Tuesday, May 31, 2011

day 21...

a picture of something I wish I could forget...


Read about it here...

Monday, May 30, 2011

there's a problem, officer...

So yesterday I was driving my dad’s car, which has temporary license plates. They are expired. Problem: we can’t get the real plates because we have yet to get the title from California. My brother gave us the car, and it was registered under his name in California. He didn’t have any reason to change it until he gave it to us. We’ve been trying to get the title from California for nearly 6 months.

As with everything government in California, it takes forever. I explained the situation to the officer, and showed him all of the paperwork to help my explanation. He took the papers and my license, went back to his car, and starting running the info through a computer. Usually this only takes five minutes. But no. He took fifteen. So I’m sitting there on a busy road with my window down (I didn’t know how long he would be, and the car has windows that you crank open or closed by hand, and sometimes it sticks) in the pouring rain getting soaked. I was trying not to cry because I was embarrassed to see people I know driving by—I was two blocks from my house. TWO.

The officer came back and handed me a ticket to sign, saying that there were two problems: the first was a warning for the expired plates. Not my fault. It’s California’s fault. We’re doing the best we can to get the plates, like calling them every week. Each time they’ve said that they sent them, then check the records and say, “Oh. Well, we thought we had. We’ll get them to you by the end of the week.” 6 months of that. Not my fault! The second: he wrote me a ticket for not being insured.

This first made me want to just jump off a bridge, and second (I never use this word, but I’m going to now) pissed me off. No insurance? He had the stupid insurance papers in his hand!! I am insured for every vehicle my family owns. I was there to sign the papers that are on file.

When I got home I was furious and threw a slight temper tantrum (and my keys). Then, of course, I started to cry. I was soaking wet, humiliated, angry, scared, and exhausted. The ticket instruction include a court summons thing, and a huge (and as of yet unknown) fine. It’s not even my fault, and half of the charge is wrong!! My dad looked it up with our insurance agent, who said that the cop is either an idiot or is an idiot. I guess he just made a mistake, but I’m mad enough to call him at least a halfwit. That’s a pretty dumb mistake to make, especially when he was holding my freaking insurance papers.

That was part of my Sunday. It was stupid.

day 20...

a picture of somewhere I'd love to travel to...

Someday I will go to Italy.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

weekly poem...

Peace Lilies

I collect them now, it seems. Like
sea-shells or old
thimbles. One for
Father. One for

Mother. Two for my sweet brothers.
Odd how little
they require of
me. Unlike the

ones they were sent in memory
of. No sudden
shrilling of the
phone. No harried

midnight flights. Only a little
water now and
then. Scant food and
light. See how I’ve

brought them all together here in
this shaded space
beyond the stairs.
Even when they

thirst, they summon me with nothing
more than a soft,
indifferent furl-
ing of their leaves.

~Cathy Smith Bowers

day 19...

a picture of me when I was little...

I'm the girl in the pink dress. My friends have seen other baby pictures of me, and I always get told that I am "a Nordstrom baby". I guess it's the curls?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

the last three days...

Thursday I spent the afternoon and evening with the Raddatz family. Kyle and I were both so tired that we decided we needed to go on an adventure to keep from falling asleep on the couch. We went to Walmart and bought treats!! $25 worth of candy, chips, nuts...both of us were kind of embarrassed when we went to the counter to pay for it all. Kyle made a comment to me that it's a good thing that we have a big family (and yes, he did say "we") because there's no way we could eat all of that by ourselves. The lady at the counter smiled at that. Kyle also bought me a shirt, which is totally adorable!! He told me it's a very late birthday present. It's got a picture of a little white dog that looks like Misty on it, with fireworks behind her. I'm going to wear it for the David Archuleta/Brad Paisley concert on July 2!!

Jason, Sister Raddatz, and I went on an adventure of our own after dinner. Jason had mentioned to his mom that he wanted to go see a movie called Water for Elephants, which is about a vet student who joins a circus. Jason is studying to be a vet, too. Brother Raddatz gets free movie tickets from his work, and he was being "stubborn" about giving them to Jason and his wife. He really would have, but he loves to tease. Me, though? All I had to do was flutter my eyelashes and say please. He gave me three free ticket vouchers and sent us on our way!!

While we were waiting in line to get tickets, Jason and I found some coins. He didn't know what to do with them, so I suggested that we go race the coins in this...I don't know what it's called...coin racer thing that the mall has right by the movie theater. It's a round shaped funnel that you drop a coin onto, and it spins in circles down the funnel into a hole. There were a couple of guys about my age playing, and one of them challenged my dime to a race against his quarter. Surprisingly, my dime won. Barely. Jason and I raced our remaining coins, and mine "cheated", taking an oval shaped path instead of a circular one. Not my fault. Jason said it was more proof that women are evil. I "hit" him. It wasn't my fault that the coin cheated!! All I did was drop it in!! We're so dumb, lol.

As we were watching the movie, I was really glad that Sister Raddatz came. There were a couple of awkward moments in the film, and it would have been even more awkward if it had just been Jason and me!!

My car got sprayed with soda pop while we were in the theater. Sometimes I get really mad at people's stupidity.

Friday was kind of lame in some ways. I didn't do anything that whole day. I just didn't feel like it. Every time I tried to get up and do something productive I was too tired. I did clean the bathroom, so there's one accomplishment.

The evening was less wasted. Jaden invited my sisters and me to a party at his house. I think he was mad at me or something. He didn't even give me a hug when I gave him the CD I told him I'd bring, and he didn't say hello at all until I kind of made him. I wonder if it was because I didn't watch the movie that they picked. I don't watch horror movies--he knows that. But the movie was later in the evening, not when I first got there. He acted that way towards Amanda and Kayla, too. It could have something to do with him having a girlfriend. Whatevs. The three of us left early, because of the movie.

We had a grand adventure at Walmart. We bought drinks and string cheese and a Nerf gun for me. The gun that I wanted wasn't stocked on the shelves, so Kayla found a "super cute worker" to ask if they had any left. The guy found some in the storage room and brought one out to me. Nothing like buyin' a gun to make a girl feel better!! Haha. I am now ready to take on the Raddatz boys. With my OWN weapon. Ha!!

Hanging out with Kayla is really fun. I'm glad that Amanda and I have had a chance to become better friends with her since we did "Joseph" last year. She's really awesome, and such a sweetheart.

Saturday has been a waste of a day. I've just had no energy to do anything at all. I did get dressed, which I consider an accomplishment, lame as it may be. I just can't work up the energy or the will power to do anything.

I hope tomorrow will be better. And that I don't get lost trying to find a friend's church house to sing with LDC. Haha...we'll see.

day 18...

a picture of my biggest insecurity...

I am taking a huge risk on this post. I don't have a picture of my biggest insecurity because it's an internal thing. You can't really photograph the fears of the heart. However, there is one thing that I am SUPER insecure about, and that is making faces in pictures. So lucky you. Here's one that I did on a dare from my sister. She told me she'd tell my date about how I'd had a crush on him when I was about 14, and this particular sister makes things super awkward just because she can. I let her take the picture.

Friday, May 27, 2011

day 17...

a picture of something that has made a huge impact on my life recently...

LDC changed me. It saved my life and turned me in a new direction. I am so, so grateful for the chance I've had to be in this choir, and that I get to do it again next year.

Okay, so maybe I talk about LDC way too much. It's been my life for the past year though, and I miss it so much. I am so excited for this school year to start!! It will be awesome. Stressful and difficult, as anything is when you balance school and something as major as this choir. But it will totally be worth it. The friends I've made and will make, the music, the experiences we have together, Brother Eggett's leadership...it's all so worthwhile.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

day 16...

a picture of someone who inspires me...

