Wednesday, October 14, 2009

good gravy...

I made up a list of what I needed to write about.

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O.o
0

Jaw dropping two pages long. See? I am SUCH a slacker!!! So I'm going to write about something else today and do the updates gradually. Mostly for me so I can remember them later, but you can read them too if you want. I don't mind. And, I made a face for you. Can you see it? It's up there. ^^^. :)

Today was meh. I've been having a really hard time with fighting depression. Which is weird, because I've got great friends, an amazing guy to dream about who is also my best friend, great grades and pretty easy classes, a supportive family, a job, a car and a license, and people who care about me. I try to focus on these, but the harder I try the more and more down I get. I look around at all of the amazing things going on in my life, and try to figure out why I could possibly be sad. Why?

And then I look out the window. It's cloudy. And dark. And cold. And dark. And dark, dark, dark. And just...dark. That's when I remember...Oh, yeah!!! It's October! It's DARK. It's as simple as 2 + 2.

Yep. S.A.D. is at it again. Seasonal Affective Disorder, when coupled with cycles of chemical, or clinical, depression, don't make for easy happiness. All I feel is tired, sad, sad, and frustrated because I feel like I have no energy and can't be happy. Which is a lie-some days are good. But it's discouraging to look out the window and know that things are going to be hard just because it's raining. There are no pills to make the weather change. Just Vitamin D supplements, exercise, good friends, and a heck of a lot of faith that things are going to turn out. And that's hard. Way hard.

And so I've made a decision. When I get done with school...

I'm moving to Arizona.


At least, I think I'm moving to Arizona. In my mind I am. :)

4 comments:

Q said...

Southern California is also good for excellent weather, but it's a LOT more expensive than Arizona.

Coleman said...

GKB---------
I am so sorry that you are feeling this way, we all love you. My advice is to just sleep. Go to bed and wake up. When you wake up put a smile on your face even if you are not happy. At breakfast, say something nice to your family--I know it it will make you feel better. Say something true and good about one of your sisters or parents. Try to smile:) We love you. If you were a "loser" or a "jerl" (as you tell tell yourself) I woudn't be your friend, and I have a geat sight of staist:P

Georgie K. Buttons said...

Q: California is out. I'd have to be a billionaire to make it. Besides, Arizona has plenty of orange blossoms, too. :)

Coleman: You give such good advice, especially for your age. <3

chicamom85 said...

I am glad you are back and I hope you feel better soon. Sun please shine!!!

Anne and Sasha