lack of motivation much?

So it's almost the end of the year, and I haven't posted in almost a month. Reasons?

1. Lack of motivation
2. Too sad to write anything down
3. Too busy
4. Too much Facebook
5. Avoiding writing anything down
6. Basically lack of motivation

Stupid reasons. All true. Woo hoo.

It's been very cold here, and very, very dark. I was so excited for the winter solstice, because that means the days start getting longer. That means more light! But...then it stopped being cloudy and overcast, so less light was being reflected from the clouds...and it just feels darker and darker. Joyness.

Let's cast a little light on the situation by listing some good things that happened. Just for me, but you can join in if you'd like.

1. First ever performance with A Cappella Choir at the library. It was amazing! The percussionists (aka Jason, who pretty much outdoes everyone else) were the best.

2. Hanging out with Zach, Noelle, and Daniel (Zach's little brother).

3. New sneakers (which I really did NOT want to get because then you have to break them in and they feel funny, but my old ones had holes in them [but they were comfy!!] and mom made me get new ones) that are my new favorites. :)

4. Passing my Meteorology and Communications finals (a total miracle-I ended up with an A in Communications and a B in Meteorology).

5. 120% on a math test. O.o My teacher said that's the highest score she's ever given, because I didn't miss a single question and got all of the bonus questions right. Apparently I'm the only one in the class that has raised their grade rather than dropped it this term (yeah, 98% last term to 100% this term...big jump indeed. lol).

6. December Christmas concert with A Cappella, Concert Choir, and Ariosa. The whole thing was a total success (after the concert...not so much. bad night).

7. Thanksgiving at Nana's house was not too bad...boring and no pumpkin pie (wtheck?!). Could have been worse though. At least this year we didn't get forced to watch The Twilight Zone. :P Lol. That was awful!

8. Singing "The Star-Spangled Banner" again for a basketball game. It was a total shock, but they couldn't find anyone else to do it and since I in choir 3rd period, Mrs. Millard asked me to. Apparently I did a great job, because parents of students and the coaches of the other team talked to me about it. Oh, and the boys on the opposing team kept watching me. Awkward, but fun (did I just say that? haha...:P lol).

9. I asked my friend Tyler to Preference! And he said yes. :) The dance is the same day as my birthday!!

10. Seeing Tony at the Christmas concert! It was amazing!

11. Not being ignored by Jason. Finally. :P He's so weird. Lol.

12. Making new friends in choir, aka Deborah (with our twin turtle necklaces) mostly. I love that girl!

13. Quitting my job at the Scout Shop. Good thing, too. I was so done.

14. Making the cut for "West Side Story" dancers! I tried out for everything the Seasons of Love Concert in February, and I'm going to be one of the dancers in the "Amereeca" section of the "West Side Story" number. !!!YAY!!! I'm also a pre-show character. I'll help escort people to their seats and generally make a fool of myself to make people laugh. Terrified about that bit, but...we'll see.

15. Accidentally seeing Mrs. Mathews comment on my "Somebody to Love" audition for the solo. One word, underlined. "WOW." That totally made my life right there. Even though I probably didn't get the part (I didn't check the final list-it wasn't posted when my classes were done and I didn't want to hang around the school for two hours waiting. I just went home and started Christmas break two hours early. :) ), it totally was amazing.

16. Dropping off presents at my Oz buddies' homes. At least the ones who I remembered where they lived. Belen and Jaz, the Ewells, and the Heywoods. Meghan went with me, and we also stopped at Noelle's house and Nana's. Sad part? Zach WAS home, and we didn't know, so we didn't say hi! I felt so bad. Still feel bad about it, actually.

17. Christmas at grandma and grandpa's house. We've never done it before, and the reason we went up was kind of not so good (grandpa was in the hospital last week), but it was really great.

All for now. I have to go get ready for the day. I know...almost 1:00 and I'm not dressed. Haha!

sadie hawkins 2009...

This was probably the best dance I've ever been to. I'm not even kidding-I have never had more fun at a dance before. It wasn't because of the music or the decorations. It wasn't even because of the awesome costumes that everyone had. No, it was because of my freaking amazing date, Jason.

Yes, Jason is amazing. He is absolutely CRAZY, and in a good way. I mean, for crying out loud, anyone who knows who Zuko is and freaks out because he's so excited over the idea as dressing up like "Avatar" characters is pretty cool in my book. Since the theme for the dance this year was "Comic Book Crazy" the two of us were having a hard time coming up with anything that someone else might not have all ready thought of. Jason suggested something from anime, and I mentioned "Avatar: The Last Airbender". Enter freak out mode, and Zu-tara costumes being the focus of the discussion. Zuko and Katara aren't really comic book characters, but they're still amazing.

I think the best part about dressing up as Katara and Zuko was how much Jason liked my "hair loopies". He kept playing with them when we were talking, and when we'd dance together he'd twist them around his finger and get all excited. He also loved the waterbending and firebending toys I found, aka Chinese yo-yos in orange, red, and blue.

Okay, I'm cutting this post short because I'm so exhausted. It's been a bad day-13 hours of sleep and I still feel absolutely sick. This is kind of not fun, especially since I've got some exams, a choir performance, my friend Zach's play to go see, Jason's play to go see (he's playing Nicely Nicely in "Guys and Dolls" at my high school and asked me to come and see it), work, choir practice...ugh. Bad week to get sick. There really is so much more to share! But I think I need to get to bed. Like, right now.

So, good night! I'll tell more tomorrow! :D

just married...

Tonight was amazing. I think that this was the best, most fun dance that I have ever been to. Tomorrow's post will be a recap of my high school's Sadie Hawkin's dance, along with the days that I've missed this week (due to school, homework, shopping, frantic rehearsals, breakdowns, and other things that will be explained).

And, yes.



...I got married...


:D

happy dance...

My best friend got his temple recommend back!!!

He's been going to church more often and now he can go to the temple again!!!



:D :D :D :D

Teehee. I'm so happy.

And today wasn't bad. I crossed all but ONE thing off of my "To Do" list, and that wasn't even my fault. Yay!!! Choir went well, and so did the EMR. Communications was spent talking to David and Tyler, so that was awesome. I understood what was taught in Algebra, I got to go home for lunch and chill out for awhile, work wasn't too bad (i pretty much suck at my job but i won't be there for much longer so it's all good), Meteorology was spent actually flirting with Tyler (i shocked myself when i realized that's what we were doing), and this evening has been spent preparing fund raising packets, on Facebook, and talking to my amazing friends.

Life is good. :)

happy?

I've been feeling strangely happy ALL day long. It started last night around 10:30, and it hasn't stopped. It's seriously way weird. There's just this happy, bubbly, giggly feeling that won't leave me alone. It's starting to make me mad.

Lol, not really. But I would like to know WHY I feel so...up. Hm...

...possible reasons...

1. I talked to Jason about what we're dressing up as for Sadie's. Can you say...Avatar? :D More details later on.
2. Two choir classes in one day. Heaven.
3. No homework!
4. Pretty much everything on my day's "To Do" list is crossed off.
5. Wonderful (though if i try hard enough it could be a slightly depressing) dream.
6. Taking pictures of my puppy in the backyard.
7. Taking pictures!
8. Chatting with my little "brother", Jaden, and my amazing friend Joi.
   
9. "Betelehemu" rehearsal in choir with Brad. I love having him direct. He's awesome! He's the one I'm doing a duet with in Ariosa. Guess what it is? "Papagena/o". O.o Can you say difficult?
   
10. Kit Kats.
    

I'm thinking it's the Kit Kats. Haha. Lol!

how to succeed in business without really trying...

I can't say much for the script of this play, but it does win the prize for longest name ever. I will tell you what happened:

So, my amazing friends Belen, Jaz, Candace, and Megan were all in "The Wizard of Oz" with me this past summer. Since they all go to the same high school, they were also in PHS's production of the aforementioned play (i am too lazy to type out that ridiculously long name again [though the explanation of why is much longer...oh well]). My family, along with some other Ozian friends, went to see it last night.

Belen was the female lead, playing Rosemary. She was fabulous! Her characterizations were amazing, her voice is gorgeous, she's a fantastic dancer, and she's beautiful. I'm so proud to have a friend like her. I love that girl.

Jaz, Belen's little sister, was in the chorus. She has such amazing stage presence that my eye kept going to her during the big numbers. She's a great little dancer, and full of character even when in a small role. She's another girl that I love to death.

Candace played the female not really antagonist but not protagonist either. She was the office "beauty", Miss Hedy La Rue, employed by the big boss because of their little affair. Candace was so funny! She totally played up the Bronx blonde, complete with the nail file. I loved the number where she sang...with total accent. It was absolutely hilarious. Love her!

Megan is the one who I've known before Oz but not really well. Her mom, Dawn, was in "CATS" with me three (almost four?!?) years ago. Megan played Miss Jones, secretary to the big boss. When she found out that my family and I were coming, she looked SO nervous and said, "Oh, no! That's amazing and I'm going to totally screw up!" Thanks for that, Megs. Lol. She was fantastic. In the second to last number in the show, her character literally lets her hair down and totally does a scat number (shoobiedoodatdatdatdattilyadad!!! like that kind of thing). She was brilliant! Meg is adorable.

The show itself was all right. The pacing was really slow. And some of the direction was, well, not so great. But...my friends were fabulous. And I'm not just saying that because they're my friends. It's because, well, they really were fabulous.

Other people I got to see: Jaden (my little "brother") and his sister, Samantha. Greg, our lovely Tin Man. Funny story about that-when I was standing next to him, I realized that he looked a lot less wide than he had the last time I saw him. Then I remembered-he isn't actually SHAPED like the Tin Man. The thing was just a costume. Duh! Kind of one of those "you had to be there" moments, but it was funny. Necia was there, Amanda's flying monkey buddy. Megan's family, of course, and then, so weird, Devin! He played Louis in "The King and I" EIGHT YEARS ago! It was SOOOO weird, because I recognized him from Facebook (gotta love facebook) and then realized how HUGE he is! He's so tall! And no longer skinny; he's totally built. It was the freakiest thing ever. It's funny how a little time will change people so much. I'm so glad we got to see him, and all of our other friends.