This is Ryan Eggett, choir director, teacher, and surrogate father-friend extraordinaire. He is the leader of the Latter-day Celebration choir that I have been singing with this past year. Every word that comes out of this man's mouth is either hilarious, inspiring, or a mix of both.

Sometimes he is a little intimidating. I guess it's mostly because he waits until he really knows you to be openly friendly. Brother Eggett's compliments really mean something, because he only says them if he sincerely means them. There have been a handful of occassions where he has told me something as simple as "well done" or "excellent". I felt like I was on top of the world!! The times when he said something to the same effect but with more words? Wow...those are the moments when you feel truly appreciated.

Brother Eggett is a true example of how people should act towards others. He admits his faults, but he is always trying to become better for them. He is honest, helpful, interested in the well-being of others, hard working, and always stands for what he believes in. He is a dedicated, loving father and husband. He loves people for what they are and not for what he thinks they should be. He has helped me in so many ways, and I am so grateful to call him a friend.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

new job...

As some of you know, I was laid off from Premier Employee Solutions (a temporary staffing agency that I did all of the payroll and billing for) back in March. That was a huge shock. My supervisor called me and said that I'd been doing an awesome job and I was the best assistant she'd worked with at that company, but that they didn't think they needed my position anymore, "so don't worry about coming in to the office tomorrow." Yep. Shock.

Is it horrible that I get a lot a little bit of satisfaction from the fact that the company can no longer keep up on their payroll because they don't have enough people to get it done? They let me go right before they added about 5,000 hours of payroll because they didn't need me, and now they're rather swamped. Yes, I'm a horrible person.

Anyway, I was without a job for about two and a half months, and now I start a new job today. Julia, one of my friends from LDC, got me a job at the snow cone stand where she's worked for the past three summers. I start today, in 3 hours, and I'm starting to get nervous.

It can't be hard. At least, it can't be any harder than the payroll job (because sometimes, that was really hard). How hard is it to use a calculator to add up the total amount, make change (yay calculators) pick the correct cup, fill it with ice (I'm actually a little worried about that part), pour the correct flavor of colored sugar water on the ice (also worried...what if I drop the whole bottle, because knowing me that is a definite possibility), wipe off the drips, stick a straw in the ice, and hand it to the customer? See, I've already got it down! Got it down and I'm still worried.

Well. We shall see what happens.


First day of work and I didn't break anything. That's a first.

In short, it's not bad at all. I was right about the whole snow cone making process in a lot of ways, minus the part about a calculator. There's a legit till. I haven't used one of those since I worked at the Scout office. It's a lot easier than using a calculator!

There are a lot of little things to keep me busy between customers, like cleaning counters and wiping off flavor bottles, keeping the cups and straws stocked, refilling flavor bottles (Tiger's Blood is by far the most popular flavor), filling the machine with ice, lots of things. I like it because there is always something to do, with little moments interspersed throughout a shift to sit for a second and, hey, maybe have a snow cone.

Odd that though this job isn't very strenuous, I'm exhausted. I do know that I need to take a water bottle with me because I don't want to have a major dehydration headache every day (like now). And I think I'm going to make a cute tip jar. Not that the one we have isn't cute. It's just not me--not even my handwriting. Maybe I could make some sort of Rapunzel tower, and tips could go through the window. That'd be cute: "TIPS make life begin! Thanks!" Haha...or not...ha.

Julia is fun to work with. I wish she was staying on for the summer, because she'd be the assistant manager and she'd check in on shifts as part of her job. I'm super grateful that she got me this job. She's been so awesome, all of the time. I love that girl.

So yeah, this is going to be a fun job. It'll be kind of hard in some ways (like how awkward it is when guys check you out, or when you get the urge to dump the bright blue contents of a rather large snow cone down the shirt of the jerk making comments about people with disabilities, or realizing that you're speaking voice is a lot softer than you thought so people cannot hear you at all) but it'll be fun. It's super chill (haha) and it'll give me something to do. That is a definite bonus.

I hope I get this all figured out quickly. Julia said I've caught on super fast, and I hope she's right. There will be a point when I'm totally on my own, unless I call my supervisor. Personally I want to be good at this job, and every job. And yes, friends are allowed to visit. Hint, hint.

Snow Princess*, over and out.

*That's my mom's new nickname for me. *shrug* It works.

day 15...

a picture of something I want to do before I die...

Ever seen Tangled? You know how they sing about having a dream? Well...

This is mine.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011


A friend once looked me squarely in the face and very seriously said, "Georgie, you are a walking contradiction."

Well. I could have told him that. Because the truth is, I really am. For example:

There's this guy. Yes, a guy. It usually is. This one you know about, but for the sake of my heart I am not going to type his name. Any dang way, there's the guy. He's one of the best friends I've ever had in my life. And you know what? I've been avoiding him.

I have my reasons. I really do. All of them are rather pathetic and lame, but they boil down to one thing: I care way too much about him, and I know for a fact that all he wants with any girl is friendship. Because I care so much, I'm scared that I'll do something that will mess up the comfortable friendship that we have, and so I'm trying to keep contact to a minimum. Which is hard to do, seeing as I've kind of been adopted into his family (my friend's father always introduces me to family members, friends, and his Bishop as his adopted daughter).

And so I "avoid" my friend. Yet, somehow, life manages to throw him into my path in the most unexpected ways imaginable, and it drives me crazy. Yesterday I saw him from my car, where I was sitting at a red light and he was turning left in the intersection. The day before his mom posted family pictures right at the moment I logged onto facebook so there he was, tada! Today...ugh. Today he came to my younger sister's concert with his mom. He walked into the room and I was so surprised that I ducked behind my mother and hid my face in my hands because I could feel myself blushing.

Now, here's the contradiction: I'm trying so hard to avoid him and keep from seeing him anywhere, in real life or online. Then when I do see him, or we end up spending some time together, I never want to leave. We don't even have to talk, like today. We just stood next to each other after the concert, but I didn't want him to go. I mean, first when he walked in the room I was screaming in my head, "WHAT the HECK are YOU doing here?!" Then during it, "Please, don't look at me." Then halfway through the concert, "Look over here and say hello! Just notice that I'm here!" Then at the end? "Don't go. Please. Don't go. Just...don't do it."


Funny thing about the concert, did you know that I just happened to wear the sweater that he really likes because "all of the colors bring out your eyes and make your hair look redder"? I honestly didn't know he was going to be there, and if I had, I wouldn't have worn this stupid sweater. He noticed it. I know because his mom commented that the blue in it makes my eyes look lighter and he said, "Yeah, that's what I told her when I saw her wear it for the first time back in February." He remembered that...I'm torn between being frustrated and being giggly.

So when I don't see him, I'm agonizing over it because I miss him and I'm trying not to. But when I do see him, I first wish he was somewhere else and then I don't want him to ever leave. Excuse the dramatics, but when I got into my car after everyone had said good-bye after Meghan's concert it was all I could do to keep from putting my head down on the steering wheel and just cry. Drama.

I wish I could just banish my feelings. Friends and family say it's normal and that it's not a bad thing. Well. I'm too mixed up and too scared to keep these feelings. I'm afraid I'll do something really stupid and mess things up. I've done it before. I don't want to do it again.

"I'm a walking contradiction." I should make myself a T-shirt and put that on it. Then on the back I could write, "You've been warned."

