Tuesday, April 30, 2013

little things that make me smile...

There are certain things in life that I cannot keep from smiling about. To some they may seem like silly things. To me, they mean the world.


...making friends with a brown squirrel on the walk across campus
...signing up for music lessons because I can
...seeing little Teddy run up to me when I get home and snuggle as close to me as he can (he does that to no one else)
...hearing birds singing in the morning sunshine
...watching a butterfly skim the grass on colorful wings
...feeling Adam run his fingers through my hair (I don't know why I love that so much)
...looking outside and seeing the little ones playing in the backyard or snuggling up close in their kennel
...sitting on the kitchen floor under the light of the stove drowning Oreos in milk (because that is the closest I will ever come to murder)
...snuggling down in warm covers, pillows, and teddy bears after a long day at school and work
...hugging daddy
...receiving kisses and cuddles from Misty and Molly when I visit my parents' house
...driving with the windows down and the music turned up
...walking through grocery stores for fun
...getting a soft kiss on the forehead
...eating a big bowl of freshly baked brownies with vanilla ice cream and chocolate syrup on top with my special spoon
...being held close enough and long enough to hear heartbeats synchronizing
...talking to a long time friend and realizing how much you can learn about a person by listening, even after years of conversations
...drinking a cup of horchata in the spring, a glass of strawberry lemonade in the summer, a tumbler of herbal tea in the fall, a mug of        cinnamon hot chocolate in the winter
...laughing until your cheeks hurt and your sides ache from the giggles
...climbing a tree barefoot
...playing on the kids' jungle gym at the complex park even though you're a grown-up and your boyfriend barely fits on the swings
...gazing at the stars - or the clouds - or the clear blue sky
...opening a package, a parcel, a letter, addressed to you
...baking cookies late at night with someone you love
...cooking dinner for more than one person
...washing dishes in such a way that it becomes an all-out water war (but don't get it on the carpet)
...kissing good-night, soft and sweet and promising tomorrow

Monday, April 29, 2013

puppy lovin'...

I love these kids -- so, so sweet.

Chelley and I are happy, happy mommies.

da babies is HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I  know this probably looks super, super weird. There is a legitimate reason for three grown-ups of both genders to be pushed up against each other in the bathroom.


Our three little foster babies are here!!

These three kiddos were on the kill list of a Denver shelter. Chelsea saw these three and three other puppies from the same litter posted on Facebook as needing a foster home asap. We eagerly volunteered our home and have spent the last three days dying in suspense.

And here they are! Highly in need of a bath, some dinner, and lots of love -- all of which they received with little hesitation.

Here we have Jeffy with little Lily and Chelley with Baby Bowser.

Here's me with my tiny Theodore, or Teddy Bear as I call him. And there are the babies all in a row.

Our photographer, Adi Bear.

And after a long day of travel, bath time, and play, it's time to sleep.

Sunday, April 28, 2013

chalk the block...

Because when you live where I do, you can't just chalk the sidewalk. Seeing as there is no sidewalk, it's nearly impossible. And, seeing as there are yards and yards of smooth, warm, black asphalt just itching to be colored pinks and greens and blues, well. Confining my chalking space to just in front of my garage was not gonna happen. And what better way to spend a beautiful spring day than with a box of sidewalk chalk and your best friend?

You may remember when I wrote about playing this game with Parker in Idaho. It's a game you can't play by yourself, so I invited Adam to try his hand at chalking (we've been seeing an awful lot of each other for being broken up -- not gonna lie, it's been weird, but I'd rather see him than not). Here are some of our favorite drawings.

My favorite of Adam's 

Cave painting, anyone? 

NASA spaceship and -- yep -- Alice in Wonderland caterpillar

"Take a look, it's in a book, a reading rainbow!" 

yes -- because whenever I play this game, a penguin will show up somewhere 

no, it's not Gulliver and the Lilliputians -- but he is in no man's land between two warring armies 


he's dancin' with his princess

see all that chalk behind us? mission chalk the block accomplished.

