sudden urges to catch him in a hug, or tell him he's amazing, or kiss him on the cheek (Ew! What is wrong with me?!?!). I have to keep on my side of the line though. We're connected through friendship, and that's enough now.

Monday, January 26, 2009


My good friend Nic is leaving for the MTC on Wednesday. He'll be serving a mission in France for the next two years. I'm going to miss him. It's been hard at school since he's graduated, but now he'll be across the world. I always looked forward to seeing his smile. He always smiled at everyone. Nic is so excited to leave though. About every five minutes, he'd say something like "39 hours, 22 minutes, and 45 seconds until mission begins! Yeehoo!!!" and then dance around like mad. It was pretty funny, and he was positively glowing with excitement.

Yep, I'll miss him. Luckily he's allowed to email once a week from France. And everyone who visited was told to write him a letter in a book, and he'll read it when he gets to France. He said he wants to read one a day. "It's a little piece of home," he said. Nic's a good kid. He'll do an awesome job.

My one regret: I NEVER asked him out. I wanted to so badly, but was too afraid. Ah, well. Two years and I'll be older, and he'll be more "growed-ups." Then it won't be so awkward for all of his friends to have me hanging around. I'm younger than most of them by two years, some by only one. He, Tony, Lexi, and Taylor were the only people I knew there tonight. But I'm glad I went.

Good luck, Elder! You'll be awesome!

Sunday, January 25, 2009


I visited my Aunt Ruth's children and husband tonight. It's the first time I've been inside their house since before she died. When I walked into the living room, it was a complete shock to see that Ruth's bed was no longer there, the rug was replaced, and the couches had been moved back in. She's been gone over a year now, but it was like it happened all over again. I expected to see her there, wasted as she was, but still smiling and happy to see me.

I never cried after Ruth died. I still haven't. It's almost like I can't cry about anything, except when I'm very, very angry or being yelled at by my mom.

I dreamed about Vearis and Ruth last night. They were sitting upright in rocking chairs, drinking from china cups and laughing together. When I entered the room, it was bright and sunny with pink wallpaper. They asked me to join them, and I took a few steps towards them. Then it all changed. Their hair fell out, their eyes turned white, and their skin turned gray and tight. The room became dark and cold, and I tried to run but couldn't. The rocking chairs were coffins, and they swooped down towards me with hands like claws.

I can't sleep. I'm afraid to sleep.

Tag! You're It!

I don't know how to tag someone on a blog. If you want to teach me, leave a note with instructions, and if you want to do these questions, copy and paste (but be sure to erase my answers [duh ;)]).

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

25 Awesomely RANDOM Things About...ME!

1. I don't like funerals.

2. Writing short stories is something I not only enjoy, but it's like therapy.

3. I think that lemonberry Frazils taste awful.

4. I'm named after several great (many greats) grandmas, aunts, and cousins. My middle name is after my mom.

5. I don't like large crowds.

6. I really, really want to go on the Soaring ride at Lagoon, but I'm too scared to because I might get sick. And I'm scared of

7. I absolutely adore glass dolls.

8. I still play dress-up, complete with baby dolls and cardboard houses.

9. My favorite color changes about every two days.

10. I wear black for two reasons: sometimes it's because it looks nice and is sophisticated. Other times it's because I don't want to be noticed.

11. I feel uncomfortable when I don't have a plan.

12. I'm terrified of spiders. And snakes.

13. 5, 7, and 12 are my favorite numbers.

14. I'm hooked on DragonFable and AdventureQuest.

15. I hated New Moon and Eclipse, but I loved Twilight and Breaking Dawn. I suppose it's because one started it and the other one ended it.

16. "The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian" is my current favorite soundtrack.

17. I stopped playing softball after I slid into a girl's cleat at third base and ripped my knee open.

18. A new hobby I enjoy: pushing people's cars out of the snow.

19. I can't decide who I like better: Ben Barnes, William Moseley, Hayden Christensen, or James McAvoy.

20. My mom hates it when I say "That sucks."

21. Dream occupations: Air Force Intelligence, dance teacher, archeologist/historian, writer, wife, and mother.

22. I want to take dance and piano lessons again.

23. My money talks, and the only word it knows is "Good-bye!"

24. I have never been to an official concert, just stuff at Abravenal Hall and Stadium of Fire.

25. I love working in the school store.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

amazing me...


Take that, children!


I have never been comfortable going to viewings before funerals. I've always been nervous and skittish whenever I go to funerals and have to go right next to the casket to see the family. Today I went to my great-aunt Vearis's funeral. My grandma, her youngest sister, was standing right next to Vearis's body, and grandma called me over to say good-bye to Vearis. I hardly even remember her, but I did it so grandma would feel better. Vearis And my grandma, Mary Ila, is almost 82. I feel really badly for grandma. She and Vearis were super, super close. Grandma seems really shaky and unaware right now. She's the last one left from her family. All of her other brothers, sisters, and both parents have died. I hope she stays for a while longer. I'd miss her a lot.

I don't know what my problem is when it comes to death. At almost every funeral I've ever been to, I've almost cried but forced myself not to. I never go up to look into the casket, except in this case because I didn't want to hurt grandma's feelings. The worst time at a funeral was when my five-year-old neighbor was killed in an accident in his backyard. The medics put all of these medicines into his body to try and start his heart again, but they couldn't save Brett.