(pssst...secret? he's way cute)

I think the only sad things about the whole reunion was when we had to leave and the fact that some other people couldn't come. Like Misty, who the girls asked about. And Zach, who's still grounded. And Brenden, who was working. And a ton of other people who are so busy. EVERYONE is so busy. Heck, I'm busy. That's life, isn't it? We might be having another Pirate Island Adventure this week, but I'm not sure. Cross your fingers!!! :D

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Mom sang in church today. It was amazing. :)

epic friday nights...

I pretty much love Noelle and Zach, and my new friend Kaitlyn. She goes to school with my two friends, and is really close to Noelle. She's another super good friend all ready who I feel like I've known for not forever but for longer than tonight.

It started out at Noelle's house after stopping at Wal-Mart with mom and my sisters to pick up some popsicles. Last night when I was Facebooking Noelle she said, "I want a popsicle." I said, "Okay. What are you doing tomorrow night?" She didn't really connect the two thoughts, and so when I showed up at her door with a box of fruit bars she declared me to be her "favorite and three quarters, which means I love you more than Zach!" Not really, because no one could love me more than Zach, and especially not Noelle, but I'm still her favorite and three quarters. Tee hee.

When we were in the basement of her house, Noelle was talking to Zach online. She told me I could say hello, then told me that I would have to eat dinner in order to be allowed to hang out with an epic someone. I was confused as to who this epic someone could be, and declined the invitation to eat dinner (i hate eating in front of people; it's even hard at home with my family sometimes). She said if I didn't eat dinner then I wouldn't be allowed to leave the table and this epic someone would have to stay far away. I asked who this epic someone was, and she just told me to eat my macaroni and cheese. That's when I figured out who the epic someone was. I'm so slow. DUH it was Zach!

Kaitlyn, Noelle's other best friend and orchestra buddy, picked us up to go over to Zach's. When we got there, he was having a bonfire with his little brothers. I also got to see his older brother, Brenden! I haven't seen that kid (well, not kid, really) in so long! He played the Scarecrow in Oz, and he's one of my dear friends. We talked for awhile, and then went back to Noelle's house for another half-bonfire thing in her yard. And popsicles. Yay for popsicles.

Those three are seriously amazing. Even though I found out that the idea of someone that I've been dreading and hoping wouldn't happen now has a name (aka the girl zach totally likes and who likes him back), the night was still amazing. I think the hardest part was when he told me that he loves me out loud. It's even more different than in writing out the words through an email. I was all ready feeling kind of sad because of this "amazing, wonderful, adorable ----" (which he used to describe me as, but with more letters in my name). Then when we discussed this "problem" that I've been having, he pretty much destroyed me. He put both hands on my shoulders, looked me in the eyes, and said "You're stronger than this, Georgie. I know you are. And know this: I love you so much. No matter what. I love you."

I'm going to have to figure out how to be happy with this sort of love, when it's something else that I'm wishing for. My life was a lot less complicated before Zach became my best friend. Ah, well. He's a great person. Oblivious, but still great.

I love Noelle! She's so awesome. And I love Kaitlyn, and can't wait to get to know her better. I bought Noelle and Kaitlyn their Christmas presents today! I'm so excited. Zach's came in the mail today as well, and it's the freaking coolest fedora ever. He mentioned that he wanted one "someday", and I tried to get it for his birthday. Not to be; it was on back order. I know what that is now because of my current job, and it's really aggravating. BUT! It came today. I don't know if I can wait until Christmas to give it to him; maybe at Thanksgiving, like Noelle suggested. "It's the half-way point between his birthday and Christmas, so it's perfect!" It really is the halfway point, actually. That's funny.

Oh, a lady who used to live in my ward (see any other "church" tagged posts for an explanation) a LONG time ago visited my house today! I only ever get to talk to her through Facebook, and it was so awesome to see her. She's a great lady, and I love her.

All in all, an epic Friday.

20 ?s...

1. Where were you last week at this time?
Last week I was either on the computer where I am now or sitting at the table in the kitchen. Or, come to think of it, asleep. Which I was about ten minutes ago.

2. What’s your favorite way to eat tomatoes?
How about not eating them?

3. Ok, let's be honest. How often do you use your turn signals when you drive? Do you follow the rules or do you only use it when you feel it's necessary?
I always use the turn signals.

4. This past week, were you more predator or prey?
Prey. Or just ignored. Lol.

5. What is the first TV show quote to pop into your head right now?
"That's what SHE said." And I don't even know what that means. I just know it's from television and it's apparently a really popular show. "The Office" or something. I've never even seen that show. Baha.

6. Next time I go to church:
will be on Sunday. Unless you count Mutual on Wednesday, which I can't get out of this time. They assigned me a talk. Ew.

7. What was your third grade teacher's name?
Miss Aldrich. She was amazing.

8. When was the last time you went grocery shopping? Name 3 things you bought.
I went on Friday night, but I only bought one thing. Popsicles!!!

9. What would the title of your autobiography be?
I have no idea. Anything I put would sound either sad, upset, or something along those lines. What a way to be remembered.

10. How many pieces of unopened mail are sitting wherever you put your unopened mail?
1. It's from a college.

11. What 5 emotions do you feel most often?
Excitement. Nervousness. Loneliness. Fear. Happiness.

12. If you got a new pet right now, what would you name it?
It depends on the type of pet. If it's the one I want, then probably Bud Henry (little boy beagle).

13. Admit something. Anything.
I'll admit it-I don't like admitting things. :)

14. Choose a free gift: a daily back massage, dinner at a restaurant once a week, or a brand new book each month.
Brand new book each month. That would be amazing.

15. Name 3 foods that are currently in your freezer.
Chicken. Vegetables. Berries.

16. If given the chance and you could pick the person, would you want to switch lives with someone on earth for one whole day?
No. It could always be worse.

17. How much cash do you usually carry with you?
Um...I don't ever really carry cash. Maybe 50 cents. Is that even enough for a pay phone?

18. How are you today?
A definite mixture of happy, isolated, brokenhearted, exhausted, excited, and sick.

19. What's the scariest weather situation you've experienced?
When there was a HUGE thunderstorm outside and lightening totally cracked the pine tree. O.o "Boken!!"

20. On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how attractive do you think you are?
Well...if I put too low I'll get yelled at. If I put too high then I'm arrogant. So I'll be safe-I ain't sayin'.

better days find you...

...when you least expect it...

No, seriously. Today was a good day. Parts of it were hard (understatement-REALLY hard), but not too bad. Music helps. Concert Choir was great-I've made some really good friends in there and some of them have a heck of a lot harder things to deal with than I do. And some of them have the same struggles, so we can all help each other. We never actually say out loud what they are, but it's like you sometimes just know. Just being there for a hug or a smile or a "shame on you" with a twinkle in your eye can make a world of difference. Not to mention Mrs. Mathews is a real support. So is that girl. And Noelle. Only one knows about the whole annoying mess, but the other two care as well and I really appreciate it.

I even had the courage to talk to Jason today (gah! horrors! lol). I have no idea why it is so hard for me to talk to boys. I've noticed that it's hard for me to talk to most people, actually, but boys and adults are the worst-especially adults who I respect and who I don't want to disappoint.

I think another great thing was talking to my dad. He's gone a lot for work, so I called him up just because I was lonely, mom was in a bad mood, and I couldn't talk to my sisters about what was bugging me. I didn't really tell him what's been up, but it was really nice to tell him about school and the family here at home.

The weather was amazing today. It was bright and happy and cheerful and warm! That was so amazing. And Jason told me that I have amazing eyes. When I was talking to him in the hall, he kept staring at me. Finally he asked me what I did differently today. I was honest; I put on mascara and a little bit of eye shadow just for fun. He said it looked amazing-"not that you don't always have amazing eyes, but the make-up really brings them out. And you don't need the make-up, you just look...gah. I'm really awful at this, aren't I?" I found it cute and funny. I guess I'm not the only one who struggles talking to some people. Baha.

"Sing Noel" choir practice tonight was pretty good. There are a couple of sopranos who really get on my nerves because they think they're SO good but really, well, aren't. It's really annoying to me that I'll be doing the right notes and the right tempo and the right page but I get blamed for the mistakes because I'm the youngest. One of the ladies tonight was like, "Oh, I think our little first is struggling." Um, no. I doubt I'm the one struggling.

But enough about that. I don't want to be upset right now. Other than that it was amazing. Our director, who is a long time friend of my family (i've been singing with her since i was 7) told me that she loves my voice and to keep singing high, because "you have one of the most beautiful true soprano voices I've ever had the opportunity to hear." From her, that is a HUGE compliment. I told her about my new Ariosa solo ensemble assignments. "Sebben crudele" isn't the one I'm doing anymore. I've been assigned two solos and one duet. And I'm freaking terrified. I'll tell you what they are tomorrow, as soon as I'm sure that Mrs. Mathews is serious. Starla, our director, said that it's because my teacher has confidence in me and because she wants to push me to progress. I sure hope so. Though I do doubt that my teacher would set me up for failure on purpose.

All in all today has been better. Hooray for that. :)

harder to resist...

There are some things that are so tempting, so tantalizing, that it is hard to continue saying no. You start out with a promise, a wall between you and the temptation. "Heck no, fool! I said I wouldn't, so I won't. And that's THAT. NO!"

Resolution:
you will resist

A few days pass. Your resolve has held. You can do this. Besides...

you promised

Then the wall starts to shake a little. Tremors in the ground send whispers, how "no one will know" and "it will make you feel better; you know you want to" creep into your mind. But still, "No!" Just not quite so loudly.