Again, excuse the drama. I don't want to be a drama queen, I promise. At least I've kept the hysterics to the minimum. I mean, what? Hysterics? Please, I'm SO over that. Heehee...

day 14...

a picture of something I could never imagine my life without...

No words necessary.

Monday, May 23, 2011


Have you ever found yourself feeling betrayed by someone, but you feel all the guilt is your own?

Have you ever seen a loved one make mistakes, and you feel like the blame lies with you?

I should not feel like that. Most people don't. It's irrational and illogical to feel guilty for the actions of another person. They have nothing to do with me. I didn't force anyone to make a decision or to act the way that they did, whether towards myself or towards another person. Still, I do. I feel like it's my fault for the way things have turned out, and for the way some of my friends act.

If the fault is theirs, why does it hurt me? Why do I buy into this feeling I have that the fault is mine? Why do the failings and mistakes of others get wedged into my heart and feel as if they are my own errors? This guilt isn't mine. I shouldn't be feeling guilty, but I do.

Why does this happen? My theories:
  • Somehow, you didn't do enough to help them see their worth.
  • Somehow, you weren't good enough to help them.
  • Somewhere, you didn't take enough interest in them.
  • Somewhere, they got so deeply into your heart that you would do anything for them.
  • Often you didn't tell them the absolute truth.
  • Often you protected them instead of letting them out on their own to learn.
  • Always you held back to keep the friendship secure, when you should have spoken up.
  • Always you trusted them blindly, never accepting anything other than their goodness.

Some of these theories are bred from this irrational feeling of crushing guilt. Guilt for not doing enough, for not being there when they needed me, for pushing them aside on the days when I was irritated with them, for being irritated with them in the first place. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

Even though I know I shouldn't feel like this, I also feel like I deserve it. This is so backwards.

day 13...

a picture of my favorite band or artist...

This is David Archuleta. I love him. Not like romantic love, because that would be weird. But I love what he is, and what he stands for. I've seen him perform and he is just a good person. Not only that, but his music is good. It's clean and uplifting, and some of the songs are inspiring. David's music has helped me get through some tough times, and it's also helped me smile and enjoy life.

I'm so excited that he's coming to Stadium of Fire this summer!! I seriously cannot wait. It's going to be epic.

I couldn't pick just one artist (I have dozens)...so I picked a second one.

You already know that I love Justin Bieber. Again, not in a romantic sense. His music is happy and fun, and I really like that. David is an upbeat crooner, with tender romance and getting through life as his main themes. Justin is just as upbeat, but less of a crooner and more of a hip hop, "life is awesome so let's dance" theme. I love it.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

weekly poem...

How You Know

How do you know if it’s love? she asks,
and I think if you have to ask, it’s not,
but I know this won’t help. I want to say
you’re too young to worry about it,
as if she has questions about Medicare
or social security, but this won’t help either.
“You’ll just know” is a lie, and one truth,
“when you still want to be with them
the next morning,” would involve too
many follow-up questions. The difficulty
with love, I want to say, is sometimes
you only know afterwards that it’s arrived
or left. Love is the elephant and we
are the blind mice unable to understand
the whole. I want to say love is this
desire to help even when I know I can’t,
just as I couldn’t explain electricity, stars,
the color of the sky, baldness, tornadoes,
fingernails, coconuts, or the other things
she has asked about over the years, all
those phenomena whose daily existence
seems miraculous. Instead I shake my head.
I don’t even know how to match my socks.
Go ask your mother.
She laughs and says,
I did. Mom told me to come and ask you.
~Joe Mills

day 12...

a picture of something I love...

I love my dog. I love beautiful days with lots of sunshine. I love taking pictures.

I love to multitask.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

bee bee cue and other random tidbits...

I went to a friend's barbeque in honor of all those other friends who will be leaving for the summer, like to Africa (though she's already gone home I think), Fiji, or home to wherever they hail from. Can you say another LDC reunion? It was awesome to see all of those fantastic human beings again! They are so wonderful. Kenna told all of us the story of how David proposed to her (insert a long "awwwwwww!!!") and showed us her ring. In short, it's gorgeous.

For some reason, nearly being decapitated by a bulleting volleyball constitutes it your destiny to join the game, no matter how much you protest. At least to my friends. Granted, I did say that I kind of wished I could play but was too afraid because

1) I'm horrible at it and didn't want people to be mad at me,
2) I'm scared of the ball,
3) I'm scared of looking like an idiot,
4) the last time I played volleyball, my parents asked me if someone was hurting me because of the black and purple bruises all up and down my forearms.

All of these reasons were overlooked as I was shoved into the game. Luckily the ball never came to me. Even if it had, I probably would have screamed and dropped to the ground in a fetal position or something. Mortifying thought, but possible truth nonetheless.

On less of a BBQ note...I have a knack for writing exceptionally morbid poetry, prose, or whatever else a person can write. Almost 100% of the time I'm not even writing to write. I'm just talking to a friend, or myself. Half of that time I don't even realize that what I'm saying/texting is so extremely morbid until it's been said/sent. Freaks me out a bit.

Random thing I said that made a friend laugh: A happy life is a glass that is half full. Drink it, and it's empty.

Less funny but I still liked what I thought: Heaven is only as far as your life is long.

day 11...

a picture of something I hate...


Yes. I have a childhood disgust for broccoli. People make fun of me because it is rather little kidlike to harbor such a grudge against broccoli. So go ahead and laugh. I still won't eat it. Ha. ;)

blaster bolts...

There's nothing like a three hour Nerf war to improve your aim and accuracy.

Unless of course you took a shooting class at a legit shooting range. Then you'd probably improve even more. But for my purposes, the practice I had today was good enough.

I got recruited to help the girls' team in the already heated battle taking place at the Raddatz home. It was just Ruthie and Amy (the latter girl mentioned is 3) against Jason, Kyle, and Makay. We girls got a base arranged in the little play house but had to change tactics after Jason single-handedly stole all of our extra ammunition AND pelted each of us with darts.

Change of tactic: Ruthie would hold the ground areas. I took to the roof. And yes, I had permission from the parents.

Me. On the roof. Say what? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. But I got up there without dying, and I stayed up there for a long time without dying, too. Sniping the boys from above was super fun, especially when Jason got past me and climbed up as well. We probably looked like maniacs, scampering about the roof chasing each other with Nerf guns. I mean, how old are we? Haha...I don't want to talk about it.

After a three hour battle, Jason declared me and Ruthie the winners. Do you have any idea how amazing that is, for him to actually admit to us beating him? He's done it before, but never so openly and with such...hm...almost respect! It was very satisfying, haha!

I've gotten to be a pretty good shot with a Nerf gun. The only bad thing about that is I'm good at hitting people in the face. Only the boys, but still. I got Jason in the cheek and the dart stuck for a second. He started laughing and said that everybody was going to wonder where he got the hickey on his face. Hickeys...ew. Yeah, I'm mature, lol. I have no idea why I said what I did, but I told him that his answer was easy: tell them he got it from me. That made his whole family fall apart laughing, especially his mom and dad. Yeah...it was after one in the morning. I get a little ca-wazy. I am just so incredibly mature it surprises me! NOT.

Perhaps it's silly and childish (not perhaps about it, it is silly and childish) to get such a kick out of being able to hit the center of a picture from 15 feet away with a dart tipped with a suction cup, or to be able to get a dart to hit your friend in the back of the head, but it's really fun. I guess I've found a hidden talent for shooting stuff. Great! Now I know that I can rap and I can kill things. Or pretend to kill things.