I used to baby-sit Brett and his sisters and brother every two weeks. When I saw him lying there, and everyone saying he looked like he was asleep, I felt like the boy in the book where his best friend is stung to death by bees. The boy is looking at his friend, and a lady behind him says, "He almost looks like he could be asleep." The boy nearly said out loud that his friend never slept on his back. He always curled up on his side with his mouth open and a blanket wrapped around his arm. That's how I felt. Brett never slept like that. And his face was all puffy and swollen from the medications. Ever since it's gotten worse. And today...Vearis was so think and skeletal. Like my Aunt Ruth. It's not how I want to remember them, but it just sticks out in my mind and it's all that I can see.

I think I'm scared of death. Not for myself personally, but for others. I'm afraid that I'll forget them, or my only memories will be of them lying there in a coffin, skin stretched tight and their eyes sunken. It terrifies me to see my sisters or my parents or a friend like that. Even now, my heart has starting pounding like mad thinking about it. But I can't stop thinking about it. I always think about death, and what it would be like to have someone missing at lunch or in the car. What it would be like for other people if I was missing. Would anyone care? And if it was someone I knew who died, would I notice after awhile? Would I forget? Sometimes it's like I want to forget. But I can't. I can't forget that stiff, cold husk lying in those frilly boxes. I try to remember other things, but that image keeps coming back.

I have to remind myself that they're somewhere better than they were here on Earth. My Aunt Ruth had cancer and was always in pain. Great-Aunt Vearis had terrible neck and jaw problems that couldn't be fixed medically, and she couldn't get around much. Brett would probably have been paralyzed if they could have saved him (a slide in his backyard fell on top of his neck and broke it). Chase would have been paralyzed or on machines for the rest of his life. All of the people I know would have been in some kind of pain.

Remember that. That's what I'll remember.

Friday, January 23, 2009


I have rediscovered AdventureQuest and DragonFable. It's so much fun to just waste away the day by battling encrypted monsters while earning "money" for it. :) I leveled up twice today on DragonFable to grand number 7. My character, Maerion, is so pretty. Makes me happy. And the AdventureQuest account is shared between myself, my sisters, and three boys in our neighborhood. It's because it's a Guardian account, and that costs money to start, so we just share it. The only problem with that is we can never decide on how Eowyn (lol) looks. It's constantly changing to the way each player is used to her looking. Pretty funny.

This is a boring post. But really, nothing interesting happened today. Except that Kirt is mad because I didn't get a message from Student Council telling me when to come to audition for the talent show, so I completely missed it. Kirt's a good friend. He just has interesting "swear words," which I'm always telling him not to use but he doesn't care. I don't mind, really. I just like to argue with him. It's funny how often we argue with one another when we agree on almost everything possible. We take turns being the opposing view, especially on politics. He says he likes to hear my other arguments. I just like to win, which I usually do. *smirk*

Let's see, what else happened today. Oh, I realized how many of my guy friends have birthday's in January (that I know of right now). There's at least eight. So every single one of them is either barely or just a few days under a year older than me. That's extremely interesting to me for some reason.

Haven't been writing anything lately. Too burned out, I guess. And I just noticed how many "I"s there are in my posts. Too many! Wow. But when you write a blog as a journal sort of thing that other people are allowed to read, it seems logical to me that "I" would be a dominant word. I dunno. See, there we go again! Can't help it!

Thursday, January 22, 2009


I find it extremely hard to go to bed. Because the closest I can get to him is when we're both online at the same time.


I just killed a spider. In my BED!!! EEEEEEEEEEECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE spiders. Seriously. I know it's an irrational fear, seeing as I'm like a million times bigger than they are, but still. I HATE them! And now it's plastered on my Spanish textbook, and I need it for homework. Eeeeewwwwwww. I don't wanna touch it! :) :P

Ugh. Yuck. Sick, gross, disgusting, terrifying, nasty, yikes. Ew. Aaaaaaaarg!!!

Another type of ack: boys!!!! Here's my list of favorite boys, in no particular order.

Top Fifteen Faves:
1. Clark
2. Tony
3. Taylor J.
4. Taylor O.
5. Matt B.
6. Jordan R.
7. Kevin
8. Adam H.
9. Josh
10. Brian
11. Greg
12. Spencer
13. Parker
14. Kirt
15. Jason

Some are nice to talk to. Some are super smart. Some of them are pretty to look at (lol). Some of them are funny. A couple of them make great sparring partners. Verbal, obviously (duh). Others are good for a shoulder to lean on. Some of them need my shoulder. And some of them drive me insane. *cough* There's at least three of them.

That was fun. I hope none of them read that. It'd be pretty embarrassing. :P And no, I don't have fifteen different crushes. It'd be like in the movie "It's a Wonderful Life," where Violet and Mary are talking about George. "I like him," says Violet. Mary replies, "You like every boy." And Violet smiles, "What's wrong with that?" Hee, hee. Awesome movie.


I have homework to do, a room to clean, laundry to finish, and mutual to go to...but I just don't feel capable of doing anything. Why is that?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

i'm supposed to draw this?!?!

