Saturday, March 7, 2009

things to change...

I've been thinking today, and I've decided some of the things I want to change about myself-

Thing to change number one:

I would not be such a klutz. I have broken the school record for falling down the staircase, I’m sure of it. I also trip, slide, fall, and tumble over backpacks, feet, my shoes, and invisible objects. I’m talented. I trip up stairs and over flat surfaces. It’s why one of my new favorite phrases goes like this: “I didn’t trip. It was a gravity surge.” Unfortunately gravity might not exist, so I don’t know how long I can use that as an excuse…

Thing to change number two:

I would be able to draw. I wish, I wish, I wish that I could draw. And paint. And take good pictures. And…yeah. Just do art in general. It would be so amazing to me to be able to see an image in my head or in the world and be able to capture it with the strokes of a pencil. Even the sounds amaze me. I just wish that I could be a part of that.

Thing to change number three:
I really am probably the most selfish person in the world. I constantly am thinking about my own comfort, when I get to use the car, how unfair the world is to me, blah, blah, blah. Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. But still. I focus way too much on myself and forget about others around me. I think I need to be more conscientious of others and look outside of myself instead of inwards. The world revolves around the sun, not GKB.

Thing to change number four:

Another I want to change is my inherent lack of understanding people. I was recently told that people give each other cues in communication and societies and cultures are expected to respond in a certain way. When someone looks you in the eye, like a teacher or a friend in the hallway, they are not challenging you. They’re trying to establish a connection and say hello. I always look away, at my feet, at the ceiling, anywhere but their face. I feel threatened by this link. I also interrupt a lot. My brain jumps from topic to topic like a frog from lily pad to lily pad. I think of things, and that thought triggers another, and so on. But I have to realize that just because my brain moves like lightning, other people will still be on the original subject. I have to wait my turn to talk, and I can’t change the subject.

Thing to change number five:
I don’t want to be afraid of everything. I’m afraid to try new things, I’m afraid to talk to people, I’m still afraid of the dark. Everything unknown and new frightens me. I want to be able to try things out and get to know what I like. I’m afraid to fail. I guess I need to get over that.

2 comments:

Q said...

"Thing to change number six: I need to stop focusing on my faults and start realizing that I'm only human, so faults are inevitable. I need to focus on and bring out my good qualities (like my writing prowess, my kindness, my sensitivity, my desire to learn, and my willingness to serve, among others) instead of lamenting my bad ones."

spider said...

Same. Seriously, I'm with you on pretty much all of them, especially two and four.

About the first one...
I managed to trip while I was standing still. Honestly, I was just standing there, looking around, and I tripped. I'm still not exactly sure how it happened.