This was probably the best dance I've ever been to. I'm not even kidding-I have never had more fun at a dance before. It wasn't because of the music or the decorations. It wasn't even because of the awesome costumes that everyone had. No, it was because of my freaking amazing date, Jason.
Yes, Jason is amazing. He is absolutely CRAZY, and in a good way. I mean, for crying out loud, anyone who knows who Zuko is and freaks out because he's so excited over the idea as dressing up like "Avatar" characters is pretty cool in my book. Since the theme for the dance this year was "Comic Book Crazy" the two of us were having a hard time coming up with anything that someone else might not have all ready thought of. Jason suggested something from anime, and I mentioned "Avatar: The Last Airbender". Enter freak out mode, and Zu-tara costumes being the focus of the discussion. Zuko and Katara aren't really comic book characters, but they're still amazing.
I think the best part about dressing up as Katara and Zuko was how much Jason liked my "hair loopies". He kept playing with them when we were talking, and when we'd dance together he'd twist them around his finger and get all excited. He also loved the waterbending and firebending toys I found, aka Chinese yo-yos in orange, red, and blue.
Okay, I'm cutting this post short because I'm so exhausted. It's been a bad day-13 hours of sleep and I still feel absolutely sick. This is kind of not fun, especially since I've got some exams, a choir performance, my friend Zach's play to go see, Jason's play to go see (he's playing Nicely Nicely in "Guys and Dolls" at my high school and asked me to come and see it), work, choir practice...ugh. Bad week to get sick. There really is so much more to share! But I think I need to get to bed. Like, right now.
So, good night! I'll tell more tomorrow! :D
Monday, November 16, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
just married...
Tonight was amazing. I think that this was the best, most fun dance that I have ever been to. Tomorrow's post will be a recap of my high school's Sadie Hawkin's dance, along with the days that I've missed this week (due to school, homework, shopping, frantic rehearsals, breakdowns, and other things that will be explained).
And, yes.
...I got married...
:D
...I got married...
:D
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
happy dance...
My best friend got his temple recommend back!!!
He's been going to church more often and now he can go to the temple again!!!
:D :D :D :D
Teehee. I'm so happy.
And today wasn't bad. I crossed all but ONE thing off of my "To Do" list, and that wasn't even my fault. Yay!!! Choir went well, and so did the EMR. Communications was spent talking to David and Tyler, so that was awesome. I understood what was taught in Algebra, I got to go home for lunch and chill out for awhile, work wasn't too bad (i pretty much suck at my job but i won't be there for much longer so it's all good), Meteorology was spent actually flirting with Tyler (i shocked myself when i realized that's what we were doing), and this evening has been spent preparing fund raising packets, on Facebook, and talking to my amazing friends.
Life is good. :)
Life is good. :)
Monday, November 9, 2009
happy?
I've been feeling strangely happy ALL day long. It started last night around 10:30, and it hasn't stopped. It's seriously way weird. There's just this happy, bubbly, giggly feeling that won't leave me alone. It's starting to make me mad.
Lol, not really. But I would like to know WHY I feel so...up. Hm...
Lol, not really. But I would like to know WHY I feel so...up. Hm...
...possible reasons...
- I talked to Jason about what we're dressing up as for Sadie's. Can you say...Avatar? :D More details later on.
- Two choir classes in one day. Heaven.
- No homework!
- Pretty much everything on my day's "To Do" list is crossed off.
- Wonderful (though if i try hard enough it could be a slightly depressing) dream.
- Taking pictures of my puppy in the backyard.
- Taking pictures!
- Chatting with my little "brother", Jaden, and my amazing friend Joi.
- "Betelehemu" rehearsal in choir with Brad. I love having him direct. He's awesome! He's the one I'm doing a duet with in Ariosa. Guess what it is? "Papagena/o". O.o Can you say difficult?
- Kit Kats.
Labels:
A Cappella,
Ariosa,
boys,
Concert Choir,
dating,
friends,
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lists,
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random,
weird
Sunday, November 8, 2009
how to succeed in business without really trying...
I can't say much for the script of this play, but it does win the prize for longest name ever. I will tell you what happened:
So, my amazing friends Belen, Jaz, Candace, and Megan were all in "The Wizard of Oz" with me this past summer. Since they all go to the same high school, they were also in PHS's production of the aforementioned play (i am too lazy to type out that ridiculously long name again [though the explanation of why is much longer...oh well]). My family, along with some other Ozian friends, went to see it last night.
Belen was the female lead, playing Rosemary. She was fabulous! Her characterizations were amazing, her voice is gorgeous, she's a fantastic dancer, and she's beautiful. I'm so proud to have a friend like her. I love that girl.
Jaz, Belen's little sister, was in the chorus. She has such amazing stage presence that my eye kept going to her during the big numbers. She's a great little dancer, and full of character even when in a small role. She's another girl that I love to death.
Candace played the female not really antagonist but not protagonist either. She was the office "beauty", Miss Hedy La Rue, employed by the big boss because of their little affair. Candace was so funny! She totally played up the Bronx blonde, complete with the nail file. I loved the number where she sang...with total accent. It was absolutely hilarious. Love her!