I cannot draw. Seriously. And I am supposed to draw this for Ceramics:

Here are a couple of examples of this strange type of animal called a nudibrank/nudibranch (there are two different spellings):

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

veiled threats...

Veiled threats is the only term I can actually put my finger on when I think of my impressions about President Obama's speech today. Veiled threats is all I can think of when I remember the smile that didn't meet the eyes of the new American leader. I shudder and feel a horrible sense of foreboding each time the words from the reports on the two senators who became ill at the Inaugural Luncheon enter my mind. I hope that my feelings are wrong, but I can't be sure anymore. All of these feelings I have are too horrid to think about, especially in this country with its beliefs. If I ignore them, however, I feel that I will be walking into a trap that is cleverly set and ready to spring.

I haven't ever felt the need to constantly look over my shoulder, as though I were to be attacked at any minute. From the time of the inauguration this morning, that feeling has become ever stronger. My neighbor sitting next to me at the computer is no longer a friend. I feel that I cannot trust anyone.

"The black don't give back, the brown get down, the yellow be mellow, the redman will get ahead, man, the white will finally embrace the right." I thought the United States was supposed to be united in ideals. The sectional and racial tensions from the past have become almost memories. The injustices have been fixed. Why are we bringing it up again?

Two thoughts come to mind. The first is a quote from Padme Amidala, a character from the famous Star Wars saga. "So this is how liberty dies. With thunderous applause." This has plagued my mind all afternoon. The second is from my own pondering: "History always repeats itself. But this time, there will be no America to save us."

I hope all of what I have written is just out of fear of change and paranoia. I hope that nothing comes of it, and that all will be well in our country and our lives. I hope no one takes offense at what I have said. I am merely writing down my thoughts in an effort to dispel the fear I feel. It gnaws at my insides, and I have to let it escape somewhere. My handwriting is terrible, though, so I type it instead of write it. Forgive me if I have caused anyone anxiety, anger, or any other emotions.

Monday, January 19, 2009

time to write the obituary...

I kind of broke my mom's camera today at the pet store. I thought I'd caught it in a way that it only hit the corner, but I was wrong. The lens is stuck open. Shhhh. I haven't told her yet. She's going to kill me. Funeral details will be posted by my sister, unless I have a very wonderful guardian angel out there somewhere.

A second death: America as we know it. I am so worried about our new President and Vice President. To me, it seems that the "change" they promise will only move us backward, not forward. I don't know. I'm just worried.

And for all of you who think that anyone who criticizes our president-elect is racist: go die. That is the stupidest thing ever. All presidents get criticized, no matter what color, race, religion (Romney), gender (cough, remember Palin? The whole lipstick crap? They could never say that about a guy), ideas (every single president in our history), and everything else that makes a person. I wish our new president all the best and hope that his decisions will make our country better than it was before. Good luck, Mr. Obama!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Me Gusta...

The Rules of the Interview
1. Leave me a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I'll email you five questions, of my determination not yours!
3. You update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

My questions from Edge:

1. You can make one announcement over your school's PA. What is it?

Hmmm....I would announce that the clogged artery in the middle of the school hallway has become a major reason for student tardies, and bypass surgery would be performed that day. Any who would tries to witness it would be advised to use another route due to the graphic content involved.

2. What colors do you want in your wedding?

I have a few ideas:
a. Pink, powder blue, and white
b. Black, red, and white
c. Orange, teal, green, and white
d. Teal, royal blue, and white

3. What book have you re-read lately?

"Cupid Doesn't Flip Hamburgers" Ah, the joys of walking through childhood again.

4. What subject do you like blogging about the most?

I would have to say dating. It's a lot of fun to post and get comments from people.

5. Someone has donated a trip to Western Europe. You can pick two countries to visit. What are they?

Ireland and Scotland

Thanks, Edge! This was really fun. If anyone would like to get interview questions from me, leave a comment and I'll think of some for you.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

top heavy...

Who knew that hair could actually be heavy? Yes, I got my hair cut. My ends were so horribly split. I've been trying to get my mom to take me to get my hair cut for the past two years, and I've run out of patience. My dad and I were running errands and stopped by Harmon's to pick out a birthday card for Tony (he turns 18 tomorrow). Great Clips is right next door, and we just decided to stop in. Bing! My hair was done half-an hour later. The girl had to take off about eight inches, because I had an accident with some scissors a year ago so it was uneven. And my ends were split and fraying all the way up to the even part. Yay! It feels so good. And now that it's cut, it means that it will grow faster. I'm so happy.

The flower I got for Tony is so pretty. And I got a sketchbook for Ceramics, along with a set of sketch pencils and three new candles. Yes, I love candles. Oh! I vacuumed the van today, and it was the first time I've ever done it with a giant vacuum at a gas station. It was so cool! Took me eight minutes though, so it was two dollars. I got stuck in between the seats and my time ran out. I was glad that no one was around and that my dad had gone into the station to get a drink.

Friday, January 16, 2009

happy birthday....

