Tuesday, June 30, 2009

reading worlds...

I'm back. Sorry. And I'm posting it under June 30th, because that's the last day of the month and all. All of the books I read in June. Hold on tight!

Two Stars and Lower...
1. Sun and Moon, Ice and Snow, Jessica Day George
WAY too much like East. Not as well written and almost exactly the same type of plot. Besides, East came first by three years.

2. Anne Frank and Me, Cherie Bennett
This was too confusing to me. I never felt attached to the characters, and I didn't really care what happened to them.

Three Stars and Up...
1. The Last Battle of the Icemark, Stuart Hill
The last book in the Icemark Trilogy, it tells of the growing powers of Queen Thirrin's new enemies-her daughter and father-in-law (if you can call him that). I thought this one was really good.

2. The Fifth of March: A Story of the Boston Massacre, Ann Rinaldi
Well written, well researched, and interesting characters. But of course! It's Ann Rinaldi, after all!

3. Airman, Eoin Colfer
I so want this to be made into a movie. It was fantastic, for reals.

4. The Gods and Their Machines, Oison McGann
This was a little bit weird at first, but I liked how they showed the differences in background and beliefs between the two warring societies. It showed how people don't think that their system is wrong because it has always been that way. The two clashing forces only clash because they think and live differently. No one starts out evil-we create it.

5-7. Everest: The Contest, The Climb, The Summit, Gordan Korman
The Contest was the weakest book in this trilogy, but I still give it three stars. I just didn't think that the characters were real enough. The Climb and The Summit were more believable and better written.

8-10. Island: Shipwreck, Survival, Escape, Gordan Korman
This trilogy as a whole was better than Everest, even though the situations were less likely to happen.

11. Tomorrow, When the War Began, John Marsden
I still do not understand what the title is trying to say and how it fits with the book, but it was really good anyway. Separated from their imprisoned families, a group of teenagers fight against the invading army while hiding in Hell.

12. Gideon the Cutpurse, Linda Buckley-Archer
Fun to read and fun to think about what you could change if you actually went back in time.

13. Fablehaven, Brandon Mull
I actually thought this was a lot of fun, and sometimes rather intense. My sister is rather like the troublesome brother in the story, and I'm always trying to keep her from breaking something or going where she shouldn't. People have said that this is a weird book, which it is, but it's a fun weird. A fweird, as my Homecoming group once said last year.

14. The Hero of Ages, Brandon Sanderson
I was slightly disappointed by the ending of the last book in the Mistborn trilogy. I know why it had to happen, and why those characters had to die, but still! It was bothersome and annoying. They work so hard and just get killed. It was for the plot of the story, I know. "They're not gods, just humans as tools in the hands of a higher power, so they can die." Makes sense. But it was still lame. Five stars!

15. How to be a (Bad) Birdwatcher, Simon Barnes
He swears too much. It doesn't make him sound intelligent at all, and was totally unnecessary. But the rest was funny.

16. Unwind, Neal Shusterman
I really, really, really, REALLY hope that we never figure out how to unwind people. It's just so wrong. I don't think that the Pro-Life and Pro-Choice campaigns would ever agree to this compromise, but still. You never know. Please don't let us get that bit of technological advancement. Amazingly creepy, so don't read it at night like I did. Especially the last five chapters.

17. Howl's Moving Castle, Dianna Wynne Jones
I can't believe I've never read this before. It was so fun, and now I want to watch the movie of it.

18. House of Many Ways, Dianna Wynne Jones
I was told that this was the sequel to #17 above, but I don't know. I think there's one somewhere in between it. Again, fun to read.

19. The Glass Harmonica, Louise Marley
I liked the main characters, the two girls. I think that they are actually related, but the author never says that. Just me, I guess.

20. The Faerie Path, Frewin Jones
Clever and imaginative. Sometimes I wish I were secretly a Faerie Princess and could kick butt. ;)

21. The Lost Queen, Frewin Jones
Second in this Faerie series, Tania goes to look for her lost mother. Conflicts arise between her Faerie life and her Mortal life, and soon she'll have to choose which one she wants more.

22. Summer of My German Solider, Bette Green
Why do they always have people die at the end? It's so annoying. Good read, and I would highly recommend it.

See? Much better this month. I actually read something. :)

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

does he know?

My friend is gone. My sweet, adorable, noble, loyal little beagle is gone. He's been gone before; streaking across the yard toward the open gate someone forgot to shut and leaping for the chance of freedom. It was a favorite game of his-run and run and run with a great silly grin on his face, outstripping all of the neighborhood kids with a triumphant wave of his tail, a white flag whipping and teasing behind him. He'd be gone for what seemed like ages. I'd sit in fear of what could happen to him, if he was lost or cold, hurt or taken from me. But somehow he always came back. Tired, thirsty, usually smelling of manure or some other lovely something, and hungry (of course, he's a beagle), he'd trot into the yard with, if possible, an even bigger grin on his face and say proudly "Ha! I'm back!"

Not this time. This time, Buddy isn't coming back. My mom came into my room early this morning to tell me what she, my dad, and Buddy had decided. It was time to let him go. I know it is-he can't eat, he can't sleep, he can't walk. He can't even go to the toilet anymore. He's fallen apart, and no amount of medicine, surgeries, or even glue in the entire world can hold all of him together anymore. I ached inside as I closed the car door, telling him how much I love him and asking him not to forget me. Watching the car drive away with my best friend inside, knowing he wouldn't come back, nearly brought me to my knees in pain. My heart exploded inside me. There isn't enough glue to fix me, either.