Megan is the one who I've known before Oz but not really well. Her mom, Dawn, was in "CATS" with me three (almost four?!?) years ago. Megan played Miss Jones, secretary to the big boss. When she found out that my family and I were coming, she looked SO nervous and said, "Oh, no! That's amazing and I'm going to totally screw up!" Thanks for that, Megs. Lol. She was fantastic. In the second to last number in the show, her character literally lets her hair down and totally does a scat number (shoobiedoodatdatdatdattilyadad!!! like that kind of thing). She was brilliant! Meg is adorable.
The show itself was all right. The pacing was really slow. And some of the direction was, well, not so great. But...my friends were fabulous. And I'm not just saying that because they're my friends. It's because, well, they really were fabulous.
Other people I got to see: Jaden (my little "brother") and his sister, Samantha. Greg, our lovely Tin Man. Funny story about that-when I was standing next to him, I realized that he looked a lot less wide than he had the last time I saw him. Then I remembered-he isn't actually SHAPED like the Tin Man. The thing was just a costume. Duh! Kind of one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it was funny. Necia was there, Amanda's flying monkey buddy. Megan's family, of course, and then, so weird, Devin! He played Louis in "The King and I" EIGHT YEARS ago! It was SOOOO weird, because I recognized him from Facebook (gotta love facebook) and then realized how HUGE he is! He's so tall! And no longer skinny; he's totally built. It was the freakiest thing ever. It's funny how a little time will change people so much. I'm so glad we got to see him, and all of our other friends.
So, my amazing friends Belen, Jaz, Candace, and Megan were all in "The Wizard of Oz" with me this past summer. Since they all go to the same high school, they were also in PHS's production of the aforementioned play (i am too lazy to type out that ridiculously long name again [though the explanation of why is much longer...oh well]). My family, along with some other Ozian friends, went to see it last night.
Belen was the female lead, playing Rosemary. She was fabulous! Her characterizations were amazing, her voice is gorgeous, she's a fantastic dancer, and she's beautiful. I'm so proud to have a friend like her. I love that girl.
Jaz, Belen's little sister, was in the chorus. She has such amazing stage presence that my eye kept going to her during the big numbers. She's a great little dancer, and full of character even when in a small role. She's another girl that I love to death.
Candace played the female not really antagonist but not protagonist either. She was the office "beauty", Miss Hedy La Rue, employed by the big boss because of their little affair. Candace was so funny! She totally played up the Bronx blonde, complete with the nail file. I loved the number where she sang...with total accent. It was absolutely hilarious. Love her!
Megan is the one who I've known before Oz but not really well. Her mom, Dawn, was in "CATS" with me three (almost four?!?) years ago. Megan played Miss Jones, secretary to the big boss. When she found out that my family and I were coming, she looked SO nervous and said, "Oh, no! That's amazing and I'm going to totally screw up!" Thanks for that, Megs. Lol. She was fantastic. In the second to last number in the show, her character literally lets her hair down and totally does a scat number (shoobiedoodatdatdatdattilyadad!!! like that kind of thing). She was brilliant! Meg is adorable.
The show itself was all right. The pacing was really slow. And some of the direction was, well, not so great. But...my friends were fabulous. And I'm not just saying that because they're my friends. It's because, well, they really were fabulous.
Other people I got to see: Jaden (my little "brother") and his sister, Samantha. Greg, our lovely Tin Man. Funny story about that-when I was standing next to him, I realized that he looked a lot less wide than he had the last time I saw him. Then I remembered-he isn't actually SHAPED like the Tin Man. The thing was just a costume. Duh! Kind of one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it was funny. Necia was there, Amanda's flying monkey buddy. Megan's family, of course, and then, so weird, Devin! He played Louis in "The King and I" EIGHT YEARS ago! It was SOOOO weird, because I recognized him from Facebook (gotta love facebook) and then realized how HUGE he is! He's so tall! And no longer skinny; he's totally built. It was the freakiest thing ever. It's funny how a little time will change people so much. I'm so glad we got to see him, and all of our other friends.
(pssst...secret? he's way cute)
I think the only sad things about the whole reunion was when we had to leave and the fact that some other people couldn't come. Like Misty, who the girls asked about. And Zach, who's still grounded. And Brenden, who was working. And a ton of other people who are so busy. EVERYONE is so busy. Heck, I'm busy. That's life, isn't it? We might be having another Pirate Island Adventure this week, but I'm not sure. Cross your fingers!!! :D
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom sang in church today. It was amazing. :)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mom sang in church today. It was amazing. :)
Labels:
boys,
family,
friends,
OZ reunion,
performances,
Pirates,
plays,
random,
weird
Saturday, November 7, 2009
epic friday nights...
I pretty much love Noelle and Zach, and my new friend Kaitlyn. She goes to school with my two friends, and is really close to Noelle. She's another super good friend all ready who I feel like I've known for not forever but for longer than tonight.
It started out at Noelle's house after stopping at Wal-Mart with mom and my sisters to pick up some popsicles. Last night when I was Facebooking Noelle she said, "I want a popsicle." I said, "Okay. What are you doing tomorrow night?" She didn't really connect the two thoughts, and so when I showed up at her door with a box of fruit bars she declared me to be her "favorite and three quarters, which means I love you more than Zach!" Not really, because no one could love me more than Zach, and especially not Noelle, but I'm still her favorite and three quarters. Tee hee.