Friday, May 20, 2011

day 10...

a picture of the person you do the most messed up things with...

These three boys make my life amazing. From ice cube fights to stealing my car to having a picnic on the roof, we do crazy stuff. They definitely keep things interesting. I don't know what I would do without Kjorsan (or Kyle, Jason, and Jordan). These boys are the best you could never search for, because you could never imagine people this good.

And yeah, some of the stuff we do is pretty messed up. At least we're laughing though.

plot hole...

Do you have any idea how frustrated I am right now? Probably not, and what's even MORE frustrating is that I cannot vent in detail about why I am frustrated because most of the world has not yet seen or heard details about the new Pirates movie.

Can you say plot hole? No...more like can you SHOUT plot hole.

At least to me there was a plot hole. A SERIOUS plot hole. Involving (quite possibly) THE HOTTEST couple Disney has EVER created.

I'm freakin' out. Either I missed something, or I missed something, because I sure missed SOMETHING. My question (or the shortened version of the question to avoid spoiling it for you):


Other than that, it was a pretty good movie. Fun, rollercoaster ride of emotion and adventure, clever, outlandish and impossible deeds done by the infamous Jack Sparrow (who does come up with all of that stuff? it's really impossible), very fun. And slightly scary at some parts. Oh, and one scene? HOT. Like, seriously. It should be illegal to have a moment (or in this case, multiple moments) that hot in a Disney film. And it wasn't even like, BAD. It was just hot. You've been warned.

But seriously. Freakin'...gah. I wish there was a way to type out a Rapunzel pitched scream of frustration, but there's not. So just imagine me screaming in a very high pitched squeakish sort of way and you'll have it.

A HUGE thank you to my friend Julia for making it possible for me to go see the movie tonight, and another thank you to all of my wonderful LDC friends who let me go with them. It was so great to see everybody. We really can't stay away from each other...we're all addicts, I guess.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

day 9...

a picture of the person who has gotten me through the most...

That's my mom and dad. Cute, aren't they? :)

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

sneak attack(s)...

I slept in WAY too late today. Yes, it was only for about 8 hours (5:30am-1:30[ish]pm), but still. Bad action.

Since I was up so late, I decided that it would be a good time to take Misty to Petsmart for a little adventure. We both got bored of walking around the store very quickly, so we went home. I called Sister Raddatz just to say hello, and ended up volunteering to pick up her daughter, Mandy, from school. We had an enjoyable ride home, just us girls.

One thing I must remember: if the boys know you're coming over, be prepared the moment you step onto the front porch. Jason was sitting in a chair in the front room reading a book. I said hello and hugged his mom, and the next thing I know I'm being pelted with foam darts from both behind and in front of me. Good old Kyle asked for Nerf guns for his birthday, and Jason bought one for himself. Mandy and I were on a team against Jason and Kyle, and it was quite enjoyable. I don't know why, but I'm rather good at hitting people if I'm not aiming. If I aim then it usually misses by a couple of inches.

The boys decided that they wanted to get my sisters as well. They went with me to pick Meghan up from school and tried to suprise her with a scary mask and the dart guns, but Meghan is hard to scare. Most of the time she'll roll her eyes and laugh. She's a good one to have if you're planning a sneak attack, though. She gets super into it and is so subtle and chill that she can get a target totally preoccupied and relaxed. Like my sister Amanda, for example.

Jason called Amanda before we went to my house, asking if she was home and when Amanda answered, he hung up. We started planning right away. Meghan and I were to go inside and get her all situated while Kyle and Jason waited for my text outside on the corner. This went pretty well (Amanda is hard to lure, but like I said, Meghan is a good one to have on your team). I went outside under the pretense of mailing a letter, which Amanda took to mean I was sending a letter to one of my mission friends (I did send him a letter today, but it was before our whole sneak attack mission). I snuck the boys into the house, and they went up behind Amanda while she was talking to Meghan.

I think it is quite possible that Jason stood right behind Amanda for about a minute and a half. She didn't notice he was there at all until he commented on her conversation. She turned around and freaked out. Amanda's freak outs don't include screaming. It's the look of utter shock and the quiet, "Oh. My. Gosh. You. SCARED. Me. SO. BAD." Mission accomplished.

Here's a sneak attack that gets me: when a friend who is a boy does something out of character. Like today. A friend was standing next to me, and he reached his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, then wrapped me in a huge hug. He doesn't hug first, at least not me. I can only think of one other time when he's initiated a hug. It caught me off guard a bit. It was nice. Really nice, in fact, just...out of character.

Whatevs. At least it wasn't awkward, like when litle Amy started playing with the buttons on my shirt and then decided it would be fun to unbutton them. And not to just try and get one or two, but ALL of them, even when I was trying to get her to stop. Now that was awkward.

day 8...

a picture that makes me laugh...

This is my friend Michael. When I saw this picture on Facebook after all of the choir pictures were uploaded, I about fell over I was laughing so hard. The story? LDC went on a non-tour around Utah County, and we visited some seminaries**. There we did small group activities with the high school students and made up skits, then performed for whole class periods. Some groups were a little violent, I guess...

**Seminary is a religious course for young Latter-day Saints. In Utah, LDS students can use one of their elective class periods to leave school and head over to a seminary building for religious instruction. Each year is dedicated to a different course of study: Book of Mormon, Old Testament, New Testament, and Doctrine and Convenants.. Teens can take it in high school beginning in 9th grade and can finish to graduate in 12th. It's kind of like Institute for high school students, only there is only one course offered per year at the high schools. At Institute there are dozens of classes (everyone suggests Dating and Courtship...never taken it. Yet...) If you have any questions about all of this Mormon lingo and what it means, let me know. I'd be happy to try and answer. :)

what will the neighbors say...

Lately I've been feeling incredibly blue, and it's not because my jeans have an unfortunate tendency to dye my ankles even after being washed several times. No, it's definitely a mood thing. What with LDC being over, no school, still no job, and no show to rehearse for, I have nothing to do. That equals boredom, which equals copious amounts of time to think, which equals bad thoughts. Not like, BAD thoughts. Just unhappy thoughts.

Speaking of thoughts, I interrupt this post to ask a question: why would a radio station play a recording of a song from a live concert? That's weird. Anyway, interruption over.

I have been so incredibly tired lately. Problem: even though I'm tired, it takes forever for me to be able to finally fall asleep. And because I can't sleep, I have even more time to think, which leads to more unhappy thoughts. There is no way that I'd even be able to attempt getting off the ground if Peter Pan were to come by my window (which he wouldn't, seeing as my windows are three inches above the ground).

Because of this down-ness and tiredness, the cloudy days have been even more wearing than they usually would. So to try and combat my ridiculous brain I went for a very long walk, in and around my neighborhood at about a mile wide radius. The best part?
It was pouring rain.

So there I am, wearing sparkly silver toms, blue jeans, a t-shirt under a cotton jacket, and my hair a tangled mess, walking through my neighborhood in the pouring rain. When I was half a block from my house, it stopped raining and I looked at my reflection in a large puddle on the sidewalk. My clothes were on the drenched side of damp. My hair was a wild mass of dripping curls. My cheeks were pink with cold. My eyes were brighter than they've been in days.

Thought process: Hm. I look slightly mad. *tilt head to the side* Still... *tilt head to other side* hm...I could actually be considered a "hot mess". Maybe, by the right person. *look around* Hm...I look crazy. *look at reflection again and grin like an idiot* If only I knew what the neighbors were thinking.

I still smell like rain.

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

day 7...

a picture of my most treasured item...

