crazy...

I feel more and more that every time I turn around, something painful has happened for my family or my friends, and in some cases, myself.

Like how my sister, Meghan, was cast as the Fairy Godmother in Cinderella, though she's a senior and quite possibly the best performer (next to my sister Amanda) in the high school drama department. And that it was Amanda, who is a junior, who was cast as Cinderella. Meghan is heartbroken about it, but trying so hard to be supportive and congratulatory of Amanda. And Amanda is heartbroken about it because she knows how much this hurts Meghan, and because so many of Meghan and Amanda's friends are painting Amanda as the one at fault. Meghan is receiving support on all sides, while Amanda is being left completely alone. Everyone is sad for Meghan, and no one is happy for Amanda. Amanda didn't even want to try out for the show, and Cinderella was the last part she ever considered for herself.

Like how Hannah, who has already had a horrific summer, received word last night that her grandfather, whom she was closer to than either of her parents, passed away two weeks ago. No one bothered to tell her until now. And during the same conversation, she was also informed that one of her best friends was killed earlier this week by the best friend's boyfriend. Yes, the boyfriend is going to prison for life, but how does that make anything about it better? How could anyone do something like that? I don't even know what to say to Hannah about it. It's too horrible to comprehend.

Like how I had to walk out of a lecture on Friday because the professor informed us that we would be viewing clips from an R-rated film to demonstrate points of the discussion. Some readers may think that is no big deal, and normal for a university lecture, but BYU is a private LDS school. It is run by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and so those who teach there and attend classes are expected to uphold and live by the principles of the LDS church. The standards of my church include not viewing anything that is not "virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy" (Article of Faith 1:13). We have been asked (and commanded) not to participate in highly violent media, regardless of the message that the media holds. And so I left a class at a university where I expected to be safe from needing to stand up for what I believe, got no notes for that day's lecture, and possibly offended the person who controls my grade. The faculty of BYU have let me down once again, and it is very frustrating. It was embarrassing and uncomfortable, and I stood alone in my choice, despite the standards and beliefs that a majority of the students share.

Like how no matter what I do, my health continues to decline. Last night I was hit with another headache, one so bad I could barely move. Thank goodness for Parker -- he was able to get me home and in bed. All day it's been difficult to do anything other than sleep or move slowly. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I eat regularly and well. I sleep when I can. I don't live a particularly sedentary life style, as I'm always moving around when I'm not in class or working. Parker thinks it's from stress. There's a high probability that he's right.

And as crazy as it's all been, I'm still aware that life is good. Bad things happen. Hard things happen. People do horrible things. People make dumb mistakes. But things are still good. There are good things, and good people. People like my sisters, who are doing their absolute best to not let this come between them and are showing everyone else what true sisterhood is. People like Hannah, who despite all of the opposition thrown against her is taking the necessary steps, regardless of how scary or painful they are, to heal and move forward. People like Parker, who goes out of his way to make sure I get home safely and comes over the next morning to make sure that I'm okay. People like my parents, and my other friends. Good people still exist.