When we were in the basement of her house, Noelle was talking to Zach online. She told me I could say hello, then told me that I would have to eat dinner in order to be allowed to hang out with an epic someone. I was confused as to who this epic someone could be, and declined the invitation to eat dinner (i hate eating in front of people; it's even hard at home with my family sometimes). She said if I didn't eat dinner then I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table and this epic someone would have to stay far away. I asked who this epic someone was, and she just told me to eat my macaroni and cheese. That's when I figured out who the epic someone was. I'm so slow. DUH it was Zach!
Kaitlyn, Noelle's other best friend and orchestra buddy, picked us up to go over to Zach's. When we got there, he was having a bonfire with his little brothers. I also got to see his older brother, Brenden! I haven't seen that kid (well, not kid, really) in so long! He played the Scarecrow in Oz, and he's one of my dear friends. We talked for awhile, and then went back to Noelle's house for another half-bonfire thing in her yard. And popsicles. Yay for popsicles.
Those three are seriously amazing. Even though I found out that the idea of someone that I've been dreading and hoping wouldn't happen now has a name (aka the girl zach totally likes and who likes him back), the night was still amazing. I think the hardest part was when he told me that he loves me out loud. It's even more different than in writing out the words through an email. I was all ready feeling kind of sad because of this "amazing, wonderful, adorable ----" (which he used to describe me as, but with more letters in my name). Then when we discussed this "problem" that I've been having, he pretty much destroyed me. He put both hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said "You're stronger than this, Georgie. I know you are. And know this: I love you so much. No matter what. I love you."
I'm going to have to figure out how to be happy with this sort of love, when it's something else that I'm wishing for. My life was a lot less complicated before Zach became my best friend. Ah, well. He's a great person. Oblivious, but still great.
I love Noelle! She's so awesome. And I love Kaitlyn, and can't wait to get to know her better. I bought Noelle and Kaitlyn their Christmas presents today! I'm so excited. Zach's came in the mail today as well, and it's the freaking coolest fedora ever. He mentioned that he wanted one "someday", and I tried to get it for his birthday. Not to be; it was on back order. I know what that is now because of my current job, and it's really aggravating. BUT! It came today. I don't know if I can wait until Christmas to give it to him; maybe at Thanksgiving, like Noelle suggested. "It's the half-way point between his birthday and Christmas, so it's perfect!" It really is the halfway point, actually. That's funny.
Oh, a lady who used to live in my ward (see any other "church" tagged posts for an explanation) a LONG time ago visited my house today! I only ever get to talk to her through Facebook, and it was so awesome to see her. She's a great lady, and I love her.
All in all, an epic Friday.
It started out at Noelle's house after stopping at Wal-Mart with mom and my sisters to pick up some popsicles. Last night when I was Facebooking Noelle she said, "I want a popsicle." I said, "Okay. What are you doing tomorrow night?" She didn't really connect the two thoughts, and so when I showed up at her door with a box of fruit bars she declared me to be her "favorite and three quarters, which means I love you more than Zach!" Not really, because no one could love me more than Zach, and especially not Noelle, but I'm still her favorite and three quarters. Tee hee.
When we were in the basement of her house, Noelle was talking to Zach online. She told me I could say hello, then told me that I would have to eat dinner in order to be allowed to hang out with an epic someone. I was confused as to who this epic someone could be, and declined the invitation to eat dinner (i hate eating in front of people; it's even hard at home with my family sometimes). She said if I didn't eat dinner then I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table and this epic someone would have to stay far away. I asked who this epic someone was, and she just told me to eat my macaroni and cheese. That's when I figured out who the epic someone was. I'm so slow. DUH it was Zach!
Kaitlyn, Noelle's other best friend and orchestra buddy, picked us up to go over to Zach's. When we got there, he was having a bonfire with his little brothers. I also got to see his older brother, Brenden! I haven't seen that kid (well, not kid, really) in so long! He played the Scarecrow in Oz, and he's one of my dear friends. We talked for awhile, and then went back to Noelle's house for another half-bonfire thing in her yard. And popsicles. Yay for popsicles.
Those three are seriously amazing. Even though I found out that the idea of someone that I've been dreading and hoping wouldn't happen now has a name (aka the girl zach totally likes and who likes him back), the night was still amazing. I think the hardest part was when he told me that he loves me out loud. It's even more different than in writing out the words through an email. I was all ready feeling kind of sad because of this "amazing, wonderful, adorable ----" (which he used to describe me as, but with more letters in my name). Then when we discussed this "problem" that I've been having, he pretty much destroyed me. He put both hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said "You're stronger than this, Georgie. I know you are. And know this: I love you so much. No matter what. I love you."
I'm going to have to figure out how to be happy with this sort of love, when it's something else that I'm wishing for. My life was a lot less complicated before Zach became my best friend. Ah, well. He's a great person. Oblivious, but still great.
I love Noelle! She's so awesome. And I love Kaitlyn, and can't wait to get to know her better. I bought Noelle and Kaitlyn their Christmas presents today! I'm so excited. Zach's came in the mail today as well, and it's the freaking coolest fedora ever. He mentioned that he wanted one "someday", and I tried to get it for his birthday. Not to be; it was on back order. I know what that is now because of my current job, and it's really aggravating. BUT! It came today. I don't know if I can wait until Christmas to give it to him; maybe at Thanksgiving, like Noelle suggested. "It's the half-way point between his birthday and Christmas, so it's perfect!" It really is the halfway point, actually. That's funny.
