When I was little, I always heard the saying "Everybody makes mistakes." I used to wonder who Everybody was, and what kind of mistakes he or she made. Now I know who Everybody is. Me, you, the person down the street, my friends, my family. People just make mistakes.
I make rather large mistakes, mostly when it comes to the area of frienships. I've made a couple in the past few months. A friendship...I thought I was keeping myself from letting it become more. This time, I decided to stay a friend. Well...oops. I cared more than I realized. I spent so much time trying to keep myself from getting entangled in feelings, I didn't even notice that they'd been growing.
I didn't even know how much I cared until it was too late. For awhile I was able to keep the pain at bay by feeling angry. Then the anger turned into a resolution to remain above everything and to stay aloof, with no feelings or recollection of how much I cared. I hadn't cared, at all! Ha. Take that. Then I spent so much time trying to stay angry that it's like the pain has had time to grow and spread and suddenly, without warning, burst through to the surface.
Too much time spent hiding and ignoring what I really felt. I haven't missed him at all, and today, I miss him more than ever.
Time to move on. :)