My laptop and journals are my most precious possessions. They contain so much of me, my memories and experiences. I can't remember them all on my own, so I write things down. Whether it's on a blog or on a paper in a book, they are all important to me.

This picture only shows a few of the journals I have. The rest of them take up a shelf and a half on my bookshelf, not to mention all of the memory books and portfolios.

I'll probably be the worst mom "that's my kid's!!" collector ever.

Monday, May 16, 2011

a taste of tour...

There is way too much to write about concerning choir tour. I've been trying to write it all down in a condensed version for a couple of weeks, but it's not working.

Can I just say that choir tour was beyond incredible? It was hard—some days I was so exhausted that I could barely function. That’s how everyone was at some point on tour. However, it was absolutely worth it. We met so many people. We played with kids at the high schools, we sang for them, and we definitely got them excited about Institute. We played with one another, too. From our Academy Awards night for tour videos to our family night when the parents came to our trip to Salt Lake, we had fun together. We really are like a family, and we definitely put the fun in dysfunctional. It’s the best ever!

Something else we did: we sang for each other. One of the most incredible moments we had on tour was on Thursday afternoon. Technically it was the last time all of us would sing together for an audience. It was just a small group of students and teachers who were in the building after school for a class, some of our leaders and faculty from the Institute, and the choir members. As we sang, the whole room was full of love and friendship. We were singing for each other. It was amazing. All of us were crying (or almost all of us). I was doing okay until I looked at the third years, the ones who have “graduated” from LDC. I realized that this was the last time we’d sing together, and I totally lost whatever composure I had managed to hang onto.

I love the people in LDC. They are my best friends. They’re my adopted brothers and sisters. Each one of them has an amazing story, and sets an amazing example for everyone that they meet. This has been one of the best (and hardest) years of my life, and it’s because of all of the wonderful people I’ve met through the choir. This summer has already been the longest I’ve ever had…and it hasn’t even been two weeks since choir ended! Thank goodness for our inability to stay away from each other—we keep having parties and planning things for the future. And thank goodness for the CD that we recorded!

I know that it isn’t really over. We’ll always be friends. What’s hard is that we won’t sing together anymore. I get to go back to the choir next year; I still have two years left. But my friends who are all finished and moving on with their lives? It’ll be weird not seeing them every single day and more. There are also a lot of first and second years that aren’t coming back; they’re moving on with their lives. Some are engaged, like Kenna and David, Daniel, and Lindsey. Some are just focusing more on school, like Erin. Others are taking a break, like Emilyann. I wonder what it will be like next year, with so many new faces and stories.

day 6...

a picture of a person I'd love to trade places with for a day...

This is my friend. She is incredible. Wanna know why I would love to trade places with her? I will tell you.

1. She is gorgeous.
2. She is funny.
3. She is kind.
4. She is in love.
5. She is loved in return.
6. She is on a mission in Nauvoo for the summer.
7. She is smart.
8. She is talented.
9. She is strong.
10. She is Brianna.

Amazing = Brianna

I love this girl so very much. I'm so grateful that she is in my life.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

weekly poem...

Interesting Times

Everything’s happening on the cusp of tragedy, the tip of comedy, the pivot of event.
You want a placid life, find another planet. This one is occupied with the story’s arc:
About to happen, on the verge, horizontal. You want another planet, try the moon.
Try any of the eight, try Planet X. It’s out there somewhere, black with serenity.
How interesting will our times become? How much more interesting can they become?

A crow with something dangling from its beak flaps onto a telephone pole top, daintily,
And croaks its victory to other crows and tries to keep its morsel to itself.
A limp shape, leggy, stunned, drops from the black beak’s scissors like a rag.
We drive past, commenting, and looking upward. A sunny morning, too cold to be nesting,
Unless that is a nest the crow has seized, against the coming spring.

We’ve been at this historical site before, but not in any history we remember.
The present has been cloaked in cloud before, and not on any holy mountaintop.
To know the stars will one day fly apart so far they can’t be seen
Is almost a relief. For the future flies in one direction—toward us.
And the only way to sidestep it—the only way—is headed this way, too.

So, look. That woman’s got a child by the hand. She’s dragging him across the street.
He’s crying and she’s shouting, but we see only dumbshow. Their breath is smoke.
Will she give in and comfort him? Will he concede at last? We do not know.
Their words are smoke. In a minute they’ll be somewhere else entirely.
Everyone in a minute will be somewhere else entirely. As the crow flies.

~Mark Jarman

day 5...

a picture of my favorite memory...

I have a lot of favorite memories, so I guess I don't really have a favorite. However, the first thing that came to mind happened near the end of the semester, with LDC. I don't have a picture of the actual event. It was the end of a very, very long day of rehearsing, set building, and getting things ready for our spring show. Brother Eggett gathered us together around him before we all left. He asked us if we'd sing one of our songs from the show, "Love at Home".

There was nothing glamorous about it. We were all tired and sweaty from moving things around all day. The lights were half out, the gym was a mess. There was no ceremony, no audience. All 65 of us, give or take a few, stood in a clump and just sang.

Why was it amazing? We were singing for each other. It was incredible. The sound was so wonderful. It was one of our best performances, and it wasn't even a performance. Not only that, but the feeling in that gym, at least to me, was amazing. I felt so safe, accepted, and loved. I will never forget that experience.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

day 4...

a picture of my night...

Tonight, I went back to high school.

My sister asked Jordan to MORP, the last couple dance of the year. She needed a group, so I asked one of my other graduated friends to go with me. The theme was Party in Space. Jordan and Meghan dressed up as Peter Pan and Wendy; Adam and I were their stars. We never did decide who was the second star to the right. It was the first time I've been to a high school dance since I graduated last year.

It was weird.

I had fun. :)

i'm a Belieber...

I've got a second confession to make: On Thursday night, I went with my mom, sister, and sister's friend to see "Never Say Never", the Justin Bieber movie, and...I kind of really liked it.

Justin Bieber's music has been a definite like for me before I saw the movie. It's fun, upbeat, and he has great talent. He really does have a good voice, and it's nice to listen to. But do you want to know the real reason why I started to listen to Justin Bieber?
It drove Aries crazy.

At first I only listened to a couple of Justin's songs, the more popular ones, like "Baby", "Somebody to Love", and "Never Say Never". It was hilarious to me to be on a date with Aries or just hanging out when one of those songs would come on. He hated all of them, and I could dance and sing to them with no shame because it was fun!! It's pretty much the only leverage I had with him; if he bugged me, I'd look at him and say, "I'll go all Bieber on you."

The more I listened to this music, the more I liked it. I know it's all teeny bopper, pop culture stuff, but it's just fun!! Then again, I'm kind of the odd one among my group of friends. I read and enjoyed Twilight because it was just interesting to me. I heart country music. I pay attention to fashion, even though I don't follow it. I also keep up with politics and world events. My closest friends...haha. They don't really do any of that. To them, I'm a bit eccentric. So why not add Justin Bieber to the mix? I'm all about being well-rounded!! Except when it comes to figure. That's why my gym pass is for. :)

So yeah. I heard him sing, now I'm a Belieber!! The movie was really fun, and really inspiring. He really was born to do this sort of thing. They had home videos of him from when he was a kid. You can't fake that kind of talent. It was just a fun movie!! It made me feel happy to see someone able to live their dream and to help other people in the process. It was a bit of a promo thing, of course. They never interviewed Justin himself to get his perspective and first hand story. I think they did it to make him an iconic figure, kind of mysterious and everything. Whatevs, though. I liked it.