Does he know that I love him? The whole time I was sitting next to him in the grass I kept asking myself that question. Did I spend enough time with him? Why didn't I do more? What if I'd done somethings differently; would he have had more time with us? These thoughts kept running through my head while I memorized the smooth, silky feel of his fur into my fingers, etched the lines of his face into my memory, burned the smell of him into my nose. The pictures I have of him won't be complete without all of the little details-just a picture isn't enough for me to remember him by.

I remember some of the little things right now-the way he perked up his ears when he heard the car keys, how he slunk away from the thought of putting on his sweater before a winter walk, his comical grin and beg trick while he waited patiently for a treat. I can see his hackles raised from the tip of his nose all the way down to the tip of his tail at the sight of a cat. I can the rumbling growl in his throat before loosing a baying bark like a cannon firing and the whine of excitement when he saw us walking towards him from school.

I remember the guilty expression on his face when he'd get into the garbage can and scatter debris all over the floor, the way he'd sort of slink/walk over to us and ask for forgiveness with a half grin and a half wag of his tail. I remember him actually cornering a cat once and looking over his shoulder at me, completely confused as to what to do next. Actually catching one of those creatures was never his plan-he just wanted to chase it as far and as fast as possible.

I remember the nights with the thunderstorms, and he'd hide under the covers with me. I remember the Fourth of July fireworks, and how he thought it was thunder and couldn't figure out why I was dancing around with lightning in my hand, making circles and even spelling his name. I remember him longing to be able to read and write-pawing a book off of the shelf, opening it with his nose, putting a pen in his mouth, and trying to copy the movements of my hand by moving his head back and forth. Sometimes he'd get lucky and make a mark on a page; other times he'd just get frustrated and chew the book to pieces instead. I remember reading to him when I was younger-picture books mostly. When I tried sharing Harry Potter with him, he got bored. "Too long!" he'd look at me and leave.

I remember how much he hated balloons. One night he saw something on the stairs. A floating head! It was coming right towards him. Shaking and wanting to run, he continued to growl and bark to get my parents attention. Once they saw what the commotion was about, they began to laugh. My mom reached to grab the balloon and show Buddy what it really was. The moment she touched it, he wailed and ran as fast as he could into the bedroom, diving under the bed. I remember how we were partners in crime. The two of us would hide in the closet by the backdoor, waiting together to see how long it would take for someone to find us. I remember he'd steal my stuffed animals to make me chase him around the house. I remember running to dive under the bed with him and accidentally seeing all of my Christmas presents, and how sad he looked when I began to cry.

I remember how much he loved toast. I used to make some every morning in seventh grade. He'd hear the toast pop out of the toaster and come running to have a bite. I remember how he would chase Misty through the house. I remember how he's taught her everything he knows, like a big brother or uncle. She idolizes him. She can't figure out why we were all so sad to see him drive away. That's going to be so hard.

I remember how well he could express himself to me. I remember the first day I actually understood what he said. I called him to me, and he gave me a disdainful look. I said to him, "Come on, Buddy, five more inches won't kill you." He raised his paws off of his head and clearly said, "Won't kill you either." I moved five more inches.

I remember the first day we found Buddy. It was a cold, snowy night in early December. Choir rehearsal for the Christmas Concert had just ended, and my mother would not stop talking. I peeked out the window and was immediately drawn outside. The white ground of the churchyard had not yet been touched by a foot and lay quiet. The perfection called me out from the warm belly of the church with the single thought of stamping the snow to oblivion. I was not the only one who had this idea.

A small, funny looking dog had his nose to the ground, completely oblivious that I was watching his smell-fest. I whistled to him, and he froze. I took a step towards him, calling "Here, doggie!" He wagged his tail, still frozen in place. Another step, another step, and another step. I was reaching out to touch his head when he was suddenly gone. Round and round and round in circles he ran, getting closer to me on each pass, until he stopped a few feet from me, panting and grinning in a bow. I stepped towards him again, hands out, and just as I could almost touch him he was off again, circling and circling around me. My sisters had now joined in the fun, chasing this teasing little dog and trying to catch him.

I waited. I knew what was up-it was a game to him. He'd circle, getting closer and closer, and once I could reach him he'd take off again to play some more. He was teasing me. This time when he stopped, I didn't move. I let him take the first step towards me, his nose quivering and his tail erect, ears perked in curiosity, head tilted to the side. He sniffed around my still form, his body relaxing visibly. And just as he got close enough, I pounced.

At first I was afraid I'd flattened him beneath my snow-suited body, but he was wriggling and upset that I'd figured out his game. I picked him up (he was rather heavy for an eight-year-old to carry) and took him to the porch of the church. My mom was still inside talking with the choir director and I showed her the dog. I didn't ask if we could keep him, just if we could take him home for the night. It was cold and wet, and I figured he was hungry.

Taking him home that night turned into a wonderful nine and a half years full of happy grins, wagging tails, garbage-strewn floors, sneaking paws, listening ears, and just all-around wonderfulness. He made friends everywhere he went just by looking at them. People would come up to him saying, "Hey, buddy! What's his name?" That night I'd found him, I knew he should be called Buddy. Because that's what he is.

