Thursday, June 13, 2013

one of those times...

Lately it feels as though nothing is working out.

I was made student lead at my job. You'd think that would be a good thing, but no. I hate being in charge, particularly when it's a position for which I was never trained because (surprise) it never existed before. It's so frustrating having curators and metadata specialists coming to me for answers to questions I've never known needed to be asked. To every day send people to ask someone else because I don't know what to do.

The paper I'm writing is too smart for me. I don't even understand the eight pages I wrote -- and I don't know if my professor will like it. I'm writing way out of my league because it's fascinating, but honestly? I'm terrified I'll get called out for writing a paper on personal racial identity when -- hello -- white girl right here. I mean, the fact that I'm white doesn't mean that I can't discuss racial issues. It sure is terrifying, though.

The air conditioner broke this morning. And it's the hottest week of the summer so far.

At the same time that nothing seems to be going right, things are going okay. I mean, having a position created for me because the curators recognized that I at least have potential is pretty great. They picked me, out of the seven students -- and me being here the least amount of time.

The paper I'm writing is too smart for me. Yeah -- that's kind of a good thing, right? Because if it's too smart for me, yet I wrote it and the thoughts came from me, then I must be headed in a good direction.

Today is the coolest day of the hottest week of the summer. It's cloudy and overcast, with a nice wind blowing -- kicks up a lot of dust, but the house might not turn into an oven by the end of the day.

Plus, I made a new friend. She's a custodian for the library, and she is one of the sweetest people I've ever known. She told me all about how she used to work at Disneyland, and her vacation to New Orleans this summer with her family. She had the strangest earrings I've ever seen, and was totally focused on getting things cleaned up in the stacks where the construction crew had made a mess. She also noticed things that have been broken or sitting around by my desk for months that I didn't know what to do with, and just took care of them for me.

How nice is that?

And so, things aren't all that bad. It just feels that way.

No comments: