Wednesday, April 27, 2011

mind muddle...

I can't sleep. Surprise! Here's why:

First, I have a song stuck in my head that I learned way back in fifth grade (maybe 8 or 9 years ago [scary thought]). It's called "Two Little Boys". I remember most of the lyrics and have these gaps (the somethings) in sections:

"Two little boys had two little toys.
Each had a wooden horse.
Gaily they played each summer's day,
soldier boys of course.
One little chap he had a mishap--
broke off his horse's head.
Wept for his toy then cried with joy...something something something...
Did you think I would leave you crying
when there's room on my horse for two?
Climb up here, Jack, and don't be crying
I can go just as fast with two.
When we're grown up we'll both be soldiers...something something something...
Long years have past. War came at last.
Bravely they marched away.
Cannon roared loud and mid battle's crowd
wounded and dying Joe lay.
Then out from the ranks a horse passes by,
out from the ranks so blue.
Gallops away to where Joe lay,
and a voice rang loud and true:
Did you think I would leave you dying
when there's room on my horse for two?
Climb up here, Joe, and don't be sighing
he can go just as fast with two.
Now we're grown up and we're both soldiers...something something something..."

*sigh* Writing it out didn't have the result I hoped for. It's still going through my head over and over again, even though I'm playing other songs. Aaaannoying.

Second reason why I can't sleep: Aries. Always Aries. I don't even know why I miss him! I keep wondering what he's doing, and where he is, and if he's happy, and if he misses me as much as I miss him. I keep wondering if I made a mistake. I'm mad at myself for taking a chance on him when I knew I shouldn't. I'm mad that I miss him. But the worst part is that I wish he was around to hold me and to fix everything, because I can't seem to fix things on my own. That'd just make things worse, of course. Stupid girl.

Third reason why I can't sleep: there is another person that I miss, and I miss him in a very different way than I miss Aries.

Fourth reason: I have a final in the morning. I don't know why I'm nervous for this one. I was able to sleep perfectly fine the night before my math final. This one is just Psychology...I did really well on my midterm...Psychology just clicks for why am I nervous?! Grr.

Fifth reason: There's a friend of mine who I am suddenly scared of. Not because he'd ever hurt me or do anything mean. He's not like that. No, it's because of something he said about a group of people. The words he used? "I despise them." "They disgust me." "I hate people like that." Hm...well, he has no idea that I used to be a part of that group of people. He doesn't need to know, either. But if he were to find out? I wonder how he'd react, and what would happen. That's what scares me.

Dreams are scary sometimes, too. I have lots of dreams every night. Some I remember better than others. One in particular I've had the past three nights. This dream leaves me feeling more exhausted than I was when I went to bed.

The mind is so powerful! Conscious, subconscious, unconscious...whatever. Brain = a very strong muscle, full of chemicals, thoughts, electricity, and all of the other stuff that goes on up there. Sometimes I wish there was an 'off' switch. But then maybe it'd make a person brain dead...not happy. I guess being unable to sleep is better than being brain dead.

I am so odd.


spider said...

Two things:
1. Good luck on your final! If you don't read this until after you've taken it, then I hope you did well. :)

2. About the fifth reason: People often say things like that, and then when they find out that someone they love is a part of the group that they "despise", they turn out to be incredibly understanding and supportive. Of course, it doesn't always happen that way, so I'm not suggesting you walk up to him and be like, "Hey, what up homedawg? Oh, bee-tee-dubs, I used to [whatever]. See you later, bro." (Also, I'm pretty sure you don't talk like that. :P) I'm just saying that if he happens to find out, he might not react the way you'd expect based on those comments.

I'm sure you've heard things like that before, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Georgie K. Buttons said...

You make me laugh! No, I don't talk like that (unless I'm kidding around with people to see which of us can sound the most gangsta), but I would hope that you're right, no matter the vernacular.

As for the final, I think it went well, thanks! I got a little worried when I had five 'C' answers in a row, but I triple checked and couldn't see a reason to change any of them. Whatevs. :)