Hair line cracks begin to form, starting at the foundation of that promise wall and slowly inching their way to the center. You feel yourself start to cave, then grip again in protest. "No."

Fractures. Pieces of the walls start flaking off, sliding slowly around your feet. "It won't hurt just once. Do it once, and you can stop after that." But it's a lie, and you know it. Besides. You promised. "no."

The walls collapse, all support gone. "No" is not spoken. Whispered. Whispered hopelessly into the night, letting go of the promise that you should never have made in the first place. The promise you knew you were going to break. Even as you resolved the first time, you knew.

Each passing day it gets harder and harder and harder to resist. Harder to hold on. Harder to keep that promise. Harder to not give up. Harder to fake it. Harder to resist.

and what's even worse?

The more people you have counting on you means more people to disappoint when you fail.

i think something happened...

I think someone was praying for me today. Several things happened to make me think that.

1. Seminary was even more amazing than usual. And I realized that I have a lot of friends in that class. Last term I really didn't; I think that's why I never really wanted to go. This term I feel wanted and welcome.
   
2. I left my Meteorology exam in tears after leaving the last four questions blank. I had no idea what it was talking about. I was seriously on my way home to...well...cry some more. Then I noticed the lyrics of the song playing on the radio. It was my name in the lyrics, and basically saying not to worry and to smile and to remember that people love you. I stopped crying and realized that not only would breaking down cause me to drive off the road but there was no need to. A lot of other people have failed tests before, and they're still happy. It's not the end of the world.
3. Proud owner of an A Cappella choir t-shirt, complete with ACDA on the bottom to show off our convention performance status. So excited!
4. Mrs. Mathews has asked me to "solo" with a couple of other 1st sopranos on the highest notes in one of the numbers. I never thought she'd ask me to do that. It shows great confidence in my abilities. Wow.
   
5. No one was rude or impatient at work today. Everyone treated me really nicely. Even my co-workers gave me some slack. Of course, Paul teased and so did Scott, but it was all in fun. I was glad to kind of relax and just be able to laugh at nothing.
6. My sisters and I didn't fight while doing the dishes. That never, ever, EVER happens. Maybe I should check to see if the moon is blue tonight.
   
7. I understood my math homework. That doesn't make sense. But it did.
8. The secretaries in the Guidance and Administration Offices totally helped me get my Reflections submission ready. They were really helpful, and were so kind. One of them gave me a candy bar because I looked "a little lonely". Aw.
   
9. The car started with no problems, there was hardly any frost on the windows, the day was warm and sunny, and the temperature in the car/at school was perfect.
10. Mom hasn't been mad at me all day.

I really do think there was some extra help today. I always thought it was totally cliche to say "I feel your prayers", but I think it might be true. I think the help came not just from my own prayers and hopes but from outside sources. I'm really grateful for it. It helped me to stay strong when I wanted to collapse.

Oh. And did I mention? He told me that he loves me.

oh, that was a step...and i kinda missed it...

Today has been an off day, like when you're walking down the sidewalk and kind of hit the curb funny. You don't fall down or trip, you just sort of stumble. *step, step, step, stumble! oh!* Yeah. Nothing has gone wrong at all, and everything's been pretty right, but it's just been off.

My BYU application deleted itself, which isn't too horrible because the deadline isn't until December 1st. I've got a couple of weeks.

I'm going to fail my Meteorology exam tomorrow. Seriously. I looked over the study guide tonight and almost said bad words. Then I almost cried. I took notes in class, read the chapters, paid attention, and I'm clueless. School sucks.

On a high note, my Reflections entry is all ready to go. Well, almost. There are a couple things I need to fill out on the media release form thingy, but I have to ask the office what they want me to put because I don't know what region I'm in, what "local" means in the context of a blank line following it, and what I should put for "track" and "teacher". So yeah. Oh, and another good thing. I was SO frustrated with this stupid "Regina's Log" thing that we had for a quiz today in Algebra. Then I looked at my t-chart table thing and suddenly SHA-zam! I totally figured it out. It was majorly epic (only because it will probably never happen again, so it was epic in a major way).

Now I'm going to be completely honest. I am not a trusting person. Pretty much at all. I am here on this blog-heck, you know almost everything about me. Almost. But it's different online. You can choose who you want to be here. You can block a commenter, delete a link from your blog roll, stop reading someone's posts. I'm not a stupid girl. I may be an open book, but not stupid.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Not stupid, eh? Oh, no. I've just trusted someone with the biggest secret of my life. And the whole time I talked there was, and is, this nagging suspicion in my brain that says "You moron. He is totally going to betray you. You idiot. Idiot, idiot, idiot. You're crazy. Why are you telling him this? You can't trust him. He'll listen and pretend to care and drop you like a stone into a river. So why are you trusting him? Hmmmmmm?"

Do you ever feel like that? Do you feel like I do, wanting to be able to trust someone? Needing to see that someone out there will let you talk to them without betraying your confidence? Do you ever do what I did? Have you ever given a person the power to hurt you while hoping beyond hope that they won't?

Stupid girl. Off days are dangerous days. I make myself vulnerable.

we wish you a merry christmas...

As I was driving home from school yesterday I realized that at midnight on October 31, or the very start of November 1, the radio stations were going to start playing Christmas music. Strange thought for a person dressed up in a Halloween costume. Not so strange since it was snowing.

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, but for some reason this year was, well, not the same. It really didn't feel like Halloween at all. Whatever happened to the excitement of going out to get candy and dressing up like something crazy or scary or beautiful? It kind of disappeared this year. The whole atmosphere just felt like a normal day to me. At least it did until twilight came. Hee hee hee. :)

I decided to wear my Oz costume to school for the day, and I was kind of afraid to. I guess it's because a girl told me that I was a "loser" and that I'm "not working hard enough" during my Senior year because I'm only taking 9 college credit hours and the rest are mostly choir courses. Tyler and David came to my rescue that day, but I think it bothered me more than I realized. Mom told me to wear the costume, but I was just nervous and afraid that people wouldn't like it.

Wrong again. People loved it! One girl asked me where I bought it, because she wants it for next year. I told her that my grandma made it after my mom and I cut it out (neither of us sews well enough to do a full-out costume. we stick with buttons, hems, and stuff like that. someday though, i will learn. pretty much next year), and she wants to find the pattern so she can make one too. :) Jason, my date for Sadie's in two weeks (so not ready yet), told me I looked "adorable". Aw. I actually talked to him. Be proud of me.

Mom locked herself out of the house, so I got checked out of school over the phone. I was worried at first; I only ever get checked out if someone is sick, there's some sort of appointment, or someone died. I was so relieved when I found out it was just something silly. The secretaries mistook my "adorable" roll of the eyes for disgust, when in reality I was so relieved that it was just dumb.

I could have gone back to school, but there was really no point. So I took a nap instead. Freaking sleep deprivation won out over going back to Psychology. Besides, I'll hear the exact same lecture on Monday. I get a double dose every two weeks, because I don't follow the A/B schedule that that class is on. I have to go with the college schedule. It's hard to remember, and harder to explain. Just trust me. :)

Trick-or-treating was a blast! I almost didn't go, but mom told me I should because I'd be sad if I didn't. So I went. I dressed up as an Ozian again, but added a tiara. So technically I was an Ozian Princess. Smiles and giggles and sugary goodness from me last night; I was so giddy and skippy. I got to ring almost all of the door bells, because "I'm the princess AND it's my last year". Maybe. There were so many people who thought I was the youngest in the group, which consisted of Ashlyn, Amanda, Meghan, Jenni, Stasia, and Rachel. All of whom are under 15. Baha! Only one person told me I was too old, and she wasn't even handing out candy. So, boo. Lol. It was great. I think my favorite part was when we'd sing at some of the doors. Namely "We Wish You a Merry Christmas". A couple of the people were TOTALLY thrown off. It was majorly epic.

We got so much candy. But not nearly as much as last year. And not a lot of chocolate. There was mostly stuff like tootsie rolls, laffy taffy, lemon heads, licorice, and other fruity stuff. It's 'cause the chocolate all went WAY up in price. Stupid economy. Stupid money. Stupid, stupid. It even hit the trick-or-treating. Lame. But it was so fun. We got loads of king size stuff, so it made up for it. Sort of. Lol. I'm just glad that it was fun. The candy wasn't so important this year. I think the dressing up and walking around was enough.

Mom had hot chocolate and cupcakes ready when we got home, along with "Phantom of the Opera". Dad just went to bed. Driving us around all night was super tiring for him. Haha. Nah, he'd just gotten home from a business trip the night before. I got him a big Snickers bar. He was happy, but I don't think he's eaten it yet.

I talked to Noelle for a while before going to bed. We've decided that as soon as it snows, we're going to go to the store, buy a bunch of popsicles, and eat them in a snowdrift with no coats and a camera. It's going to be even more epic than singing Christmas songs while trick-or-treating. I'm so excited! I'll tell you all about it, mkay?

Took a sleeping pill last night, just to make sure I'd get a good night's sleep. I did. I dreamed and dreamed and DREAMED. And I didn't wake up tired. That never happens. So yeah, I dreamed about (can you guess?) snow and popsicles (i asked Noelle to guess and she totally did right away) and Jason. Why did I dream about Jason? It was weird. I think it's because I'm starting to get nervous because it's in two weeks and I don't know what my group is doing AND my group is huge. And because, well, it's a date with a boy. And the boy is Jason. And, he is a boy. Lol. They scare me a little-I never know what to do around them. I'm always scared that I'll do something majorly stupid. Which is okay, I guess, but still terrifying. Oh, well. It's going to be fun!

So...I missed saying Happy Halloween on here. Instead, I'll do this...

HAPPY DAY AFTER HALLOWEEN!! LET THE HOLIDAYS BEGIN!!!

Tee hee.

new friends...