Oh, and by the way -- we're dating again.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

furry friends...

I might have a slight obsession with Build-a-Bear teddies. I mean, it's not like I have a billion of them. This morning, though, I did notice that I have more than two.

At my parents' house, I have Cowboy (a black lab), Charlene (a cream teddy), and Sonya (a cheetah). They now live in the box in the corner with my other stuffed animals. Yes, I did cry when I put them all away.

Captain Abearica, Princess, Adi Bear, Buddy (from Ikea), April, and Desear all sleep on my bed with me. Desear is the newest member of the family. Her name means 'to wish' in Spanish. Basically, she's the my-boyfriend-broke-up-with-me bear. That and she's adorable. I mean, look.

She's pink, purple, and light blue. Like cotton candy colors. Plus her fur is so incredibly soft. And she has a fairy dress. How could I say no?

Oh, I could have easily said no. I'm totally rationalizing in the dumbest ways possible to cover up for my 'I HAVE TO HAVE IT' moment when I saw her. Kind of like with my other bears (or bunnies).

Bad, bad.

Moving back to my parents' home might be a good thing, because I won't get pushed out of the full bed like I do the twin here at my house.

I's beary happy to have my new friend.

funny, what you remember...

and what can break your heart.

Friday, April 26, 2013

life's a beach...

This is where I live. It's not really a beach (obviously -- mountains). But it's still beautiful.

dragon clouds and sunshine

Ann and I soaking in the cosmetic sunshine (aka sunshine that has no warmth but is still cheery)

yep -- life's good

Thursday, April 25, 2013


Hey, y'all.

After a good 9 days of clearing my head and re-evaluating what I'm going to do with my life, I feel like it's a good time to start sharing my adventures again.

So far, I've done these things:
  1. Moved up my graduation date from December 2014 to April 2014 -- Spring/Summer term scholarships create great incentive to get the heck out of here.
  2. Decided NOT to serve a full-time mission for sure.
  3. Made plans to reapply to UVU after graduating to complete the photography certificate, a year long program that I've had my eye on for awhile (because BYU has been sending me emails telling me that I have a lot of credits and should think about graduating).
  4. Also decided to do MATC's culinary arts program, just for kicks.
  5. Started checking out grad schools and have narrowed it down to three or four, none of which require me to leave the state -- holla for accredited satellite programs.
  6. Gotten myself in debt to the bank for the first time in my life -- yay for emotional spending sprees. But it is pretty worth it -- got my first pedicure (the polish matches my eyes) and my first pairs of American Eagle jeans (because my favorite pair died). And a Build-a-Bear. Because I needed something to hug.
  7. Rented a puppy.
What? Rented a puppy, you ask? 

Why, yes. I actually scheduled that before Adam broke up with me (hence the blog break for a little while), and when little Toby showed up two days after things fell apart, he was a welcome distraction.

 This is Toby. Adorbs, isn't he?

this bone is Toby-size for his convenience

Kinda wish I could keep him, because he is such a little love. Puppies (and dogs in general) just make everything better.

Anyway. I'm back. I've got what I want figured out, and I'm feeling pretty good. There are hard moments, obviously. My life is pretty great, though. I'm a lucky girl.

I've been lucky for a long time.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

in need of a break...

Well friends, this is it.

I'm taking a break from blogging for awhile. I don't foresee it being a long one -- but I just need to figure things out.

I need to reorient my life, my feelings, my thoughts. I need to figure out who I am at this point, and what I want in life now. I need to plan and move on. Maybe try writing in a real journal for a change to move past the heartbreak.

Love you all. Talk to you soon.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

just got to write stuff down...

Every once in awhile, I feel so incredibly weak that I can't keep my head up. My limbs constantly shake, and I often can't control my fingers. It wouldn't be so bad if it didn't make it so difficult to type or hold a pencil.

I really love Oreos. That's a bad thing, because Oreos are not good for me at all, but they taste so magnificent! Lots of food that isn't good for me tastes good, and seeing as how I've gained ten pounds since I started dating Adam, I should probably stop eating crap food.