Oh, a lady who used to live in my ward (see any other "church" tagged posts for an explanation) a LONG time ago visited my house today! I only ever get to talk to her through Facebook, and it was so awesome to see her. She's a great lady, and I love her.
All in all, an epic Friday.
Labels:
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Facebook,
food,
friends,
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problems,
random,
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weird,
what to do?
Friday, November 6, 2009
20 ?s...
1. Where were you last week at this time?
Last week I was either on the computer where I am now or sitting at the table in the kitchen. Or, come to think of it, asleep. Which I was about ten minutes ago.
2. What’s your favorite way to eat tomatoes?
How about not eating them?
3. Ok, let's be honest. How often do you use your turn signals when you drive? Do you follow the rules or do you only use it when you feel it's necessary?
I always use the turn signals.
4. This past week, were you more predator or prey?
Prey. Or just ignored. Lol.
5. What is the first TV show quote to pop into your head right now?
"That's what SHE said." And I don't even know what that means. I just know it's from television and it's apparently a really popular show. "The Office" or something. I've never even seen that show. Baha.
6. Next time I go to church:
will be on Sunday. Unless you count Mutual on Wednesday, which I can't get out of this time. They assigned me a talk. Ew.
7. What was your third grade teacher's name?
Miss Aldrich. She was amazing.
8. When was the last time you went grocery shopping? Name 3 things you bought.
I went on Friday night, but I only bought one thing. Popsicles!!!
9. What would the title of your autobiography be?
I have no idea. Anything I put would sound either sad, upset, or something along those lines. What a way to be remembered.
10. How many pieces of unopened mail are sitting wherever you put your unopened mail?
1. It's from a college.
11. What 5 emotions do you feel most often?
Excitement. Nervousness. Loneliness. Fear. Happiness.
12. If you got a new pet right now, what would you name it?
It depends on the type of pet. If it's the one I want, then probably Bud Henry (little boy beagle).
13. Admit something. Anything.
I'll admit it-I don't like admitting things. :)
14. Choose a free gift: a daily back massage, dinner at a restaurant once a week, or a brand new book each month.
Brand new book each month. That would be amazing.
15. Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
Chicken. Vegetables. Berries.
16. If given the chance and you could pick the person, would you want to switch lives with someone on earth for one whole day?
No. It could always be worse.
17. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
Um...I don't ever really carry cash. Maybe 50 cents. Is that even enough for a pay phone?
18. How are you today?
A definite mixture of happy, isolated, brokenhearted, exhausted, excited, and sick.
19. What's the scariest weather situation you've experienced?
When there was a HUGE thunderstorm outside and lightening totally cracked the pine tree. O.o "Boken!!"
20. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how attractive do you think you are?
Well...if I put too low I'll get yelled at. If I put too high then I'm arrogant. So I'll be safe-I ain't sayin'.
Last week I was either on the computer where I am now or sitting at the table in the kitchen. Or, come to think of it, asleep. Which I was about ten minutes ago.
2. What’s your favorite way to eat tomatoes?
How about not eating them?
3. Ok, let's be honest. How often do you use your turn signals when you drive? Do you follow the rules or do you only use it when you feel it's necessary?
I always use the turn signals.
4. This past week, were you more predator or prey?
Prey. Or just ignored. Lol.
5. What is the first TV show quote to pop into your head right now?
"That's what SHE said." And I don't even know what that means. I just know it's from television and it's apparently a really popular show. "The Office" or something. I've never even seen that show. Baha.
6. Next time I go to church:
will be on Sunday. Unless you count Mutual on Wednesday, which I can't get out of this time. They assigned me a talk. Ew.
7. What was your third grade teacher's name?
Miss Aldrich. She was amazing.
8. When was the last time you went grocery shopping? Name 3 things you bought.
I went on Friday night, but I only bought one thing. Popsicles!!!
9. What would the title of your autobiography be?
I have no idea. Anything I put would sound either sad, upset, or something along those lines. What a way to be remembered.
10. How many pieces of unopened mail are sitting wherever you put your unopened mail?
1. It's from a college.
11. What 5 emotions do you feel most often?
Excitement. Nervousness. Loneliness. Fear. Happiness.
12. If you got a new pet right now, what would you name it?
It depends on the type of pet. If it's the one I want, then probably Bud Henry (little boy beagle).
13. Admit something. Anything.
I'll admit it-I don't like admitting things. :)
14. Choose a free gift: a daily back massage, dinner at a restaurant once a week, or a brand new book each month.
Brand new book each month. That would be amazing.
15. Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
Chicken. Vegetables. Berries.
16. If given the chance and you could pick the person, would you want to switch lives with someone on earth for one whole day?
No. It could always be worse.
17. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
Um...I don't ever really carry cash. Maybe 50 cents. Is that even enough for a pay phone?
18. How are you today?
A definite mixture of happy, isolated, brokenhearted, exhausted, excited, and sick.
19. What's the scariest weather situation you've experienced?
When there was a HUGE thunderstorm outside and lightening totally cracked the pine tree. O.o "Boken!!"
20. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how attractive do you think you are?
Well...if I put too low I'll get yelled at. If I put too high then I'm arrogant. So I'll be safe-I ain't sayin'.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
better days find you...
...when you least expect it...
No, seriously. Today was a good day. Parts of it were hard (understatement-REALLY hard), but not too bad. Music helps. Concert Choir was great-I've made some really good friends in there and some of them have a heck of a lot harder things to deal with than I do. And some of them have the same struggles, so we can all help each other. We never actually say out loud what they are, but it's like you sometimes just know. Just being there for a hug or a smile or a "shame on you" with a twinkle in your eye can make a world of difference. Not to mention Mrs. Mathews is a real support. So is that girl. And Noelle. Only one knows about the whole annoying mess, but the other two care as well and I really appreciate it.
I even had the courage to talk to Jason today (gah! horrors! lol). I have no idea why it is so hard for me to talk to boys. I've noticed that it's hard for me to talk to most people, actually, but boys and adults are the worst-especially adults who I respect and who I don't want to disappoint.
I think another great thing was talking to my dad. He's gone a lot for work, so I called him up just because I was lonely, mom was in a bad mood, and I couldn't talk to my sisters about what was bugging me. I didn't really tell him what's been up, but it was really nice to tell him about school and the family here at home.
The weather was amazing today. It was bright and happy and cheerful and warm! That was so amazing. And Jason told me that I have amazing eyes. When I was talking to him in the hall, he kept staring at me. Finally he asked me what I did differently today. I was honest; I put on mascara and a little bit of eye shadow just for fun. He said it looked amazing-"not that you don't always have amazing eyes, but the make-up really brings them out. And you don't need the make-up, you just look...gah. I'm really awful at this, aren't I?" I found it cute and funny. I guess I'm not the only one who struggles talking to some people. Baha.
"Sing Noel" choir practice tonight was pretty good. There are a couple of sopranos who really get on my nerves because they think they're SO good but really, well, aren't. It's really annoying to me that I'll be doing the right notes and the right tempo and the right page but I get blamed for the mistakes because I'm the youngest. One of the ladies tonight was like, "Oh, I think our little first is struggling." Um, no. I doubt I'm the one struggling.
But enough about that. I don't want to be upset right now. Other than that it was amazing. Our director, who is a long time friend of my family (i've been singing with her since i was 7) told me that she loves my voice and to keep singing high, because "you have one of the most beautiful true soprano voices I've ever had the opportunity to hear." From her, that is a HUGE compliment. I told her about my new Ariosa solo ensemble assignments. "Sebben crudele" isn't the one I'm doing anymore. I've been assigned two solos and one duet. And I'm freaking terrified. I'll tell you what they are tomorrow, as soon as I'm sure that Mrs. Mathews is serious. Starla, our director, said that it's because my teacher has confidence in me and because she wants to push me to progress. I sure hope so. Though I do doubt that my teacher would set me up for failure on purpose.
All in all today has been better. Hooray for that. :)
Labels:
Ariosa,
Concert Choir,
family,
friends,
happy day,
hard times,
music,
school,
Sing Noel
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
harder to resist...
There are some things that are so tempting, so tantalizing, that it is hard to continue saying no. You start out with a promise, a wall between you and the temptation. "Heck no, fool! I said I wouldn't, so I won't. And that's THAT. NO!"
Then the wall starts to shake a little. Tremors in the ground send whispers, how "no one will know" and "it will make you feel better; you know you want to" creep into your mind. But still, "No!" Just not quite so loudly.
Hair line cracks begin to form, starting at the foundation of that promise wall and slowly inching their way to the center. You feel yourself start to cave, then grip again in protest. "No."
Fractures. Pieces of the walls start flaking off, sliding slowly around your feet. "It won't hurt just once. Do it once, and you can stop after that." But it's a lie, and you know it. Besides. You promised. "no."
The walls collapse, all support gone. "No" is not spoken. Whispered. Whispered hopelessly into the night, letting go of the promise that you should never have made in the first place. The promise you knew you were going to break. Even as you resolved the first time, you knew.
Each passing day it gets harder and harder and harder to resist. Harder to hold on. Harder to keep that promise. Harder to not give up. Harder to fake it. Harder to resist.
Resolution:
you will resist
you will resist
A few days pass. Your resolve has held. You can do this. Besides...
you promisedThen the wall starts to shake a little. Tremors in the ground send whispers, how "no one will know" and "it will make you feel better; you know you want to" creep into your mind. But still, "No!" Just not quite so loudly.
Hair line cracks begin to form, starting at the foundation of that promise wall and slowly inching their way to the center. You feel yourself start to cave, then grip again in protest. "No."
Fractures. Pieces of the walls start flaking off, sliding slowly around your feet. "It won't hurt just once. Do it once, and you can stop after that." But it's a lie, and you know it. Besides. You promised. "no."
The walls collapse, all support gone. "No" is not spoken. Whispered. Whispered hopelessly into the night, letting go of the promise that you should never have made in the first place. The promise you knew you were going to break. Even as you resolved the first time, you knew.
Each passing day it gets harder and harder and harder to resist. Harder to hold on. Harder to keep that promise. Harder to not give up. Harder to fake it. Harder to resist.
and what's even worse?