So, Zach has a sister who is not really his sister but is at the same time (huh?). I've heard a lot about her, and from the stories she seems pretty amazing. That turned out to be true tonight.

We actually couldn't go to the concert. Zach's performance group was only on for three numbers, and the tickets were a little too much for me right now. All of my paycheck went to choir tour for this week, so I couldn't do it. I felt really bad; I'd promised I'd go and then things just happened. *sigh* He wasn't mad, though. Just kind of sad that we didn't get to see it. I was too.

Anyway, I got to meet this amazing sister to my best friend. Her name is Noelle and she really is freaking amazing. Want to hear how I met her? Okay. :) I was kind of hesitant to go up to see Zach because I wasn't sure if he was totally finished with the performance, so I waited. Then he gave me his "look", the one he gives me when I'm hanging back or being shy. I finally went over and he gave me a HUGE hug, and I turned around and all of the sudden BAM! I hear this high pitched SCREAM of delight and then I was like "I'm being hugged?"

And it was Noelle. I recognized her from her Facebook profile, and then I screamed and hugged her back. It was more like a friend reunion than a first meeting. Zach was so excited, and kind of shocked at how well the two of us got on right away. I asked him if he'd mind being replaced, so I could have a new best friend. I was teasing, of course, and he totally got all "sad" and started to walk away. I had to go catch him, and it wasn't until I threw my arms around him from behind that he stopped and looked over his shoulder at me. It felt so nice, and so natural for about 5 seconds while we just looked at each other. Then he smiled and we both stepped apart at the same time. For another 5 seconds it was awkward. Thank heavens for Noelle; she saved it by coming over and asking me to "dance" and then falling on the ground.

Noelle is amazing. And I got to see Geyerman, Zach's other best friend, for a few minutes. And Jason, from Oz. I forgot how much I missed Jason.

I love friends. They're amazing.

Oh, and I wore my Oz costume to school today for Halloween. I was surprised-people loved it. I was afraid to wear it, but I ended up being glad that I did. I got to spend time with Zach tonight at his house (my sisters were there too) and that was grand. And Noelle. Lovely, random, crazy, adorable Noelle. Another best friend forever, I think. I feel like I've known her forever. It's not like sisters, exactly, but like two school girls who've known each other since the first day of kindergarten. Even preschool. It's awesome. Kindred spirits, perhaps.

I'm so excited!!!

frazzled...

All right. Whoever said learning music was easy lied to me. Italian is hard. Spanish is hard. Nigerian is hard. Latin is hard. German is hard. Let's just throw in some Mandarin Chinese to top it off. Oh, AND get all of the notes right. And sing with the "chuh and the buh and the kuh" *punch* *punch* *punch* (diaphragm) instead of the "laaaaaaaah" *tilt head* (throat). No pop sounds for me; classical! Classical! It's harder than it looks. *sigh*

I'm actually having a great time in all of these new classes. Still, I find myself panicking about all of the different pronunciations and styles of music. Take, for example, the aria I have to sing for Solo Ensembles. All by myself, mind you (I found out today that you have to do that for Ariosa). It's in Italian. The pronunciation isn't too difficult-I just have to remember the silent "g" in "voglio" and "che" is something like "key". Then there's the listening practice (Mrs. Mathews suggested Kathleen Battle or someone like that first, because I have "a light voice") and the 20 minutes a day vocal practice. Then there's the A Cappella music for Christmas and the ACDA Tour to Arizona. Then there's Concert Choir Christmas music, which isn't difficult at all but takes memorizing.

I'll be honest-I am really nervous and frustrated with all of this because it's brand new. After all, I just finished a whole term in school and got used to the schedule. Now it's all mixed up again. BUT despite this, I am freaking LOVING it at the same time. So it's all good, really. Yay.

Speaking of learning things, my sister Meg had an orchestra concert tonight. Let's say that it wasn't completely torturous. The junior high has a new teacher this year, and she's all right, I guess. She teaches at a much, much, MUCH slower pace than the previous two teachers have (i swear the job is cursed; it's like the Defense Against the Dark Arts post in Harry Potter-no teacher lasts more than a year [this is the fourth in four years]), and they're not terrible but not great. She seems to be a good teacher for technique, but doesn't spend a lot of time on performance pieces. Oh, well. I hope Meg's getting something out of it.

Blasted tired. EMR tomorrow morning. Dog is fed, so am I, and my costume is ready in the living room. Homework is all done (i hope) and a choir concert tomorrow for my friend. Pay day tomorrow, too. Dad comes home from his work trip, and I get to talk to the school administration about sitting in on a Collaboration Meeting (teacher stuff) for a Communications assignment. Life is good.

Peace out.



Lol.

what i did today...

I hardly even remember. Let's see...a list perhaps.

• First time ever getting anything less than an "A" in Seminary. I should probably actually GO this term, instead of sleeping in. I hate not being able to sleep. It messes up my whole schedule.
• I've been adopted as an unofficial assistant choir librarian for A Cappella. I like to help; it's fun.
• I have to sing alto on "Worship the King" with Concert Choir instead of 1st Soprano with A Cappella. Rats. No high notes for me.
• IQ test results from Jackman's class-161. I'm told that's good?
• Almost talked to Jason, but kind of sort of ran away without running. I'm so bad at this whole thing.
• Sadie's group is getting HUGE beyond all reason. I really need to learn to say no to people. I can't though. :P
• After school NHS activity was way fun, even though the only thing I did was paint people's faces/hands and have my face painted. Blue swirlies and glitter! Woot!
  
• Bought gas for the car today because I figured it was time to stop ignoring the "Empty" light.
• Made some new friends at the bank. The tellers there are really nice; I see them about every two weeks. I can't remember their names. There are three of them, two blonde and one dark. One guy doesn't talk very much, but has a nice smile. Another talks a lot about everything and has a great laugh, and the last guy always talks to me about school and what I want to do when I get older. I like them. None of the girl tellers talk to me though. It's kind of weird.
  
• Bought a birthday present for Zach. I know it's late, but I had to wait for my pay check. It's from me and my sisters. I think it's pretty much amazing, and it's something he mentioned wanting to get someday. Can you say fedora? :D
• Talked to above person for awhile. I get to see him perform on Friday night with BYU's Young Ambassadors. I'm so excited for him!
  
• Started filling out BYU application. Ugh.
• Watched Field of Dreams with my family. Weird movie.

That's all. Nothing super eventful, but the day as it was.

get outta my chair...

Getting stuck in the director's chair on the first day of class might be something like this:

1. Be told to get to work
   
2. Feel completely confused as to what to do
3. Stand around looking confused
4. Start warm-ups on the outside of the circle, not sure what to do
5. Be invited to stand in the circle by Brad, and then introduced by Mrs. Mathews to the rest of the kids
6. Stand around looking lost as the other 12 students fall into line, wearing costumes and getting ready to rehearse their traveling Halloween program
7. Ask what to do
8. Given a stool, a pencil, a sheet of paper, and a music stand
9. Told to watch, take notes, and be ready to "give direction, comments, and suggestions"
10. Get nervous and then excited as the talent of the choir is displayed
11. Feel very inadequate and slightly nervous about giving direction, comments, and suggestions on the first day of enrollment in class
12. Notice that 11 of the 12 respond to the direction and get excited about it
13. Notice that 1 of the 12 does not like anything you say and gives you dirty looks
14. Decide to ignore 1/12th
15. Worry about overstepping and look to Mrs. Mathews for cues, only to find that she wants you to keep doing what you're doing
16. Take a deep breath, watch more numbers, and give more direction such as:

"More energy! You're performing! You're having fun! You guys sound great, you blend well, you're got awesome costumes, and you know that you're having fun, but you're not showing it. Have fun! Show me the fun!"

"Mark, I can tell from your performance that you are a gentleman. You probably hold doors open for girls and help your mom bring in the groceries, don't you? *yes, i was right* Well, this is not a girl. This is not even a person. To Gaston, Belle is the next trophy he wants to hang up on his wall. You're the predator, and she's the piece of meat! You're hungry to get your hands on this prize! Don't let her get so far away from you-for every one step she takes further away you take two towards her. And Deb! Belle cannot stand Gaston. He's a brute-ignorant, arrogant, completely repellent. I want disgust. Like, 'are you kidding me? ew...ew...EW!' Show me."

Then "Asha, John Smith has completely insulted you. There's got to be some anger there, until you realize that he has absolutely no idea. Show me the transition from disbelief and hurt at his generalizations to the understanding that he says those things in ignorance. Sing this as teaching him about your world. Teach all of us."

Number 17-Have an amazing first day in Ariosa, and feel so good about it because you've got friends. And number 18, not worrying about making Mrs. Mathews upset because of your "directing" because she pulled you aside and said that it was fabulous and so helpful. Teehee.

First EMR (early morning rehearsal) with A Cappella this morning. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially since I got to sit next to "that girl". Haha, love you, friend!

40/50 on my stupid Communications midterm. I studied and studied and STUDIED and still did terribly. Ugh. I hate it.

Completely lost in math. Again.

Pretty much failed a Meteorology quiz because I didn't understand the chapter at all.

Compliments from Tyler like crazy as he tossed candy at me in class, saying (each bolded word emphasizes when he threw it at me and how he said it) "You're such a SMARTIEs, and such a SWEET HEART instead of TART, and you're such a NERDs which is good because you pass your classes and can help me pass too, but not an Air Head so I get to eat this one." Then he said that he thinks I'd be way fun to go to a dance with because I'm such an awesome person and he likes to make me laugh. I like Tyler. He's a good friend.

Enjoyable time at work-it wasn't too bad today and I got some paperwork done for Paul. Plus Andrea and I have too much fun with pretzels, talking about boys, and being dumb in general. It's great fun.