To me! Thanks to all of the people who wished me a good day at school, through cards, emails, and Facebook. It was really nice! <3

Went to Panda Express for my special dinner, and I watched "Ever After" with my family. I have absolutely no idea why it was rated PG-13, except for the fact that it's as old as I am. I didn't see anything that wouldn't have gotten a PG. Ah, well. It was good, sweet, and very romantic. My sister thinks I'm like Danielle, except shorter. :P

Tomorrow is Preference. I am so excited!

17 looks uglier than 16 did. Sevens just don't have the same flair potential as sixes do.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

taking 5...

Sometimes I feel broken inside, like a ceramic piece that has been left in the air too long and shatters at the slightest touch. No matter how hard I try to think about the good things that happened today, my heart and mind just feel empty. And no, I'm not talking about a boy.

Since I feel so awful, I'm going to play "Take 5" with myself. I'm not talking about eating the candy bar, although that does sound really good. No, this is a game my mom and I made up. Whenever I am feeling down, she says, "Take five!" Then I have to think of five things that make me happy, good things that happened during the day, or other, and then why they were good. Here we go:

1. My special needs buddy, Sheleena, looked so pretty tonight. Her sister got married this week, and Sheleena was a bride's maid. Her hair was curled and braided, and she wore a burgundy dress with a black lace shawl. I could tell that she felt amazing, and that made me so happy for her.

2. My dogs love me.

3. Coty and I ran three-quarters of a lap and are steadily reaching our goal. Yes! I know that sounds wimpy, but we both get sick a lot. So for us to be able to keep working out and getting better is a major bonus.

4. I don't know if this is good, but it felt good in my stomach *blush.* Today in Multimedia, we were in the middle of the room for a bit and I got back to my seat before everyone else. Tony sits a few seats away from me (we're in the Corner of Doom, aka the Evil Master Minds of All Time where I am the ONLY voice of reason-I'm the only girl sitting with three guys, whaddaya expect?), and as he passed me he reached out and patted me on the head. Talk about electric shock running down my spine! It was like the time I got electrocuted with the vacuum cord at work one time. Interesting story, I'll explain later. Anyway, I've never had that happen before. So yeah, that was "squee"fully good.

5. Nic Blosil, a friend of mine and an amazing kid, spoke to the Seminary Student Body today during our monthly F.E.A.S.T. (Friends Eating and Sharing Testimony). He spoke about repentance, which is a topic and principle that I have always had a hard time with. His words really helped me, and the Spirit was really strong. That was also good.

K, I definitely feel better. Sorry for my rambling in number 4. I was remembering. :)

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

please leave a message after the tone?

The phone keeps ringing and ringing over and over again and no one is ever on the other end. It's starting to bother me a lot. I still answer it though, just in case it's some robber or someone who's trying to see if no one is home. Maybe I'll do a man's voice next time. *smirk*

Ceramics is turning out to be okay. I'm better at Woods. Then again, I was pretty horrid at Woods the first week. I guess I just need to learn more. We started working on pencil holders today. I got the entire main body of the vase finished, and next class period we'll start doing something else with them. I think we'll be adding the foot (bottom that sticks out a bit) and the lip (thing that goes around the top of the vase). Then we have to attach something to the vase (the example had a dragon attached to it) and carve in a design of some sort. Oh, and we also have to cut something out of it (like a window in the above example which the dragon is looking into). It'll be interesting. I just can't think of what exactly I want to do with mine.

Mr. Steadman is a lot better to be around when he is actually working on something or teaching students. He seems to be sort of a nervous person who needs to be doing something with his hands a lot. The one really bad thing about the class so far: we have to do a bunch of different sketch book assignments. I cannot draw. "Anyone who can hold a pencil can draw," Steadman says. Well, a monkey can hold a hammer and hit someone in the head with it but miss the nail. Yeah. I suck. *sigh* Does anyone know where I can find a nice sketch book?

So I was up late (again) doing homework for science. We started a new class, because technically the full year class is divided into two different units of study. Last semester we focused on Environmental Geology, and this semester we are doing Environmental Science (I did not know that until Monday). The homework questions are a lot harder this time. In the previous textbook (we got new ones, nice hardcover with a snowy evening and wolves on it. arooooooo!), the questions all had the page numbers marked next to them so you could find the references easily. This textbook makes you actually think logically about the answer you will write. You can't just look up a definition. You have to state your opinion. It takes a lot longer to do. Anyway, I did the homework last night. When I got to my Spanish class, I realized that I had done the WRONG chapter!!! Um, I thought I was pretty much screwed, so I did Chapter 1 in class. Grand total: 6 pages. Number of questions: 6. Mhmmmmm. Painful.

Vacuum got clogged again at work. Stupid bobby pins. They're the same color as the carpet, so I don't even know that they're there until the red light goes on and the vacuum starts spitting dirt everywhere. So my pants were covered in clay and dirt. I must be turning into some sort of seacoast or something. The lunch ladies at school, oh pardon me, I mean the Centennial Child Nutrition Program, gave me a loaf of bread for my birthday, which isn't until...yeah. It's not today. And the principal, aka the boss of my boss, gave me movie tickets. In December. Meaning I've all ready used them. And yes, I went to see "Twilight." SQUEE!!! Amazing. Loved it. And the bread tastes really good. So soft and yummy.

K, I'm done now.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

shake it up...