He's everyone's friend. We took him to the park-new friends and new stories of chasing things. We took him to choir rehearsal-he joined in on a long fermata with huge bay, which the tenors copied on the next run of the number. We took him to school-everyone loved "Buddy the Shiloh dog." We took him sledding-bad idea, he took off and I once again employed my awesome football player tackling skills. We bought him presents at Christmas-the first Christmas he was with us he opened other people's presents just for the fun of playing with the wrapping papers, so we got him a few of his own to play with. We got him toys-chewy ropes that he would never let go of, pulling me across the kitchen floor, a play-growl in his throat, head whipping from side to side.

I took him with me when I went driving sometimes. I'd get a snow cone, he'd get a piece of chicken, and we'd just drive. He sat next to me on the front seat, nose quivering and eyes seeing everything. All of our friends love him, and he reciprocates that affection. I introduced him to my dates, most of which whom he approved of. If he hadn't, I probably wouldn't have gone.

He laughed with us, he cried with us. He never kissed our cheeks like Misty does. When we were really sad, he'd come and find us. He'd sit next to us, pressing against us in a hug, and lick our hands. He knew how to help us. That's what he always did. He helped everyone he met in some way. Because he was special. Buddy wasn't just a dog. He was a member of the family. He even converted my dad into being a dog-appreciator, if not a dog-lover. His soulful eyes, noble posture, and loyal attitude have changed my life forever. I feel like a part of me has died. I don't think it will ever awaken again.

He isn't coming back. My Buddy isn't coming back.

Monday, June 22, 2009


Our neighborhood sits on top of a gigantic extension of anthills. This complicated net of tunnels and little caverns has finally gotten tired of being under our feet. A parcticularly determined colony has had a rebellion. "No more darkness!" screeches their leader in a teeny weeny voice, "No more oppression! No more extra weight on our heads! Divide and conquer! Divide and conquer! CHARGE!!!" A full scale invasion has been launched by their commander, and after weeks of fighting, the offensive party has breached the walls and floors of the fortress above. Meaning my house.

Now, we've had the general small string of ants every once in a while, but this is crazy. Through the drains in the floors and showers, under the cracks in the carpet padding, up and down inside the walls come the ants. They've brought friends with them-winged termites have joined the shock troopers, pikemen, and ground troops as their calvary. To battle they go, chewing holes in sheetrock and siding, ripping through carpet, and biting dogs' noses.

Yes, I know they're not doing it out of spite. That's just what ants and termites do. Divide the walls and conquer (as their battle cry suggests), for it's much nicer inside the cozy wood of a house than that of a tree or log. The people build the home so they're work is half done; all they've got to do now is open up a few holes and presto! Bug Hotel is in service!

But no. No, I don't think so. The exterminator is back for a second appointment on Friday evening. After one or two more visits, our reinforcements will overpower those of the invading creepy crawlies. They'll feel the boot on their backsides and here a resounding "GET OUT!!!"

It's nice being big. :)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

20 ?s...

1. Where is your cell phone?
I don’t have one. Nasty little buggers, those.

2. Your significant other?
Don’t have one of those either. Still, I’d rather have one of those than a cell

3. Your hair?
Spread out on my pillow like some sleeping princess-only mine is wet and smells like apples. :)

4. Your mother?

Where is she? She’s at a viewing for the father of a friend of hers.

5. Your father?
Where is he? In his Lazy Boy in his room. Probably with scriptures on his lap and glasses on his nose.

6. Your favorite thing?
Hm. My library card? Keys? Money? My bed. Definitely my bed.

7. Your dream last night?
Not a good one. Bleh. But it was sort of cool at the same time.

8. Your favorite drink?
It used to be Grape PowerAde, but they changed it a bit. It tastes a lot more like
salt. I think it is now white grape juice, orange juice, and milk. Hot chocolate is
good, too. ‘Specially on the hottest day on record in St. George. Tee hee.

9. Your dream/goal?

Graduate from high school with an Associate’s Degree, serve a mission for the
LDS church, spend a semester abroad in a foreign country, and eventually
marriage and kids.

10. What room are you in?

11. Your hobby?
I think I have a lot of those. I like to dance, read (like mad!), write poetry and
short stories (long ones are frustrating), drive aimlessly through town with
nothing to do, and try every flavor at the Sno Shack in one summer. I have yet to
accomplish that last one.

12. Your fear?
Lots of those, too. Spiders, snakes, the unknown, swimming, tests, clowns, boys,
being unable to provide for my family, not meeting up to academic expectations,
not fitting in, being myself, eating in front of people outside of my family, my
parents, failing in my church, being abandoned, doctors and therapists, talking on
the phone to strangers, to name a few.

I seem to have more fears than goals.

13. Where do you want to be in six years?

See #9-coming home from a mission at age 23 ½.

14. Where were you last night?

In my room reading “How to Be a (Bad) Birdwatcher”.

15. Something that you aren't?

16. Muffins?

On the kitchen counter and calling my name. ;)

17. Wish list item?

See my Etsy profile. And probably red Dorothy shoes. And a couple of modest dresses to wear to church. I can't sew (yet) and all of the dresses at the stores have no sleeves, plunging necklines that meet the hemline, and no back. To try and wear leggings and a t-shirt would just look ridiculous. I need to learn how to sew!

18. Last thing you did?
Typed an answer to question seventeen. Duh.

19. What are you wearing?

A blue, white, and black polka-dotted pajama shirt and white pajama pants with
polar bears wearing purple sweater on them. Yes, dahling. I do know how to dress

20. TV?

Don’t watch it and don’t have one.

I wonder why all of the formatting is so off. Hm.

i've had it...