First snow of the year today. I don't know whether to be excited or to be not excited. I just hope Halloween isn't too cold. I remember the last time it snowed this early that on Halloween night I had 4 inches of snow around the brim of my witch hat. It was so cold that year. But we got TONS of candy because everyone else had all ready stopped trick-or-treating. People pretty much just dumped their bowls into our sacks. Great fun.

Cold, cold, cold.

This has been a freaking random post. I've even stopped trying to follow my trainless (say what?) thoughts.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. One day closer to Friday! AND I'm calling my friend tomorrow night! Woot, woot! *hearts*

depressing myself...but some good news...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BFF!!!

Today is the birthday of my amazing, wonderful, adorable BFF. I love you, Zach! You're the best!

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Today was my first day in A Cappella. Talk about amazing! I was absolutely terrified at the beginning. Mrs. Mathews took my hand when she was talking to me and started to laugh because she could feel me shaking so much. I all ready have a lot of support in this class, though. I had no idea how many friends I have until she "introduced" me as her new soprano (or something like that) and several people clapped/cheered/et cetera. It was frightening but reassuring at the same time.

I need to stop listening to the "West Side Story" music. We're going to be learning it in A Cappella, and I'm not sure of the words and tune of some of the songs so I'm practicing on my own. I was all ready depressed and tired before, but now I alternate from being somewhat composed to breaking down in tears in front of my computer. I can't figure out what's wrong with me.

Oh, wait. If I think about it hard enough, I believe I can put a finger on part of the problem. Before 7:00 it had been over a week since I'd seen or spoken to my friend. Dear, dear friend. I miss him so much. It's kind of terrifying that being away from someone does this to me. It happens with my family sometimes, too. It's never been like this with a friend though. Gah.

Anyways, it's his birthday today. I finally got up the courage to call him to wish him a happy day. My sisters, mom, and I sang to him through the phone, and he seemed to enjoy it. It made him laugh, at least, and when I teased him about how he laughed because it was so horrible he said, "No! Not horrible! Completely unexpected! I hear 'Is this Zach?' and I'm just about to say how happy I am to hear from you and then 'Hold on a sec...' and then BAM! I'm being serenaded through the phone! Awesome!"

See why I miss him? He's really fantastic. I told him about choir, and he seems really excited. His concert is this Friday, and my family is going. Yay!

"West Side Story" was depressing before I met my friend. Now it's even worse, because I *spoiler alert for this who have not seen this play/movie* imagine him playing Tony like he did last school year, and the character dies! Human hose pipe. :P

I'm putting on Linkin Park. 'Night.

about to become a murderess...

I am going to kill Facebook. Seriously. I am so freaking mad at whoever decided to change the website, because guess what? Ever since they did my account has been acting completely screwy. Half of the time I can't even log in. The other half as follows: deleted friends list, no search engine, complete inability to post on anything, no chats, nothing. I am so mad. It's not a virus on my computer, either. I've tried it on five different PCs and laptops, and nothing is working. I just changed my password so it's not a hack (I hope). Ugh!

And in general I'm just mad. I don't know why. It's like, "I have decided to hate the world with a fiery passion because it just exists and there is no good reason!!! I freaking hate everything!" I am just upset!

What is my problem? And when I try and think of what the problem is, I just get more angry. I freaking want to kill something!

Like Facebook. UGH!!!

stealing a word from spider, i dub this post "awardage"...

Yes, I stole your word, spider. Because I find it pretty much amazing. Kinda like you. :)

spider over at Spider spins a web has given me an award! Here it is:

The Rules:

Follow them carefully, peoples! It's important! :)

1. Copy the Kreativ Blogger picture and post it on your page
2. Thank the person who gave it to you and link back to their blog
3. Write seven things about you that we don’t know
4. Choose seven other bloggers that you would like to give the award to
5. Link to the bloggers that you choose
6. Let the winners know that they have the lovely award.

Seven Things About Me That You Don't Know...

1. Are there 7 things about me that you don't know? I'm kind of an open book. I guess that's the first one. But did you all ready know that?
2. I get really attached to people, but I am often terrified to contact them to say hello.
3. You can often find me singing in the car with the windows rolled down and the radio turned up. It's rather embarrassing for my friends, but not my sisters. They join right in.
4. I get way, way, way bored during movies. Even when it's a movie I love or a movie I chose to watch with the family, I usually end up leaving an hour into it. It's not because of the quality or because I don't like it; I just have other things I'd rather be doing.
5. Often times I will imagine myself in situations or doing things with people and won't realize that I'm actually talking out loud to myself and those people. Awkward.
6. I play Farmville. Yes. I confess.
7. I have only ever been asked on one non-dance date in my life. Usually when I go on a date that isn't to a school dance, I'm the one who has asked the boy out. Really, I'm a fun person. I'm just shy. But! If I like him enough or find him funny/nice/smart/interesting/a good friend, I will eventually ask him on a date. I don't want to wait forever to have fun. And dating is so fun!
   

That's my seven. You probably all ready knew all of those, though. *reads list again* Oh, boy. I am soooo lazy that I don't want to do the links. Lol. I will anyway. Let's see....to the ama-za-sing:

1. Coleman at ~Wizard~
2. Margaret at Finnegan Begin Again
3. Fringe Girl at the domestic fringe
4. Nathan at SPACE STATION NATHAN
5. Jewel at Pink Ink
6. The Solitary Writer at The Solitary Writer
7. Tova Darling at Secret Life of Tova Darling

Woot, woot! There ya have it, peoples!

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I actually felt really good about the ACT. Last time I had to guess on the final 10-15 questions on the Math and Science portions, and I was really not comprehending what I was reading. I got a 31 on that section, but I still felt like I could and should have done better.

This time I finished ALL of the sections early, and I felt good about most of them, even the math. I did guess on maybe 1/3 of the math, because some of it I've never seen before (i'm mathematically incompetent and want to throw my algebra ii book out the window most days-i refrain and chuck it at the wall instead. seriously, i've done it probably three times this year). I was really surprised about the Science section; for some reason I was understanding things I'd never even heard of before.

The essay question (i took the writing portion this time) was freaking easy-argue whether or not a financial literacy class of some sort should be required for high school graduation. Well, duh it should be required. It's something that we can actually USE, unlike this imaginary number crap. I will never use it. I mean, heck, I'm not planning on an engineering career and very few people in the US are. I'm never going to build a bridge (unless it's a wooden one to cross a stream, aka a piece of plank that's long enough to go across and thick enough to hold someone's weight, which is easy enough with a test subject who can swim) so what's the use of this freaking Trigonometry and Calculus and Algebra? To pay math geniuses salaries, I guess. Stop handing me useless junk and give me the tools I need to build my future. Anyway, tangent over. Sorry. I hate math. Can you tell? :)

So back to the point. For some reason, I really did understand the questions and the reading. I was able to easily understand the material and answer questions, and it took me half the time. I think it was because I asked my Heavenly Father for help last night. Call me crazy or call me a Mormon, it really helped me. Some of the things I was promised really struck a chord in my heart and mind. It was like I knew I was going to do well because I was told specifically that I would have special help "because of your faith". You don't have to believe it. You can call it mumbo jumbo if you want to, but I know it's true. I'm so glad that I do.

My friend Arielle and I studied for our Communications final on Tuesday today at her house. We both had fried brains-hers because of her English research paper and mine because of the test. At least it was fun. I'm glad I've had a chance to get to know her. I only knew that she drove me crazy in Environmental Science last year because she was always talking and goofing off. She's actually a really cool person; she's changed a lot during the summer. Arielle told me that last year she thought I was too shy and too smart. She said I've changed over the summer. Oh, I know it. I think we could be really good friends. That makes me happy; I need some close friends who I actually have classes with. Thank goodness for these new choir classes. Answer to prayer, for reals.

I think I'm going to go sleep now. Maybe. I don't know. I always say that and then it never happens. Oh! Movie recommendation: "Confessions of a Shopaholic". Oh, gosh, FUNNY!!! It's totally illogical, but hey, it's a movie so they can get away with it. Try it out. It is so great.

Tootles!

haaaaaaaalelujuah....haaaaaaaaleluujah... :D

I am now OFFICIALLY a member of Ariosa at my high school. YAY!!! I transferred in today and start on Tuesday morning. I got my schedule all fixed up with my other teachers. Once again things have been shuffled, tossed out, added in, and in generally screwed up so much that my counselors can't figure out how I can remember my skadeewompas schedule.

Karmel and Jackman (Mrs. Clay and Mr. Jackman, or Rod, or Toad [he teaches Health Science {which i love} and she is the Distance Education facilitator, aka Jackman's brain]) were totally fine with me staying enrolled in 2nd period but showing up when I can. I remember what Karmel told me. "I've been watching you for the past two and a half years, Georgie, and I tell you what it's time you had some fun for once. No more being a grown-up before you're 18. Join the high school!" Then Jackman, "You're my best student. I'll cut you all the slack you need."

Shhhh! Don't tell, especially those of you who go to my school. I wasn't supposed to tell anyone, but it made me feel so amazing and trusted and loved that I wanted to share. I'm just about to burst with happiness; I gotta get it out somewhere!

Speaking of which...

Here's the news that I was DYING to share with you last night but didn't, just in case it fell through. I. Am. A.

*drum roll please*

Member of A Cappella Choir!!!

(imagine a chorus of 'hallelujahs' in the background as i scream and jump up and down in sheer giddiness and joy)

just as a side note, how many of you when you read the beginning of the announcement thought of something along the lines of, i dunno. some horrible or strange revelation about myself or something. lol. maybe it's just my twisted mind. now i've made you ALL think of something awful. haha!!! :D

Oh, gosh. I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so...et cetera, EXCITED!!! I can hardly stand it! One of the girls in my class (oh, gosh, it's MY class now, too!!!) sent me the homework assignment for a new song we're learning. I was so relieved when I found out they haven't started it yet; it's way difficult but so beautiful it's worth it. I can't wait until Monday morning so I can start singing with them! And, you know who you are fellow choir student. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your support, help, patience, and tough love when I was afraid or ready to give up. I wouldn't be doing this without you. YOU ROCK!!!