Sister Raddatz and I are going to rent it and watch it together. We are both super excited, I'll admit it!!

I wish I could do what people like Justin do: sing and perform and make people happy. That's what I wish I could do with my life.

Friday, May 13, 2011

day 3...

a picture of the cast from my favorite show...

One time I was in a show called CATS. It was amazing. That show was the hardest, most rewarding thing I have ever been a part of. It was rewarding because it was something I'd never done before, and it taught me a lot of things about myself. I had the chance to learn new things and develop talents I didn't know I had. CATS was a real springboard for me. It's helped me know that I can do hard things, and I can do them well. It just takes work and dedication, and everything will work out.

Don't use those words against me in the future...sometimes I forget the things I say. Haha!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

day 2...

a picture of me and the person I have been close to for the longest...

That would be my mother. She's the woman in the sweater talking to the curly haired girl with the red dress (aka me). I mean, I've been physically close to her since, like, conception. As I've gotten older, the physical closeness may have changed, but I still love her to death. Mom has always been there for me, even when I didn't (and don't) deserve it. I hope to be like her, and I hope that she knows I love her.

obsession confession...

Can't sleep. I'm writing a confession to pass the time.

If you haven't noticed, I might be a little obsessed with "Tangled". If I had funds to do so, I'd be even more obsessed. I do not have funds, therefore I am stuck with watching the movie over and over, borrowing the soundtrack from the library, creating online playlists, stalking photos of Flynn and Rapunzel on the Internet, and dreaming of my very own Rapunzel dress. I will never have her hair; 70 feet of hair is far too impractical for anything other than Disney life, and besides that, my hair is brown. I could cut it and be Rapunzel after her final liberation, but no. I'm rather fond of long hair. Or longish. Nothing is long compared to Rapunzel's hair.

Ever since school got out and choir ended I have time to be obsessed with "Tangled". It's kind of sad, to be honest. I just love the story, the music, the characters, everything except the attempt at a funny production number ("I've Got a Dream"...I dislike that scene very much).

The two main characters are my favorite (duh). I love how Rapunzel never attempts to be anything other than what she is, even when she sees how much she doesn't know. I love her innocence, sweetness, strength, ability to love and accept others, and her fighting spirit. I love that she is honest all the time, and how she would give up her happiness to save someone she loves. I love how Flynn (I call him that because I don't know who hasn't seen the movie so I don't want to ruin it) is still himself even after he falls in love. He changes because he loves Rapunzel, but he doesn't turn into some namby pamby servant to a girl because he adores her. Yes, he adores her, but he doesn't worship her. I love his sarcasm and quick humor, honesty (eventually), loyalty (he becomes loyal), and willingness to sacrifice everything, including his life, to protect his world.

Rapunzel and Flynn are my favorite Disney couple (next to Belle and the Beast) because they are a team. They work together. Flynn isn't a controlling or dominant man, and he isn't totally subserviant to Rapunzel. Rapunzel isn't a doormat or a damsel in distress, but neither is she intent on being in control. These two are allies and best friends who work together to achieve goals. Granted, it starts out as ultimatums and threats, but it changes. By the end, they both change for the better. They change because of the experiences they had together, and they are stronger for it.

I'm obsessed with that idea, that two people can work together toward a common goal and achieve it together, with love and friendship. The music in the show isn't bad, either.

I feel better now. I'm glad to have gotten all of that off my chest. ;)

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

day 1...

a picture of myself with 15 facts...

Fact 1: I am obsessed with Kid History. Youtube it. You won't regret it (maybe, lol).
Fact 2: I have a crush on every boy!!
Fact 3: Secretly I like being in pictures because then I can remember what happened. However, I don't like looking at myself.
Fact 4: Next year will be my second year in the Latter-day Celebration choir at the Orem Institute, and I will be a junior in college at UVU.
Fact 5: I hate broccoli.
Fact 6: I sleep better in the day time than I do at night.
Fact 7: The back window on my car won't stay rolled up, and I have to remind myself not to be embarrassed when I push it up by hand in parking lots just in case it rains.
Fact 8: One of my favorite things to do is run in the rain until I'm soaked!!
Fact 9: Flowers...I love them.
Fact 10: My friends have saved my life.
Fact 11: Favorite color = purple!!
Fact 12: I have never been skiing.
Fact 13: My dream vehicle is a truck, one big enough that I have to have a step ladder to get into it.
Fact 14: I collect pennies.
Fact 15: I'm a shoe-a-holic.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

90 day blog challenge...

Well, now that my 30 days of music are over, it's time to start another challenge!! I'm actually excited about this. It keeps me motivated to have some sort of topic or "assignment". I tend to slack off when I get down, which as been happening of late. With choir being over, school out, no job as of yet, and being the only one home, it's easy to get bored and kind of depressed. So now I have something to do besides clean my house!! :)

For the next 90 days I'll be posting based off of this list. Feel free to play along if you want. If you don't want to do the full 90 days, just pick a few and get those creative juices (and pictures) flowing!!

Day 01 - A picture of yourself with fifteen facts.
Day 02 - A picture of you and the person you have been close to for the longest.
Day 03 - A picture of the cast from your favorite show.
Day 04 - A picture of your night.
Day 05 - A picture of your favorite memory.
Day 06 - A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day.
Day 07 - A picture of your most treasured item.
Day 08 - A picture that makes you laugh.
Day 09 - A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most.
Day 10 - A picture of the person you do the most messed up things with.
Day 11 - A picture of something you hate.
Day 12 - A picture of something you love.
Day 13 - A picture of your favorite band or artist.
Day 14 - A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without.
Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you die.
Day 16 - A picture of someone who inspires you.
Day 17 - A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently.
Day 18 - A picture of your biggest insecurity.
Day 19 - A picture of you when you were little.
Day 20 - A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.
Day 21 - A picture of something you wish you could forget.
Day 22 - A picture of something you wish you were better at.
Day 23 - A picture of your favorite book.
Day 24 - A picture of something you wish you could change.
Day 25 - A picture of your day.
Day 26 - A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 27 - A picture of yourself and a family member.
Day 28 - A picture of something you're afraid of.
Day 29 - A picture that can always make you smile.
Day 30 - A picture of someone you miss.
Day 31 - A picture of a tradition you have.
Day 32 - A picture of a crazy night.
Day 33 - A picture of the house you grew up in.
Day 34 - A picture of your currently most played CD.
Day 35 - A picture of your favorite place to eat.
Day 36 - A picture of your ‘other half'.
Day 37 - A picture of the people you spend most of your time with.
Day 38 - A picture of the best part of your day.
Day 39 - A picture of your favorite movie.
Day 40 - A picture of your favorite Disney character.
Day 41 - A picture of your pet.
Day 42 - A picture of your dream house.
Day 43 - A picture of something you can’t function without.
Day 44 - A picture of someone you’re told you look like.
Day 45 - A picture of your room.
Day 46 - A picture of where you wish you were right now.
Day 47 - A picture of your favorite place to shop.
Day 48 - A picture of your favorite actress/actor.
Day 49 - A picture of where you live.
Day 50 - A picture of your most frequented place.
Day 51 - A picture of your dream car.
Day 52 - A picture of your favorite sport.
Day 53 - A picture of someone you think is hot.
Day 54 - A picture of the one thing you would bring if you were stranded on a deserted island.
Day 55 - A picture of the last movie you saw in theaters.
Day 56 - A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 57 - A picture of your favorite holiday.
Day 58 - A picture of your favorite animal.
Day 59 - A picture of a random item that you own.
Day 60 - A picture of something you’re excited about.
Day 61 – A picture of yourself and a description of how your day was.
Day 62 – A picture of something you ate today.
Day 63 – Your idea of the perfect first date
Day 64 – Your favorite picture of your best friend(s).
Day 65 – A picture of yourself two years ago.
Day 66 – A picture of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet.
Day 67 – Your dream wedding.
Day 68 – A song to match your mood.
Day 69 – A picture of something you last purchased.
Day 70 – A picture of your favorite place to eat.
Day 71 – What's in your makeup bag?
Day 72 – A picture of the town you live in.
Day 73 – Who is your favorite musician and why?
Day 74 – A TV show you're currently addicted to.
Day 75 – Something you don't leave the house without.
Day 76 – Your celebrity crush.
Day 77 – A picture of you and your family.
Day 78 – Something you crave a lot.
Day 79 – Another picture of yourself.
Day 80 – The meaning behind your blog name.
Day 81 – A picture of something that makes you happy.
Day 82 – A letter to someone who has hurt you recently.
Day 83 – 15 facts about you.
Day 84 – A picture of something that means a lot to you.
Day 85 – What's in your purse?
Day 86 – A photo of somewhere you've been to.
Day 87 – A picture of you last year and now. How have you changed since then?
Day 88 – Your favorite music.
Day 89 – Something that you could never get tired of doing.
Day 90 – A picture of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 24 hours.

