I hate you.
That's been running through my mind a lot today. Vicious and cruel, broken and empty -- there have been various tones of the sentiment.
All day, though, I've seen evidences of how much I am loved. I saw it a lot last night as well. Today I really felt it.
Though I've had my world turned upside down again and my heart wrenched from my chest, I'm okay. Life goes on. Not only does it go on, but it goes on happily, joyfully, with people who love and are in their turn lovable.
I've made serious mistakes. I've lost a lot, including the one person who meant the most to me in the entire world. But I have not lost my faith. Nor have I lost my Heavenly Father. If anything, I feel closer to him than I've felt in a long time. All day I've been comforted and sheltered from the turmoil raging inside my heart. There have been tears, yes. Tears, however, can often be as healing as a good laugh. At least they are for me.
I'm still angry. I'm still heart broken. I'm still confused and sad and scared.
But I'm not alone.