Today is my last day living on my own. Tomorrow I will go back to my own house, with my own room and my own family. And you know something? I kind of don't want to...
Living on my own has been amazing. I make my own food, do my own dishes, clean the house, and it STAYS clean. Except when my sisters are here. Anyway--I go to work, I come back, do chores, take care of things, all of the things I would normally do. But I'm on my own. It's really fascinating.
Now I know that I can live on my own. I have the skills to do it and to take care of myself. The only things missing are the means to move out, like paying for rent, food, and a form of transportation. I don't have that, and I don't see myself being able to have that for a long time. It's really discouraging.
I'm happy on my own. I don't get down as easily, and I don't stay down for long. I sleep better, which isn't much but it's better than how it normally is. I'm even able to eat and not feel guilty (or as guilty) for it. There's motivation in my life every day, there's happiness every day, and the best part is that everything is CLEAN, and it stays that way. That is amazing. At my house, things don't stay clean. It's impossible for one or two people to keep up with a house inhabited by five people. It just can't be done. Every project or job you do gets undone the moment you turn your back, because not everyone is interested in helping out. That has happened here a little bit. I got really angry yesterday because of it. I shouldn't have. I got so frustrated--here, where it's not even our house, and my sisters still don't treat it nicely.
Like at home. How hard is it to clean two dishes, or put clothes away instead of throwing them on the floor, or put shoes away, or help make lunch? It's not like they're three years old. They're teenagers. It's so disheartening and discouraging. Which leads to lack of motivation and giving up, which leads to feeling down, which leads to nothing good.
I want it to be like this always, orderly and nice and clean and happy, like a home should be. My goal for going home is to at least try to keep the rooms I go into clean. My bedroom, the bathroom I use, the family room next to my bedroom. Those, and at least some jobs in the kitchen. I can do that. And that way, at least some places will be like it has been these past two weeks. Maybe it will work. What's there to lose, anyway?