It seems that the majority of my posts have been about choir and music of late. Maybe I should rename this blog "The Music Stand". We shall see.

Now off to bed. On a low note (baha), I have the ACT test aGAIN tomorrow. I hate that thing. But on a high note (tis the music stand now), or the + side as they say, I know I'm going to do well on it. Another good thing-Health Science final today. Score = 98/100. Sweet. I'm so happy. This term has been fantastic. 1 down, 3 to go!!!

show girl...

I have discovered how very much I love singing and performing. I used to hate performing. Even when I was in "The Wizard of Oz" I dreaded the actual performances. Now I cannot wait for the next performance opportunity! And...I'll be having several more.

Mrs. Mathews has invited me to participate and learn with her show choir, Ariosa. I'm not really sure exactly what they're about, but I know that they go to schools and put on performances for kids. I also know that they sounded fabulous at the concert last night, and that there are only 12 of them currently-4 boys and 8 girls. I make them unlucky, if you think about it that way. But I don't. I want to perform with them, because they're very good and it gives me another opportunity to learn.

I can't figure out what has changed my mind about performing and singing. I hated to sing only a few weeks ago. Interesting how quickly things change.

20 ?s x 2...

I missed the 6th of this month for 20 questions. So...I'm doing the both tonight at the same time. Tee hee.

1. Name one song that reminds you of an ex?
Mine? I don't have any of those. Not even one. So I'll just make something up. I guess I'd say "Picture to Burn" by Taylor Swift. That's about an ex. Haha.

2. Where was your default picture taken?
I didn't take the default picture. Blogspot made it.

3. What's your middle name?
Buttons. :D

4. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
Um...no. I'm pretty sure he does not.

5. What is your current mood?
Depressed.

6. What color underwear are you wearing?
Uh...white.

7. Who can always make you smile?
Zach, Shelby, and Tony. And Misty.

8. What makes you happy?
Long phone conversations, emails that actually mean something, doing my best and knowing it was good enough, singing, Taylor Swift songs, sleeping in. Definitely sleeping in.

9. If you could go back in time, and change something what would you change?
A lot of things, I think. Especially concerning choir.

10. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day, what would you be?
A bear. Then I could sleep all day.

11. Ever had a near death experience?
I think so. I don't really remember it.

12. Something you do a lot?
Facebook, blog, homework, sit around thinking, singing.

13. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
"Cold As You" by Taylor Swift. I found my CD today. :D

14. What was the last thing you ate?
Dinner: chicken noodle soup, PB and J sandwich, and cantaloupe. Strange combo, now that I think about it.

15. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
I have no idea. I know that Sarah is right before and Tony is right after, and Clark is right after too. But on the same day? *shrug*

16. When was the last time you cried?
At the stop light in the car today.

17. Have you ever sung in front of a large audience?
Several times. The most recent? Today. It was the MVHS Fall Choir Concert. Woot. Pretty much amazing.

18. If you could have one super power what would it be?
Invisibility or being able to heal people.

19. First thing you notice about the opposite/same sex?
Opposite? Eyes, and the way it feels being around them. Same? This is going to sound way superficial, but probably hair and outfit, and whether or not they look lonely. I'm horrible, aren't I? :P

20. What do you usually order from Starbucks?
A cookie.

21. What's your biggest secret?
I'm not telling you! Duh.

22. Favorite color?
Light blue, light pink, green, and yellow. I know, whatever happened to black and red? Well, they got old 'n busted, that's what happened. Lol. Actually, I just added the other four to the black and red.

23. When was the last time you lied?
I...today. Someone asked me how I was doing.

24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
Heck yes!

25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
Nada.

26. Do you speak any other language?
Baha! No! I'm horrible at it.

27. What's your favorite smell?
Tee hee. Books and coffee. Basically Barnes & Noble. :)

28. If you could describe your life in one word what would it be?
Unique

29. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Today. By Jason. He's been doing that a lot lately. Pretty much every time he sees me.

30. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
No. Sounds nice though. But not now! Lol.

31. What are you thinking about right now?
What a kiss is like. Sorry, question 30 on the brain.

32. What should you be doing?
Worksheet 3.4 for my math class. But I'm not because I hate it.

33. What was the last thing that made you upset/angry?
I don't really know. It wasn't anything to get angry over. I just did.

34. Do you like working in the yard?
Only when it's not too hot and not too cold. So pretty much never. Lol.

35. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
I ain't telling.

36. Do you act differently around your crush?
No, not really. I think I'm more, well, I dunno. Shy but happy at the same time.

37. Are you currently mad at someone?
I'm mad at the idea of someone, but I've never actually met the person.

38. Which family member has the worst temper?
My mom.

39. Have you ever thrown something at anyone's face?
Haha. Yeah.

40. Does your face turn red when you're angry?
I don't know. I can't see it.

41. When you're mad, do you prefer to keep to it yourself?
Depends on who I am mad at.

42. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you?
Yes! Suzzy, Roshini, Channing, Riley, and Mariah. I think it was in 9th grade.

43. If you won a million $'s what would be your first thought?
College! Yes! Tithing, of course. Then, presents for my friends and family. Yay! Then fix up the house, fix the car, and crap, taxes. Then deposit what's left into the bank, except for a check for a friend who I want to come visit me. And another check for a friend to go on a trip to Europe. See? Covered all my bases. School, church, government, family, and friends. Sweet.

44. If you could have anything right now, what would it be?
Anything? Graduation, aka out of high school.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The choir concert was pretty much amazing. A Cappella was FABULOUS, Chamber Choir was AWESOME, Men's Choir was GRAND, Ladies' Symphonic Voices was TERRIFIC, Ariosa was WONDERFUL. Concert Choir-I dunnno. That's the choir I'm in so I can't actually hear what we sound like because I'm on the stage. In a way I'm glad it's over, but sad at the same time.

I feel awful. Just really down. Stupid-so many good things going on. And though I try to focus on that, it DOES NOT WORK.

I think I'm going to go to bed now.

sing, sing, sing...

I sang for over 3 hours today. Wowza. That's a lot of singing. I woke up and went to Communications (which is absolutely ridiculous-loathe that class pretty much) and sat for over an hour itching to get to choir. The teacher FINALLY dismissed us and *zoom* off I went.

I'm starting to get nervous about the concert tomorrow. What if I screw up? What if I forget that I have a solo part? What if the mic isn't turned on? What if the mic IS turned on? What if my voice cracks? What if...what if...what if...

Anyway, we rehearsed on the stage during our class today, and then I went home and sang for another hour to keep warm for the after school rehearsal. I had to go in my Scout uniform, because I would be leaving the rehearsal and going straight to work. I got a few interesting comments about it, such as, "Oh, goodness! You are the only girl I've ever seen who looks fantastic in a Scout uniform!" and "Oh, PRECIOUS!!! Are you a Den Mother?" and "I want those pants." Those were all from girls. The guys were like, "Um...are you a Boy Scout?" No, stupid, I'm not a BOY scout. Duh. Haha.

Work was actually not so bad today. Andrea, the newest girl, is really nice. She's become one of my good friends. I wish we actually went to school together. I don't know what the deal is with me making good friends and not going to school with any of them. They all live 20 minutes from my house in some direction or another. Ugh. I feel so lonely.

Some good things:

• Saw and actually spoke with Jason. I have a date with him in a few weeks, and ever since I asked him I've been terrified to talk to him again. He complimented me on my performance yesterday morning and said he was so excited because, "I was like, dude! That girl singing? That's my date! Not yours, MINE! Ha!" *blush*
• Mr. Fieldstead, our school Student Council adviser, said that I was the best soloist for "The National Anthem" that he's heard in 10 years. He is extremely critical of singers and has been asking the principal to stop allowing students to sing it for the past three years. *blush* My friend Arielle told me to be watching for Mr. Fieldstead. Good thing, bad thing, I dunno.
• Sarah, my Algebra 2 buddy (soon to be ex-Algebra 2 buddy; turns out she didn't need the credit so she's ditching me. *sniff* I have no friends in that class now. And really, I've tried to make some.), said she's pretty sure the drama teacher is kicking himself for not casting me and she's going to help me prepare for the "Nunsense" auditions in December. Sarah is really good at monologue selections, which I am not. Huge relief right there.
• I seriously got compliments on yesterday ALL day today. It was weird, and so embarrassing. But it was good, too, because at least it didn't suck.
• Yummy dinner that mom made.
• Being told I look good in a Scout uniform was a good thing. I've seriously been paranoid about it for the longest time. Yay.
  

Finally got up the courage to go to Jason's house (my November Sadie Hawkins date, which is in three weeks) and deliver the brownies my mom and I made yesterday. I only did it because I knew he wasn't going to be home. Ha. Coward. Meghan went with me, and we also went to the library. Both of us found some good books. Well, she found one. I found about ten. When I'm going to read them, I have no idea. Sundays are pretty boring, so maybe then. We'll see. :)

I don't think anything else interesting happened today. I just am really, really, really missing my friends. I mean, I have friends at school, but I never see them and I don't have classes with them. It makes it really hard to go to classes where you feel completely alone. The only one where I don't is Concert Choir. And every other week I feel welcome in Psychology because my best 4th year Spanish buddy Brookie is in there. Other than that, I just feel lost. But today was a pretty good day. So I'm glad.

Man, it's good to be blogging again. I can't believe I stopped doing it for so long.

worry wart...

Okay, okay. So it wasn't THAT bad. I was terrified to be true, and I could feel my voice shaking (not to mention the rest of me). I think it would have been easier if two rather accomplished singers hadn't been in the office with me. Principal Clark was there, too, so that was very scary. I've never been in the principal's office during my three years at Mountain View. Two new experiences at the same time.

