School is so complicated. It's so much more than going to class and doing assignments. There are all of the hoops to jump through to fulfill requirements, all of the things you can't say in order to remain on good terms with professors and peers, all of the extra things needed outside of classes to show potential employers or educators that you're prepared, all of the little things that no one mentions until you get an email telling you that you dropped the ball you didn't know you were holding.
All of this stress and work and anxiety over a piece of paper with your name on it that says you accomplished something. All of the money, time, energy, frustration, all of it, for the sake of some fake gold lettering that you put on your wall.
There is a point to all of this stuff I'm doing, I'm sure of it. For one thing it keeps me from being bored out of my mind. For another, I'm getting a glimpse of how others think and behave in a way I wouldn't if I just had a job.
However, I don't feel like I'm doing this for any other reason than if I don't, there will be consequences that will be detrimental in the future. Be it social disapproval, or inability to provide for myself or future family, or not being able to do the things I want to do with my life -- I feel as if I go to school out of fear, rather than a desire to learn. A lot of the time I don't feel like I'm learning anything, other than that I'll never get used to how often I feel stupid in school.
I know that there are people who would do anything for a shot at an education. I mean, look at what's happening in Afghanistan. 122 girls and 3 teachers were poisoned by the Taliban while the girls were in school because these girls want an education. Not only that, but this isn't the first time this has happened over there. And you know what? The terrorists aren't stopping girls from going to school. Despite this serious threat, girls in Afghanistan don't let it stop them from learning. They're literally risking their lives to learn. They don't let anything stop them.
I'm not anywhere near as dedicated as they are. Some days I don't even know why I'm going to school. I mean...I go to school out of fear. They go to show the world that no one can stop them. They know why they're going. They know why it's important. I wish I could see it as clearly as they do, free from the lense of doubt and frustration.
I need to be more grateful for what I have. Those girls sure are -- they're grateful for their school houses that are falling down, with three students to a desk and not enough books to go around, while security guards stand outside to keep people from causing trouble. They know what they're doing, and they know why the're doing it. I pray that I can be half as brave and determined as they are.