day 30...

my favorite song at this same time last year...

Jesse McCartney

I had to get Jesse in here somewhere. Last year I had a lot of favorite songs, just like this year. But this one? It was definitely in the top 10.

Monday, May 9, 2011

another second chance...

Soooo...I kind of sort of just maybe might have broken my agreement with Brianna and Shelby to ignore Aries. But how could I possibly ignore him when he left flowers on my doorstep with an apology and then contacted me to, again, apologize? That'd be unkind.

I was on choir non-tour (meaning we stayed within an hour of the Institute building at all times) all last week, and it was a blast. Friday we went to Salt Lake to go to the temple, do service projects, and spend some time relaxing on the grounds of the temple. It. Is. Gorgeous. I'd have a hard time imagining a place so beautiful. I don't think I've been there in the spring since I was little. I would have remembered.

As I was sitting with some friends looking at the flowers, I got a call from my mom. She told me that there was a bouquet of a dozen roses on the porch for me, with a note simply saying, "I'm Sorry." It wasn't signed, but I could only think of one person who would find it necessary to apologize to me for something.

Mom asked me what I wanted her to do with the flowers. Conversation as follows:

Me: "Well, are they pretty?"
Mom: "Yes. They're really beautiful, actually."
Me: "Okay then. Keep them."
Mom: "Really?"
Me: "Yes. I don't care who they're from if they're pretty. I love flowers. So keep 'em."

That made mom laugh really hard. I told some of my friends about the flowers and who I guessed they were from. I got several different reactions. Shelby was indifferent and told me to just let it go. Brad was disgusted. Brady was cautious and told me to be cautious. Teddy and Emilyann were jealous because someone sent me flowers. Lauren asked why they were sent and went from jealous to suspicious of the intention behind the gift.

I'll be honest. I'm suspicious, too. Is this just another form of manipulation? Or is he sincere? I mean, look at it:

1. He spent money on me.
2. He thought of it in the first place.
3. He took the time to go get the flowers.
4. He braved my parents to drop them off at my house. And my sisters.
5. He actually wrote the words "I'm Sorry."

So is all of this meant to guilt trip me? Because it's been starting to work. Or is this a sincere attempt to fix things? Because I don't know if it can be fixed. I don't want to burn any bridges. I'd prefer to think of it as building a gate with a sturdy lock, and the two of us can talk across the fence. However, he knows me so well. It'd be easy for him to find a way over the gate when I wasn't paying close enough attention.

I'm probably an idiot for doing this, but I agreed to talk to him. He asked me if I would. It didn't feel wrong to say yes. And if it is, then I guess I'll just learn something from whatever happens.

You know something? I find it odd that the first day Aries contacted me was the day that Brianna left on her mission to Nauvoo. Brianna has been the one most against this whole thing. Now she's gone. I kind of feel like I'm going behind her back. I'm not. I was just stupid and read the text message before I even remembered that I'd promised not to. As I pressed send I remembered, and my first thought was that I am going to be in serious trouble when she gets home.

day 29...

a song from my childhood...

Backstreet Boys

Yes, I am a product of the 90's. I remember dancing to this when I was a kid, and I brought it out of the "vault" for a performance I did in junior high. Got second place, too! Definitely a larger than life moment for me. :)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

weekly poem...

I love poetry. Because of this I've decided to look for a new poem to share each week. I'll post it on Sunday nights, and it will stay up on the "Weekly Poem" page for a week.

Waving Goodbye

The world bends us to its purpose.
In the public gardens, we found
a “gazing globe” balanced
on a waist-high pedestal,
a silver ball a foot in circumference,
reflecting sky and ground,
ourselves as we stood above it.
We stared into its depths,
as in a crystal ball,
our faces large and wild,
arms and legs unnaturally small,
as if a spell were on the world,
or, finally, we clearly saw the world
for what it was: too brightly
shining, circular, unadorned.

Trees bent toward us, mere shadows
of themselves, their shadows
more substantial than the trees themselves.
The sky at one o’clock
a milky white, light-filled,
yet without sun or cloud. And beds
of tulips rising from the groundswell,
each one a little mouth.
I knelt beside you on one knee,
caught up in walls of air
I couldn’t touch or see, the outer world
around me wavering, as on a hot summer day.

We looked out to the future. Our future
selves. You stood dead center
in the globe and raised your hand to stop
the scene, your palm enlarging
until it dwarfed the tallest trees.
Then waving goodbye, we walked,
as a joke, backward and away,
farther and farther away—
the globe still gazing on us—
leaving ourselves behind
to live forever in that silver room,
to watch and spy on lovers like ourselves.

~Elizabeth Spires


day 28...

a song that makes me feel guilty...

Hollywood Undead

I don't know why this song makes me feel so guilty. I mean, I really like it a lot. But for some reason I always feel like I've been a jerk to somebody and this is how they might feel. I dunno. I'm crazy.


This one? I definitely feel guilty because I feel like I've made some mistakes. I feel guilty and ashamed for the risks I took, especially when I knew I shouldn't have. It was, and remains, impossible. It's for the best, but it still kind of hurts sometimes.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

day 27...

a song that I wish I could play...


I was never interested in playing the guitar (or super interested, that is) until this song came out. I heard the acoustic version and now I just WISH I could learn it and play it. It'd be freakin' awesome!

Friday, May 6, 2011

day 26...

a song that I can play on an instrument...

Linkin Park

I can only play a little bit of this on the piano. I was messing around one day and realized that if I rearranged the order of the notes I was playing that they would turn into the intro for this song. It was great! I was definitely proud of myself. Too bad I got out of practice; I'm going to have to start over on this one.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

day 25...

a song that makes me laugh...


I can just imagine someday when I'm in a relationship or married or something, standing at the kitchen sink doing dishes or peeling potatoes. He comes home and knows he's in trouble with me, makes a face or does something really cute, and I can't help but laugh. That's what this song always makes me think of. I can't wait to be stuck with him forever!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

day 24...

a song that I want to play at my funeral...

Lady Antebellum

Another odd one. I'm an odd person. This song has made me both laugh and cry, but it always reminds me to have hope in the future. It reminds me to have hope in the world. Perhaps it would remind people to have hope, no matter what happens. I'd like people to remember to hope. Without hope, we have nothing.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

day 23...

a song I want to play at my wedding...