For the next few paragraphs or so I am going to sound like some stupid little angst-filled teenage girl who hates the world. I do not, however, hate the world. No, at this moment I hate something much closer to home. Namely my mother. And I've had it. Had it with days and weeks and months and years and a lifetime of this crap. So now I'll tell you why, just to justify my resentment a teeny, tiny bit (not that it helps much-I know I'm wrong).

I hate her. She's the biggest hypocrite I have ever met in my entire life. Nothing is right in her eyes. Nothing. But can she make a mistake? No. Oh, heavens no! Heaven forbid that MOTHER could make a mistake. She can do no wrong, and if you say so, be prepared to have your head guillotined off with a blunt blade and thrown to the dogs.

So I can't approach her and tell her how her actions make me feel. I can't tell her what really happened, because it gets twisted to fit how she remembers it. She didn't give me the dance shoes because they didn't fit her anymore-I stole them. She didn't tell my dad and sisters it was okay for them to use the washing machine all day-I wasn't proactive in getting my stuff done during the rest of the week (and though she fights it, the laundry room was full the ENTIRE week and I couldn't do it at all until today, and it was MY fault that someone turned off the machine while my clothes were in it-not my sister's. She didn't suggest to me that I could take classes online-I did it so that I could monopolize the computer that has a printer. I'M always the bad guy. I'M always the one that screws everything up.

And so right now I'm being a petty, selfish brat and saying that I hate my mother. Chastise me, correct me, tell me that I'm wrong, because you're probably right. I know you're right. And I'll agree with you, but not right now. Maybe tomorrow. But definitely not now. Because right now-I hate her.


Saturday, June 20, 2009

i should be...

doing so many other things right now, but I don't want to. Might be because I'm lazy, might be because I don't care. I don't know. Anyway, I was wrong about how many years it's been since I went to a sleepover. I was off by two. It wasn't seven years. It was nine years. Woot.

So, for my first sleepover, it was pretty much amazing, and I don't know why they call them SLEEPovers. You really...don't...sleep. Like, at all. You get a lot of "bugly" Jitterbug girls together in one room. You eat lots of food (pizza from Papa Murphy's, sherbet, key lime pie, strawberries, guacamole and chips, for example) and scream and giggle and do crazy things. Dress-up and karaoke at four in the morning is dangerous. And it's amazing how much fun it is.

Carissa looks like a refined, sophisticated woman of about twenty-five. She does not look like she has had six kids and is actually in her thirties. Neither does she look like a complete nut. She is though. A very good, fun, nutty-as-squirrel poo nut. My now second mom has gorgeous red hair, a gorgeous voice, and tons of personality. Usually she'd be the type of person who overwhelms me, but no. She's amazing, and I love her like mad. Oh, and she made the dress she's wearing in this picture.

Her daughter, Emma, is also a nut. She's got her mom's curly hair and her dad's deeper voice. Pure alto and amazing dancer. And no, that isn't her hair. Emma is a J-bug with me and her mom.

Alaia is Carissa's youngest girl. It was her birthday on the day of our party, so she got to hang out downstairs with "the big kids." She's cawazy! Cute and tiny, she packs a punch. Sometimes literally.

Jasmine is a fellow cast member and J-bug like me. She doesn't seem like the type of person to put on a Batman mask and strut her stuff to "Nobody's Perfect" Hannah Montana style, but she can do it. She's sweet and nice, and also pretty nuts. She likes taking pictures of herself, no matter how "bugly" they might turn out.

So yes, friends. We spent several hours singing and screaming to karaoke music. Everything from Trace Adkins to Josh Groban, Jekyll and Hyde to Little Mermaid, Hannah Montana to Les Miserables. We watched The Lizzie McGuire Movie and awoke at seven to Lambchops and Theodore Moose. At least, I think that's what it was called.

All in all, it was pretty much the most amazing sleepover ever. We're already making plans for another one. Yay!

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

new stuff...

I spent my first day as a volunteer popping balloon trees, stuffing envelopes full of coupons, and giving rewards to kids who had finished Week 2 of the Summer Reading Program. Sometimes it got a little tedious, but it was way, way, WAY better than folding clothes!

Tomorrow night I will be going to a party. It will be the first time I've been to a sleepover in seven years. My parents outlawed them when I was ten; I'm still kind of surprised that my mom's letting me go. It's hosted by one of the women in the cast of "The Wizard of Oz" who we've known for like six years. Maybe that's why. She's super nice, and has totally amazing, gorgeous red hair. Carissa is the only red head I know who can look stunning in hot pink. I'm excited!

Purchased my first merit badges today: First Aid and Emergency Preparedness. I've done all of the requirements for 19 merit badges (mostly from going to school) and dad pretty much said what the heck just do it. Yay. I also got two Parade! patches, one for me and one for dad. Just for fun, because we participated. :)

Monday, June 15, 2009


YAY! I just got placed as a library volunteer! I'm so excited; I start tomorrow at 10:00. This is going to be so amazing. They're going to have me work in Children's. Best spot ever. This is a total dream come true, no joke. I cannot wait!

YAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Happy, happy, happy! *happy dance*

Sunday, June 14, 2009


Felt fuzzy and achy all day today. I didn't sleep well last night, so dad let me stay home from church. I woke up around, say, 2:00ish and just sort of hung out. There's not much to do on Sundays. I started another book, but that was about it.