Although, Adam keeps telling me I've lost weight and that I "feel skinnier," which doesn't make sense to me because I'm the one who sees myself in the mirror every single day. 

It's frustrating to have gained weight. I see these super thin girls all of the time, and I just ache inside to look like them. But no matter how much I exercise or eat well, I don't change. In some ways, it breaks my heart. Seriously -- it might sound super shallow and vain, and it probably is -- I can't seem to get past it.

Speaking of food, I made awesome Parmesan crusted chicken last night with lemon-pepper green beans for a side. Super good. So good that I didn't feel guilty for eating it.

Can I just say how much I enjoy the TV show Psych? "I'd rather show with a bear." Ha, Lassie kills me.

Last night I had a dream that there was a war going on between different races of rabbits. They had machine guns that shot carrot bullets, and were fighting over who was going to rule the world. It was weird. As in, super weird. Rabbits wearing camo and leather jackets with helmets and aviators, equipped with cabbage mortar guns and carrot shooters. Weird.

I'm so tired. I have no energy.

Being afraid is no fun. I'm constantly waiting for the ball to drop and for my life to change. The fairy tale is going to end and life is going to go back to normal. And it'll hurt. It's so hard to not be sure.

I'm thinking that I need a new phone. The one that I have is dying -- I mean, it's been almost three years since I got it. First phone, only phone. Heck, it takes five minutes to turn on if I shut if off for a little while. Old, old phone.

Yesterday, I made a candy poster for Adam to congratulate him for his scholarship that he go. He was awarded a $5,500 a year scholarship from the National Science Foundation because he's got such a good GPA and is majoring in mathematics. He's a smarty pants. And he liked the poster. It was so fun to make it for him. And he liked it. Lots.

I just don't want to be sad anymore.

Saturday, April 13, 2013

falling apart...

So the doctor appointment fell through.

                        A pay raise also fell through.

                                            Going on vacation this summer fell through.

                                                                             Housing for summer fell through.

                                                                                                 And the engagement fell through.

But no worries. I have a great life.

I wrote a fairly decent 15 page paper in 8 hours.

I got 100% on my group presentation for Sociology.

I got assigned to review the entire Jimmy Stewart collection at work (talk about a summer project).

I was put in charge of the Cecil B. DeMille collection (over 1,000 boxes of material that need to be processed or catalogued and numbered, which I will be supervising -- talk about a summer AND fall project).

I have parents and sisters who call, text, and email me on a frequent basis to check on me and say hello.

I have an awesome room mate.

I have three wonderful dogs.

And I (still) have a great boyfriend.

Life's good.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013


Another doctor's appointment today. I don't want to go, especially not by myself. I don't want to go alone.

I think I'm more afraid that, once again, the doctor won't find anything.

Really, though. I need them to find something. Anything. Because this...this is just debilitating.

8 days of classes left. 8 days, and the last exam next Saturday. And then I'm done.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

act in faith...

"Perhaps the greatest test of our faith and the most difficult part of prayer may be to recognize the answer that comes to us in a thought or a feeling, and then to accept or to act on the answer God chooses to give." -Rex D. Pinegar

I have learned a lot about the Lord in the last couple of days.

I've learned that even though I make mistakes and feel afraid to pray, I can go to the Lord and he will listen.
I've learned that the Lord will answer my prayers and alleviate heartache.
I've learned that a spirit of peace can fill my heart and mind, even when there are tears pouring down my face.
I've learned that the family I was placed in loves me very much, and that I am blessed to have them.
I've learned that the Lord answers the prayers of my parents on my behalf, and that they really are interested in me.
I've learned that the Lord lets me and others use their agency, and that he comforts those who are affected by the choices of others.
I've learned that forgiveness is more than a possibility for me, but a reality.

I've learned that following promptings and holding on to peace is very, very difficult. Because life is not easy, and the fears and doubts creep in easily. Because loneliness sets in, and uncertainty clouds the mind.

Because what you want and what God says is best for you may not be the same thing.

what's old is new to me...