I know, I know. An odd one to want to play at my wedding. But it kinda fits. After all, he'll probably be my best friend, you know? And hopefully, we'll make each other laugh a lot. As a wise person once told me, "Bonds are strengthened when you can laugh together." He's still wise.

Monday, May 2, 2011

day 22...

a song that I listen to when I'm sad...

Jon McLaughlin

I don't remember how I was introduced to this song, but ever since then it has been one of my favorites. This is like the story of my life put to music. I guess it could have been used for the description post BUT I have a feeling I'd get in trouble with some people...so instead this is for the sad post.

The Band Perry

This is another song I listen to when I'm feeling down. Perhaps a tad morbid to have this as a favorite, but what can I say? It's got a lot of truth to it, and besides: the imagery in the lyrics? Beautiful.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

follow the crowd...

Everyone has probably heard by now that there has been confirmation regarding the death of Osama bin Laden, known terrorist leader who has been in hiding for nearly a decade. I'm following the crowd in posting about it, but whatevs. It's on my mind, so why not write about it.

I don't like how everyone is so celebratory. It makes me feel sick to see all of the posts and comments, saying things like "**** you, Osama!" and "It's about time!", among others. Even as I read President Obama's speech, in which he said that bin Laden has finally been "brought to justice", I felt sick inside. To think that so much joy and in-your-face attitude can come from this...it's odd to me.

Don't get me wrong, I am no terrorist sympathizer. I think what they stand for and what they do is horrible. Taking life for any reason, especially to use fear to drive your cause, is wrong. Racial and religious purity and power, destruction of democracy, elimination of those who think and believe differently than you do, I don't stand for those things.

I believe in America. I believe in freedom and liberty and equality. I believe in safety and security for everyone. I believe in democracy, in the freedom to choose, in the freedom to believe as you wish, in the freedom to act as you wish as long as your actions do not infringe upon the rights of others. I believe that peace is the ultimate goal, and that war is a last resort, to defend life and liberty and to promote happiness for others who are suffering and who are oppressed.

I do not believe in celebrating the end of life, no matter what a person or group has done. I can see that with Osama bin Laden's death comes many things: he can no longer do any harm. He can't plan anything. He can't lead anyone. He can't spread ideas to the illiterate who know nothing else. This event also ends things for many people, for people who lost family and friends in the fighting. But truly, is justice served with death? A life for a life, or a life for thousands of lives. Does that make things right? Does that make it okay to jump and shout in the streets, proclaiming things like, "I bet my son is escorting him to hell" or "Take THAT, [insert obscenities]!" or "Oh yeah, JUSTICE, baby! Get where you belong!"

Do people remember that there was celebrating in the Middle East on the day the towers fell ten years ago? Do people remember? I remember. It sickened me then, and I was only in fourth grade. Now, in my own country, people celebrate death. It sickens me. To see such thirst for blood and revenge...

I know that this isn't everyone. Not everyone feels this way. It's just what I've personally seen, read, and heard tonight while I have been with my family and friends.

I recognize that for many, there are reasons to celebrate. People can point these reasons out to me, and I will acknowledge them. I accept those reasons because I can see the point, but I won't celebrate. There will be no drinks for me tonight, and not just because I don't drink.

a little somethin' called grajeeayshun...

Yep. I done did it. I grajeeayted.

It's kind of cool because it's my second graduation in less than a year. In 2010 I graduated from high school. Two days ago I received my Associate's Degree (AS). Both times I graduated with High Honors. I don't know how that happened. In high school, I worked for it. In college? I didn't even know until the alumni coordinators told me I needed to buy high honor cords. "Why?" I asked them. "Um...well, you have a 3.9 and that means you have high honors. Do you not want to get the cords?" They were only five dollars, so I got them.

I also didn't know what sort of degree I was getting until the day of graduation. There are different types of Associate Degrees. I never learned that in high school! Mine's an Associate of Science in University Studies (aka they lumped me in with all of the other people who didn't know what they wanted to major in so just took everything to fulfill basic general eduaction requirements). So there I was with my black gown made out of recycled soda bottles, my dorky graduation hat, my honor cords, my green university neck hanger thing (they never told us the name), my black University College tassel, and a bad case of what-the-heck-am-I-supposed-to-be-doing?! Oh yes. I was graduating from college.

I felt less dorky once I was surrounded by other people wearing those caps. I don't know why they chose caps like that for graduation ceremonies. They don't look very cool. But I guess it's better to look scholarly than it is to look cool. Unless you're Justin Bieber or Lady Gaga. Then you can wear whatever you want and make money, no diploma needed.

Okay, so it wasn't that bad. I just felt super out of place and awkward. I didn't know anyone around me, which was very different from high school graduation. I think that was the weirdest part, not graduating with any of my friends. I'm one to two years ahead of most of them when it comes to college degree requirements, so when I am halfway through or done with my Bachelor's Degree my friends will be receiving their Associate Degrees. I'm excited for them, more than I was for myself. Graduations have never really seemed like a big deal to me. It's just what you do. You go to school, get a degree, go back to school, get another degree, and so on. Ever since I was a kid, school and getting degrees have been the big deal at my house, even moreso than politics. My parents, mom especially, have talked up college since I was probably three. So graduation? It's just another requirement.

It doesn't help that my mom got really mad at me after my convocation was over. I interrupted her without meaning to because I thought she was finished speaking. Apparently not. I don't know what it is with my family. Everything ends in a fight that mom starts and finishes by walking off to her car and driving off. That kind of ruined the entire day.

HOWEVER! There were some really good things about the day. I'll list the highlights:
  1. Being found by a lady in my neighborhood who was also graduating. She let me stand in line with her and her friends, so when we were actually walking I wouldn't be by myself.
  2. Matt Holland, President of UVU, gave an incredible speech. It was awesome because it felt like he was talking directly to me. It was exactly what I needed to hear, addressing all of my fears and concerns. In short, his speech said that it is critical to move forward with your life, and you have to do it despite things being imperfect. "You cannot wait for the perfect set of circumstances." It was really great.
  3. Cafe Rio for lunch!
  4. I don't know if this could be called a highlight because it was very scary, but I was put first in line to walk in the processional for convocation. I never lead any lines, because I'm usually the shortest or almost shortest. The tall people are always in the front, haha! Both of the girls behind me were tall. I was standing between them, but the usher came over to us and said that it looked really weird to have two tall blondes separated by a short brunette, so she moved me to the front.
  5. I got a text while people's names were being read (yes, I had my phone on). It was from Jason. Here's the conversation:

Jason: "Are you graduating right now?"

Me: "Mhmmmmm!"

Jason: "In the UCCU Center?"

Me: "No, in the PE courts."

Jason: "Shoot! We're at the wrong graduation!"

I literally laughed out loud when I read that. I was so glad that they'd even made an effort to come. And guess what else? They brought me flowers that they picked from their own garden. Tulips, red and yellow ones! They're so pretty. If my camera hadn't broken during the ceremonies I would have taken a picture. I'm glad I kept the receipt with the warranty on it!

So yeah. The day was interesting.

day 21...

a song that I listen to when I'm happy...

David Archuleta

Darling David. His music just makes my heart smile, along with my face. Most of the time. There is HOPE in his music! Like this song.

The JaneDear Girls

Oh, yeah baby! I so would love to pretend for a day that I fit all of this description. Granted I'd probably have a lot more chores, but hey! It might be fun for a day!