I went to my neighbor's house with my family for an open house thing. One of the ladies in our ward (church group, like a congregation or something I guess) is moving, and they threw a little party for her. I spent some time with a few of the girls my age. I hardly ever talk to them; I'm afraid that they don't like me or I'll say something stupid. I'm probably being the stupid one though.

The other three girls and I talked about what we all want to do this summer, decorating our rooms, school this coming year and next, work, and of course, boys. They were all interested in hearing about the people I know at MVHS. I actually live in the OHS boundaries where they all went/go to school-I'm an out of area student at MVHS. We know a lot of the same people; they were asking me how much people have changed, who's dating who, etc. They were especially interested in Tony and want to meet him. I don't know if I want to share. Just kidding. :) Lol.

Oh, and Char, the fireworks weren't cancelled. Yay! I went with my mom and my camera. We had a grand old time in the Smith's parking lot, sitting against the car and watching the man-made storm, full of lightning and thunder. At times like that I'm very grateful for the Chinese. Pasta, paper, and fireworks. Awesome (tee hee). It kind of sounded like there were two fireworks shows going on, one in front of us and one behind. It was just because of the echoes off of the Shopko building behind us. Surround sound!


Saturday, June 13, 2009

more like walking...

The parade was fun; I'm glad I decided to be in it with my dad. I met a lot of people and was able to play with the youngest Cub Scouts. Little boys like me for some reason (when I say little I mean ages 2-10). The weather was nice and cool with sunshine, not at all wet and soggy as it had been earlier during the day.

The pace was so slow. It wasn't because of the younger members of our group, but because of the older men. The pro-scouts and volunteer adult leaders walk so slowly! I had to keep yanking my dad along. I bet a snail could have outstripped us.

We had a lot of different flag types that the parade manager asked us to carry, so instead of one color guard we ended up with about three. There was a 1776 flag, a Union Jack, a flag from the 1800s, one for each of the military branches, troop flags, the 100th anniversary banner, and of course the present US flag. I didn't carry one; I was too busy taking pictures for Brother Jefferson (and myself). It was cool to walk past the standing, silent crowds as they saluted the past, present, and even the future. Technically they didn't have to; the actual parade color guard had all ready gone past. Still, it was neat. It was only at the beginning of the parade that it was like that (fewer people), but it was cool to be a part of.

I saw a lot of people that I knew. Sister Brewer, one of my good friends and wife to a Scoutmaster, yelled to me from the crowd, "Yay, Georgie!* It's about time you were allowed in scouting!" My dad's been involved as a leader since I was tiny, and even before I was born. Now it's my turn! I saw friends from school, too. Tiffany and Michelle were there with their families. Abbey and Amy (in my Ceramics and Adult Roles classes) saw me first and called to me. Brookelynne from first term Spanish was there, Meghan from Seminary was there, Whitney and Patrick were there. A lot of people in my neighborhood said hello, too.

The best part was seeing Tony and Alex. I saw Alex first; he was leaning up against a fence watching and I called hello. Then I saw Tony. I think he was happy to see me. I was glad to see him-I've been thinking about him for a couple of days. Just wondering how he is and what he's up to.

After my group finished, dad and I walked back up the route to find mom and my sisters. I took pictures of the floats as we passed by. I wish I'd gotten one of the Pirates float-it was a giant replica of the Black Pearl towed by a big truck. There was smoke coming out of the cannons, and Jack was at the helm. His crew were tiny kids dressed as pirates as well. I think that was my favorite-it was so cool!

I'm home now (duh) and it's pouring again. I wonder if the fireworks will be cancelled. A pity, really. They're usually quite good. Even if they aren't cancelled, I don't know if I'll go. The grass will be soaked! Besides...I'm tired and have a good book to read. :)

marching on...

I'm headed off to be in the Orem Summerfest Parade. I'm marching with the group of Scouts celebrating the 100th annniversary of scouting in the United States. Seeing as I'm now a "professional scouter" because of my work position, I'm allowed to join in.

I hope it doesn't rain. It's poured off and on all day. Maybe I'll get lucky. After all, my dad did give me his lucky "Button Gear" pin. He said that I need it.

Get it yet? :)

Friday, June 12, 2009

this is a test...

of Blogger's email update options. I don't know if it works, so I'm off to check it after I hit send. If it does, this might happen a bit more often-but not likely.

"...Kids will take a chance. If they don't know, they'll have a go...they're not afraid of being wrong...If you're not prepared to be wrong, you will never come up with anything original."

Sir Ken Robinson on Creativity in Schools



******Baha. It worked. And it even has my email signature at the bottom. Curious, this.******

Thursday, June 11, 2009


It's rained most of the day today. I like it, but I sort of miss the sunshine. I have to really focus on not feeling down, and if a few rays slip through the clouds I find a way to soak them up.

My hair's wet, too. Being clean is great and it feels way good, but sometimes I just dread stepping into the shower and getting wet. I wonder why that is.

My sister, mom, and I went to the Teddy Bear Picnic today at the library. It was cute, but most of the magic has disappeared. It's like trying to play dress-up, house, or Cowboys and Indians. It just doesn't have the same feeling as it did when I was younger. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to remember how to be a princess or a school teacher.

Anyway, the teddy bears and friends visited the Emerald City, with tales of dragons and hippogriffs, frogs and princesses, bubble gum and contests. There were little kids dressed up in costumes; monkeys, lions, tin men, witches (good and bad), red shoes and gingham dresses, Munchkins, even a scarecrow with straw for a brain. No Totos though. I wish we could have brought Misty; she'd have done wonderfully.

