looking up...

So today started out really lousy, at 3:00 in the morning. See, our furnace at my house is ridiculous. Actually it's the fact that there's not a lot of ventilation in the basement. We used to leave a window open but then my sisters moved downstairs so they kept freezing. Anyway, the point is that at 3:00 in the morning I was awoken by a horrible smell of natural gas. It totally freaked me out; I thought that the house was going to blow up. I opened a bunch of windows in the family room and my room, and could not fall asleep again. Not to mention my pillow was way too hard.

Despite being up so early I was still late for the early morning rehearsal for choir today. Oops. So that was discouraging. Then I was terrified of what certain people might be thinking/saying about me. Then I was stressed out about "Grease" because of changes and how I'm just not good at choreography and I'm a lousy teacher and blah, blah, blah. A good thing though: doing a warm up by myself for Ariosa, Mrs. Mathews stopped and asked me where I'd been hiding the vocal connection all year. I told her that I wasn't afraid of the kids in the class anymore, and therefore I wasn't too scared of screwing up because we all have at one point or another. It's a group effort to learn how to sing-you hear others and learn from their triumphs and failures. Not to mention I've made amazing friends in Deb, JD, Jasmine, Brad, Erika, and all of the other kids. They're really great people. It was a crazy, totally unproductive class period. Everyone finds the new "confident" me very entertaining. I kept saying ridiculously smart aleck-y and sarcastic things and setting the class into hysterics. Mrs. Mathews even enjoyed it.

Ballroom was where it got not so good. First day, and I'm worried. The girl from my previous Preference group is in my class, so that was absolutely frightening. Then Jason is in it, and he is acting weird again. Oh, well. I also feel really nervous about this class because I'm one of the what, 3 out of 19 people who have never done ballroom before? Pretty much, yeah. Then the girl in my class came up to me and apologized. I couldn't even look at her, I was trying so hard to not just start crying. I feel like a total jerk, but I don't feel ready to accept an apology. I mean, I said it was fine and that I wasn't upset or anything. She told me she was really sorry and realized that she had been wrong, but I just don't know what to do. I feel afraid to trust her. I feel afraid to not forgive her, but I'm afraid to at the same time. Basically I just don't know what to do at all and I'm repeating myself so let's move on.

Algebra 2 has dropped in numbers, with most of my class moving to A1. Now there are 19 of us in the class. It was boring and frustrating again. Moving on. Lol.

"Grease" is coming along, but it's really, really hard for me to do this. I feel like the kids aren't listening, even when Mrs. Mathews talks to them and when I remind them that we audition Friday after school. We waste so much time talking and goofing off; I really want to get to polishing before we audition but I don't think we're going to. It's really exhausting. Jordan, my partner (and Homecoming date from Junior year; he's a good friend) has been really helpful with the couple choreography. I was doing all right on my own figuring out the girl and the boy steps, but spins and dips are hard to work out on your own. Plus, I've never done ballroom. He's a huge help.

Funny story from Mr. Jackman's class: we were talking about the number one health problem in the United States, aka "Fat people" as the class agreed (or obesity, if you prefer the term). We did all of these little fitness tests, like holding your breath for a certain amount of time (I got halfway-I started laughing and ran out of air at 1 minute 5 seconds), stretching a certain distance over a yard stick, etc. After everyone had left, Karmel was saying how some of the tests really are hard but even she can do them. Jackman said, and I quote so don't shoot me, "I can't do any of them because, well, I'm just too damn fat." I seriously laughed so hard. I love Jackman! He's amazing!!

Preference is working out at last though. Tiana and Rachael decided that they wanted to go in my group with me and Coty. We're going to take pictures with Rachael's dad's camera (her brother is taking them, I think) so that saves about $30. Sweet! We're taking them...actually it's a surprise. :) We're going to go to Mimi's Cafe for dinner, then head to the dance in Saratoga Springs. It's a 35 minute drive to the golf course country club thing out there, so we're starting the evening early (5:00ish). I'm so excited!! I can't believe how well this is working out; it's so amazing. AND...my parents are chaperoning!! Most kids would find that weird, especially since it's the day I turn 18 (gah that's disgusting) and they're my parents and yeah...but I think it's cool. I'm even going to ask them if we could take a group picture of the three of us there at the dance, kind of like "Look! I started out tiny and now here I am, 18 with my parents at a dance and it's amazing!!" I'm actually still kind of tiny in the height direction, but still...lol.

Things have just changed so fast. I went from horribly depressed and just upset about so many things to totally relieved and excited and happy. Now if my friend would call back like he said he would, the day would be even more amazing. Lol, just kidding. He's probably busy. Besides, I'm just happy. :)

Look up, folks!! It helps a ton!! <3