Parker, a coworker of mine, asked me a question about a month ago that has really bothered me. It has bothered me because I didn't know the answer. I still feel like I don't know the answer, and no matter how much I think about it and try to come up with something satisfactory, it doesn't seem right.
"Who are you?" Parker asked. The question stemmed from a long conversation about how to read people and what he could read about me, just from knowing me for a few weeks. He asked me again a couple of days ago, and I made something up like "I'm a college student, a sister, a daughter, and a friend." He seemed slightly more satisfied with that answer than with my previous "I don't know", and then told me to keep thinking.
Who am I, friends? Because honestly, I'm not sure who I am. Or maybe I know, but I'm too afraid to write it down or say it out loud. Once written down or spoken aloud, it becomes a responsibility. I don't know if I can live up to the expectations. I worry that there is so much to lose.
Perhaps it doesn't make any sense, and maybe putting it off isn't the proper way to go about it. Right now though, trying to come up with a definition of who I am is giving me a headache. Not to mention I think I'm allergic to the idea...if you get my meaning.
2 comments:
You don't need to know who you are. Like the top of our blog says "We are not quite sure who we are, we're a work in progress." We ebb and flow, run down this rabbit trail and back because it was a dead end or we just grew tired of it, or in midstream totally change direction because the other direction offers something new, interesting, or promising. Don't label yourself and get boxed in. I think people like to put others in neat little catagories so that they know how to deal with us, which hat do they wear when they are with us and if they can label us it helps them feel control of their world. Keep them guessing, stay a free spirit, stay off the road that has the one way sign on it, opt for the two lanes, or better yet the eight lane freeways, keep your options open, don't get boxed into a corner that suits someone else but not you. You be you - whatever that is at the momment. That doesn't mean run off willy nilly and chase after every shiney thing you see, just be willing to consider and change directions if it seems a better fit. That and pray, pray, pray for direction and purpose. Only try to please God, "the audience of one" not everyone else. So tell that guy you don't know who you are and you like it that way.
I. Love. This. Thank you so, so much. Really and truly.
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