I forgot my teddy. I was very sad-I wanted to bring Charlene, Sonya, and Cowboy to see the fun. Probably a good thing that I forgot though; I'd look silly with three teddies and me looking like I'm in college (to some people).

Blegh. Wet hair!

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


I think my mom hates me. Or very strongly dislikes me, if you find hate to be too strong of a word for your taste. It seems that everything I do right is outnumbered 5 to 1 or more by the things I do wrong. For example:

1. You're a great kid.

1. You're so selfish!
2. Stop whining!
3. You never do what I tell you to do!
4. Your room is a mess. Why can't you just keep it clean?
5. Why are you always so lazy?
6. You're not working hard enough.
7. Pay attention!
8. You can't hang out with him.
9. You spend too much money.
10. You never think about anyone but yourself!

And she wonders why I cry randomly. :'( I hate this. I'll never understand her. No matter what I do, it isn't enough to make her happy with me. Why bother? She'll just get mad again.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


No, it's not about the Spartans in the film 300 (never seen it; just had a coworker who's obsessed with it). Today is post #300. It's weird how this is my 300th post. I never thought I'd get to that number. Now what to write about. It should be good. After all, you only reach 300 once. But I can't think of a thing to write about. Hm.

Here's something. I didn't go to ESHS today because I didn't need to. Instead I was sent to drop off and pick Meghan up (perks of having a license-you get to run errands). I decided to go a different way towards the school. Usually I go to the school on a 25mph road, because there's very little traffic and I'm generally tired. This time I went the way we drive home-it's a faster route with more cars.

As I was driving west on this road, I noticed that everything looked completely different than it does when I'm driving east on the same street. The world looks very different when viewed from the other side of the road. It's a new perspective. I saw things I'd never noticed before. New sights and new angles of familiar landmarks were interesting and sort of a lesson. Sometimes you just have to try something new; otherwise you forget that things are different from a different point of view.

Whoa, that was like, deep. Like the ocean, man. ;)

Monday, June 8, 2009


Yay! I'm a Webranger. I earned my badge from www.nps.org/webrangers by completing all of the activities. I learned a lot about the National Parks in this country. It was cool to be able to take a "vacation" and "visit" them, and much easier on my wallet. So, HQ is sending me a patch to wear on a coat or jacket.

Tested on another packet today, this time the Historical Fiction one. I passed it (duh-i mean, if failed an English packet then something would be seriously wrong with me-it's my subject!) and have yet to commit myself to another one. I don't
need any more packets. The concern I have is that I want to be in school. Good gravy.

And just for the record, the library is the most amazing place ever and folding clothes for an hour sucks, even if you make $7 doing it. :P



Sunday, June 7, 2009

write it out...

I think writing down what I was worried about helped a lot, because I slept! No dreams, except for one that was sparked by a book I read yesterday(Everest by Gordan Korman). Just happened to be climbing up the Khumbu Icefall on Mt. Everest for some strange reason. Ha-nooo thanks.

My dog is nudging me. I think she wants out again. Wouldn't be a problem if it weren't raining. One step out the door, and "WHEE!!! MUD!!!" *sigh*


I can't sleep. I haven't taken a sleeping pill in four days. I'm tired, but all I can do is lay in bed, craving and dreading the blissful yet tormenting darkness.

Sick to my stomach and sick at heart. It's like there's a fist wrapped around both of those organs, squeezing and twisting me into pretzel-shaped knots. I know why. And it isn't very fun, either.

It's caused by dreams. Dreams that I've been having for the past several days, now progressing into weeks. Full of anger and hatred towards me for reasons I don't know. One figure in particular is present in each nightly visit. The look he gives me is full of such loathing that I cringe away from him, wondering what I could have possibly done to make him look at me that way. And I can't wake up. I lay there, encased in fear and tears, unable to speak or move. Unable to escape into awareness.

They're just dreams, right? But now they haunt my waking hours, making me feel physically sick. I can't stand it. I can't even sleep anymore. The fear of dreams renders it impossible, yet the fear continues when I'm not dreaming.

Is this making any sense at all? No, not really.

Saturday, June 6, 2009

20 ?s...

Another new summer happening, and possibly throughout the rest of my bloggingness. On the sixth and twenty-first of each month (if I remember), there will be 20 questions for you to read (only if you want to). Feel free to copy these and insert your own answers.

1. If you could have given any one piece of advice to yourself when you were a child, what would it be?

Keep your mouth shout and don't argue. Life is so much easier that way.

2. Who was the last person you flirted with?

According to my mother, I don't know how to flirt. I'd like to say it was my date on Tuesday, but I don't know...

3. Top 5 things you would want to have--necessities are provided--if you were to be stranded alone for a year:

one-a library full of books
two-internet access and a computer that works
four-a comfy bed and a solid roof with no leaks
five-toilet paper and other personal hygiene items

4. What are three things that comfort you?

one-my dogs, Misty and Buddy
two-sitting in front of a warm fire in the winter time
three-having funds available to take care of myself and others

5. Name something that you find completely overrated:

Two words: cell phone

6. How often do you read your own blog archives?
Not often; I find myself embarrassed by what I've written in the past. Mostly at the beginning, because I messed around with fonts, colors, and all sorts of nonsense.

7. If you had to, could you live the entire summer without running your home’s air conditioning?

If I absolutely had to. I wouldn't be spending a lot of time at home, though. Probably at the library or something. It's freezing there in the summertime. Pack a jacket and hot chocolate, off to study I go!