The more people you have counting on you means more people to disappoint when you fail.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
i think something happened...
I think someone was praying for me today. Several things happened to make me think that.
Oh. And did I mention? He told me that he loves me.
- Seminary was even more amazing than usual. And I realized that I have a lot of friends in that class. Last term I really didn't; I think that's why I never really wanted to go. This term I feel wanted and welcome.
- I left my Meteorology exam in tears after leaving the last four questions blank. I had no idea what it was talking about. I was seriously on my way home to...well...cry some more. Then I noticed the lyrics of the song playing on the radio. It was my name in the lyrics, and basically saying not to worry and to smile and to remember that people love you. I stopped crying and realized that not only would breaking down cause me to drive off the road but there was no need to. A lot of other people have failed tests before, and they're still happy. It's not the end of the world.
- Proud owner of an A Cappella choir t-shirt, complete with ACDA on the bottom to show off our convention performance status. So excited!
- Mrs. Mathews has asked me to "solo" with a couple of other 1st sopranos on the highest notes in one of the numbers. I never thought she'd ask me to do that. It shows great confidence in my abilities. Wow.
- No one was rude or impatient at work today. Everyone treated me really nicely. Even my co-workers gave me some slack. Of course, Paul teased and so did Scott, but it was all in fun. I was glad to kind of relax and just be able to laugh at nothing.
- My sisters and I didn't fight while doing the dishes. That never, ever, EVER happens. Maybe I should check to see if the moon is blue tonight.
- I understood my math homework. That doesn't make sense. But it did.
- The secretaries in the Guidance and Administration Offices totally helped me get my Reflections submission ready. They were really helpful, and were so kind. One of them gave me a candy bar because I looked "a little lonely". Aw.
- The car started with no problems, there was hardly any frost on the windows, the day was warm and sunny, and the temperature in the car/at school was perfect.
- Mom hasn't been mad at me all day.
Oh. And did I mention? He told me that he loves me.
Labels:
A Cappella,
ACDA,
Algebra,
church,
family,
hard times,
high notes,
lists,
lyrics,
music,
Reflections,
Seminary,
tests,
thanks,
work
Monday, November 2, 2009
oh, that was a step...and i kinda missed it...
Today has been an off day, like when you're walking down the sidewalk and kind of hit the curb funny. You don't fall down or trip, you just sort of stumble. *step, step, step, stumble! oh!* Yeah. Nothing has gone wrong at all, and everything's been pretty right, but it's just been off.
My BYU application deleted itself, which isn't too horrible because the deadline isn't until December 1st. I've got a couple of weeks.
I'm going to fail my Meteorology exam tomorrow. Seriously. I looked over the study guide tonight and almost said bad words. Then I almost cried. I took notes in class, read the chapters, paid attention, and I'm clueless. School sucks.
On a high note, my Reflections entry is all ready to go. Well, almost. There are a couple things I need to fill out on the media release form thingy, but I have to ask the office what they want me to put because I don't know what region I'm in, what "local" means in the context of a blank line following it, and what I should put for "track" and "teacher". So yeah. Oh, and another good thing. I was SO frustrated with this stupid "Regina's Log" thing that we had for a quiz today in Algebra. Then I looked at my t-chart table thing and suddenly SHA-zam! I totally figured it out. It was majorly epic (only because it will probably never happen again, so it was epic in a major way).
Now I'm going to be completely honest. I am not a trusting person. Pretty much at all. I am here on this blog-heck, you know almost everything about me. Almost. But it's different online. You can choose who you want to be here. You can block a commenter, delete a link from your blog roll, stop reading someone's posts. I'm not a stupid girl. I may be an open book, but not stupid.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Not stupid, eh? Oh, no. I've just trusted someone with the biggest secret of my life. And the whole time I talked there was, and is, this nagging suspicion in my brain that says "You moron. He is totally going to betray you. You idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're crazy. Why are you telling him this? You can't trust him. He'll listen and pretend to care and drop you like a stone into a river. So why are you trusting him? Hmmmmmm?"
Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like I do, wanting to be able to trust someone? Needing to see that someone out there will let you talk to them without betraying your confidence? Do you ever do what I did? Have you ever given a person the power to hurt you while hoping beyond hope that they won't?
Stupid girl. Off days are dangerous days. I make myself vulnerable.
My BYU application deleted itself, which isn't too horrible because the deadline isn't until December 1st. I've got a couple of weeks.
I'm going to fail my Meteorology exam tomorrow. Seriously. I looked over the study guide tonight and almost said bad words. Then I almost cried. I took notes in class, read the chapters, paid attention, and I'm clueless. School sucks.
On a high note, my Reflections entry is all ready to go. Well, almost. There are a couple things I need to fill out on the media release form thingy, but I have to ask the office what they want me to put because I don't know what region I'm in, what "local" means in the context of a blank line following it, and what I should put for "track" and "teacher". So yeah. Oh, and another good thing. I was SO frustrated with this stupid "Regina's Log" thing that we had for a quiz today in Algebra. Then I looked at my t-chart table thing and suddenly SHA-zam! I totally figured it out. It was majorly epic (only because it will probably never happen again, so it was epic in a major way).