Gotta add some pink in here somewhere. I have steadily grown fond of that color, even though I try to say I hate it. I will now tell the world...I LOVE PINK. Don't tell any of the boys that. I don't want them to think I'm too girly. I mean, the girl who slices her finger open on the bandsaw, drills her hand with the press, and sands her thumb to a point likes PINK!?!?! ....Pffft, forget about her.

One of my friends doesn't want to do a "Day Date" for Preference. I want to. Really, really badly, but this girl just doesn't want to and doesn't want me or my other friend to. So too bad, I think. I'll just ask Tony to a movie or something on Friday.

Okay, I need advice. Should I stay in Ceramics, even though I can't stand the teacher, the feel of the clay, or the atmosphere in the class? I walked in the room yesterday and just felt....I dunno. Some sort of "whoosh...uh oh" sort of thing. But the nice thing about the new semester is that my new Seminary teacher is pretty much the bomb dot com. Not quite as bomb-diggety dot com as Brother Johnson, but Brother Burr is close. I mean, the guy is five feet seven inches tall and likes to jump off of 102 foot tall cliffs. He has serious thrill issues.

Got cold hands again. And muchos tareas. ARG!!! I HATE HOMEWORK!!! Who doesn't?

Monday, January 12, 2009


I have changed my minds (yes, I have more than one ;)) about Thursday being the best day of the week. I used to think that because it was one more day until Friday, but not anymore. I now say that.....*drumroll please*........


is the best day of the week.

Yes, it is. I always wake up happy on Mondays. And then the week goes downhill from there. Don't know why, but it does.

Ah, blaster bolts. My mom is yelling. aGAIN. Arg.

Sunday, January 11, 2009


I sang in church today with my sisters. I wasn't nervous at all....until I actually opened my mouth. My throat closed up and my voice was all scratchy. Ah, well. I was the only one that noticed, I guess. Everyone else said it was great. My mom gave a talk right before the three of us girls sang. The Bishop didn't check with the music chair to see who was doing the special number. Haha. It was kind of funny.

I got my dress for Preference!!! It's so pretty. I'll put a pic up (like I said in my last post) as soon I as can. I have to get it altered (as usual, the dress is six inches too long in the skirt and the shoulders have to be raised about three inches....curses of being under five foot three), and I don't want it to get any more wrinkled than it absolutely has to. It's a long, teal dress with a sort of wrap around the waist and beading on the wrap. The neck isn't low, but it isn't terribly high either. Of course, it's short sleeved (I swear there are never any pretty dresses or dresses at all with long sleeves). Now I'm just worried about what Tony is going to say about it.

I hate it when boys stare at me. It's annoying.

Friday, January 9, 2009


I passed the Skills Test in Adult Roles and got a Certificate!!!! Woohoo!

I have absolutely no idea what it is good for. I guess it'll help me get a job someday, but I really don't know why.

So someone I know is acting really depressed and will NOT even try to be happy, no matter how much I try to coax him to. He's got so much to be happy about! I mean, heck, he's a genius, he's good looking, tons of people like him, he's good at school, he has a good job, everything. He only focuses on who he hates and why he hates them and the rest of the world and why the entire world hates him (sound familiar? I'm working on it, promise). Grrrrr. And if he ruins my group's night next week, he's going to pay for it.

I worked in the school store with Matt and Flint today (the Matt). It was pretty fun, and I really like it. It's helping me work on mental math more. I always ask the person to check the change I give back, and I only made one mistake today. I did most of the work in the store, because I really really like it. I might sign up to do it two to three times a week for the rest of the school year. It's awesome. Matt and Flint were cool to work with. Matt was OCD (Or "CDO, the letters are alphabetical that way") about the way the pop cans and gatorade were stored in the fridge. Flint helped me out at the counter. And then they messed up the reception on the radio so we had static like crazy, and Matt stood there for awhile with his arm in the air acting as an antenna. I've noticed that the same people come to the store almost everyday, and then there are the once-a-weekers, the Tuesday-Thursdays, the A Day people, the B Day people, and then the people who have absolutely no idea what they want. It's pretty interesting to study people's buying habits.

Friday today!!! So happy. I'm going dress shopping for Preference tonight, and I'm raelly excited. I'll put a picture up as soon as I find the right dress.

Thursday, January 8, 2009


Is nearly over. Dang it. I love this class. I just finished taking a skills test, and I really hope that I passed high enough because then I can get a certificate. That'd be sweet. Payment other than the table for all of my work.

So bored.

Wednesday, January 7, 2009


For some odd reason I have no homework tonight. It's kind of unnerving, actually. I feel like I'm incomplete for some reason. I don't have any reading to do, my test work is all finished, and all of my extra credit is complete. I'm not complaining, but it just feels weird.

Amanda job-shadowed me today. I really didn't let her do much. Since I my job is vacuuming floors, I've gotten a system down that lets me get it done fast. As for that, the vacuum is extremely temperamental. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it spits everything back out in complaint.

So for History today, I dressed up as Susan B. Anthony for part of the Industrial Revolution Roundtable that we had. If you dressed up as the character you were portraying, you got extra credit points. I looked pretty nice, but I felt like such a dork! Especially when a certain boy looked at me like I was crazy when he saw me walking down the hall to class. *sigh* I don't know why it's important, but it is.