8. Who was the last person that left you a comment?

Hm. Woman in a Window or spider, I think. Unless you count on Goodreads, then it would be Emily.

9. What is the temperature outside?

71 degrees Fahrenheit. It's odd-June has hit and we still haven't seen a day above 90 degrees. Strange for where I live. I guess it's just global warming (though it's getting cooler...:-/)????????

10. Randomly click on a song from your playlist. What's the first line of that song?

I don't have a playlist on this computer. But the last song I heard was called "Theme from Harry's Game" by Clannad. Does that count?

11. What do you plan on naming your baby girl?

Well, I hope to have the options of Melody Lynn, Abigail Marie, and Grace Anne. Yes, I know, the middle names are overused, but they're from family.

12. Your baby boy?

Again, options of Jacen, James, and Mark. I haven't thought of any middle names yet. I figure I've got plenty of time.

13. What is the hardest secret you've ever had to keep?

I think it was probably the secret about a friend's boyfriend. Her parents weren't supposed to know. I kept it, and still keep it, because it's not a secret anymore. And not because I told you. They found out a long time ago...oh boy. This is making no sense at all.

14. How old were you when you started school?

Um...three? Or four? I don't know. I know that I've been learning my whole life and I pretty much taught myself to read and write. So I don't know. Let's go with three-preschool or something.

15. What is your favorite section of the supermarket?

I don't like going to the supermarket. I'm an impulse buyer like none other.

16. What was your high school teams mascot and what were the school’s colors?

"We are the fighting Bruins of Mountain View...the cardinal, white, and gold!!!"

17. Does the weather have a very large impact on your moods?

As a diagnosed SAD child, yes. It does.

18. Would you break up with someone if you thought they were too arrogant?

Lol, I wouldn't be going out with them in the first place.

19. Is it better to be single or in a relationship?

I've never been in a relationship. Well, lots of relationships, but not the type that constitutes loss of singality. Whoa, is that a word?

20. What is your favorite word?

Nefarious! *sing this please* "I am nefarious! That means I'm evil!" Lol. Lovely days of Quack.

Friday, June 5, 2009

to do...

In no particular order:

1. Learn to drive a stick shift.
2. Eat a carton of ice cream by myself in one sitting.
3. Be in two places at once.
4. Befriend someone I don't like.
5. Publish something I've worked on.
6. Graduate from high school with an Associate's Degree.
7. Read all of the classics.
8. Smash a computer to bits with a baseball bat.
9. Change a tire.
10. Walk on the Great Wall of China.
11. Make leprosy bandages.
12. Photograph lightning strikes.
13. Buy a red 1965 Mustang for my mother.
14. Fly in a hot air balloon.
15. Get kissed in the rain.
16. Go to the opera.
17. Swim with dolphins.
18. Learn to swim.
19. Polish shoes and silverware.
20. Attend a ball.
21. Create and present a community health awareness project.
22. Run for office.
23. Break a heel on a shoe.
24. Pass College Algebra.
25. Plant a memorial garden.
26. Ride a mechanical bull for 8 seconds.
27. Build an armoir.
28. Squeeze all of the toothpaste out of the tube.
29. Plan a wedding.
30. Take a baking/cooking class.

This will be updated. I guarantee it.


I have to write this while I'm listening to the thundering drops of rain pounding above my head. I feel like I'm in a great metal box with someone hammering upon it, but I'm not frightened or upset. I'm ecstatic! I love rainy days like this, with the clouds releasing their burden in one single dump. The bits of cotton fluff finally are able to tip over their buckets and pour the water onto the world below them. Renewal and rejuvanation!

Rain smells wonderful, doesn't it? It feels wonderful, looks wonderful, sounds wonderful. I don't really know if it tastes wonderful-I'm not fond of the idea of trying it.

And now the shower is over. Perhaps there will be another one.

Can't wait!

Thursday, June 4, 2009


There comes a time in life when I copy the actions of one of my dear friends. I look in the mirror, throw my hands up in mock despair, and cry "AH! I'm all POLKA-DOTTED!"

It's true, really. Some days you just look like a dot-to-dot coloring page. Beware the child with the permanent marker; it'll just make things worse.

Have you ever noticed how schools run their heating and cooling systems? In the winter it's freezing cold outside, and inside all of the students have fallen asleep at their desks dripping sweat from the brows like wilted roses in a garden at 95% humidity. In the summer, it's burning hot outside, and inside all of the students have teeth chattering in their heads like jackhammers until the point that their brains no longer function and they can't hold a pencil straight. Can't we just find a happy medium?

Yes, ESHS was freezing, freezing, freezing cold today. And this winter, MVHS was burning, burning, burning hot. Except for the days that it was freezing in the wintertime. That was joyous. I wonder if ESHS will get burning, burning, burning hot this summer, too. Hm.

Buddy is much improved. The vet still hasn't diagnosed him with anything serious yet; the man said that he wants to let things play out and see how Buddy does. I'm so glad Buddy's himself again. There are things that are hard for him, like jumping onto beds or into the car. We have to pick him up and help him, but it's better than him not being able to walk or stand. He's eating his and Misty's food again, which is good because he's hungry but bad because he's really not hungry for hers-he just wants it because he's the "alpha." Silly, really. That's how it goes though.

