Wednesday, November 4, 2009

harder to resist...

There are some things that are so tempting, so tantalizing, that it is hard to continue saying no. You start out with a promise, a wall between you and the temptation. "Heck no, fool! I said I wouldn't, so I won't. And that's THAT. NO!"

you will resist

A few days pass. Your resolve has held. You can do this. Besides...

you promised

Then the wall starts to shake a little. Tremors in the ground send whispers, how "no one will know" and "it will make you feel better; you know you want to" creep into your mind. But still, "No!" Just not quite so loudly.

Hair line cracks begin to form, starting at the foundation of that promise wall and slowly inching their way to the center. You feel yourself start to cave, then grip again in protest. "No."

Fractures. Pieces of the walls start flaking off, sliding slowly around your feet. "It won't hurt just once. Do it once, and you can stop after that." But it's a lie, and you know it. Besides. You promised. "no."

The walls collapse, all support gone. "No" is not spoken. Whispered. Whispered hopelessly into the night, letting go of the promise that you should never have made in the first place. The promise you knew you were going to break. Even as you resolved the first time, you knew.

Each passing day it gets harder and harder and harder to resist. Harder to hold on. Harder to keep that promise. Harder to not give up. Harder to fake it. Harder to resist.

and what's even worse?

The more people you have counting on you means more people to disappoint when you fail.


that girl said...

You will NOT fail. You are stronger than that, I know it. Whisper it, then say it, then SHOUT it and get those walls built back up.

YOU WILL NOT FAIL. I know this.

Georgie K. Buttons said...

Working on it.

Rohini Prasanth said...

Happens to me too georgie.. but I think you are a girl of greater resolve.

You are the only person who knows how important that promise is.. and I am sure you can keep it.

Good luck. Go girl!

Dean C said...

Interesting blog entry.

Hilary said...

Hmm.. my first thought was chocolate but it sounds more serious.

cuileann said...

shh. even if you do, it's okay, it doesn't have to be failure. just forgive yourself, pick yourself up, and try again.