Now I'm going to be completely honest. I am not a trusting person. Pretty much at all. I am here on this blog-heck, you know almost everything about me. Almost. But it's different online. You can choose who you want to be here. You can block a commenter, delete a link from your blog roll, stop reading someone's posts. I'm not a stupid girl. I may be an open book, but not stupid.
Ha ha ha ha ha. Not stupid, eh? Oh, no. I've just trusted someone with the biggest secret of my life. And the whole time I talked there was, and is, this nagging suspicion in my brain that says "You moron. He is totally going to betray you. You idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're crazy. Why are you telling him this? You can't trust him. He'll listen and pretend to care and drop you like a stone into a river. So why are you trusting him? Hmmmmmm?"
Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like I do, wanting to be able to trust someone? Needing to see that someone out there will let you talk to them without betraying your confidence? Do you ever do what I did? Have you ever given a person the power to hurt you while hoping beyond hope that they won't?
Stupid girl. Off days are dangerous days. I make myself vulnerable.
Labels:
Algebra,
blogging,
BYU,
friends,
hard times,
high notes,
honesty is the best policy,
low notes,
off days,
Reflections,
stepping off the curb,
tests,
that annoying voice in my brain,
trust
Sunday, November 1, 2009
we wish you a merry christmas...
As I was driving home from school yesterday I realized that at midnight on October 31, or the very start of November 1, the radio stations were going to start playing Christmas music. Strange thought for a person dressed up in a Halloween costume. Not so strange since it was snowing.
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, but for some reason this year was, well, not the same. It really didn't feel like Halloween at all. Whatever happened to the excitement of going out to get candy and dressing up like something crazy or scary or beautiful? It kind of disappeared this year. The whole atmosphere just felt like a normal day to me. At least it did until twilight came. Hee hee hee. :)
I decided to wear my Oz costume to school for the day, and I was kind of afraid to. I guess it's because a girl told me that I was a "loser" and that I'm "not working hard enough" during my Senior year because I'm only taking 9 college credit hours and the rest are mostly choir courses. Tyler and David came to my rescue that day, but I think it bothered me more than I realized. Mom told me to wear the costume, but I was just nervous and afraid that people wouldn't like it.
Wrong again. People loved it! One girl asked me where I bought it, because she wants it for next year. I told her that my grandma made it after my mom and I cut it out (neither of us sews well enough to do a full-out costume. we stick with buttons, hems, and stuff like that. someday though, i will learn. pretty much next year), and she wants to find the pattern so she can make one too. :) Jason, my date for Sadie's in two weeks (so not ready yet), told me I looked "adorable". Aw. I actually talked to him. Be proud of me.
Mom locked herself out of the house, so I got checked out of school over the phone. I was worried at first; I only ever get checked out if someone is sick, there's some sort of appointment, or someone died. I was so relieved when I found out it was just something silly. The secretaries mistook my "adorable" roll of the eyes for disgust, when in reality I was so relieved that it was just dumb.
I could have gone back to school, but there was really no point. So I took a nap instead. Freaking sleep deprivation won out over going back to Psychology. Besides, I'll hear the exact same lecture on Monday. I get a double dose every two weeks, because I don't follow the A/B schedule that that class is on. I have to go with the college schedule. It's hard to remember, and harder to explain. Just trust me. :)
Trick-or-treating was a blast! I almost didn't go, but mom told me I should because I'd be sad if I didn't. So I went. I dressed up as an Ozian again, but added a tiara. So technically I was an Ozian Princess. Smiles and giggles and sugary goodness from me last night; I was so giddy and skippy. I got to ring almost all of the door bells, because "I'm the princess AND it's my last year". Maybe. There were so many people who thought I was the youngest in the group, which consisted of Ashlyn, Amanda, Meghan, Jenni, Stasia, and Rachel. All of whom are under 15. Baha! Only one person told me I was too old, and she wasn't even handing out candy. So, boo. Lol. It was great. I think my favorite part was when we'd sing at some of the doors. Namely "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". A couple of the people were TOTALLY thrown off. It was majorly epic.
We got so much candy. But not nearly as much as last year. And not a lot of chocolate. There was mostly stuff like tootsie rolls, laffy taffy, lemon heads, licorice, and other fruity stuff. It's 'cause the chocolate all went WAY up in price. Stupid economy. Stupid money. Stupid, stupid. It even hit the trick-or-treating. Lame. But it was so fun. We got loads of king size stuff, so it made up for it. Sort of. Lol. I'm just glad that it was fun. The candy wasn't so important this year. I think the dressing up and walking around was enough.
Mom had hot chocolate and cupcakes ready when we got home, along with "Phantom of the Opera". Dad just went to bed. Driving us around all night was super tiring for him. Haha. Nah, he'd just gotten home from a business trip the night before. I got him a big Snickers bar. He was happy, but I don't think he's eaten it yet.
I talked to Noelle for a while before going to bed. We've decided that as soon as it snows, we're going to go to the store, buy a bunch of popsicles, and eat them in a snowdrift with no coats and a camera. It's going to be even more epic than singing Christmas songs while trick-or-treating. I'm so excited! I'll tell you all about it, mkay?