I'm really rambling, aren't I? I 'spose it's because I have a lovely essay waiting for me to pick it up, and I'm not particularly interested in giving it a lift. It'll just have to remain stranded until morning, unless it sprouts legs in the night and tries to strangle me. Frightening, that.


Wednesday, June 3, 2009

tastes like...

I will forever think that Tiger's Blood sno-cones taste like cherry and vanilla. Is that what it is? I can't tell-they just taste good. I'm currently eying (eyeing? eye-ing?) my historical fiction assignment (which has actually been on my to-read list for some months and i'm thoroughly excited) while chewing on my yellow straw and thinking about how great it is to be alive. My schoolwork is easy, I don't have to get up early, I've got a license and access to a car, it's sunny and warm, my dog is doing better, I have great friends and family. To top it all off, I have a loverly first sno-cone of the year in my now freezing hand. *sigh* Life is good.

I spent a few hours running around ESHS trying to figure out all of my schoolwork and my sister's. She's horribly nervous about this new packet thing. Don't know why. One of the teachers even asked me if Meghan ever talks. When I said no, Meghan just smiled and nodded her head. What I meant was that she doesn't talk to adults/strangers/teachers/kids her own age/anyone. At home she won't shut up. She's getting settled in though. Science is beginning to make sense again! As for me, I wrote a really, really good essay (seriously, it was), passed my test with an A, and checked out my next packet. Historical Fiction!!! YAY! I'm not being sarcastic, either.

The only bad thing about today was that mom blew up at my youngest sister. She kind of deserved it, but I don't think mom handled it very well. This time I kept my mouth shut until she cooled off, so my head is still intact upon my shoulders. I'm perfectly capable of having sno-cones. :)

Hm. My book wants me to read it. I think I shall. If I don't post later, well, sorry.

Not really.



Tuesday, June 2, 2009

maybe smiles...

Well, I'm enrolled at East Shore High School again to work towards graduation credit. I'm freeing up space so that I can take more college credit classes next year. ESHS is an alternative high school in our district. It's basically where you choose what you study (within the requirements) and check out packets. I'm currently taking English 11 packets. Just two of them for the third term credit that I need. ESHS is often looked down upon by "regular students" because, for the most part, "the problem kids" go there. I don't find them to be a problem. Some of them just made dumb choices and need help catching up. Others want to work at their own pace. There are a few, like me, who work ahead and relish the freedom of working without a teacher, deadlines, and tedious lesson plans. I checked out my first English packet today (ENGL11 PCKT15 Short Stories and Poetry-my favorite) and just finished it an hour ago. No joke. All of it! See? I finished a quarter of a term in less than six hours instead of less than six weeks. Sweet, no?

My younger sister is trying out Earth Science packets and not enjoying it. She does better in a classroom situation. I think she wants the work to be handed to her; she doesn't really know how to study on her own without a teacher to sit by her. I've offered to help, but she sends me away. *shrug* I guess I don't count because I don't have a degree and I'm her relative.

I so adore ESHS. I really do. My friends (some of them) think I'm nuts for liking it. Sure, there are the really swearface kids, the extremos, the outcasts. But if everyone there is an outcast then everyone fits in. I like it a lot. :)

After signing up for my packets, I came home and got the top levels of the house cleaned up. Tony was coming over to pick me up, which ended up in just the two of us. It wasn't really a single date though-we talked with my mom and my sister for awhile in the living room before deciding to go to his house and hang out. It was definitely the strangest date I've ever been on (if you could call it that) but it was the most relaxed and most fun. I learned a lot about my friend, I made new friends in his siblings, and I learned how to make smoothies. I probably looked like an idiot while trying to figure it out though; oh, well.

We went out in the backyard and played Frisbee. I don't suck as badly as I thought I did, although I've got purple and black fingertips from the impact. It's rather interesting; I've never had bruised fingertips before. We also played cards, a game of Wackee Six (probably spelled that wrong) and something that I don't remember the name of. I was soundly beaten both times by Tony and his brother. It was fun to watch them battle it out. I'm glad my hands weren't in the way when they smacked the tabletop for the cards. Ouch. The younger sibs had fun with dry ice. I just watched.

Confession: I try my hardest not to feel jealous when he talks about other girls, but I can't help it. I just wish he liked me as much (or more) as I like him. He really is a kind person. I wish he could see in himself what I see when I look at him. Oh, and he plays the piano beautifully. Just another item to add to the list of why I adore him. I know he doesn't like me back, because he patted me on the head like I was a little kid when he dropped me off. *sigh*

Told you it was a confession. ;)

Okay, where are we at now? I didn't go anywhere after I got home. I straightened up the downstairs rooms (excluding mine-too lazy!) and read more of my book (which was written by Stuart Hill. i remembered). I worked on my English packet and was thoroughly ecstatic to find it easy. My mom, sisters, and I watched the first episode of Manor House before mom and Misty left to rehearsal, and then Buddy and I took a trip outside to the backyard while I talked with my friend Kirt on the phone. We're planning to hang out sometime on Saturday this week-so excited! And I get to drive. Not that he's got much of a choice. Curious? Comment then. ;)

Oh, we got the fabric for our WoOZ costumes! I've been cast as the Ozzian dog groomer, along with my sister. We're going to be matching in little maid costumes in emerald green, gold, and a touch of red. So excited! My other sister has her Munchkin costume fabric, dark royal blue with pink, white, and a touch of red. When they get done I'll put pictures up on my WoOZ blog so you can see them. SQUEE!!!

Hobeyho, time to go. :D