Oh, I dreamed about Matt again. I have absolutely no idea at all why I keep doing that. I also dreamed about running. I always dream about running, every single night. I ran a little bit today at the gym. It was amazing! I didn't do much though, because the UVU Cross Country team was there and I felt intimidated.

One interesting thing I learned today: John D. Rockefeller was a SHARK (and, no, he didn't have infinite sets of teeth, gills, or a fin protruding from his back). That man was amazing. Even if I don't quite agree with the ideas of the wealthy from that time period, you have to admit he had a lot of talent and perseverance.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009



And dad, too. But he doesn't want me to remember it.

It's snowed about two feet today at my house. Sweet. I'm just freezing cold right now. I should be working on a history paper, but I don't want to. So I'm posting this and listening to my Prince Caspian soundtrack while I have a heating pad on me. So cold!

Gotta go finish that paper. I only need about four more inches of writing, but it's just not coming.

Monday, January 5, 2009

when push comes to shove....

It started snowing today at about 1:15 a.m. I have been having an absolutely great day (for some odd reason. I just woke up this morning and said "Being sad is stupid. I'm sick of it. I'm going to be happy today.") and the snow just made it so much better. Although I did wear a short mini dress (it's knee length, girls, chill) with a dress coat over the top and sandals with cork heels. Yeah, smart. I looked cute though. Cute is more important to me right now. Besides, I canceled out the stupidity of my outfit by wearing a ski coat over the top. I was neither intelligent nor stupid. Just dressed.

So yeah. School started and I had a smile on my face. I have no idea why. And it gets even better than the outfit. Tony sort of forgot about Preference, which is in a week from Saturday. It was pretty funny. He also didn't stop staring at me at the start of class and told me that I looked "seriously, really, really nice." After school I went over to the gym with Coty and we did our workout. We had a sort of race, which I won, but only because she was in boots and I wasn't. :) I did change into sneakers before working out. I'm not completely stupid.

It was still snowing when we got finished. We dropped Coty off and headed home. A lady was stuck in the snow in her gigantic 12 seater van next to our house. Me, my mom, our neighbors the Olsens, my neighbor Austin, the lady, and her son all worked together to get it out of the snow. The lady had spun her tires so hard into the snow that it was stuck in sold ice halfway up the tire. Note, people-You do NOT spin your tires when you get stuck. Rock the car back and forth gently with your wheels straight. Giving the wheels more torque is just going to dig you in further. We finally got her out after using cardboard for traction (it shot back under the wheel and chopped me in the legs; good thing it was wet and soft) and spades to chop out the ice. The whole time I'm still in shorts and my white tennis shoes. I wasn't even cold.

On the way to work, mom and I got out of the car and helped some people near Rock Canyon Elementary School who were stuck in the parking lot. There were three or four cars stuck, two vans, a smaller car, and an SUV of all things. Mom and I got behind them and pushed them out. Amanda and Meghan helped until Meghan slipped (the snow was covering solid ice; I guess the lot had never been plowed during the previous storms) and knocked both of them down. Then I slipped and gashed open my knee on something. There weren't any rocks around, so I guess I hit a shard of ice or something. I didn't know ice could be that sharp. Oh, and the whole time I was still in shorts. :) And my little white Keds.

I got to work and didn't realize that my right knee was completely bruised and that my left knee was bleeding so much that the blood had flowed down my leg onto my sock. My coworkers were laughing at how little I noticed. It was no big deal to me. I got it helping people out of a tight spot (haha), and it makes me feel good.

I'm really glad those people got stuck. For selfish reasons, I wish more people would so that I could help push them out. ;)

Sunday, January 4, 2009


I say my family tonight! My Aunt Cindy, Uncle Mike, and little cousin Taylor live in Washington. They were going to come for Christmas but got stuck in snow. Here's a pic of Taylor:

Isn't she precious!? My other cousins came, too. They live up on the mountain near Cabela's. The smallest boy, Logan, didn't come since he was sick and stayed home with his mom. The other three came, Hailey, Nathan, and Eliza. Hailey is the older one:

I had so much fun with them. It was great to see them all.

And note to self: When you are a grandparent with small grandchildren, it is best to leave all of the breakable Christmas ornaments in boxes. My Nana has seriously never ever understood that.

Saturday, January 3, 2009


Do you like that sound? Think of sleeping bags, windbreakers and winter jackets. Write a piece that begins and ends with the sound of a zipper.



I zip up my coat further to ward off the biting cold of the wind. It whips through my hair and makes me wish I’d taken my mom’s advice and worn a hat.

My teeth are chattering so hard I think that they’ll break. I bend forward against the wind and clutch my bag of newspapers close. It doesn’t do much good. The wind rips through everything, its claws tearing to find any possible piece of flesh to consume.

“At least it isn’t raining, and this one’s the second to last,” I mutter, tromping through a snowdrift to the next house. Why do they never shovel their walk?

I drop the paper onto the porch. I used to throw them, but I broke a woman’s flowerpot once and decided it was worth taking the few extra steps. It thuds down and the top paper flutters in the wind. It suddenly yanks off, as if unseen hands have ripped it apart. I shrug and turn my back.