I think it was all right. One of my friends told me that it was fabulous and gorgeous. The band kids loved it. A good friend of mine said it was very good, and she was glad because I stayed in the same key the whole time. Apparently I'm the first soloist to do that this school year. Haha. I actually tried to sing it in two different keys this evening. Um...I found it impossible. I just cannot do it.

I was really glad that I had an EMR today. It really helped; I was warmed up enough to hit the notes clearly. Not to mention the rehearsal was fun. Only 12 of the 30 kids showed up. I think we should kick the rest of them out because we sounded a LOT better with only the 12 there. Adding the other 18 really makes it...well...you know. We don't sound as good.

I'm kind of excited for our choir concert on Wednesday, though. Because we're singing a medley of songs from the movie Nightmare Before Christmas, we're allowed to wear a hat/scarf/gloves or some other thing to dress up for Halloween. Mrs. Mathews said that since I have a solo (it's like, 4 measures and pretty much a speaking line [but I get to act like a freaky hiding-under-your-bed thing! woot!]) I can wear my black costume that I wore to the Halloween dance with Zach and Meghan on Saturday night, because it is black, and the purple will be a cool accent. Woot! I don't have to be boring! Haha.

The rest of the day was pretty lame. I was exhausted all day from the EMR and from staying up most of the night being afraid. Oh, but funny moment. This morning when I was driving to school, in the dark, by myself, I was sitting at a stop light and praying for it to turn green faster so that I wouldn't have to keep sitting in the empty street. Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a HUGE white flash and then a GIGANTIC, DRAWN OUT, ROARING thunder clap.

Pretty much the highest scream I've ever given since age 5. Holy cow, I was so freaked out! Then it happened again at a second stop light, and I was about ready to fall to pieces. Can you tell I don't like thunderstorms much? I don't know why they scare me so badly. They just do. So that was the funny/embarrassing moment that I share with you today. :)

I ate a hurried breakfast in Seminary, because I know I'm not supposed to eat in there but I was starving and could feel myself fading. Then I fell asleep in Psychology. I got thoroughly frustrated with the Algebra 2 concept we were supposed to be learning today and threw my book on the floor. A friend of mine told me I should carry a hair brush because mine is so unmanageable, which was not what I needed to hear today. I tripped going out to the car, and almost got hit twice going to Wal-Mart. It wasn't until I was looking for a shorter line that the day brightened a little bit. I only had two items, and it seemed like every person had a cart full to the brim with stuff, and there were only eight checkers open.

I was starting to get frustrated and near tears (stupid) because I needed to get home to let my dog outside and take her on the walk I'd promised, there was a huge laundry job waiting for me that I wanted to get done for my mom, my room was a mess, I hadn't finished the Algebra 2 homework in class because it's freaking retarded, I was plain exhausted, and I kept accidentally thinking about someone and how much I miss him. Withdrawals! (see? stupid!) Then a man asked me if I only had the two items. He was in line with a cart full of stuff, and two men behind him with the same. All three of them let me go ahead of them. Gosh, I was so grateful. It was amazing.

When I got home, Misty and I headed outside for some Vitamin D time and exercise. Then the laundry. I didn't get to the homework-I fell asleep on the couch while I was waiting for my mom to come downstairs for FHE (Family Home Evening). Oops. The thing is, I'm still exhausted. *sigh*

I think that's all I have to say today. Thanks to Margaret for her goddess that she researched for me. You can read about it here at Finnegan Begin Again.

aw, crap...

It's 1:09 in the morning. I just remembered something that's happening in 6 hours. *sobs*

So I'm in choir this year. Concert Choir. Yes, I know, it's not the best choir our school's got, but hey, at least Mrs. Mathews let me in last minute. I was so, so, so afraid to audition for A Capella or Chamber Choir, so I just signed up for the one that didn't require any real talent, aka one without auditions. I was too afraid to fail.

Anywho...I really need to stop saying "Yes" to my teacher when she asks me to sing things. Like "The National Anthem". Which I'm doing...today. In 6 hours and about 45 minutes. For announcements at the start of school. I signed up BEFORE I found out that there really are 1,400 students/faculty aka PEOPLE in the building during school hours. And I'll be in the office, singing into the microphone over the intercom while everyone HAS to listen.

Crap.

Any chance of sleep is pretty much gone now. BUT!!! On the plus side, I have an EMR (Early Morning Rehearsal) at 6:45, an hour before I sing. So.............

at least I'll be warmed up.

that made my head spin...

I was just given what I think is the highest compliment a girl today can receive. It wasn't "You're beautiful" or "You're so smart." It was more along the lines of being who I am no matter what.

Do you all remember my good friend Tony? I was talking to him tonight, and he mentioned that there were some girls at his school who are, well, not very nice in the moral respect and rather materialistic. After he said this, he thanked me for not being that way. He then said that I am one of the most sincere people that he knows.

For some reason, that has made me the happiest girl in the world. No one has ever thanked me for being sincere. No one has ever told me that they're glad that I stay true to who I am, regardless of what others say. Basically, it meant the world to me.

Thanks, friend. You have no idea how much that helped me out. You're awesome.

our friendly neighborhood undead cemetery tour guide...

Remember Zach? My Ozian best buddy? My sisters and I were finally able to schedule a time where we could hang out. The perfect setting for four Thespians-at-heart: a Halloween Dance!!! Actually it was three of us; Amanda missed the age cut-off by three months. Next year, little sister!

Getting ready started out as a complete and utter nightmare. Meghan and I had planned on wearing our Ozian dresses to the dance. We tried them on last week and they fit fine. As we put them on, we found that it was not going to work. At all. Meghan has grown about two inches-her dress no longer fits because her torso is too long for it. I, by some miracle, have dropped two dress sizes(from an 18 to a 14 [I'll tell you about that later-squee!!! Excited!!!]), and looked like I was wearing a rather sparkly gunnysack. So! Meghan decided to wear one of my dresses from two Halloweens ago, when I was a dark Medieval princess/Morgan le Fay type character (sorry, I can't spell her name, I just know she's from Camelot). She would be Bellatrix Black, teen-aged and still at Hogwarts before meeting Lestrange. That left me wondering what to do. If Zach was planning on being an Ozian, I could wear the dress with some safety pins in the shoulders. But if he wasn't...hm.

Phone call! Any idea how difficult that was? I was BAWLING because I was afraid he'd be mad at me. Which is stupid; he's Zach! It turns out he wasn't going as an Ozian, and would not tell me what he was coming as. Now it was time to panic-no Oz costume, Bellatrix is taken, the Queen Hermione costume from "A Winter's Tale" would look terrible over black tights, GAH!!! Frantic pawing though the closet until...ooo! THIS looks fantastic.

Meet Narcissa Black, soon to become Narcissa Malfoy, sister to Bellatrix and future mother of Draco Malfoy. I found a dress that we'd used in the play "Singin' in the Rain" a long time ago for one of the silent actress characters, and it fit me perfectly (which is saying something-it's skinny). Put on some eye liner, some shadow, and dark red lipstick and presto chango! Narcissa stands before you! Except I don't have a large blonde streak in my hair. We decided that Bellatrix hadn't pulled that prank yet (which didn't actually happen in the book, but we'll go with it anyway). So, without being skanky or anything else, Meghan and I transformed into the two eldest Black sisters, dark and, if I do say so, rather terrifying. *smirk*

Amanda, as I said before, couldn't go to the dance. Still, she wanted to dress up. So she put on some blue jeans, a black top, a black sweater, pulled her hair up slightly, and put a sign on her stomach that said "MUGGLE". Perfect.

It wasn't until we got to the Payson Main Street exit that I started to get nervous. I hadn't seen Zach in, oh, two or three weeks, and I was just full of butterflies from head to toe. My best friend! Yay! Oh, no! No, this is a good thing. Yay! No! Arg!

We got to his house and didn't really know where to go. Last time I was there I was with Kaila (oh, goodness, I haven't told you all about Sadie's yet! Horrors! I will do that soon, promise!) when we picked Brenden (Zach's older brother) and Zach up to go to Sadie Hawkins. We went to the back door, but I wasn't sure if that was because we were supposed to or because Kaila is Brenden's best friend. Luckily Aaron, Zach's oldest brother, was outside, and he sent us to the back door. Carlton, Zach's other older brother, answered the door, looking sort of confused. I would have been too, if there'd been two girls in lacy dresses with heavy make-up and one girl dressed normally showed up at my door in the evening. Lol. We must have looked horrible!

Two words: fabulous beyond all reason. Okay, that was four, but it took that many to tell about his costume! He was dressed up as some sort of 3 Musketeer looking thing, but not at the same time. Probably due to the fact that he'd sprayed his hair white and had painted his face like a skeleton. All in all, he looked awesome! I'm so glad my sisters and I actually went all out, otherwise we would have been totally shown up. Lol. Theatre guys rock. I was so happy to see him! He's handsome even when undead. Haha.

So I don't know if I've told you, but Zach lives across the street from the Payson City Cemetery, which is third on the list of Most Haunted Sites in Utah. I remember walking out to the car with Zach, and then noticing that we were going in the complete opposite direction from where I'd parked. Instead, we were heading to the cemetery gate, which stays open pretty much all night. Zach wanted to show us "where I grew up". My first thought, yeah right. No, seriously. He told us all about playing there with his friends during the day and the night, pulling pranks on the ghost hunters who came out with their contraptions to find "things", and scaring off the drug dealers who frequented the area for awhile. It's true-I asked his mom.

When I mentioned that my grandpa was buried in the cemetery, Zach wanted to try and find it. We spent a few minutes searching the map, but couldn't figure out how to read it. Amanda took the opportunity while my back was turned to scare me silly. The funny thing was, though, that as Zach took us deeper into the cemetery and farther from the light, I got braver and Amanda got more freaked out. She kept stopping, and I kept walking until I was far ahead of them. I think it unnerved Zach that I was so determined to keep going. He knows I get scared easily, and he thought I'd be the one to want to leave.