Took a sleeping pill last night, just to make sure I'd get a good night's sleep. I did. I dreamed and dreamed and DREAMED. And I didn't wake up tired. That never happens. So yeah, I dreamed about (can you guess?) snow and popsicles (i asked Noelle to guess and she totally did right away) and Jason. Why did I dream about Jason? It was weird. I think it's because I'm starting to get nervous because it's in two weeks and I don't know what my group is doing AND my group is huge. And because, well, it's a date with a boy. And the boy is Jason. And, he is a boy. Lol. They scare me a little-I never know what to do around them. I'm always scared that I'll do something majorly stupid. Which is okay, I guess, but still terrifying. Oh, well. It's going to be fun!
So...I missed saying Happy Halloween on here. Instead, I'll do this...
Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, but for some reason this year was, well, not the same. It really didn't feel like Halloween at all. Whatever happened to the excitement of going out to get candy and dressing up like something crazy or scary or beautiful? It kind of disappeared this year. The whole atmosphere just felt like a normal day to me. At least it did until twilight came. Hee hee hee. :)
I decided to wear my Oz costume to school for the day, and I was kind of afraid to. I guess it's because a girl told me that I was a "loser" and that I'm "not working hard enough" during my Senior year because I'm only taking 9 college credit hours and the rest are mostly choir courses. Tyler and David came to my rescue that day, but I think it bothered me more than I realized. Mom told me to wear the costume, but I was just nervous and afraid that people wouldn't like it.
Wrong again. People loved it! One girl asked me where I bought it, because she wants it for next year. I told her that my grandma made it after my mom and I cut it out (neither of us sews well enough to do a full-out costume. we stick with buttons, hems, and stuff like that. someday though, i will learn. pretty much next year), and she wants to find the pattern so she can make one too. :) Jason, my date for Sadie's in two weeks (so not ready yet), told me I looked "adorable". Aw. I actually talked to him. Be proud of me.
Mom locked herself out of the house, so I got checked out of school over the phone. I was worried at first; I only ever get checked out if someone is sick, there's some sort of appointment, or someone died. I was so relieved when I found out it was just something silly. The secretaries mistook my "adorable" roll of the eyes for disgust, when in reality I was so relieved that it was just dumb.
I could have gone back to school, but there was really no point. So I took a nap instead. Freaking sleep deprivation won out over going back to Psychology. Besides, I'll hear the exact same lecture on Monday. I get a double dose every two weeks, because I don't follow the A/B schedule that that class is on. I have to go with the college schedule. It's hard to remember, and harder to explain. Just trust me. :)
Trick-or-treating was a blast! I almost didn't go, but mom told me I should because I'd be sad if I didn't. So I went. I dressed up as an Ozian again, but added a tiara. So technically I was an Ozian Princess. Smiles and giggles and sugary goodness from me last night; I was so giddy and skippy. I got to ring almost all of the door bells, because "I'm the princess AND it's my last year". Maybe. There were so many people who thought I was the youngest in the group, which consisted of Ashlyn, Amanda, Meghan, Jenni, Stasia, and Rachel. All of whom are under 15. Baha! Only one person told me I was too old, and she wasn't even handing out candy. So, boo. Lol. It was great. I think my favorite part was when we'd sing at some of the doors. Namely "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". A couple of the people were TOTALLY thrown off. It was majorly epic.
We got so much candy. But not nearly as much as last year. And not a lot of chocolate. There was mostly stuff like tootsie rolls, laffy taffy, lemon heads, licorice, and other fruity stuff. It's 'cause the chocolate all went WAY up in price. Stupid economy. Stupid money. Stupid, stupid. It even hit the trick-or-treating. Lame. But it was so fun. We got loads of king size stuff, so it made up for it. Sort of. Lol. I'm just glad that it was fun. The candy wasn't so important this year. I think the dressing up and walking around was enough.
Mom had hot chocolate and cupcakes ready when we got home, along with "Phantom of the Opera". Dad just went to bed. Driving us around all night was super tiring for him. Haha. Nah, he'd just gotten home from a business trip the night before. I got him a big Snickers bar. He was happy, but I don't think he's eaten it yet.
I talked to Noelle for a while before going to bed. We've decided that as soon as it snows, we're going to go to the store, buy a bunch of popsicles, and eat them in a snowdrift with no coats and a camera. It's going to be even more epic than singing Christmas songs while trick-or-treating. I'm so excited! I'll tell you all about it, mkay?
Took a sleeping pill last night, just to make sure I'd get a good night's sleep. I did. I dreamed and dreamed and DREAMED. And I didn't wake up tired. That never happens. So yeah, I dreamed about (can you guess?) snow and popsicles (i asked Noelle to guess and she totally did right away) and Jason. Why did I dream about Jason? It was weird. I think it's because I'm starting to get nervous because it's in two weeks and I don't know what my group is doing AND my group is huge. And because, well, it's a date with a boy. And the boy is Jason. And, he is a boy. Lol. They scare me a little-I never know what to do around them. I'm always scared that I'll do something majorly stupid. Which is okay, I guess, but still terrifying. Oh, well. It's going to be fun!
So...I missed saying Happy Halloween on here. Instead, I'll do this...
HAPPY DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!! LET THE HOLIDAYS BEGIN!!!
Tee hee.
Labels:
boys,
Christmas,
dating,
dreams,
epic,
family,
friends,
girls do dumb things...,
Halloween,
holidays,
MAJORLY epic,
random,
school,
sleep,
weird
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