The last house on my route has a long walk up the lane. The gravel drive doesn’t have snow on it because of the pine trees that line the sides. They stand like sentinels, guarding the house. I don’t know why they take a paper. No one ever comes out. Kids dare each other to pull pranks on it during the summer. I never have. I like the old house.

So cold. I trudge on and finally reach the porch. I pull out a paper and toss it against the door. For a moment, I watch the house to see if anyone stirs. Nothing happens, as usual. I turn and begin my long walk home.


I stop. The sound could come straight from a horror movie. I turn back to look at the house. The door is open, and white hands with tiny fingers are curled around the edge of the door.

“Hello?” I call, afraid they might answer.

A face peers out over the hands. It’s the face of a girl, small and white as the snow on the rooftop.

“Hello,” she replies.

Her words only reach me because the wind carries them to me. Her voice is thin and frail as a glass rose.

“Happy New Year,” I say and turn to leave.

“New Year?” she asks.

I stop and look at her.

“Yeah. You know. It’ll be here soon,” I explain.

She stares at me blankly. She stands on the porch now, and I notice her dress. It is a blue, pleated dress with a thin white belt and puffy sleeves. Her hair is curled and pulled back into a half pony tail, with long ringlets falling over her shoulders. She has on long white stockings and black boots that reach her ankle. The girl looks like something out of an old black-and-white movie, except the dress is blue.

“It’s not the New Year yet. It's still 1908. My birthday is on the New Year. I’ll be twelve years old,” she says softly.

Huh? I decide to play along.

“Are you playing dress-up today?” I ask.

She shakes her head.

“Papa doesn’t let me play dress-up anymore.”

I frown. I thought all little girls played dress-up. My sisters sure did. And who said “Papa” anymore?

I clear my throat, “My name’s Andy. What’s yours?”

She smiles, “I’m Victoria.”

Victoria. Pretty. Pretty old-fashioned, if you asked me.

“Cool. I like it.”

“Would you like to come inside?” she asks.

“Well, I…”

“Cooky made gingerbread. It’s my favorite,” she pleads.

I hesitate.

“Please? No one ever comes to see me. I haven’t got any friends. I wish I had friends,” Victoria says, her lip quivering as she looks at the ground.

I feet bad for her. I know how it feels to be left out.

She looks me in the eyes. They are so blue that they could be black. I can’t look away.

“Oh, heck. Sure, I’ll come for a few minutes,” I reply.

Victoria beams at me, races down the steps, and takes my hand. All of the sudden she is bright and happy, her voice and laughter as colorful as birds in the tropics. I hardly notice the inside of the house, until a woman steps in front of us with her hands on her hips. The woman is wide and round, hair pulled up in a tight bun, and a white apron tied around her dress.

“Where have you been, Miss Victoria? Your father sent me to find you, and here you are traipsing around with some ruffian. Bring him into the kitchen now; you can’t very well send him out into the cold without something to eat.”

Victoria laughs, and I think I see some sort of message flash between her and the woman. I shrug it off and follow.

I begin to notice my surroundings. The wallpaper is old and faded, the staircase falling in. The air is full of dust, and the furniture had once been red. I start to feel spooked and decide I had seen enough.

“Victoria, I think I should be leaving now. I need to finish up some stuff for my mother.”

“Oh, Andy, not yet please. You haven’t tasted Cooky’s lovely gingerbread,” she said.

I guess that Cooky is the woman who met us in the hallway. Victoria grips my hand even harder and pulls me with surprising strength into the kitchen. The stove is unlike anything I have ever seen. It is a large, black monster with fire breathing from it, like a dragon. The lighting is dim, and there is a man sitting at the table on the far end of the room next to it.

“Ah, Victoria,” the man says.

“Oh, Papa! Look what I found! His name is Andy, and he’s come to have gingerbread with us,” she exclaims.

She looks so happy that my heart aches. I want to be this little girl’s friend, no matter that her house is falling apart.

Victoria crawled up on her father’s lap, snuggling into his chest.

“Can I keep him, Papa? Can I keep him?”


“Certainly, Victoria. I think this is a fine boy,” he replies.

Victoria turns to me. Her eyes are cold and piercing, but loving at the same time. She pulls her lips back and smiles. The hair on the back of my neck stands up. My brain screams at me to run, but I can’t move. I can’t take my eyes from that beautiful little face.

“It won’t hurt, Andy. I’d never hurt you, sweet, dear, kind Andy. You’ll live with me forever and ever and ever and ever!” Victoria cries.

She stalks towards me and before I can think, she leaps through the air and is on me.

Something pierces my neck. I feel blood begin to drain through my body. I am glad to help her. Victoria is near. She won’t hurt me.

“You won’t hurt me,” I say softly.

“I went too far, Papa,” the girl sobs, “I always go too far. Why didn’t you stop me?!”

The man kneels in front of the weeping child.

“I loved him, Papa. I saw him bring the paper every day. I wanted him to be with me forever and ever,” she whimpers.

His eyes are hard as he looks into hers.

“Victoria. Some things are not meant to be.”

He stands and walks to the table. Victoria follows, still crying tearlessly. Her sobs increase as she gazes upon the pale white face of the boy lying in the bag who she’d invited inside.