Finally he caught my arm and made me wait for them to catch up. I had a reason for wanting to walk away. I've been having nightmares about that cemetery for two weeks. I wanted to figure out why. I found that I actually wasn't scared until Zach made me stop and said very firmly that we were leaving. What frightened me was that he'd been so calm and seemed so at home there (no pun on his undead costume), reassuring us that he'd never take us anywhere where we could get hurt and that there was nothing to be afraid of. Then all of the sudden he's got a hold of me and looks in my eyes, telling me that we have to go right now. That's when I got scared. So, I made it easy for him. I left without a fight, which also surprised him. Haha. We're always throwing each other off guard. It's fun. You know, I think I might have actually scared him by my interest in the cemetery. He knows I hate scary things, and the dark, but I kept on going farther and farther in. Maybe that's why he wanted out of there. Hm. I'll have to ask him.

Zach is amazing. We didn't dance much, because Zach always seems uncomfortable. He says he doesn't know how to move to music that isn't ballroom or ballet or anything. He can break dance a little bit, but "that's different". Whatever, I'm totally fine playing shadow tag out in the grass. Which is what we did. It was awful! I kept losing because I couldn't figure out how to keep my six shadows away from him and Meghan! There were three streetlights and a light from the church where the dance was, and somehow I'd stand just where they could all hit me. He of course found the one spot where no lights hit him, and shared with Meghan. Ugh. I lose at games.

We talked about a lot of interesting things. Some of my past came out without meaning to, because he's had similar experiences. I didn't want him to know those things. At all. Too late now. He still doesn't know all of what you know, though. Hope he never reads this. Lol. That would be awkward!

And, he finally poked me. When we drove him home, Amanda came with us, and she wanted to see if he was "pokeish". While saying good-bye, she, being the flirt she is (lol, long story), sneaked up behind him and poked him. He retaliated, and also got Meghan. I was outta there, but he wasn't going to give up easily. He chased me! I got out into the street and turned around, and Zach just kept running after me. He missed the first four times. Then he just started to talk to my sisters, and being the "innocent thing" that I am, I fell for it. I came back towards them and he got me. Embarrassing moment-I totally screamed because it surprised me and tickled. Gosh.

Zach is amazing. He's probably the most amazing guy I've ever met. Which scares me, in some ways. I might get too attached. And that would be bad.

I think that was the most fun I've had in a very long time. The cemetery was my favorite part; Amanda was so funny! She keeps saying that the reason she was scared was because she kept waiting for Zach's friends to jump out from behind headstones and trees. She thought he'd been planning it the whole time. He'd never do that. At least, not with me around. He knows I'd never speak to him again. Haha. Nah. I'd just fall apart and then not speak to him for a very long time. He knows I trust him. And, funnily enough, he trusts me. See? Best friends. I told you so. :) Or did I? I might've forgotten. Gah, there's so much I have to tell you all! And so I won't forget later on.

I think you're going to be hearing more about Zach. Shall I post a disclaimer on posts about him so you can skip if you don't want to read it? Lol.

Best night ever. I hope there are more of them down the road.

adoption day...

Today is the we adopted Misty three years ago. It feels like she's been in our family for a lot longer than that, but at the same time I can't believe how quickly time has flown. She's adorable, and I love my little Misty dog. <3

third draft...

All done! Yay!

a chest full of childhood...

The story is finished! Thanks for reading and for your comments! I'll let you know what happens. :)

good gravy...

I made up a list of what I needed to write about.

'''''''' ''''''''

O.o
0

Jaw dropping two pages long. See? I am SUCH a slacker!!! So I'm going to write about something else today and do the updates gradually. Mostly for me so I can remember them later, but you can read them too if you want. I don't mind. And, I made a face for you. Can you see it? It's up there. ^^^. :)

Today was meh. I've been having a really hard time with fighting depression. Which is weird, because I've got great friends, an amazing guy to dream about who is also my best friend, great grades and pretty easy classes, a supportive family, a job, a car and a license, and people who care about me. I try to focus on these, but the harder I try the more and more down I get. I look around at all of the amazing things going on in my life, and try to figure out why I could possibly be sad. Why?

And then I look out the window. It's cloudy. And dark. And cold. And dark. And dark, dark, dark. And just...dark. That's when I remember...Oh, yeah!!! It's October! It's DARK. It's as simple as 2 + 2.

Yep. S.A.D. is at it again. Seasonal Affective Disorder, when coupled with cycles of chemical, or clinical, depression, don't make for easy happiness. All I feel is tired, sad, sad, and frustrated because I feel like I have no energy and can't be happy. Which is a lie-some days are good. But it's discouraging to look out the window and know that things are going to be hard just because it's raining. There are no pills to make the weather change. Just Vitamin D supplements, exercise, good friends, and a heck of a lot of faith that things are going to turn out. And that's hard. Way hard.

And so I've made a decision. When I get done with school...

I'm moving to Arizona.


At least, I think I'm moving to Arizona. In my mind I am. :)

i am a great big slacking loser...forgive me?

It has been over a month and a half since I put something on here. O.o Shall we paste a huge "L" on my forehead and call it good?

Really, though. I want to apologize for not writing. I mean, I've totally neglected you guys, who are my friends and like my family. Not to mention I've had so many amazing things happen that should have been written down IMMEDIATELY and didn't 'cause I'm dumb. :P I will be working on my slackerness. I promise.

Right now I am off to compile a list of things that happened in the past few months, along with finding pictures to narrate the stories. SOOOOOOO much has happened. I'll just post the big things. And a few of the little things that were important to me.

Also I want to apologize for not reading your stuff. Sometimes I get online and see the 100+ posts that I need to read and panic. It takes me over an hour to read all of your guys' lives. I feel like a jerk if I only pick the "interesting" headings, so I just decided to avoid the situation altogether (sorry, cuileann, this is repetitive for you). Once again...forgive me?

I'll be back in a little bit! <3 and *hugs*,
GKB

it was perfect...

I found out that the girl didn't play Maria. They just look very, very much alike. So, my bad.

I was so glad to see Zach, I almost started to cry. We hugged and hugged for a long time, just holding on to each other. He was late tonight, and I kept catching myself wondering what could have gone wrong (for example, car wreck, beaten up at school, kidnapped, and other outrageous scenarios). In reality he was coming straight from an audition. He made callbacks!!! I'm so excited for him! I bet he'll get Tommy Jeelis (spelling?). He'd be perfect, because he's a fantastic dancer AND he can sing. The dancing is more important for that part though (Music Man). I can't wait to find out!

Zach almost killed me a couple of times. The first time had to do with a costume piece. Before the show started and during the beginning of the first act, we found an apple that had fallen off of his costume (fake food rocks for stage). At first the two of us were tossing it at each other, and then a few other kids/teenagers started to play. Instead of tossing the apple, Zach started kicking them to us. He almost took my head off. I just thought it was funny; he ran away and hid in the costume rack. When I chased after him my make-up smeared. I was about to go over to the full length mirrors to fix it when he stopped me and fixed the smudge himself.

Be still my heart! No boy has ever touched my face before, except to smack me for beating them when we were in kindergarten. Second time with Zach. Wow. That was the second time he almost killed me.

MOLO got a huge cheer. The whole audience was being rather quiet during this performance. That usually happens on a Wednesday night, but it kind of threw off the performers in the first act. Our job as Ozians was to spike up the energy level. We did. I always do really well in that number-it's not difficult and I feel extrememly comfortable with it. I mean, there's hardly any tech involved at all (no strobe lights, black lights, lasers, or smoke like in J-bug). Not to mention the fact that Zach and I usually stand together on the balcony five minutes before intermission ends, then go down onto the stage and talk for a bit behind the curtains with our other friends. He always gives me a hug before we go to our positions, me on right stage and he on the left. Tonight the lights went down a lot faster than usual, and neither of us could see a thing. He reached out and found me, then pulled me into a hug. I so did not want to let go. It was like the whole world had disappeared with the absence of light, and it was just the two of us on the empty stage. *sigh*

Jitterbug was perfect tonight. I'm so glad it was, because not only did it make me feel Ozsome but Zach was standing in the alcove watching the whole thing. I had no idea until I went offstage and I saw him standing there, grinning from ear to ear. He said it's his favorite number in the show. Mine, too, though I've never actually seen it.

Everything was basically amazing. And wonderful and fantastic and just perfect.

separation anxiety...

Not good, not good, not good. 19 hours and counting until I'm back again. 19 hours and counting...counting...counting...

Sick, sick, sick. Can't concentrate, can't sleep, can't eat. Fuzzy thoughts and twitches and shaking. Ugh. Who knew?

going through withdrawals...

I MISS MY OZ FRIENDS!!!

This is so weird. I miss my friends soooo much, and I do NOT want this show to end. Taking this three day break from the show (the whole cast) is KILLING me. I miss Carisa and Jaz and Belen and Emma and Anna Jane and Miranda and Laura and Jaden and Necia and Darren and Kensey and Greg and Brenden and Kaila and Kerstin and Megan and Dawn and Jesse and Jessica and Tasha and Kylee and Mary and Brooke and Candace and Ashley and Megan and Chris and De and Hannah and Steve and Kara and everyone else because if I write out all of your names it will take up a whole page!!!

But there's one person who I'm missing so much that I've felt sick all day. I couldn't sleep last night because I kept thinking about him. I couldn't eat breakfast because I was sick to my stomach. I've been fighting a headache and tears all day. I can't concentrate and my chest feels like it's going to explode because of how fast my heart keeps beating. And why? WHY???

Because of a BOY!!!

*sniff*

Wednesday seems so far away. Until then I will fight being miserable. I've been fighting all day. And boy, I am losing badly.