“Good-bye, Andy my love. I’m so sorry,” she cries.

The man reaches down and tugs on the silver zipper.



Friday, January 2, 2009

Because He Looked Away...

I wrote this last year for World Civ. I had to write a poem about some sort of sacrifice during World War II. I don't know if this counts as sacrifice, but they gave me full credit for it. :)

Because He Looked Away

Hidden in the darkness
underneath the bed,
I feel the wood’s rough hardness
dig into my neck.

Softly, slowly breathing
desperate not to quake
lest the Nazis find me
and drag me to my grave.

Footsteps coming closer
open up the door.
All intent on murder,
cross the bedroom floor.

Hands reach down towards me,
lift the blanket low.
I know that I’m not breathing.
and now the Nazi knows.

He’s no more than a boy, I think,
a young one just like me.
But he is armed and deadly,
and I am small and weak.

Eyes wide open, staring
look into my own.
The Nazi starts preparing,
and now my doom is known.

His shoulders start to shake,
his hands drop to his sides.
“If freedom you will make,
stay here. You must still hide.”

“There’s no one here,” he calls
and drops the blanket down.
The footsteps leave along the hall,
there is no other sound.

Unhurt, unharmed, unscathed
I am here today.
Saved by a stranger’s grace,
because he looked away.

Pearl Harbor...

I've been working on this for History extra credit. It's from three different viewpoints: A Japanese pilot, a boy on a bicycle, and a radar operator.

Pearl Harbor: A Poem in Three Parts

The Run

Glory, honor, country.
Taught to me since childhood.
Grasp the thoughts, hold onto that phrase.

Glory, honor, country.
This is my destiny.
Show the world our power and strength.

Glory, honor, country.
Shove the words in their
White faces, watch them cry.

Glory, honor, country.
Will they hear it?
Will they know it?

Glory, honor, country.
Don’t ask why, fly on.
Fly on, on, on, until that single moment.

Glory, honor, country.
The ship is hulking, black
And still in the water. Can’t turn back.

Glory, honor, country.
Grip the seat, set my jaw.
No going back, remember the words.

Glory, honor, country.
Recite the words.
Recite them one last time.

Glory, honor, country.


Someday these wheels will be wings,
I told my mother.
No more silly bikes,
With two round tires and
A bell that squeaks.

Someday I’ll fly so high,
I’ll touch the very clouds.
I’ll look over the sea
and watch the tiny ships toss
and turn below.

Someday I’ll look down and
Wave to those below me,
Like that man up there!
The plane with the sun on its wing,
Flying alone, so free.

Someday I’ll forget what I saw.
The man who waved, a fireball
Of flame and smoke.
The bright wing sun gleaming
A strange, frightening smile.

Someday I’ll forget all
The screams, the shouting, the death.
All from my spot on the hill,
Glued to my bike seat,
Shocked and afraid.

Someday these wheels will be wings.
Not wings of freedom, but
Wings of fear.
No more silly bikes,
Machines to kill.


My job is great. No problems,
No worries, no boss breathing down my neck.
Sit and lean back in the chair, feet up.
No worries.

My screen is blank most days. Some
planes should be flying in,
but they’re a bit behind schedule.
I have nothing to do for awhile.

My screen is not blank. I
guess the planes aren’t as behind
as they thought they would be.
Little blips on my screen, no problem.

I was wrong. Those blips
weren’t ours. I was wrong. People
are dead, good men and even women.
People I knew. I was wrong.

The flames are horrible, the smoke
staining the sky black. All
the blue is blocked, the clouds choking,
Even the ships so choked that they fall.

I was wrong. No worries? Not on
your life.
All my fault.
All my fault.


I'm hungry. My house is cold though. I don't want to get out of the covers to go make food. How lazy is that?

So my sister is really, really sick. She's had some weird kind of thing going on for about two weeks. The doctors have been doing tests for that same amount of time, and they still have no idea what it is. Doctor Bennett, our pediatrician, is one of the best in the state, and he has never seen anything like it before. I'm really worried now. I wasn't before, but now....

It's really hard to do anything for her, either. Ever time I try to help out, she gets mad and yells at me. I know it's partially because she's sick and is taking about ten different medications right now, but it still hurts. I invite her places, I make her food, I get her presents, and it just isn't enough. I hope she gets better soon. Then she can be happy again.

Wow. My tummy sounds like a dog growling. Maybe I should put on some pants and a jacket, instead of t-shirt and shorts. Haha, that reminds me of Twilight. I saw that movie last night! <3 <3 <3 <3 it.

Thursday, January 1, 2009


Firsts of 2009 (first time writing 2009):

First post on my blog
First song heard: Auld Lang Syne (spelling :P)
First game played: Monopoly (the time carries over, it counts)
First drink: Sparkling Cider
First room visited: Kitchen
First noise: Fireworks
First words: "Mom, we're waiting for you."
First argument: 12:00 am
First good-night/good morning: 12:10 am
First time washing my face and brushing my teeth: 12:15
First website used: Gmail
First clothing worn: sweats and hoodie
First book read: 1 Nephi

I'm exhausted. And just for the record, I think that "2009" looks ugly. It just doesn't look as nice to me as "2008" did. I don't know if it'll be easier to write, either. Hm.